The Marriage Series 15

Hello beautiful people of God, I pray and believe that we are all having a wonderful time in Christ. Yes the times are hard, but still those who put their trust in God will never be put to shame. You might not be able to rationalize how things will work out, but believe me, they surely will. God is able to make a beauty of any dead situation we might find ourselves.

In my last post I promised to write on the issue of divorce, but I can’t take any credit for what comes out of this blog, all that you read here are birth from the inspiration of God. I am just learning as much as you are, and I can tell you for free that I am applying these principles in my marriage and I have loads of testimonies of how God has proven Himself great in my marriage. I am happily married not because I am lucky, but because I have worked hard to get to this level of comfort in tears and prayers and obedience to the word of God and I have pleasant results to show for it all.

There are several times that I have got feedback for my post where people are of the opinion that it’s easier to write and say these things that I write about, but putting them to use is a different ball game. In truth practicing what is written as guide to a successful marriage on this blog might appear not to be easy for those who have a problem holding down their emotions under control. But like every pursuit in life, it takes a determined heart to succeed. The determination to succeed is not just that you make sense of your marital life, but that you please God and make Him proud of you in the process.

Malachi 2:16

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. 

God says He hates divorce, yet the people of God have not been able to guard themselves in their spirit to find a better resolution to their troubled marriages other than to do what God hates; going for the divorce option. There are several times where we hear the people of God hide under the “irreconcilable difference” phrase to put away their spouses and get a divorce, and so it appears as though such excuse can be admitted as an excuse for a divorce. Jesus, in Matthew 19:7-8 has this to say: “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” So we are realizing that divorce was birth from the hardness of the heart of man. I am tempted to say that in the plan and purpose of God for marriage at the beginning, the phrase “irreconcilable difference” did not exist.

As a matter of fact there had been a call by so-called men of God for wives to run for their dear lives in cases of abuse in marriage as though that was God’s option for them in dealing with their situation, yet the Lord says He hates divorce and never gave an exception to the rule. If God did not give domestic violence as a reason for Him to permit divorce, it’s because God has better ways of dealing with that domestic violence if only we are opened to hear His instructions, obey His words for that situation and follow His instructions for marriage. You will not die in that marriage no matter the situation if and only if you have the courage to truly search for God, and obey exactly what He tells you to do. If what you hear is contrary to what the word of God says, then it is not God who spoke to you.

The surly and mean husband that we read of in 1 Samuel 25 was the one who died and not his wife. I do not mean to speak down on domestic violence, but a wife who truly has a relationship with God and obeys and follows God’s instruction will be a tool in God’s hands for Him to draw her husband to Himself. She will be the change agent in the life of her husband through which he will know the Lord rather than die as a result of marriage (1 Peter 3:1-2). 

Matthew 19:9

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. 

1 Corinthian 7:10-11

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

When it looked like Jesus gave marital unfaithfulness (not domestic violence) as a justifiable excuse for divorce, God through Paul put the final full-stop to that excuse. The Lord said, if you choose to divorce based on marital unfaithfulness then you will remain unmarried or else be reconciled to your spouse. And this is the verdict of God and not any man. If there be anyone who tells you it’s okay to divorce, be sure of this; such a person is not speaking the mind of God.

If you have had a divorce in your marriage once, I do not stand as a judge against you to condemn you by this post. The Bible said all have sinned have fallen short of the glory of God. And in Christ old things have passed away and all things have become new, so what has been done in the past is actually past. But moving forward, do not let the devil deceive you again to conclude that divorce is the only rational way of resolving marital challenges. God says “He hates divorce” and He is yet to change His made on that.

I have heard and read several people testify that God told them to get out of their troubled marriage and since they did, their lives had taken the turn for the better. My Bible tells me that God and His word are the same. The Lord says God honors His word more than His name, if this God is a God who honors His words more than anything else and He does not change, how come He will say in the Bible that He hates divorce and yet tell some to quickly get a divorce and run out their marriage. There must be a mix up somewhere and since God is not a man that He should lie, neither is He the son of man that He should change His mind, if this is truly the God we speak about, then it wasn’t Him who spoke to these testifiers.

