I Just Love LOVE

I want to start my gist today by saying that I love LOVE. I wonder who doesn’t anyway. I love to love and be loved. One of my favorite songs is the love song by late Teddy Pendagrass that say “to beloved and love in return in the greatest thing that my heart desires.” I find myself in synced with that love song so very much.

But one truth about love is that it is earned. Some talk about love at first sight, but in truth that’s not love, its infatuation. True love takes time to grow and develop. But for true love to develop, something has to give. Just like everything that grows, love begins with a seed. Sometimes just a smile, a kind word, a helping hand, your appearance, carriage, composure, intellect and so many other things can form a basis for love to grow. These are seeds that germinate into love. So if you love LOVE like I do then you can’t demand it or enforce it, you need to sow a seed for it, nurture the seed that you have sown and then watch it grow.

Love in marriage follows the same pattern; its starts with a seed of love sown and then nurtured to grow. I understand that God instructs the husband to love their wives as themselves and as Christ loves the church, but this love doesn’t just appear. Its easier for the man to love his wife when she is wise enough to sow the seed of love in him and nurture it to grow.

I have heard some men (my husband inclusive) say with pride that their wives taught them to love. They are not ashamed to say it because in truth it is a thing of pride to help your husband love you more. Every man created by God has the capacity to love, but that capacity is put into full use when they have people around them who just make them to want to keep loving. In that case, the capacity to love is fully maximized.

A wise woman who loves Love like I do will make effort at igniting the love in her husband for her. No matter how deeply buried that love is, she needs to learn to dig it up. She needs to keep digging it up with deeds and acts and even words that will do nothing else but make her husband want to love her all the more. Because there is no feeling as good as knowing and being confident that your husband or wife loves you to the moon and back. And when you put up the appropriate acts and words that will enhance the growth of your husband's love for you, then crown all your efforts with prayers. There is no sin in you praying to God daily that your husband loves you more than he did the day before. And you can be sure that when your deeds and actions are right and your words to your husband are right, then God has something to work with in answering your prayers. 

The things you say and do to your husband always, should be words and actions that will light up the fire of love for you in your husband. Even when he is putting up a front, don’t get distracted, don’t get dismayed because you have a goal you are pursuing and that goal is to make sure you bring out the love that God has placed inside of your husband for you and that goal must be achieved.

If you ask me if its possible to fire up the flames of love in your husband, I will say a big YES. And if you ask me how, I will tell you that the answer cannot be generalized, because what appeals to Mr. A might not appeal to Mr. B. But what can be generalized is that a wife prayerfully submits to her husband; the use of words that are sweet as honeycomb and healing to the soul are part of the seeds you need to sow in order to ignite your husband’s love for you. Also I will say that your physical appearance is also a huge factor that attracts your husband to you (Looking good is good business), and then quite a lot men love their wives being domesticated. So these are some of the seeds that you can sow in your marriage that are likely to grow into your husband loving you and expressing his love for you.

Digging up the love of your husband is so very important for the success of your marriage because the pursue your own assignment as a suitable helper to your husband is made a lot easier when you have the love and cooperation of your husband. Its common knowledge that its so easy and convenient to be a suitable helper to a loving husband; as you would have given your life to serving him without even knowing it. But what a huge and tiring task it is to have to be a suitable helper to a husband who does not love you. Its just a matter of time before you give up on God and throwing in the towel on your marriage when your husband isn’t showing you any love or appreciation.

So when you get into marriage, the first pursuit is to gain and retain your husband’s love you. All other home building tasks becomes easy to accomplish with the love of your husband for you secured and guaranteed. 
But I will plead with women not to dig out the love of any man who is not their husbands. This digging out of love should be solely for married couples, and in the same vain, women should not give their love to men who are not their husbands. Love is sweet yet very dangerous when not applied right (Song of songs 8:6-7). Love is too strong to be toyed with, so we use it very carefully and apply it appropriately.
May the Lord bless our homes. 

True a Woman Cannot Correct Her Husband But She Can Do Much More

I am so sorry for taking another few days off; I am still tied down with working on the book “Marriage Handbook.” It’s a compilation of all the marriage post I have shared on this blog and I am really blown away by what insight is contained in those messages. Those messages are not my ability in any way, they can only come from God. Just trying to edit them has been a huge lesson for me.

