Getting it Right Through Love and Submission

Good evening great people, I am so sorry I couldn't drop a write-up for you yesterday, but I bless God that today you will be reading from this blog.

Today we will try to discuss the issue of domestic violence once again. It’s one topic you can never over-flog when discussing marriage. Domestic violence between married couples isn’t limited to physical violence, but the emotional trauma of a troubled marriage can send one to an early grave if care is not taken. The interesting thing is that divorce hardly solves the problem.

In dealing with domestic violence, the first person that needs to change is you, whether you see yourself as the victim or the one victimizing the other. But I will want to first address those who see themselves as victims or are actually victims of domestic violence. And my first message to such people is: never be the cause of the domestic violence in your home. Those who teach that the wife and her husband are mates in marriage and so have equal rights are actually breeding trouble in that marriage that often times degenerates into violence or divorce or even death sometimes.

The truth that we have found in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22-24) is that the man is the head of his wife and Christ is the head of the man. In any institution or organization we always have the head or the team-lead, and whoever is appointed the head or team-lead takes responsibility for the affairs of the organization, directs the affairs of the organization and will be held responsible if anything goes wrong within the organization. But this same team-lead enjoys some privileges; we can regard this as privileges that accompanies the responsibilities he/she has to bear. The team-lead or head is also one that all the other members of the organisation or institution have to obey and respect. The moment the head or team-lead stops to enjoy the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him, that's the moment problem starts in that organization and things begin to fall apart.

The team-lead can stop enjoying the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him/her as a result of him/her mishandling the power and honor entrusted to him; and this he can earn back by righting his wrongs and humbly build the trust, respect and loyalty again. 

The team-lead can also stop to enjoy the loyalty, respect and obedience of those under him/her as a result of rebellion. It just takes one bad influence in the group to begin to sow the seed of rebellion in the other members of the group and before you know it rebellion is taking root and growing stem in the organization. It’s just a matter of time for this bad trend to grow leaves and flourish and before you know it, the crack in the organization begins to get obvious for all to see.

This illustration is exactly how we have it in marriages and homes too. For every marriage and home, there is the head who is the husband, and then the wife who is the helper and the children and other members of the household who makes up the body of the home. The husband/father is the main burden bearer of that home; he is responsible for everything that has to do with the home and if anything goes wrong in the home, it's the husband/father that God holds responsible and accountable.

As the head of the family, the husband does not share the same right and privileges with any other member of the home, not even with his wife. But by virtue of the burden he is assigned to bear and the responsibilities he is supposed to be carrying, he needs the loyalty, obedience and respect of his wife and entire household. He cannot lead well and carry out his responsibilities effectively if he does not have the support, loyalty, respect and obedience of his wife and entire household. So we should understand better why God instructed the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord.

This is my reason for faulting those who teach that the husband and the wife are equal in marriage: The moment you see your husband as your equal and at par with you, that is the moment you begin to stop to obey him; that is the onset of rebellion in your marriage, and that I am sorry to say, is the beginning of the end of your marriage. The seed of equality in marriage is so sweet to the ears of us woman that we don’t need any other additive to that seed to make it grow. But it’s the worst thing that can ever happen to any marriage.

For the head of the home to effectively lead his home and secure the trust, obedience, respect and loyalty of his wife and household he needs to love them unconditionally. And that explains why God says the man should love his wife like Christ loves the church. The Bible went further to say that a man should love his wife like himself. When you give your wife your all, and love her sacrificially with all your heart, and this is not hidden love, but open love that she sees and feels, then you need nothing else but God to add to that love to make her trust and obey you. As a man and husband, when you want the loyalty of your wife and you want her to obey your instructions, just love her and let her know you love her. With your unflinching love, no amount of seed of rebellion planted in her will take root not to talk of grow shot. And with the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your wife, you are assured of the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your entire household.  

When you have an operational home such as one with plenty of love, followed by unflinching respect, submission, loyalty and trust of the entire household, then there will be no room for domestic violence in any form. It is important for the husband/father to note that unlike what we always want to believe that the mother is responsible for the well-being of the children while the father makes available finances to run the home, God holds the husband/father responsible for how every member of his family turns out to be.