I was once in a troubled marriage, the walls were closing in on me in that marriage and all the goodness of marriage eluded me, like everyone else I had a good mind of walking out of it; I had loads of reasons that for me were justified to say I was done with that marriage, but I prayed. I had known the Lord then and pleasing Him was important to me; so I prayed to God for a sense of direction as I was not in any way happy in my marriage. When He spoke to me He didn’t tell me to divorce, rather He said to me to go and SUBMIT to my husband.

I felt bruised all the more because I thought I submitted to my husband well enough. I don’t speak back at him when he is yelling at me or insulting me and yet the Lord says I should submit. But I dared to obey God and submitted to my husband the more. I did only what my husband wants me to do even though I felt his approach towards issues was not good enough. But still I obeyed, knowing well that it was God I was obeying. Today I am in the same marriage, with the same husband and I am happy; and indeed very happy.and I know this same testimony will be for those to dare to obey the word of God.

I pray you have been blessed by what is shared on this blog and I assure you that there is more to learn as we press towards a blissful marital life. If you have been so blessed please just stay one the blog and expect more and most importantly, share with a friend. Remain blessed.

The Marriage Series 14

Hello beautiful people of God, I trust you are all doing great to the glory of God. It’s another beautiful day and another beautiful opportunity to share some valuable truth about marriage. If only we can have the Kingdom of God come and His will be done in our marriages, in no time at all we will the Kingdom of God come and His will be done in our society. So you will not just be improving your personal life and experience when you apply the truth of the word of God in your marriage and home, you will be affecting your society positively by what radiates from your home and marriage. And you will go a step further by sharing what you learn from the word of God and on this blog with a friend. Little drops of love makes an ocean of pleasurable experience.

In today’s post we will be looking at some external interference in marriages and how to deal with these interferences. Some external interference that often affects the smooth running of a marriage are: influences from relatives namely: parents, siblings, cousins, in-laws, aunties, uncles and so on. Then we have the influence of friends, acquaintances, so-called parents in the Lord and any other person that you allow to have unnecessary hold or say in your marriage. 

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 

In God’s marriage design at the beginning the interference of families and friends was not captured. In fact the Bible says “therefore a man will leave father and mother and be joined to his wife.” For a marriage to succeed there must be a breakaway of the married couples from every form of interference. A couple who seeks to have a successful marriage will shield their marriage from any external input.

I am not advocating that you ex-communicate your family members because you are married, but that your family which you originated from and your friends do not in any way have control over the family you are building in your marriage. They are two separate entities and should be handled and treated as such. Any attempt to marry the two families into one is the building blocks for a troubled marriage.

When you have troubles building your home and you genuinely seek help, not that you have made up your mind on the path you want to take but that you are lost and confused, first take a break and pray. The Lord will direct your way a voice that can speak out the will of God for you to lead you on the path to take to receive the help you need when you need it.

Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 4:9 that two are better than one, and I kind of wonder why he didn’t say three are better than one. It is often said that two is a company and three is a crowd; the company is what God works with and not the crowd.

I sometimes wonder why God instructed a man about to be married to leave father and mother to cleave to his wife. This same instruction was what the Lord gave to Abraham in Genesis 12:1 when the Lord called Abraham and told him to get out of his country away from his family and his father’s household to a land the Lord will show him. When I sought the Lord on this issue, I realized that this father’s household is unnecessary influence to what God has in store for the married couple and their marriage. There is the tendency that the father's household will pervert or contaminate God’s plans for the marriage. These are influences the Lord does not desire to work with as the issue at hand does not concern them.

