Why Your Husband Wants to Show You Off — And Why That’s Not a Sin

The book of Esther is a book of many parts and many lessons to glean from. But it is my favorite book when I want to talk about the beauty of a queen. As a wife, you are a queen in your husband’s kingdom and never think of yourself as any less.

The book of Esther tells us the story of how King Ahasuerus showed off his dynasty to the powers of Media and Persia and the nobles and princes of the provinces within his jurisdiction. So, when the heart of the king was merry, he decided to show off his crown jewel, his queen. So, he ordered that his beautiful queen Vashti be brought wearing her royal crown to show off her beauty because she was lovely to behold.

The interesting thing about this story is that God did not condemn the action of this king. So, it wasn’t that the demand was categorized as evil. The king, who is proud of his beautiful queen, wanted to show her off to the world. All men, like King Ahasuerus, would love to display their lovely wives and queens to the world, and that is the purpose of today’s blog.  

As a wife, I want you to know one thing today, and that is, your husband is and should be proud of you, and he would love to show you off to the world if you let him. It is not wrong for him to want to do that. And as a wife, you should feel some level of self-pride (I mean this as a confident builder and not the negative form of pride) if your husband is willing to show you off. This simply tells you that you have something valuable to him about you that is worth showing to the world.

The second chapter of the book of Esther details the 12 months of preparation that the young virgins had to be put through before being presented before the king to take a pick in replacement of Queen Vashti, whom he had banished.

It is important to note that these young virgins were initially beautiful because they would have been among the most attractive picks from the provinces of the kingdom. Yet, they still had to go through a 12-month beauty regimen. Why would this detailed beauty practice be included in the Bible?

While some may consider this as just storytelling, I see a lesson for women in this chapter, and that is the importance of taking care of your physical body and your appearance. Even the most beautiful woman would require some level of upkeep to retain that beauty. And spending time and resources on taking care of your beauty modestly and naturally is very important for a woman.  

The virgins were groomed with oils and perfumes to enhance their already beautiful body to make them appealing to the king, and the Bible didn’t call that a sin. So, we should understand that taking extra care of your body in a natural and modest manner is a good thing. The Lord has given you the beauty, but it is your responsibility to ensure that the beauty is kept and retained.

A beauty that is not well taken care of is a beauty that fades. So, it is possible to be regarded as once beautiful but no longer beautiful because the beauty has faded. That is a beauty that was not well taken care of. Deliberate actions are not taken to maintain and retain such beauty.

What about after getting married? Do you need to expend as much resources and time in maintaining your beauty as you did before marrying, since you have nothing to prove anymore? This is a perilous assumption to make. You need to retain your personal beauty in equal strength, if not more, after getting married. There will be shifts in your life after getting married, but never allow a change in the way you take care of yourself after you get married.

I started this blog post with King Ahasuerus wanting to show off his lovely queen to the princes and nobles of the provinces under his reign. If Queen Vashti had stopped taking care of herself or maintaining her beautiful appearance, would the king want to show her off? The reason the king was so proud to show off his queen was that she never stopped being beautiful. Even after she became a queen, she did not relent in retaining her physical beauty.

In Genesis 12:10-11, Abraham, upon entering the land of Egypt, told his wife, Sarah, to lie about being his wife, but to claim that she was his sister, because she was beautiful. She was so beautiful that words reached the king of Egypt about her beauty, and he took her as his wife.

Let’s remember that Sarah was not young; she was not just beautiful because God made her beautiful. But she was so beautiful even in old age because she took very good care of her physical appearance and beauty. She made a conscious effort to retain her God given beauty. She took care of herself so well that even after 80 years of age, King Abimelech took her as his wife when in fear, Abraham repeated the mistake me made in Egypt.

The same goes for the story of Rebecca, the wife of Isaac. Rebecca must have inherited the beauty regimen of her mother-in-law, as she was not just beautiful by the making of God, but by her effort in retaining the gift of beauty given to her by God. Just as the case of Sarah in Genesis 20, King Abimelech also took Rebecca as his wife when Isaac, for reasons of fear, lied that she was his sister, following the path of his father Abraham.