In Genesis 18:19, it was Abraham God chose so that he would instruct his family to follow after God and not Sarah; In Job 1:5, it was Job who sacrificed regularly to the Lord on behalf of his children and not Job’s wife and in 1 Samuel 2:12 – 4:22, it was Prophet Eli who died along with his sons and household for the sins of his sons; he was held responsible for the sins of his sons. There was never a mention of Eli’s wife in the whole story. This tells us that it is the head of the home that God will hold responsible and accountable for the lives and conducts of those whom God has placed under him to watch over.

We have been so blinded by very wrong norms and values and have seen the old way as the ineffective way. Little do we wonder why marriages in the olden days were prospering but are not so in this age and time. What we have assumed to be foolish is actually what works. Rather than improving on the old, we have abandoned it completely and set our hearts on the opposite path which is far from God's will. Rather than getting better results, our marriages are becoming worse-off. In your own marriage what way will it be? 

Just Gisting

It’s another gist day and I hope and pray we will have a prosperous new week in Jesus name. I hope we are back from the weekend refreshed and renewed.

It’s no gainsaying that the economy is bad all over the world, but it appears that Nigeria where I come from and reside in, is the worst hit country of all. I don’t know how bad the economic recession is in other countries, but in Nigeria, the prices of goods and commodities have risen by about 300%. And to say that this harsh economy is not affecting marriages is to say the least.

Due to high job loss, a lot of families now have only one source of income and whichever of the couples is the major burden bearer will get cranky every now and then. It’s a situation whereby the spouse making and providing the money is grumbling just as the one collecting the money is also grumbling. Because I have experienced this situation personally I can tell you for free that I know how it feels and where it pinches.

When you speak to wives who now have to depend on their husbands for their source of livelihood, you will hear exactly the same complain; the money given by the husband is never enough whereas the husband says he is giving too much and the wife is mismanaging the funds. It gets very messy sometimes, while some are able to manage the situation better.

We have studied the Bible and many thoughts and secrets have been revealed with regards to marriage and finances. We understand that a wife of noble character is a hard working entrepreneur; we also understand that it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family. But where is the business for the entrepreneurial wife of noble character, and where is the job that fetches income for a man to provide for his family? But we serve a God who causes the things that are seen to birth from the things that are not seen.

I want to dare ask that in these hard times when it is very hard to get a job from man, can you enroll in the workforce of the Almighty God? When I lost my job close to twelve years back, I thought my world was going to end. Times where hard then, and it seemed that all I tried to do to earn income met with a brick wall. In frustration and desperation I prayed and told God that since I couldn’t find a job with humans then I’ll apply to heaven.

Three years after I lost my job, from nowhere I developed an interest in writing; and I became a pen for the Lord. In order to kill boredom and get busy I began to write Christian articles; and then from short 8pages articles, I grew into writing books. Between the year 2008 and 2011, I wrote 6 books, all by the the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And I am still waiting on God to help me market these books so I can earn income from them.

And in 2013 I discovered the blog and started writing what you now read from me almost on a daily basis. I started with just 3-4 blog write-ups per month and just last year, with the leading of the Holy-Spirit, I write almost every day. And when I am done writing and go through what I have penned down I am always convinced it didn’t come from me but from the Lord. I feel too ordinary to deliver what is being delivered on this blog almost daily.

The catch there is that up till now I don’t earn income, not from the books (because I am still struggling to get people to know them) and also not from this blog. But I don’t live in lack. For every of my need that I place before the Lord He makes provisions available for me by means that I almost can’t explain. The Lord has so used my husband for me and I am convinced that it can only be God. And though there is recession, I will only be an ingrate if I say God has not been more than enough for me. Since God has begun to use me, every day of my life has been a prayer answered. Once I ask, I receive. All I just need to do is pray about it. If I don't get answered, I understand that God has something better in store.

This is my message today; you might be experiencing recession in your earthly economy, but there is no recession with God. While there is massive job loss here on earth, God is seeking laborers in His workforce. Remember Jesus said that the harvest is full but the laborers are few. I don’t know what gift the Lord has deposited in you, but it’s time to stare up that gift and let it may way for you and place you before great and mighty men (Proverb18:16). Proverbs 10:3 says, “The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.”

I once heard a story of a young woman who lost her job; this definitely had its toll on the family's finances and was causing so much problems between her and her husband. In order to kill boredom she gave herself seriously into church activities. She was always attending the church activities that was announced in her church and then it dawned on her that she could actually be making snacks to sell after the church service. So she would make pastries and ice some drinks and put them in her car. These she sells after church service and it solved the problem of finance to an extent in her marriage.