Another important angle to view the matter from is that everyone has different races to run; each individual and marriage has different issues to deal with. The assignments for each couple are different. What God permitted for couple A might not be what He will permit for couple B, and so what works for marriage A might not work for marriage B even if the wives are sisters from the same mother or the husbands are brothers of the same father. So, on all fronts there is no basis for comparison, so when you allow couple A to influence you in your own marriage you might get it all wrong while it might be all right for couple A. God who made the master plan at the beginning now says leave them all behind and let Me go on this journey with you. With God in your marriage you can never get it wrong.

I once heard the story of a couple; the wife’s mother practically controls all that happens in their home. She measures the quantity of food everyone in the home eats and the wife depends on her mother’s advice for everything. She handles her marriage and husband exactly the way her husband tells her to. It got so bad that the wife’s mother moved in and began to live with them. The husband tried to cope with this for the love he had for his wife until he could no longer take the madness unfolding before him. He had become a slave in his own house. Then one day he took the bull by the horn and walked his mother-in-law out of his house and instructed her never to return. The wife cried and her husband bluntly told her its either she sticks with him or go marry her mother. And that was how they broke free from the domineering mother-in-law. But I tell you that I don’t blame the mother-in-law, she was given the space and she took advantage of it.

I do not advocate that we disrespect our parents or parents-in-law because we know that they should have no influence in our marriage, but we should apply wisdom in dealing with them, accord them their full respect while shielding our marriage from their influences. May the living God give us wisdom to be able to deal with external influences in our marriages.

I am trusting God to be able to deliver the mind of God to us on the issue of Marriage and Divorce. I hope and believe we have been enjoying the marriage series so far, if yes please pray that the God continue to open our hearts and teach us how to make our marriages a divine success. There are a lot more contained in the book Marriage: God’s Rules of Engagement, you can order a copy from the links provided below. I assure you that with God you cannot get it wrong in marriage. 

The Marriage Series 13

Hello wonderful people of God, I thank God for another blessed opportunity to share the word of God with us on the issue of marriage. It is always a very good feeling to share the word of God here. In my last post I promised to write on the issue of Marriage and Children and by the special grace of God, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Psalm 127:3-5

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. 

The very first thing we need to understand and appreciate is that having children is a gift from God and a reward from Him. I know a handful of friends in my life whose number one prayer point in their lives is to be able to bear children. For those in this category of people who are looking up to God for the fruit of the womb, note that children are a reward from the Lord and He gives His gifts in ways and manners which only Him determines and we cannot question God’s judgment or decision. Roman 9:14-16 reads, “What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For He says to Moses, ‘I will have mercy on whom I will mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.’ It does not therefore depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” But if children are a reward from God and its comes with His mercy and compassion, then the one important thing we need to understand is that there is something we need to do to earn us this reward from God.

Those who do special things will naturally earn special rewards. When you are believing God for the gift of a child, don’t just trust God for any child, trust Him for a special child. If you then want a special child from God, and we know that children are a reward from God, then we need to do something special to earn a special reward from Him.  

Luke 1:5-7, 13-15

In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zachariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both well on in years.   

But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zachariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord.

This story gives a better illustration of what I am trying to get across to those waiting on God for the gift of a child. Elizabeth and her husband were upright in the sight of God, observing the Lord’s commandments and instructions blamelessly despite their barrenness and the fact that they were well advanced in years. But who else ought to be anxious and grumble at God if not Elizabeth and Zachariah; but rather than grumble, they continued steadfastly in the Lord as though they had no issues in life. Yet they had no children.

But when the God who rewards diligence and steadfast upright living was ready to give His reward to Elizabeth, He gave her no ordinary child. Rather the Lord rewarded Elizabeth with John the Baptist who the Bible says was great in the sight of the Lord. This explains why you need to do great things for God in order to get great reward from Him. When you seek a special child then do special things in the sight of God that will move Him to reward you specially. Remember children are reward from the Lord.

One of the big reasons why God instituted marriage is because He seeks godly offspring from the union. Malachi 2:15 says, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring.” If the Lord has blessed your marriage union with the gifts of children, these gifts comes with huge responsibilities, and that responsibility is to ensure that these children who are gifts to us are raised in the godly ways so they grow to be the godly offspring the Lord seeks from our union.