In my last post we discussed on the issue of why it is wrong for a wife to try to correct her husband. We also discussed that men and women are not mate in marriage and established the fact that the man is the head of his wife the woman. But if we leave the discussion there, it will be an imbalanced approach to the hierarchy of things in marriage and the men/husband might as well just take an undue advantage of their wives in the home in the name of being superior to her. So here is the return leg of the discussion.

Malachi 2:13-14, 16

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.  

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

I have made references to these two Bible passages countless times and it’s always new and fresh and with new meaning each time. It is very true that the head of the wife/woman is the man and also very true that it is out of the wife’s scope of assignment to try to correct her husband or enforce her opinion on him. A wife will be playing her role well if she is in submission to her husband. But this wife who should be and is in submission to her husband is very fragile and delicate to the fulfillment of her husband’s destiny. She is the neck that holds the head in place. She is that precious partner of the man that should be treated with love and care. A man who wants to truncate his own destiny will begin his own undoing by treating his wife unfairly.

The wife is so very delicate and important that the Lord had to warn the men to guard themselves in their spirit and be careful not to break faith with the wife of their youth. The fact that your wife cannot correct or instruct you does not translate to the fact that she is a brainless glorified housemaid in your life. It is the height of ignorance that will make a man to show respect and honor even for his children above his wife as some men do.

God said that for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two will become one in flesh and spirit. And then Jesus said in Matthew 18:19 that if two agree on earth about anything they ask for, it will be done for then by our Father in Heaven. Which better two can agree concerning a thing and ask same of God and be assured that what they have asked for will be done for them if not the two of a husband and wife who God has made one in flesh and spirit.

So what you need to understand as a man is that there are some requests that you will make of God that will remain on the pending tray of heaven until your wife co-signs and agrees with you on that request. No wonder Paul says that a man needs to treat his wife with respect and be considerate as he lives with her so that nothing will hinder his prayers. There are some prayers you will utter as a man that will not go beyond the mouth with which you have uttered them because your wife is not in agreement with your prayer request.

So you see why I said that your wife might be the weaker one, she might be fragile but she is very important to the fulfillment of your destiny and you will go far when you treat her with love, respect and you are considerate with her as you live with her. Your wife is not allowed to correct you, in fact she is to reverence you and hold you in very high esteem. The measure of reverence she gives to God is what the Lord has demanded of her to give to you as her husband but she is also allowed to pray for you and believe me you need those prayers from her lips more than you know. I am not very vast with the Bible but I have read where God threatened not to pay attention to the prayers of a man, but I am yet to come across where God threatened not to pay attention to the prayers of the wife (I am not saying it does not exist, just that I have not found it yet). So if your wife is not in sin, she is sure that her prayers will receive attention from God.

For the wife reading this, you are more important in the life of your husband than you can ever imagine. You are the salt in his life that gives it a whole new state of sweetness. Don’t ever feel that you can’t make an impact in the life of your husband just because you are not allowed to correct him when he is wrong. The effect of your prayers far outweighs the correction with words. Prayer does more in correcting than open rebuke. You sure don’t know the magnitude of what you are capable of achieving through God in prayers. Put prayers to work and rest your case in God you will have the last laugh and enjoy peace in your marriage.

May the Lord bless our homes.   

Communicate But Not Rebuke

I really appreciate the responses I got from my last post and one of those responses prompted my post today. And so I will share the response I got and then give a comment on it. I hope to bless someone with this in Jesus name.

Ummmmmm! I don’t know, I have some trepidation about this article. Surely, a woman hath to be able to correct her husband, upon seeing his decision is incorrect. Now the manner in which the correction is made, that is a whole different matter. I don’t think that being submissive to one’s husband exclude correction if there is correction to be made. After all she is his helpmate. Being helpmate involves more than taking care of the children, household chores, waiting on one’s husband hands and feet. One hath to be able to have an input in the decisions that are made, but the husband, the last say. Now if after you have addressed the mistake that he has made or about to make, whether purposely or not, and he makes no attempt to adjust, that is when the helpmate goes to the Lord. In case of Michal, pride was her downfall and we know that pride comes with baggages, one being jealousy! Just my view. God bless you always.