As a wife, you are the queen in your husband’s life. Your duty is not limited to taking care of your household or being a suitable helper to your husband, but you owe yourself and your husband the duty of taking care of your God given beauty. As your husband’s queen, you should be a woman of value who is an embodiment of God’s favor in the life of your husband, but you should also be a piece of beauty that your husband is proud to show off to the world.

A wife should take very good care of her physical appearance, her beauty, her health, as well as ensuring that she remains a suitable helper to her husband. In ensuring that a wife maintains her outward beauty, she needs to ensure that she maintains her inner beauty. Her inner beauty of submission, compassion, hard work, diligence, prayerfulness, and discernment are beautiful traits a wife needs to have and also retain.

Even though I have said so much about maintaining the physical appearance of a queen, this must be done in moderation and modesty. These efforts of retaining beauty are to be done within the confines of what makes your husband comfortable. This is not for another man, but for your husband. It is to keep the physical attraction in the marriage alive always.

When your husband is uncomfortable with the way you look or dress, it is essential to address his concerns and make a change in whatever efforts you are making with regard to your outward beauty. In marriage, there needs to be a balance, while not neglecting your inner beauty, your outward beauty is essential to look after.

Your effort should be within the confines of what your husband is comfortable with and what builds your own self-esteem. You owe yourself the duty of looking good always, which should be done modestly and in moderation. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Wives, Husbands, and Money: The Untold Side of Biblical Provision

Those who believe that the man is the provider for the home are not wrong. 1 Timothy 5:18 tells us that if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So, part of the expectations of a believer is to provide for his own.

One way this can be analysed is from the mandate of God on the man over his wife. Ephesians 5:25 says, the husband is to love his wife just as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. If a man is to give himself for his wife, then his money is also included in that self that he is giving. So, in whatever way we may try to think this through, a man is assigned by God to provide love and care to his wife, and if money is required to fulfil that mandate, then so be it.

But there is another side to the coin when it comes to marriage and money. It so happens that it is not the man/husband who is solely responsible for providing for the family financially. Without any bias, 1 Timothy used the word “anyone” who does not provide for his own. Now, anyone can actually be referring to a man or woman, irrespective of the pronoun “he” in that scripture.

In Proverbs 31:10-31, Solomon described for us the virtuous wife, and verses 13-15 tell us that she willingly works with her hands, she is like a merchant’s ship; she brings her food from afar; she rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservant.

The scripture above didn’t tell us that she collects money from her husband, and with it, provides food for her household. So, if she is like the merchant’s ship, that tells us that she earns her own income. The line after that says she brings her food from afar. If this woman earns her own income and brings her food from afar, and then provides food for her household, this sequence of actions points to one thing to me: she also provides for her family financially.

So, if I say that I learned a lesson here, it will be that the financial burden of the home does not solely rest on the husband, but on both couples. The wisdom of God has ensured this because if one falls, the other can lift him. The agenda of God for the family is that at no point should the family be in lack.

If the wife is unable to provide for the family, probably because she does not yet have a source of income, it is understandable, but she should be productive in the home and support the husband in other ways. The primary assignment given to a wife is to be a suitable helper to her husband, and that includes financial help so that the family is well covered against lack.

It is important to note that it is God who supplies all our needs according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). And in 2 Corinthians 9:8, we read that God is able to make all grace abound towards us, that we, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. The supply comes from God, but He (God) chooses His channel of supply, and we cannot question that.  

Oftentimes, God decides to use the husband as His channel of supply. In that case, the husband needs to know and understand that the supply in his possession is not a tool for oppressing his household, but as the head of the home who owns the responsibility to care for his household, he should recognise that the supply in his possession is a tool for fulfilling God’s assignment in his life, which is to love and care for his wife and provide for his household.