All those who are called by the name of the Lord are expected to know the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Even the Christians by name can recite the Lord’s prayer even when woken up from sleep, but if we bother much about the Lord’s prayer is a questions each individual needs to answer personally. Matthew 6:10 reads, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” The answer to this prayer we recite every day and in fact every time is in the godly offspring that our marriage union produces for the Lord. So if we do not see God’s kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven, it’s because we have not produced godly offspring for God to work with.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,” and Ephesians 6:4 reads, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” If you really desire the manifestation of the Lord’s prayer in that you want God’s kingdom to come and His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, and you are tired of the moral decay in our world today; if you are tired of the society you live in and you desire a positive change in your society, then you need to begin with producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks. When we have a large population of married couples producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks then we are inviting the presence of God into our society and working towards a healthy community.

In my last post I discussed the issue of input in marriage as a determinant of the output of that marriage. That same principle applies to raising your children as a product of your marriage. The training you give your children determines the character they grow up with. The Bible says train your child in the way he should go and when he grows he will not turn from it. What do you expect of your child when he/she grows up? Whatever you want them to grow up into depends on what values you put in them when they are young. May the Lord bless our efforts in Jesus name.

The Marriage Series (12)

Just at the time that I was beginning to think that we have come to the end of the marriage series, the Lord is opening up to me something else that needs to be discussed on the issue of marriage. In today’s marriage series, we will be discussing the products of our marriage. What exactly is your marriage producing?

The first truth we need to understand and appreciate is that what you put into your marriage determines what comes out of it. Just like in every production process, the input determines the output. In marriage there are two categories of output which are: the emotional output and the physical output. The possible emotional output ranges from love, peace in the home, friendliness, joy, laughter, happiness, harmony, trust, protection, unity, anger, strive, disaffection, hatred, malice, tears, lack of trust, vulnerability, and all other emotions that fits in like these ones. Then there are the physical outputs which are, children, wealth, physical assets, position of affluence and influence.

The only output of marriage which is not fully determined by the input of the married couples is the issue of child bearing in the sense that children are a gift from God and He alone can choose either to close a woman’s womb or open it. He can choose to delay conception or hasten it. No one can question God on that. But if God has blessed you with children, what becomes of the life of these children is a function of how you train them and the values they have soaked up from you as their parents and so they become a product of your marriage.

We need to take the issue of our inputs in marriage one after the other. First, when you take your time to make sacrifices that is geared towards the unity of both you and your spouse, first the product of your sacrifice is unity in your marriage. This unity is then a raw material for other products to come forth from that marriage. The book of Ecclesiastes says two are better than one, for they have good returns for their labor. So when you have formed a bond of unity and then add to it good and effective labor, the Bible says you will get a good return for that labor; far better than if you have to labor alone. So the output of sacrifice is unity, and the output of unity and labor is prosperity. So what you input into your marriage determines what you get as output.

Again let’s look at another possible input in marriage and what it is likely to yield for us as output. When you input sacrifice again, you get unity as by-product. This unity when mixed with prayers that brings down the intervention of God in your marriage, you get victory over life’s battle. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” So we are understanding better the importance of getting the input right in our marriage.

There are many times we have troubled marriages that leads to disastrous ends, but it’s all a question of input in most marriages. For example, a wife with a very mean and ruthless husband might not win him over with love, but it is guaranteed that this wife can win her husband over with her submission to him as her head and prayers to God. Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that “wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

Please note that a man who truly believes in the word of God and does the will of God from his heart will not be mean to anyone let alone his wife. No matter how godly a man appears, in as much as I do not stand to judge any man, I will say a man who maltreats his wife has very little going between him and God. Such a man does not have the fear of God in him.

As a wife, if you desire the output of a loving and caring husband, then you need to invest the input of submission and prayers. And consistency in these inputs, continuing and not stopping will yield for you the product of a loving husband as output.