My Comment

I appreciate constructive responses such as this, because just like this one, it’s give us more reason to discuss and something meaningful to have a discussion on.

The first thing I want us to understand as Christian wives is that God did not place you in the life of your husband as a zombie or a robot; you have a functioning brain so that it might be used constructively. And your assignment in the life of your husband and your marriage is to add value to the life of that man who is your husband in order that he might be a better person than he was before the Lord placed you in his life.

With that said, you should understand that you have ideas and opinions for a reason. Abigail the Bible said was an intelligent wife (1 Samuel 25:3) and that was for a reason; your intelligence as a wife serves a purpose. The fact that you cannot correct your husband does not mean you cannot communicate with him, but there is a big difference between communication and rebuking or correcting your husband. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” when you apply this in your marriage you are communicating with your husband. When you apply the method of pleasant words that are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, you can be sure that your opinions will count and communication will take place effectively.

But the dictionary defines rebuke as “to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand,” and the dictionary also defines correction as "punishment intended to reform, improve, or rehabilitate; chastisement; reproof." With these definitions of correction and rebuke, which of them do you think falls within the role of a wife to her husband? As a matter of fact it is not proper for a wife to speak rudely to her husband. So with this, you will agree with me that communication and correction are two different things all together and the wife can communicate with her husband; call his attention to an error in judgment he might be making (and doing so politely), but never rebuke or chastise her husband. That is way beyond her scope of assignment. If you correct your husband by politely pointing out his errors to him, that can be acceptable. But when this goes beyond politely pointing out errors to rebuking then you are stepping out of your boundary lines. It is not in your place as wife to lord anything over your husband and you cannot force your views on him. Pray and communicate and let God handle the rest. 

Another misconception we have as women is that we have reframed the phrase help meet to help mate. A help meet is a suitable or a fitting help; so to say that it is a help that meets the purpose for which it is required. While a help mate is that both of you are on equal standing helping each other; so to say that you are mates and you are helping each other.

I have searched the KJV, NIV, NKJV, NLT versions of the Bible and I have not come across a place where God says He will make a help mate for the man. What I have seen in Genesis 2:18 is God saying He will make a help meet, a suitable helper, a helper who is just right, a complementary helper for the man. So a wife is a helper who meets the needs in the life of her husband. But the wife and her husband are not equal or mates in marriage. Ephesians 5:23 says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and 1 Corinthians 11:3 reads, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man and the head of Christ is God". So we need to know that the head of the wife/woman is her husband/man, so it is out of place for a woman to attempt to rebuke or chastise her head.

And lastly, I believe it is safer to pray about an issue before taking action. When you pray, the Lord directs you on what to do and then prepares the situation to respond favorably to whatever action you will take. But when you act first and things get out of hand before praying it will be like one taking medication after death. I agree that there is no situation that God can’t handle; He can bring back to life from the grave, but you would have tasted a grave which could have been avoided if you had prayed before acting.

I decided to share this response because I am positive that it makes a good line of discussion and a lot of lessons are available to learn from it. And I pray that lives have been blessed to the glory of God. Amen    

Are Wives Allowed to Correct their Husbands?

Hello beautiful people, I trust we are all doing great to the glory of God. I feel blessed to be alive today and more importantly to be alive to serve the living God. I pray that in Jesus name, the Lord will use me to make an impact in the life and marriage of someone today to the glory and praise of His name alone.

As I was praying and trusting God on what to share today, this question came to mind and this I believe is what the Lord will want us to address in today post. The question is: “Are wives allowed to rebuke their husbands when such a husband is obviously doing something wrong?” This has been a major issue in marriage when wives think they can correct their husbands if and when necessary; and so we will be doing some Bible digging to see if that is allowed in marriage.

Genesis 12:11-13

As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful women you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, “This is his wife. ‘Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.’”

Genesis 20:11-13

Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God caused me to wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”’”

1 Samuel 25:14-19

One of the servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail: “David sent messengers from the desert to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men were very good to us. They did not ill-treat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us all the time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no-one can talk to him.”

Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grains, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I will follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

2 Samuel 6:20, 23

When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls and his servants as any vulgar fellow would.”

And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

These are scriptures in the Bible where I find the answer to our question addressed or should I say reflecting. And from my own interpretation of these Bible passages what I can conclude is that it’s not in the place of a wife to correct her husband where he is wrong or right. This might not sound pleasant to a lot of people but it is the truth of the word of God. Ephesians 5:22 says wives should submit (obey) to their husbands as to the Lord. So what God is invariably saying is that the kind of reverence and obedience you give to Him as God, same you should give to your husband. So if you cannot correct God when you think His pattern is not what you think it should be, then in same manner, you cannot correct your husband when you think his pattern is not what you think it should be.

A lot of disagreements, violence, discords, chaos in marriage would be averted when you as a wife understand and appreciate that you cannot correct your husband when you think he is not doing it right. That is beyond your scope of engagement as his wife. It is beyond your God given assignment as his wife. It is a no go area for you. You cannot change your husband, so don’t bother trying. You are not God, so don’t try playing one in his life.

So if I have said that a wife cannot correct her husband when he is treading on a wrong path, what can she then do to put him back on the right path as his suitable helper? Well all you can do is to run back to His maker and your Maker and the God who placed you in his life as a suitable helper to report the situation to Him and let Him handle it. Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.” That king includes your husband. Once you call God’s attention to the situation, He swings into action and makes amend where and when necessary in the life of your husband.

You can also do what intelligent Abigal, the wife of mean and surly Nabal did. When she heard of the blunder her husband had committed, she never even challenged him; she didn’t even talk to him about what she had heard. The Bible said she lost no time in correcting the gaffe herself without even letting her husband know. She swiftly right her husband’s wrong and that settled it. All these simple acts of wisdom never passes God, because that same Abigail became the wife of David after the death of her mean and surly husband Nabal.

Then Sarah the mother of all godly women simply obeyed her husband’s foolishness without a challenge. That to a lot of women is the height of foolish submission, but in truth that is godly wisdom put in display. Sarah understood that obedience to her husband meant obedience to God. And this foolish wisdom didn’t go unnoticed or unrewarded by God. Sarah remained a beautiful woman till her death and at the age of 90years, she had her covenant with God fulfilled.

You would want to ask me if it’s okay to see your husband do something wrong and just not say a word to dissuade him or try putting him in the right path. Well wisdom they say is profitable in all things; if your husband’s mistake is a genuine oversight on his part, there is no sin in pointing out his mistake to him or calling his attention to his error politely and with well chosen soothing words. Also when your husband is about to take a decision and he requests for your input or advice on the matter, there is no sin in giving him your candid opinion in a loving manner even when your own opinion contradicts his views. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” invest a lot of this in your marriage and you will reap the harvest of peace, love and joy.

But when you know the husband you have married not to be one who welcomes advice from you, then my word for you is to pray for him when you think he is taking a wrong step or you want a character trait in his life changed. Never try to play God in your husband’s life, just pray for him that the Lord will fill him up with His Spirit that will always lead your husband to act in accordance with the will of God for his life. You prayer goes a long way, far more than you can imagine.

Michal tried to correct her husband David based on her own judgment of what she thinks should be right for him. First her method of rebuke was very wrong and then her purpose of rebuke was also not called for. But can one really blame her; she rebuked based on what she thought should be, and that rebuke led to her being barren till she died. David her husband chastised her in words, and then God crowned her punishment with barrenness. So as a wife, never jump into conclusions on what you think should be right or wrong, you don’t have the monopoly of knowledge, we are all continuously learning. What is wrong is your own view might be permissible by God, so just pray and let God handle things in a manner He alone can.

May the Lord bless our homes. 

Where Did I Go Wrong

Hello beautiful people of God, I trust we had a very restful weekend, and I pray that we will have a prosperously blessed week to the glory of God alone in Jesus name.

Today’s blog will be another gist day, and I will be sharing a story again that I believe by the grace of God will bless your lives and marriages.

Issue

I had a fiancé who we had both agreed to marry. We loved each other so much that we appeared a perfect fit. We understood each other well and for me life could not be better. Then we began our wedding plans and problem started. His parents objected to our union on the grounds that my family were not on the same social class with them. They stated that they had arranged a wife for their son from among the daughters of their friends and nothing would change that.