In the same manner, if you, as a wife, are the channel through which the Lord has decided to supply for the needs of your household, know that the riches in your hands are primarily there to provide for your household and help your husband. Rich or poor, you are still to understand and operate in submission. That is God’s mandate on your life, and hard as it may sound, that submission includes the submission of your income if your husband demands it.

Money is not provided in marriage as a tool of suppression or oppression by any party in the marriage. It is a supply from heaven through any party or both if God so decides, to shield the household against any lack, as God has promised that those who put their trust in Him will not lack anything good.

Money is a blessing and not a weapon. It is a provision from heaven because it is the Lord who gives us power to produce wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18). It is not your hard work or intelligence. Hard work and intelligence are seeds that we sow, but it is God who causes the seed to germinate and produce the fruits of riches in our lives. Taking away that wealth is at the discretion of God if He determines that you are not using it for that which He provided it for.

A husband should strive to work hard to provide for his family. But while he is waiting on God for a harvest of what he has sown in labor and hard work, he should not be ashamed or made to feel unworthy simply because he can’t provide yet. Seeds take time to grow. It is at this time that the resources coming from the wife are used to fill the gaps, and the home is covered.

To the wife, please never be comfortable being idle or relying on your husband financially. You should continue to strive and sow the seed of diligent labor. At some point, your help will be required in the area of finances. Note that financial help is part of your helper duties in the life of your husband.

I will conclude with this: When it comes to money and marriage, there should be no competition and no holding back. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us that two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. That tells us that both are laboring equally, and if one is chasing a thousand, two are putting tens of thousands to flight. This scripture is undeniably true in the case of money in marriage.

The laborers in marriage are designed to complement each other, and with God in their midst, they won’t just live above lack; they will live in abundance.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Is Sex a Problem in Your Marriage? Let’s Talk About It

I have heard a true-life story of a divorce that happened as a result of sex in that marriage. I am sure it’s not just an instance, but there are a handful of cases where the main problem in the marriage is tied to the issue of sex. Some couples are bold enough to speak up about the adverse effect this has on them, while others endure the struggle in silence. If this is a problem in marriages, then it is worth talking about.

I love the Bible so much that I have yet to come across a thing in this lifetime that I can’t find an answer to in the Bible. So, let’s see 1 Corinthians 7:1-9  and what it says about the issue of sex in marriage. Paul, in this scripture, writes in detail about the issue of sex in marriage. Paul says, “A husband is to render to his wife the affection due to her.” It is as though he is speaking to the husband that he should pay the debt of affection that he owes his wife. The NIV bible translation calls it duty. So, showing affection and intimacy is a non-negotiable in marriage.

Now, this is not just for the man alone but also for the wife. She also owes her husband the duty of affection and intimacy. Paul said, “As a wife, your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your husband. And for the husband, it is the same. Your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your wife.” The two are not to deprive one another except for mutual consent and only for a time.

Weaponizing sex in your marriage is wrong in any and every way you consider it. Doing so is opening the door to the devil and giving him a free rein to infiltrate your marriage and bring destruction as much as he can. You can’t say that because you want to punish your spouse, you will deprive them of sex. That is, you not doing your duty as God has instructed you to. Depriving your spouse of sex makes you just as guilty as the reason why you are depriving them of sex. Two wrongs never make a right.

God, in His infinite wisdom, could have devised another means of procreation when He created man, but He chose the bonding of a husband and his wife through intimacy. But we should understand that the purpose of intimacy in marriage is beyond reproduction. It is the beautiful joining together of two beings to become one in flesh, soul, and spirit.

Even in deep quarrels, once a man and his wife get intimate, fights and quarrels evaporate, and a new sense of togetherness is reborn between the two. This is one crucial reason why this kind of intimacy is reserved solely for married couples with a divine covenant between them.

 Sex in marriage is not just a call of nature; it’s not casual. It is a bonding that is reserved solely for those in a marriage covenant because it’s beyond just two physical beings coming together. It is a union of spirit, soul, and body. It is beautiful, it mends cracks in marriage, and it forges togetherness in marriage more than any other activity.