Also a husband who desires the respect and submission and love of his wife as an output in his marriage, then the input he need for the product he desires is just love and lots of prayers. The love we speak of here is not just any kind of love, but a very sacrificial love that is so deep that it is worth dying for in the manner in which Christ loves us that He died for us (Ephesians 5:25-29). Anything short of this might not be adequate for the product you desire. Then mixing this unconditional love with prayers makes the output a perfect finish. The input of unconditional love is not a once and for all input; it has to be continuous in order to continue to receive the output you desire.

Again sacrifice in marriage produces unity between married couples which is a by-product in whatever output is produced in the lives of your children. The character and values of the children produced in any marriage is determined by the character traits of their parents or those they see and perceive as parent figure. What you feed into your children is what they produce out for you. Proverbs 22:6 says “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Whatever level of training you give your child determines his/her character mold in life, and whatever level of discipline you give to your children determines how disciplined they will grow to become.

So what are the inputs you are putting in your marriage and at what quantity? Are these inputs enough for you to get the desired product you want? I once tried my hands on baking a cake, and what I learnt is that every ingredient is important in a required amount to arrive and the type of cake I want. If I want a very fluffy cake, then I must make sure that I get the right quantity of butter, eggs and flour. Even though the baking powder/soda is the smallest ingredient in the recipe, you cannot do without it in the right amount if you want your cake to rise up. And that is just the way it is in marriage. Just like when baking a cake you need to mix the butter and sugar to a specific texture and color before proceeding in baking, so also is it in marriage. When you put all your inputs together, mix them always in prayers, this you need to do always if your product is to be a perfect finish.

I hope we have learned a great deal in today’s post. In our next marriage series, we will be looking more at marriage and the children. Please just stay with us and we will be here for you. Till then remain blessed. 

The books Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement and Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring are available in paper back on Createspace eStore and on Konga.com for the Nigerian readers. Please get your copy and be blessed by them. Please find below the link address to these materials from the respective online stores for easy access to them.

Createspace eStore address link:https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Kindle Store address link :https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU
Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Kindle Stores address link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6
Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

The Marriage Series (11)

Hello great and wonderful people, I am so positive that you are all doing great and your homes are receiving a touch from God and looking good too. I hope this marriage series isn’t coming late, but if it is, I am really sorry. Please accept my apology.

In today’s marriage series, I want to discuss what I call Marriage Investment. I pray that this blog post will touch many marriages and heal many homes and I particularly pray that those who are preparing for marriage will find this blog post helpful and encouraging.

One truth about life is that we make investments every day, in fact almost every moment of our lives we are making one form of investment or other and we expect to receive some form of returns on investment.

One thing we might not realize is that every action we take in life is a form of investment. Every passion we create is an investment, every time we spend on a thing is an investment, even the love we give is an investment. This explains why when you give your attention to something, you expect a level of satisfaction from that which you have investment your attention on. In the same manner, when you give your love to someone, you expect love in return. When you spend time on something, you expect value for that time that you have spent. And when you visit a friend, unconsciously you expect that friend to pay you a visit in return. Even when you show respect, it is a form of investment, because in truth you expect some form of respect in return. I guess that is why they say that “respect is earned and not forced or imposed.” So you will agree with me that almost everything in life is an investment; some prefer to refer to it as a seed sown. But the bottom line is that something has been given for which a form of returns on investment is expected.

In marriage it isn’t any different. In order to enjoy the ultimate benefit of a marriage some level of investment must have been made into it, and what yields for you as returns on investment is in direct proportion to what has been invested in the marriage. This is not for just a particular gender; it applies to all in marriage.

There are loads of investments that you need to make in your marriage that will ultimately yield for you the sweetness of marriage. And marriage investment is not a one-time investment; it is continuous, with each investment having different maturity date and pattern. I want us to consider this illustration: In order to enjoy a meal of pounded yam and vegetable soup (an African delicacy), the ingredients for this meal is not just one, but many. First you have the yam, the green leave vegetables, the tomatoes and pepper, the seasonings, onions, palm oil and then the meat or fish as one would want it to be.