My fiancé stood by me and stood his grounds against his parents but the pressure didn’t stop and soon there was a rift between him and his entire family because of me. After a while he came to plead with me to understand his position and allow him marry the girl his parents had picked for him, and marry me also as a second wife.

In the course of time I became pregnant and my fiancé rented an apartment for me and the unborn baby and took care of us very well. We lacked nothing at all. Not too long after that, my fiancé got married to the lady his parents picked out for him, but that didn’t change his feelings and attention for me and his unborn baby.

Months later I had a baby for him and still nothing changed, but I began to feel used. I began to feel like a second fiddle in his life. The thought that he would have to leave me to go home to be with another woman was a thought I couldn’t cope with and I began to think of calling it quite with the relationship.

My fiancé was beginning to start the wedding plans with me also when I decided to end the madness and end the relationship. I thought that was at least the most honorable thing to do, more so that I could not earn the approval of his family. I didn’t want to be seen and one who pulls family members apart. My fiancé felt I was being stupid and that after hanging on for so long, why I would want to quite just when we were about to seal our love. He begged me and pleaded with me, but that was not the happy ending I had wished for. When he could not talk me out of my decision to end the relationship, he let me have my way with a promise to ensure he pays the bills for his son and be responsible for his child's upkeep.

I eventually got married to another man and that was the beginning of my nightmare marriage. My husband is a far cry from my ex-fiancé. He is not caring and he is violent. I have become a punching bag to him and sincerely I don’t know what I have done to deserve a life like this one.

Response

In as much as I would say that you must have gone through a huge heartbreak, you never mentioned praying through these problems and asking for God’s intervention and direction. You have tried to solve your problems with your limited ability and that ability isn’t guaranteed to solve these problems. So first of all, I will encourage you to invite God into this situation. There is no time too late to invite God into any situation and have Him make the big and positive difference that only He can make.

On the issue of your former fiancé, I will say that what is past is past and its important to let it remain in the past. Any attempt to rejuvenate that affair amounts to a great sin before the Lord. Doing that means committing adultery and it is a sin.

The only godly option you have is to work with and on your marriage and make it work. I have always advised that what you sow in your marriage determines what you reap from it. In order for your marriage to yield positive fruits for you, then you need to sow positive values in it.

The fact that your ex-fiancé pampered you when you were with him does not translate to the fact that your husband now has to pamper you. As a matter of fact marriage is hard work that yields positive result and have loads of reward attached to it, but its never a bed of roses from the onset.

You can bring the best out of your husband by being prayerfully submissive to him. Pray for him always and obey him. If you desire any change in your husband then you can only pray that change to effect, but you cannot force it out. You can’t change your husband; only God can. And for you to have God work for you, you need to follow His instructions and obey His rules for your life and marriage.

A relationship with God is all you need to have a wonderful marital life. When you have Jesus in your life and His words reside in you then you can ask Him for anything and be confident that He will do it for you and that includes a wonderful marital life with your husband.

You should not hate your husband, and believe me; you don’t have any basis of comparing him with your former fiancé. This will just compound your problems and lead you to nowhere.  A divorce will also not solve your problem because there are better options for you that will yield better results.

I pray the Lord gives you rest on all sides in Jesus name.  

Some Evils in Marriage

Sometime ago I read one of this very many write-ups that circulates on social media and it was all about advertising the importance of DNA test for children born to parents; so to say confirming the paternity of the child. Obviously there is always very little argument about who the mother of the child is. And this advert as far as I was concerned injured in no small measure the trust and togetherness that otherwise should be promoted in marriage.

On the whatsapp platform that I belonged to where this post was circulated, I didn’t spare a minute in voicing my displeasure at the lengthy useless write-up that I had read noting that in order for someone to want to advertise his trade/business he needed to stoop low to discredit the marriage institution that my God established.

Quite a number of people responded to me that in as much as they understood my anger and outburst, the truth remains that quite a handful of men are fathering children that are not theirs biologically. They confronted me with stories of instances where it happened and said that I should speak for myself as I would be shocked at some evils that go on in marriage. And since that moment I made up my mind to make that a topic of discussion on this blog.