Sex in marriage is God’s idea, and it is not a thing of shame as long as the two carrying out the act are covenant partners in marriage, and it is between a man and a woman who are married before God and man.

Intimacy in marriage is an activity that the husband and wife need to be deliberate about. The feelings of your spouse need to be considered when thinking about sex in your marriage. It is not about one person enjoying the pleasure at the expense of the other person. This is an activity of two people for two people.

One more thing to mention is that if we understand that intimacy is between two people and for two people, then we will agree that the satisfaction of both parties is essential. If this is so, then we should agree that hygiene and a good and appealing smell are vital for intimacy in marriage. If the bible tells us that your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your spouse, then taking care of that body is not about you alone, but also about your spouse.

As a wife, if you’ve worked all day and you are sweaty, it would be nice if you took a shower and cleaned up before initiating intimacy. As a husband, this also applies to you. In a marriage, where intimacy is a constant, taking care of things like your breath should be vital.

Overall, if there is one thing that your spouse has gently highlighted as a turn-off, it is vital that such a thing is taken care of promptly for both to continue to enjoy the beauty of intimacy in marriage. Intimacy should not be done grudgingly, but enjoyed as God purposes it.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful thing. It is God-ordained, and it is a gift of God to married couples, not just for procreation but for bonding and affection sharing. It is a sacred thing exclusively for married couples. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Why do couples fight? Let’s deal with it.

One of the most common causes of divorce in marriage is tagged as irreconcilable differences. The first thing I would love to unpack in that phrase is the word “differences.” When you term something as different, that means they are not the same. The beautiful thing about marriage is that two different people in appearance, thoughts, and physical composition come together to complement each other and form a single entity.

The fact that there is a difference is the beauty of coming together in marriage. Where the strength of one fails, it may be where the power of the other resides. Each partner is to fill in for the weakness of the other. So, the problem is not the difference portion of that phrase, but the irreconcilable portion of it.

Marriage is the coming together and alignment of two different people, two different viewpoints, two different characteristics to make up a whole, without one viewpoint in competition with the other or overriding the other. The problem is not in the difference, but in the misalignment.

So, the problem when there are disputes in marriages is that there is a point where there is no alignment of two different points of view, two different traditions, norms, and beliefs.  Amos 3:3 asks an important question, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

I always love to liken marriage to the call of God on Abraham. Marriage is a journey to the unknown, just like the call of God on Abraham. It is a call to separation where a man would leave his father and mother, just like Abraham was called to leave his father’s household, on a journey to the unknown, and his only companion on this journey was his wife. But can two walk together except they are agreed?

The cause of disputes in marriage is not an irreconcilable difference, as it is commonly termed; it is a lack of agreement, because there is no difference that cannot be reconciled if the willpower to do so exists. Lack of agreement originates from pride and tradition. When you build your marriage on the foundation of tradition, that foundation is not just shaky but also drowning.

The first question I would love to ask is, “What is the root of the tradition on which you have founded your marriage?” Is that foundation not based on human frailty and limitations? Is it not based on human ideas with boundaries and limits? There is a need to understand and know that anything that does not originate from God is not perfect, with a certain probability of eventual collapse.

Human traditions that are not rooted in the word of God are not perfect, and building on a foundation that is not perfect tells of one truth: it only needs the test of time and adversity for it to crumble and fall. So, when your marriage is built on tradition coming from two imperfect sources, they become irreconcilable differences that is destined to fail and fall.

The differences that are irreconcilable are not God ordained differences designed to complement each other in a godly marriage. But these are differences in two faulty foundations that are never perfect from the beginning and will not agree or align in the long run because their sources aren’t God.

One other vice that originates from tradition is pride. That is when you allow the norms that you’ve known and the tradition you are accustomed to, to blind you in a sense that it is too big for the service that is required to build a successful marriage, when you have loaded yourself with pride and have become too bloated to render the service required for marriage to thrive and be successful.