For you to get the yam, it needs to be planted, and so are the green leave vegetables and the pepper, then the onions and tomatoes and the palm oil. The seasons for planting these crops are different and their growths to harvest time are also different. Yet all of these crops come together to produce for us the African delicacy of pounded yam and vegetable soup. And for people to continue to eat pounded yam and vegetable soup, then there is the need to continually cultivate the crops that will produce this African delicacy.

I want us to now apply the lessons of this illustration into our marriage. There is no magic or luck to a good marriage, the success of a marriage is determined by the type and volume of investment made into it. Marriage investment is not a one-time investment; it is continuous if we must continue to reap the return on investment of peace, love and harmony in our marriages. What you invest in the marriage and the quantity of that investment will determine what comes to you at the end of the day. Someone who bought ten thousand dollar shares in a company cannot expect to yield the same returns on investment as someone who bought one million dollar shares in that same company. The investment type is the same in that they both bought shares in the same company, but the volume of shares bought is different and as such the dividend will be different at the end of the accounting period.

Before I round up this post, I want us to look into the type of investment to make into a marriage for it to be successful. In this marriage series we have looked into the different roles for the husband and the wife in marriage which if followed through effectively are a type of investment in marriage that should yield returns for the investor. We have talked about God’s rule for the man to love his wife as himself which is an investment that would yield returns, and we have spoken of God’s rule for the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord which is also an investment that would yield returns. Then we have looked as the virtuous wife and all her domestic roles that when performed effectively are investments that would yield returns to her, and we looked at the husband who has been assigned to provide for his family and take care of them which if he also performs effectively would yield returns for him.

Another investment that is very necessary is that of prayers. When you have invested all of these good virtues, then you guard your investments jealously with prayers. Quite a numbers of times some spouses get tired of making investment into their marriage because they seem not to be seeing or enjoying the returns on their investment and this is where prayer becomes very essential. Like I said earlier, investment is like sowing a seed and marriage investment can also be likened to that. When you sow into a bad soil no matter how good the seed, it’s either that the yield on what is sown is low or you will absolutely have no yield at all owing to the fact that the soil is bad and cannot support the life of your seed. When you buy shares in a company that is not well managed you are bound to run into a loss. This also applies in marriage. So for those yet to marry you need to pray well before entering into that union.

But prayer does something else; prayer can change the composition of the soil and make a bad soil good. There is nothing God cannot do, so He can turn your loss and porous soil to humus soil fit for planting where your seed will germinate well and produce good for you. So guard your investment or seed jealously in prayers.

The best investment to make in marriage is the investment of wisdom and understanding. This is the bedrock of any and every successful marriage. And when I speak of wisdom and understanding, I mean God’s wisdom and understanding which is only obtained on the altar of prayers. Love is a very good investment to make in marriage, but I tell you that God’s wisdom and understanding far outweighs love when you are investing for a successful marriage. When you pray to God, ask Him to give you the necessary wisdom and understanding that you need to invest in your marriage to make it a success.

I finish this post by asking, “What are you investing in your marriage in order to make it a success that you desire?” What you invest determines what you get. Think about it.

It’s been a lengthy post and I pray it meets you well and timely and impacts your life and marriage positively. So please stay with me for the next episode on the Marriage Series. Till then stay tuned and remain blessed. 

The books Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement and Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring are available in paper back on Createspace eStore and on Konga.com for the Nigerian readers. Please get your copy and be blessed by them. Please find below the link address to these materials from the respective online stores for easy access to them.

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Kindle Store address link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU

Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Kindle Stores address link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

The Marriage Series (10)

As always I thank God that I am alive to share with you on marriage issues, and more thankful to God that you are alive and available to read what I share and I pray that as you apply the lessons learned on this blog your lives and marriage will receive a divine touch from God himself in Jesus name.