This issue is not limited to women and that I pointed out in my argument on that day; as I have heard of several men who have had children outside of their marriage even while being married and the wife was never in the know. The husband dies and these unknown children appear to pay their last respect to their late father and the wife is not just burning her late husband, but morning the betrayal that had been visited on her by a man she must have trusted with her life. So you can imagine the hurt. So today we will trust God to help us address this evil in marriage.

First I will try to highlight some of the reasons why a husband or a wife would leave the comfort of the bosom of his/her spouse to share his/her body with another man or woman thereby desecrating his/her body to the point of having children outside of wedlock.

Before highlighting any fake or insincere reason for this ignoble act, I will say that it is born out of greed, lust, covetousness and lack of satisfaction for what God has blessed you with.

One of the foolish reasons that has caused a woman or man to go and have children outside of wedlock is the inability of the husband or wife to have children and my question to that is, was your marriage instituted and establish solely for bearing children? Then where is the praying spirit in you that would make you commit a sacrilege even against your own body; an act that you cannot boldly let the world into? As God told you for sure that He is unable to give you a child at whatever age?

And for the women, if you deemed it fit to unveil your body to a man who is not your husband and then get pregnant for him then why not let him finish up what he started and father the child till his death. Why bring such a child to your covenant husband whom you have condemned as unable to give you children. Sincerely I can get this, and if just as a human, I feel so as terribly pained as I feel, then I wonder what God is feeling in heaven. That those He created and loved enough to sacrifice for have thought so low of His love for them to the point of not just committing adultery, but crowning it up with deceit and lies. God must be so very patient I tell you.

And the fact that the wife will live in the same house as a wife and a helpmeet to a husband whom she has conveniently deceived so bad, tells a lot about how bad she has murdered her conscience.

But letting anger aside and chatting a way forward, I trust the Lord to help me touch the lives of many through this post and make a meaningful impact in their lives.

God is not a partial God and He is not in the business of blessing some while abandoning the others. The difference between the marriage you see and envy and the man or woman you are lusting after and what God has blessed you with in your marriage and spouse is the ability to maintain and keep diligent what you have. What you sow in your wife is what you harvest from her and the same goes for the women to their husbands.

You don’t have any business being in bed with another man or woman who is not your spouse because what you have is best for you if you keep it well. You will be amazed at how caring, respectful, submissive and humble your wife can be if only you learn to love and pray for her. And you will be amazed at how loving and protective of you your husband can be if only you learn to submit to him and obey him.

If your wife is one who cares little about how she looks and poor with personal hygiene, a gentle and loving rebuke or better still provide helping hands in teaching her and she will be just ideal for you. Every baby born was born with the same capabilities and attributes, but as they grow, they are formed into different characters and they develop different mindsets. That is what teaching does to humans. When you lovingly and prayerfully teach your wife, I assure you, she will exceed your expectations.

I agree you can't change your spouse, but I know who can and He is God. So when you seek a change in your spouse, run to God in prayer. With patience and faith in God you will see the effect of your prayers in the new and better person that God mold out of your spouse and present to you.

And as for procreation, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3) that is what I read in my Bible and not children a reward from adultery or sons a heritage from the man or woman you are desecrating your bodies with outside of your marriage. Children are from God and when you need them produced in your marriage then you run to the One who gives them and causes them to be a blessing to us and that One is God.

Isaac’s wife didn’t have children for 20years and when her husband prayed, God answered. Have you prayed to God yet? Also note that children are a reward from God; reward is something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit etc. So what service have you rendered toGod to deserve the reward of children? Have you done a soul searching to know if you merit the child that you are seeking for and then change your ways where necessary, rather than dishonoring your body with another man/woman thereby making an already bad situation even worse?  

Deuteronomy 7:14 says “You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.” This is the heritage of those who belong to God and I have read my Bible well, I am yet to come across a name of any who served God well and went to his or her grave childless. So why have a child or children outside wedlock?