But the big one came when she went on an outing with her husband who was a very top executive in his office and a well-respected member of their church. Members of the church who had enjoyed the delicacy of the woman’s pastry snacks and drinks commended her trade in the presence of her husband who never knew what the wife had to do to stop the never ending financial naggings in their home. The husband was very embarrassed by his wife’s petty trading given his reputation in the society and church. It was at that point that the husband resolved to set her up in big business.

This story reminds me of what the Bible says in Psalm 37:4 that, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you are tired of having endless arguments with your spouse over money issues, seek God; enroll in heaven's workforce and expend your time and energy for God. When those you see don’t need your services, God needs it. There is vacancy in the Kingdom of God and all you need to qualify is a divine relationship with Jesus. And note one thing, the reward is fantastic. 

Did Sapphira Have to Die For Supporting Her Husband?

Acts 5:1-10

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.”

When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died, and great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then the young men came forward, wrapped up his body and carried him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

“Yes,” she said, “that was the price.”

Peter said to her, “How could you agree to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.   

I have received responses from two different women on this issue of submission and both sighted the case of Sapphira, as to why she was killed for supporting her husband. So we will use this post to understand and clarify the difference between the circumstances surrounding Sapphira and Sarah's story.

The Bible tells us that Ananias together with his wife Sapphira sold their piece of property; so what I am understanding from this story is that Sapphira was in agreement with Ananias to sell their property. It was also with the full knowledge of Sapphira that Ananias kept back part of the proceeds of the property sold. So to say that both were in agreement to do what was wrong in the sight of the Holy Spirit.

Ananias laid the remaining money at the apostles’ feet giving them the impression that he was submitting all he made from the sale of the property. I want to believe that if Ananias had opened up and told the truth to the apostles he would not have died and still they will not insist he brings all the money. But he lied and paid for it with his life.

At this point Sapphira his wife who was in agreement with him to sell their property and keep back some of the proceeds of the sale was still alive; her sin so far didn’t require the death penalty until Peter confronted her and she also lied and died as a punishment for her lie.

The story of Sapphira was a case of supporting a lie; she didn't lie because her husband asked her to lie; her husband had been dead three hours before she came on the scene. She lied because she wanted to lie in support of her husband. She was not lying in obedience to an instruction given to her by her husband; she was lying to buttress her husband's lie. 

Genesis 20:10-13

And Abimelech asked Abraham, “What was your reason for doing this?”

Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God caused me to wander from my father’s household. I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, ‘He is my brother,” ’ ”

This is the story of Sarah; this is not a story of conniving as it was the case with Sapphira. There was no agreement between Sarah and Abraham in this matter, but this was a case of submission without objection. Sarah did as she was told without raising any objection, but this does not imply that she was in agreement to the assumed lie, neither can we conclude that she was happy about it. She simply did as she was told to show how much she loved her husband since that was the only convincing factor for him to know that she truly loved him.

Then another angle to look at this from is that Abraham and Sarah were actually half-brother/sister. So their claim was not totally false, they just didn’t tell the truth the way it should be told thereby giving a false impression about the true relationship between them. So if we would judge this even in human terms we can't fault them both for what we have termed to be a lie.

Doing what your husband has instructed you to do even though its wrong and you know within you that when God searches the deep thoughts of your heart, He will find an helpless woman who against her will is committing an error on the instruction of her husband. Then I know that God will not hold you accountable for that action, rather than punish you for obeying your husband, He will punish your husband for not leading you right.

But when you come in agreement with your husband to do what is wrong, that is called conniving. And both you and your husband will be punished accordingly. When your husband is doing what is wrong and you stand in support of him and encourage him on, that is not submission. You are as much as guilty as your husband because you are a party to the wrongdoing. God is the God that searches the deep thoughts of the heart of men and your intentions and motives are not hidden from Him.

When your husband has committed a sin and you lie to support him and prevent justice from prevailing; that is not submission, it is called bearing false witness and it has its own consequences and its own punishment.As a wife you need to understand the difference between these two and I really appreciate those who have called my attention to this in the form of question asked.

Number 30:6-9, tells us that if a woman makes a vow or pledge to God and when her husband hears of it, he forbids her from fulfilling such vow, then God will release her from the vow or pledge by which she bounds herself. This passage shows how much God honors the submission of a wife to her husband. But there is a difference between submission to the authority and instruction of the husband and coming into agreement with your husband to do something. 