There is always a general complain among wives on the level of house chores they get to do while it appears that the husbands are only burdened with reading newspapers and watching sport channel in the house. In as much as I cannot generalize this trend as we have some husbands who are domesticated and have their hands on with house chores, yet some men feel it’s not their responsibility how the house is kept clean; that is the duty of their wife. This she has to bear in addition to being a wife, mother, daughter, a suitable helper, an income earner and other unmentioned responsibilities. Now can we say there is a balance in the share ratio of responsibilities in the home and marriage between the husband and the wife? This is an issue we will trust the Lord to help us clarify in today’s post. And this message is so ideal for all levels of marriage, and even for those intending to marry.

From what we read in the Bible, Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us the many attributes of a good wife; this Bible scripture can be taken as the code of conduct for a wife in marriage. Proverbs 31:15 says, “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servants girls.” So this tells us that the woman is the cook in the house. When we read through the book of Proverbs 31, we will notice that the wife is the one who takes care of the wellbeing of her household. So it is not strange that the wife is expected to be domesticated and to ensure that her house runs effectively as it should. With the house properly cleaned, the supplies of the house are in adequate supply and the children are well taken care of. Generally, the wellbeing of her entire household is her business.

But interestingly the husband holds the responsibility to love and take care of his wife. It is responsibility of the husband to ensure that his wife is not overburdened with responsibilities. Just as the wife is to device a means of taking care of her household, the husband is to device a means of taking care of his wife. Note that if the wife is not well taken care of, then she is unable to take care of the house. This is how God designed it to be at the beginning.  

If a husband notices that what his wife has to do in terms of house chores is overwhelming for her, and she is getting tired often out of stress, then it is his responsibility to find a means of reducing the work load for her either by taking some chores off her shoulder and make himself available as a helping hand. or by providing assistance in terms of paying a domestic staff as a helping hand for his wife. He can also advise her on how to structure her activities such that it will not be overwhelming for her to carry out. But the bottom-line is that the generally wellbeing of the wife is the responsibility of her husband.

For the wife to be effective in her responsibility in the home then she needs to be adequately motivated and that is the responsibility of the husband. If the husband desires the best from his wife, then he need to give her the best. What he sows in his wife is what comes back to him in multiple forms, and the matter of house chores is not left out.

With this explanation I believe we have been able to arrive at a balance when it comes to the issue of responsibility with regards the upkeep of the home. I hope we have learned a vital lesson that will aid us well in our marriage. Please just stay tuned to this blog cause we have so much more to learn about marriage.  

 The books "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement" and "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring" are available on Createspace.com and Amazon Kindle. Get a copy for yourself and for your friends and you will be really blessed you did. And for the Nigerian readers, these books are live on http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-book

 Createspace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016

Createspace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4352171 

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016 

The Marriage Series (9)

I bless God for another beautiful day and another beautiful time to share a word to bless a soul as I am being blessed continually on this blog.

In my last post I promised that we will be looking at the issue of Marriage and Money. The times we are in now are very trying times, and it is an understatement to say that the economic pressure is being felt in the homes too. Money is fast becoming a major factor generating misunderstandings and quarrels between couples. The question then is: should this be? And how can money issues be resolved in marriages such that it will not be a factor causing problems in the home.

There is this story of a lady seeking advice on what to do; she shares a joint account with her husband and they do practically everything together. They both contribute into this joint account without any problem and embark on big projects together as a unit. In all of these no issues has been recorded, but the problem now is the husband buys a car for his wife with money from the joint account which is fed by the both spouses and only his name appears on the ownership documents of the car. Also the husband buys a landed property from money taken from the joint account and still puts only his name on the title document of the landed property.

This development has made the wife uncomfortable and she politely asks her husband why her own name is also not appearing on the ownership document of these huge assets that was paid for by the two of them, and the husband says she is just being insecure. The lady is now confused, she does not want to feel cheated and at the same time she does not want this issue to smear her marriage.