I am yet to hear of a man who lived forever, and with eternity in view it’s important to conduct ourselves in a manner that is commendable by God. Our actions and deeds are basis for our assessment by God when we are done here on earth. Let’s not live life as though there are no consequences. The temptations will come and temptation is no sin; but it’s when you give in to temptation that you sin. This is a wake-up call for us in marriage

It's Another Gist Day

It’s a beautiful day and to the glory of God we are rounding up the month of March. In no time we will be seeing the end of this year again and by the special grace of God none of us will be missing. I really appreciate those who have called and sent personal messages to me on noticing that I stopped dropping posts on the blog. I am so very grateful for your thoughtfulness. I just took off some days to compile all the previous posts into one space in form of a book as I have gotten several requests for this. I am still in the process of getting that accomplished but still on request I am resuming posting here. So I pray for grace to be able to combine both tasks and by the grace of God we will all finish well to the glory of God in Jesus name.

On reading and vetting all the posts on this blog for over three years, I am amazed at the depth of what the Lord has opened our hearts to know and understand in marriage. If I am to be truthful, I will say that I have learned a great deal from things shared on this blog and I have a wonderful marriage to show for it.

In today’s post I want to share a rather funny marriage story. Although this story might appear kind of funny, but it is causing break-ups of many marriages. Its kind of strange what excuse the devil holds on to, to destroy many homes.

There is this married lady whose marriage is in serious trouble owing to the fact that she discontinued her birth control plan without her husband’s consent and then got pregnant for her husband. The husband is threatening to either send her out of the house or move out of the house for her just because she disobeyed him. He feels betrayed and the new incoming addition into the family is seen as an unwanted disruption of the man’s plan rather than a blessing.

This story is not a case in isolation as there are many marriages experiencing hiccups at the moment owing to a new baby in the family that is considered unwanted or unplanned for. As a matter of fact I know a lady who had a baby about 6months ago and the husband is yet to come to terms with the new princess in their home. So we will trust God to teach us on how to go about this kind of situation and how to resolve such issues.

Submission/Obedience, love, wisdom, communication and trust are very important ingredient for a successful marriage. Every other additive such as understanding, sex, money and so on, are spices to marriage but they are not the core ingredient to a successful marriage. But above all is your relationship with God, because that is where you obtain all the core values you need for a good marriage and even the additive spices too and then the power to have all the values work perfectly well for your good.

With that said I want to address the woman who discontinued her birth control plan outside of the knowledge and consent of her husband. I will say she called the wrath of her husband upon herself. If you and your husband were in agreement to control childbirth, then both of you should be in the know if the plans are changing. If and when you want to have more children, pray to God about it and ask the Lord to prepare the heart of your husband to accept you request with favor. The Lord will do for you beyond what you have asked for and you will find out that even before you present the matter to him, your husband is already giving the issue a thought on his own.

What you have done is deceitful and the consequence of what you have done is what you are faced with at the moment. But going forward you will return to the throne of God and pray for forgiveness. Then you go and beg your husband and plead with him to forgive you and have a mind never to do such again. Not just with having babies, but when you have agreed on a thing with your husband, let it stay sacrosanct. The success of your marriage is keyed on your ability to keep an agreement.

But for those who have not intentionally bridged any agreement to stop child bearing but just by the will of God an unplanned baby is gifted to you by God and your spouse isn’t too excited about this addition, you shouldn’t lose any sleep or get anxious. Just pray and lay the situation at the feet of Jesus. He will handle it and that child will eventually be a diamond in the heart of your husband.

I was once in that shoes; my last child who will be 3years in about 9days time was one child we didn’t plan for. We had three children prior to him and that was enough quiver full for us. I was on a birth control plan that was not working well with my system and I had to discontinue on doctor’s advice. I discussed with my husband and he agreed that I discontinue with that option. So I opted for another birth control plan and my husband instructed that I discontinue that one too because he was afraid of its side-effect. So I tried a third option which had almost zero accuracy. And then I got pregnant. But the interesting thing is that about 4days before I discovered I was pregnant, my husband and I had listened to a message on the spiritual dangers of abortion. As a born-again Christian having an abortion would never be an option for me, but that message helped my husband make up his mind about the coming baby. Today that child holds the key to my husband’s heart.

I really do pray that we have learned a valuable lesson from this and pray that such as excuse as this will not break up marriages again. May the Lord bless our marriages.