You don’t have to be in agreement with your husband to submit to him or obey his instruction. So whether you agree with your husband or you do not agree with him, just obey his instruction for your life and God will honor your obedience. After all we don’t agree with our bosses in the office for us to do what they have asked us to do. Whether we agree or not we just have to obey their instructions in order to preserve our jobs. In the same way you don’t have to agree with your husband to obey him; whether you agree with him or not just obey him in order to preserve your marriage.

But it would be most nice to have a marriage that both husband and wife are always in agreement with each other. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 that how can two walk together unless they have agreed to do so; there is great power in unity and unity is no unity when there is no agreement.

Marriage is sweet and obeying your husband’s instruction is easy if those instructions are in alignment with your thoughts and convictions. But agreement to do evil is a situation whereby all parties involved will be punished in accordance to their level of involvement in the act whether husband or wife.

I pray and believe that this write-up answers a lot of questions for a lot of people. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Sometimes Her Words Make Sense

Matthew 27:19

While Pilate was sitting on the judge’s seat, his wife sent this message: “Don’t have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him.”

Today’s post is taking us to the prosecution and trial of the Lord Jesus Christ; the Bible says that while governor Pilate was getting ready to judge the case of Jesus that was brought before him, his wife sent a message of warning to him that he should have nothing to do with the death of Jesus. What struck me in this story is that why was it the wife who suffered a great deal in a dream over a matter that does not concern her directly but her husband?

Another hidden truth about this story is that Pilate’s wife had delivered her message to her husband based on what she experienced in the dream, but the Bible didn’t tell us that she attempted to enforce words on her husband or try to force him into not doing what she advised him against, all she did was deliver the message and left it at that.

The lessons I want us to draw from this two lines of scripture are as follows: The fact that you are head over your wife and the Bible refers to her as the weaker one does not mean that God cannot speak to you through her. She is God’s suitable helper for your life and so she is a potential vessel in the hands of God to speak to you on any and every issue. Do not let ego and pride deprive you of God’s grace for your life through the advice and counsel of your wife. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 31:26 that a wife of noble character speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue; if this is confirmed to be true then a man destined for success will do himself a lot of good by making his wife of noble character his chief adviser.

There are a lot of men who are of the belief that it’s insulting to take advice from one’s wife. They also believe that it’s a weak man who takes advice from his wife; they term a wife advising them on what to do as she controlling them or giving instructions to them. I will tell you that, that is a deprived mentality and a lie of the devil. A wise man will first listen to the advice of the wife, weigh such advice if it’s a wise word or not, before discarding such advice or adopting it.

With God, great things come out of unlikely vessels, and we serve a good Who uses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. No advice is wasted; ultimately they reveal information to you that increases your knowledge whether such advice is adopted or discarded.

I will please encourage that men hear their wives out first whether what she is saying is foolish to their ears or she is making some sense. But as a man/husband, the ultimate decision is yours, and you should always remember that you are answerable to and responsible for the decisions you make whether it is based on the advice of your wife or not. You can't give an excuse that you did wrong because your wife advised you to.

The second lesson is for the wives: I totally agree that God can use a wife to speak to her husband as we see in today’s scripture and also in Judges 13, in the story of the birth of Samson. We remember it was Manoah’s wife the angel appeared to. But note that, because the Lord has spoken to you on behalf of your husband has not made you the head over your husband. It does not also translate to the fact that you should enforce those words or message on your husband. Deliver the message and return on your knees in prayer that the Lord will cause the seed of the words you have sown in the ears and life of your husband to germinate and produce quality fruits.

It is not in your place nor is it your responsibility to ensure that your husband does what you tell him to do, neither is it in your place to enforce anything on him. You are to submit to your husband and not your husband to you. Any attempt to want to ensure that your husband does your will amounts to you trying to dominate or control him. You can be sure this will meet with resistance from him and that is not approved of God.

The wife of Pilate suffered in a dream on behalf of her husband and she warned him based on that. But that didn’t stop Pilate from handing Jesus over to be crucified and we didn’t read that Pilate and his wife had a great fight after that judgment; neither did she stop to be Mrs. Pilate after that. So as a wife you need to know when to act and when to refrain from acting.