This is just an example of major issues that can arise in a marriage as a result of money. First, as a woman I appreciate and understand the fears of this woman and I can relate to her concern. So I will not write off her fears as though it is not called for. There are a handful of negative reports coming from the cases of joint ventures like this between husbands and wives, so one cannot really blame this wife if she gets apprehensive about the fact that either deliberately or as an oversight the husband did not include her name on the ownership documents of very huge assets that should belong to both spouses. It would be a very nice and reassuring if the husband can make corrections where necessary and going forward, he needs to understand that he is not alone; he has a wife that needs to be included in the assets ownership too. If it’s okay that she is a joint financier of the projects then she should be a joint owner of the assets too.

This story is one of the many stories that affects marriages and should be discussed, so I trust the Lord to help us understand how to handle cases like this and all money related issues in marriage. The first and most important key point in any marriage is that two has become one. For any marriage to succeed there shouldn’t be an individual pursuit or goal. Everything decision and approach to issues much bear in mind both parties in the marriage union. The moment any of the two begins to see issues from a selfish or self-centered point of view and pursue goals with just himself or herself in mind, problems will begin to brew in that marriage.

It is from this same point of view that we approach money matters in marriage. I totally agree that likes may differ, what women wear surely does differ in appearance and price from what the men wear. There are a whole lot of areas where we have difference in the spending of the man and that of the woman. But even with the issue of money and marriage, when selfishness is removed from the picture, a lot of problems will be solved and much more averted.

The husband is the head of the home; he is the one who holds the responsibility to provide for his family (1 Timothy 5:8), and if he avoids this responsibility intentionally, the Bible says he is worse than an unbeliever; he has denied the faith. So it is totally wrong for a man to stay on the excuse that because his wife is working then he will avoid his responsibility to provide for his family; such a man the Bible says has denied the faith. He is not acting like a child of God should; he is worse than an unbeliever.

One beautiful thing I have discovered about men who hold their responsibilities in marriage very dear to them and perform their duties in providing for their family is that such men do not lack. For a man who takes his responsibility seriously and performs them diligently God will always ensure that such a man is not put to shame. Such men do not lack that which they need to truly be the head of their family in terms of finances.

The secret there is this: God will not make available His resources to a man who would eventually waste it. God is not a waster of resources. But for a man who put God’s resources to proper use, such a man will never live in lack. The Lord who made him the head of the family will also make available all that he needs to perform his duties as head of the family adequately well.

The wife is the suitable helper to her husband, and the Lord did not specify the area of the husband’s life where the wife is required to come in and help. But in every area of the man’s life where help is needed, the wife is God’s assigned suitable helper for him. And this includes in the area of finances, or should I say money. There is absolutely nothing wrong if the husband has a temporary setback financially and the wife steps in and helps. The important thing for the two is that the financial problem of the family is solved. Whoever solved it between the husband and the wife should not be as important as the fact that the problem is solved.

But when the husband leaves all the financial problems of the family for the wife to solve without making any effort at taking up his responsibility on money issues that originally should be his responsibility, then he has denied the faith and no better than an unbeliever.

I cannot over emphasize the fact that goals are better and easily achieved in twos rather than individually. Challenges of life are better handled and overcome when faced in twos rather than individually. The Bible tells us two are better than one because they have a better reward for their labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). And that includes handling financial issues in marriage. This is the ideal theory for Marriage and Money. When you handle money issues in your marriage in twos and not individually I guarantee you better results. This works effectively when the husband and wife are selfless in their marriage.

If you have been blessed by what you have learned in today’s blog post, then look forward to something even better. We are working at a very blessed and prosperous marital life for you together and by the grace of God you will get there. In the next post we will need to find out the role the husbands play in the issue of domestic chores of the home. Please share with a friend and bless them too, it’s all at no cost. 

The books "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement" and "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring" are available on Createspace.com and Amazon Kindle. Get a copy for yourself and for your friends and you will be really blessed you did. And for the Nigerian readers, these books are live on http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore:https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU


You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016

Createspave eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016