Some Evils in Marriage

Sometime ago I read one of this very many write-ups that circulates on social media and it was all about advertising the importance of DNA test for children born to parents; so to say confirming the paternity of the child. Obviously there is always very little argument about who the mother of the child is. And this advert as far as I was concerned injured in no small measure the trust and togetherness that otherwise should be promoted in marriage.

On the whatsapp platform that I belonged to where this post was circulated, I didn’t spare a minute in voicing my displeasure at the lengthy useless write-up that I had read noting that in order for someone to want to advertise his trade/business he needed to stoop low to discredit the marriage institution that my God established.

Quite a number of people responded to me that in as much as they understood my anger and outburst, the truth remains that quite a handful of men are fathering children that are not theirs biologically. They confronted me with stories of instances where it happened and said that I should speak for myself as I would be shocked at some evils that go on in marriage. And since that moment I made up my mind to make that a topic of discussion on this blog.

This issue is not limited to women and that I pointed out in my argument on that day; as I have heard of several men who have had children outside of their marriage even while being married and the wife was never in the know. The husband dies and these unknown children appear to pay their last respect to their late father and the wife is not just burning her late husband, but morning the betrayal that had been visited on her by a man she must have trusted with her life. So you can imagine the hurt. So today we will trust God to help us address this evil in marriage.

First I will try to highlight some of the reasons why a husband or a wife would leave the comfort of the bosom of his/her spouse to share his/her body with another man or woman thereby desecrating his/her body to the point of having children outside of wedlock.

Before highlighting any fake or insincere reason for this ignoble act, I will say that it is born out of greed, lust, covetousness and lack of satisfaction for what God has blessed you with.

One of the foolish reasons that has caused a woman or man to go and have children outside of wedlock is the inability of the husband or wife to have children and my question to that is, was your marriage instituted and establish solely for bearing children? Then where is the praying spirit in you that would make you commit a sacrilege even against your own body; an act that you cannot boldly let the world into? As God told you for sure that He is unable to give you a child at whatever age?

And for the women, if you deemed it fit to unveil your body to a man who is not your husband and then get pregnant for him then why not let him finish up what he started and father the child till his death. Why bring such a child to your covenant husband whom you have condemned as unable to give you children. Sincerely I can get this, and if just as a human, I feel so as terribly pained as I feel, then I wonder what God is feeling in heaven. That those He created and loved enough to sacrifice for have thought so low of His love for them to the point of not just committing adultery, but crowning it up with deceit and lies. God must be so very patient I tell you.

And the fact that the wife will live in the same house as a wife and a helpmeet to a husband whom she has conveniently deceived so bad, tells a lot about how bad she has murdered her conscience.

But letting anger aside and chatting a way forward, I trust the Lord to help me touch the lives of many through this post and make a meaningful impact in their lives.

God is not a partial God and He is not in the business of blessing some while abandoning the others. The difference between the marriage you see and envy and the man or woman you are lusting after and what God has blessed you with in your marriage and spouse is the ability to maintain and keep diligent what you have. What you sow in your wife is what you harvest from her and the same goes for the women to their husbands.

You don’t have any business being in bed with another man or woman who is not your spouse because what you have is best for you if you keep it well. You will be amazed at how caring, respectful, submissive and humble your wife can be if only you learn to love and pray for her. And you will be amazed at how loving and protective of you your husband can be if only you learn to submit to him and obey him.

If your wife is one who cares little about how she looks and poor with personal hygiene, a gentle and loving rebuke or better still provide helping hands in teaching her and she will be just ideal for you. Every baby born was born with the same capabilities and attributes, but as they grow, they are formed into different characters and they develop different mindsets. That is what teaching does to humans. When you lovingly and prayerfully teach your wife, I assure you, she will exceed your expectations.

I agree you can't change your spouse, but I know who can and He is God. So when you seek a change in your spouse, run to God in prayer. With patience and faith in God you will see the effect of your prayers in the new and better person that God mold out of your spouse and present to you.

And as for procreation, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3) that is what I read in my Bible and not children a reward from adultery or sons a heritage from the man or woman you are desecrating your bodies with outside of your marriage. Children are from God and when you need them produced in your marriage then you run to the One who gives them and causes them to be a blessing to us and that One is God.

Isaac’s wife didn’t have children for 20years and when her husband prayed, God answered. Have you prayed to God yet? Also note that children are a reward from God; reward is something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit etc. So what service have you rendered toGod to deserve the reward of children? Have you done a soul searching to know if you merit the child that you are seeking for and then change your ways where necessary, rather than dishonoring your body with another man/woman thereby making an already bad situation even worse?  

Deuteronomy 7:14 says “You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.” This is the heritage of those who belong to God and I have read my Bible well, I am yet to come across a name of any who served God well and went to his or her grave childless. So why have a child or children outside wedlock?

I am yet to hear of a man who lived forever, and with eternity in view it’s important to conduct ourselves in a manner that is commendable by God. Our actions and deeds are basis for our assessment by God when we are done here on earth. Let’s not live life as though there are no consequences. The temptations will come and temptation is no sin; but it’s when you give in to temptation that you sin. This is a wake-up call for us in marriage