A lot of women claim they try to correct their husbands from some attitude/s that they have adjudged not right, but the earlier we realize as wives that it is not in our place to correct our husbands or recreate them to suits our ideology the better for us, and our marriage will be more peaceful. When you see your husband doing what is not right, pray first. Then speak to him about it in a very humble and polite manner and then leave it there. Go back on your knees and pray to God over the seed of the words you have spoken to him, that the Lord will water it from heaven and cause it to germinate and produce good fruit. You will be amazed at the changes you will experience in the life of your husband as you hand the bad habit over to God rather than continue to nag about it and erode the peace of your marriage.

May the Lord bless our homes and marriages.    

It Does Not Have to End in a Divorce

Matthew 19:8-9

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

First, I want to wish you all a very happy new month, and I pray and believe that we will find God in all of our businesses and concerns this month, doing what only He can do for us in Jesus name.

Today’s gist will be on divorce, and I speak about divorce over and over again not to cast any stone on anyone, but that we might know fully well the will of God for our lives and marriages and pursue that will with every strength that we have to a glorious end. No marriage is without it’s challenges, and there is no challenge that we face that is beyond the ability of God to take away. The only problem that often arises is that we try to solve our problems ourselves and when we discover that we can’t, we run away from it. But that does solve the problem it only leaves it pending.

God does not want us to leave these issues pending; in fact He is not interested in us solving them. All He wants, is to solve them for us. And He will not just solve them for us; He will solve them through us and doing that requires our cooperation and that we can give by following His commands and instructions for us. So the only role you play in every challenge you face including your marital challenges is to know what God wants you to do and then do it. God Himself handles the rest for us.

With this said, we can understand why our marriages don’t have to lead to a divorce. Jesus said it was not that way at the beginning. That tells us that the reason why a marriage would lead to a divorce is because, either those in it do not know the instructions of God for their lives in marriage, or they have chosen not to follow God’s instructions for their lives in marriage. So Jesus was right when He said that Moses permitted divorce because the hearts of men/women were hard. So to say that it is your refusal to seek the will and instructions of God for your marriage and follow it diligently despite any obstacle that you may face is what ultimately leads to a divorce.

No matter the excuse you may have, no matter the reason that you may give for the divorce, it all balls down to you not following through with the will and instructions of God for your marriage.  So any excuse that is outside of marital infidelity is not a genuine excuse for a divorce. And the clause to permission for divorce is that you remain unmarried or be reconciled to your spouse. Anything outside of this is adultery.

If God has instructed that a man should love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church and you are to follow this instruction diligently, you will then agree with me that even infidelity should be forgiven, because in so many ways the church has been unfaithful to Christ, yet He still loves them and forgives them over and over again.

I love the fact that God forgives our acts of ignorance and that our sins committed in the days we didn’t know the truth will be forgiven. And so if you have gone through a divorce in those days when you were unaware of God’s grace in your life I believe the Lord will overlook it and give you a clean slate and a fresh start. If as a child of God with the knowledge of the will of God and you are contemplating a divorce and have begun a divorce process, I will implore you to please halt that process and seek God. He is willing and available to turn things around for your good if you are willing to let Him.

I have read of a lot of Christians who says the Lord spoke to them to get a divorce; I will say that you must surely have heard wrong. God will not contradict His word. He is the God who honors His word more than His name. He will not tell you to get a divorce when He has declared in His word that He hates divorce. If what you have heard contradicts what you have read in the Bible, please check the source of that voice. Different voices try to gain prominence in our heads; some voice are from our emotions, some from the devil and even voices of friends and loved ones come up in our heads everything. But the voice of God will always be in alignment with the written words of God.

There are better ways by which God can handle that situation without it having to end in a divorce. It’s time to let go and let God handle it. 

Doing it Queen Vashti's Way

We looked at the submission of Sarah in my last post and I want to use this medium to apologize for typo errors. With that said, we will be considering another woman in today’s post who did the direct opposite of what Sarah did in terms of submission to her husband and that woman is Queen Vashti.

Esther 1:1-5, 9-12, 15-19

This is what happened during the time of Xerxes, the Xerxes who ruled over 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush. At that time King Xerxes reigned from his royal throne in the citadel of Susa, and in the third year of his reign he gave a banquet for all his nobles and officials. The military leaders of Persia and Media, the princes, and the nobles of the provinces were present.

For a full 180 days he displayed the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendor and glory of his majesty. When these days were over, the king gave a banquet, lasting seven days, the enclosed garden of the king’s palace, for all the people from the least to the greatest, who were in the citadel of Susa.

Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of king Xerxes.

On the seventh day, when the king was in high spirit from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him – Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zetha and Carcas – to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

“According to law, what must be done to Queen Vashti?” he asked, “She has not obeyed the command of King Xerxes that the eunuchs have taken to her.”

Then Memucan replied in the presence of the king and his nobles, “Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ This very day the Persian and Median women of nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.

“Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she.

And there goes the reign of queen Vashti as queen over the 127 provinces under the rule of her husband king Xerxes. One very interesting thing is that what Queen Vashti did is what any other woman in this generation would do.

Let’s consider the scenario: The husband was displaying his vast array of wealth, splendor and glory, he then gave a banquet to cap up the event of six months. It was a time of feasting, drinking and in fact getting drunk, because it was a season of partying where anyone could drink whatever they wanted, however they wanted to and in what quantity they wanted. So you can picture in your mind the scene where everyone was free to drink and get drunk; even the king who was giving the banquet was already drunk as the Bible tells us that he was already in high spirit from wine. So for a king who is already drunk, what meaningful instruction can come out of him except for senseless talk. It was in this spirit of brain drain from wine that the king sent for his queen to come for a one-man show fashion parade in front of his friends and subjects; the nobles of the land. 

I want to believe that the first thought that would come to queen Vashti’s mind was that, “what an insult it was on her person for the king to summon her to parade herself before drunk men.” Looking at this from a normal point of view she shouldn’t be wrong, she needed to protect her self-image and dignity as a woman and so she had to refuse the command of a drunken husband. But from God’s perspective she was very wrong and the thought of this makes me fear God. Sometimes I am tempted to think that the teachings of God are hard and following God is hard and delicate. But in truth, all that is required to follow God is simply obedience; just a strong trusting obedience and faith is all it takes to follow the Lord. 

When God gives a command, it requires no self-help. The Lord says a wife should submit to her husband in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24) as she would to the Lord and God never gave a but to that rule neither was there any exception to the rule. In fact the rule says to submit in everything. Now God did not say to submit to your husband only when he is righteous or with a clear head and mind. But whether your husband is drunk, mad or insane, as long as you are married to him and he is still breathing and alive you are to submit to him. And like we learned in the submission of Sarah, you are to submit to him even when it hurts.

This might sound very hard to cope with, but the big picture is that God will never leave you to go through it all by yourself. The Lord who loves and protects you will protect your dignity and pride as a woman even when your husband isn’t protecting it. But when you decide to fight your own battles yourself just like Vashti did when she refused to honor the king’s command, you leave God with no choice but to let you handle it your way and bear the consequences of your actions yourself.

When your husband gives you a bizarre instruction to follow, he is wrong and every one including God knows that he is wrong. But if you do not obey such bizarre instruction, that makes you also wrong and if no-one thinks you are wrong, God knows that you are wrong and would not justify your disobedience out of pity. He is a just and objective God. Now when your husband is wrong and you dare to do what is right even in that awkward circumstance, God steps in and comes to your rescue. Rather than you being the victim you become the victor.

Queen Vashti did it her own way and she lost her crown, she lost her position as a queen to another who is said to be better than she, and that was the last we heard her name mentioned in the scriptures. But Sarah did it God’s way and she did it in pains too, but God came to her rescue. First the Lord ensured that the two kings who took her as wife never touched or defiled her. Remember what the Lord told Abimelech in the dream, that it was He who prevented him from touching Sarah (Genesis 20:6). And after she was restored to her husband, the Lord opened her womb and restored her dignity as woman; she finally gave birth to a son. And not just any son, she gave birth to the fulfillment of God’s covenant to Abraham; she gave birth to the promised child. She became the one everyone rejoiced with; she became the love of her husband’s life. Finally, Abraham loved, respected and valued her as his wife and all these are as a result of obedience even when it appeared senseless to obey.

This is a big lesson for us as wives, and when I say us, I mean myself inclusive. I am still in the learning process but I can tell you that I have put this obedience and submission thing to test in my life and marriage and it has really paid off for me. Sometimes it hurts to obey some of my husband’s instructions and sometimes those instructions appear very much meaningless but obeying them has earned me the joyful marriage that God has blessed me with today.

Don’t let anyone convince you that you are foolish by submitting to your husband; like in every other aspect, the things of God are always foolishness to those in the world. But when you begin to enjoy the dividends of your godly foolishness as I would like to term it, you will become an envy to those in the world, they will seek you and seek your godly foolishness; you will become a role model for being foolish in following the instructions of God for your life. So keep at it; for the pay day is at hand. 

The Obedience of Sarah

It’s another gist day, and in today’s gist we will be looking at the obedience of Sarah. We will be considering the kind of obedience that Sarah had for her husband Abraham that made her a reference point of godly women of old (1 Peter 3:5-6).

I have found an ideal story that I pray will give us insight into the obedience of Sarah. And that story is found in Genesis 20.

Genesis 20:1-7

Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

Now Abimelech had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.”

Then God said to him in a dream, “Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her. Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die.”

When you read this story, the first thought that is likely come to your mind is “What was Sarah thinking of that would make her play along with Abraham on a sensitive issue such as that?” Was she so dumb or stupid to agree to such foolishness in the name of submission?

The first thing I want us to be reminded of is that Sarah was just as human as you and I; she was not a spirit being and she was no angel. She felt like you and I feel; she had emotions like you and I have emotions; she got hurt like you and I get hurt and believe me, she cried like you and I cry. Yet she is the height of reference for submission in marriage.

I want to believe that like every other woman, Sarah was very hurt by this development. She must have felt like just a mere person in the life of her husband and not a wife that he should love and protect, and this feeling would have been buttressed by the fact that she had no child for Abraham. So to say that Abraham no longer attached any significance to her as his wife because she was unable to give him a child that he so longed for. That most likely would explain why he was willing to let her go without a fight. This was the Abraham that went to war for his brother's son Lot and defeated four kings in the rescue of Lot in Genesis 14, yet he was afraid of just Abimelech the king of Gerar and could not fight for his own wife Sarah.

Now if you were in Sarah’s shoes, how would you feel? But I have huge respect for Sarah and now I understand why she is the reference point of all godly women of old because she put her hurt, her anger, her hatred, her disgust and whatever else she could have felt for her husband on hold and still submitted to him in line with God’s will and instruction for her life and marriage.

Yes, she supported her husband’s claim at the detriment of her dignity and pride as a woman and allowed herself to be wheeled into the house of another man as one of his wives against her wish or will because she knew it was more important to obey God and let God fight her course than to fight it herself. And interestingly she sought no revenge even after God came to her rescue; and no divorce.

Now, this is not the first time Abraham was doing this to Sarah, he had done it once in Genesis 12:10-20. And like I mentioned earlier, she must have felt the hurt, the pain, and the betrayal, yet she stuck to her marriage. I can bet you that its either her tolerance level was very high or her fear of God must be very strong. For Sarah to obey God and submit to her husband even when he was inflicting so much pain on her emotions, is phenomenal and worthy of emulation. This is an example for all women to copy.

Will you now blame God for insisting that the promised child, through own all nations on earth will be blessed; the embodiment of all that Abraham had and would ever receive from God, the covenant of God fulfilled in the life of Abraham should come from Sarah and not the bond woman Haggai. Can we then understand why at the age of 90 Sarah must also give birth to a child? God will not cause her to suffer so much emotional trauma and not laugh at the end; that is not the nature of God. Those who put God first in everything will surely have a crown here on earth and also in heaven.

By the time Isaac was born the attention Sarah got from Abraham improved from zero level to a hundred level. When God decided to wipe the tears of Sarah she became like one who just got married and was being loved by her husband like a new bride that when she died Abraham mourned and wept beside her body. This was the same Sarah he had offered to kings on a platter of gold when he didn’t appreciate her value.

I wonder how many women will dare to have this kind of submission to their husbands as Sarah did. This is not submission when everything is okay, but submission even when it hurts and feels awful to submit. This is submission when submission itself is not making any sense. I once inquired of God how possible it is to submit in a circumstance such as this, and what the Lord laid on my spirit is that if we can’t submit to our husbands that we can see, how then can we submit to Him (God) who we cannot see?

You will agree with me that it’s not all of God’s instructions that makes sense to us, and submitting then wouldn’t make sense too. But submission when it does not make sense is the submission God is calling us to. That is the submission that pleases Him; that is the submission that moves our lives forward and stands us out as children of God.

Can you dare to submit senselessly to your husband, not because he is perfect and never does wrong, or because he is a very wise man that commits no error or mistake; but you are submitting to him senselessly because the Lord has asked you to submit to him. So you are submitting to your husband not because he is sooooo good, but because you fear and reference the Lord who has asked you to submit. When you do, you will laugh like Sarah, rejoice in your old age like Sarah and have love in your marriage like Sarah had.

May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.