From Ephesians 5:22-end, there are two simple instructions that are required for a successful marriage. These instructions are LOVE and SUBMISSION; every other ingredient for a successful marriage builds on these two codes of conduct.

The husband is to love his wife unconditionally in the pattern in which Christ loves the church, and gave himself up for her. And the wife is supposed to submit to her husband just as she would submit to God. Any deviation from these codes of conduct is what degenerates into irreconcilable differences.

I call these codes of conduct in marriage simple because the only things that prevent us from obeying them are pride, tradition, and unforgiveness. When you think so highly of yourself and consider your partner as not good enough for you to render the service of love and submission to, or when your tradition has taught you that men are always so bad that submitting to them is slavery, and as a powerful woman, you are on the same hierarchy as your husband so there should be nothing like submission in the picture, then you are deviating from the codes of conduct in marriage.

Continually reliving the past hurt done to you by your spouse, which you have yet to forgive them for, or probably you believe you have forgiven but just cannot let go, are some of the issues that will lead to more quarrels and eventually irreconcilable differences.

Comparing your marriage with other marriages is also a red flag that stems from a lack of contentment and can also be a source of problems in your marriage. Every individual was created by God uniquely. No matter how similar two scenarios may be, they will still be unique to those involved in the situation. So, never compare your marriage with any other marriage.

This explains why Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. The issues we have discussed so far, that is, unhealthy tradition, unforgiveness, and pride, are all vices that result in hardness of heart. Taking away these three vices, and what we will get with the help of the Holy Spirit is a beautiful marriage.

The codes of conduct in marriage are simple, but the grace to follow these simple codes requires the enormous help of the Holy Spirit. The wisdom to unlearn the faulty and unhealthy traditional values that have been part of our lives, and the ability to receive grace to allow God to lead us in abiding by His rules of engagement in marriage, is worth praying for.

Marriage is beautiful. Living by God’s instructions for marriage is a guaranteed recipe for its success. To build a marriage that will last the test of time, each couple must be ready to dismantle and unlearn every faulty tradition that stands to attack their marriage, do away with pride, and be willing to get vulnerable with each other without fear of being judged. They need to trust God recklessly to lead the way as they walk in agreement with each other on the journey of marriage, which is a journey to divine fulfilment and prosperity.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Why it is important to pray for your spouse

 

I have heard a handful of women say they have been praying for their spouses, and nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, some have claimed that the Lord asked them to divorce. Be reminded that Jesus says in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the heart, but from the beginning it was not so. Note that it was Moses who permitted divorce and not God.

But divorce is not the topic of today’s discussion, so we will not tarry on that. In reality, it will be funny if all we do is ask God to touch our husband’s heart and change him as a person, and then we sit and wait for a new man in the old man’s flesh, who happens to be the husband we are praying for to manifest.

I tried that in my walk with God, and that didn’t work for me. So, I spent many years in an unhappy marriage with my estranged husband, and in all of it, I was praying. I never stopped praying. But when I was broken enough, I began to pray for death instead. It felt like God was silent. It was as if nothing had changed in my marriage.

I was stuck with a man who did not see me, or if he did, he didn’t show it. I could not get a divorce because that is what God hates, and I could not commit suicide because that would be murder. I was frustrated, and I hated my situation. But guess what, I didn’t stop praying.

Over time, I started hearing God tell me to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. I would open my Bible, and even without searching out that scripture, I find myself in there. I heard it in my subconscious. God’s voice never stopped dropping it in my spirit with a gentle nudge. That word just kept coming at me.

Then, I spoke to God, I felt like the victim, and for me, that instruction was unfair. I challenged God. I told Him I was the born-again one, I was the one who was overlooked and needed to be treated better. And I heard back from God. He told me that if I trust Him and believe in Him like I am professing to, then I will start by doing exactly what I am told to do. My trust in God should be expressed by my obedience to His words.

Don’t forget that, where I started from was praying for my husband to change and for God to intervene in the challenges of my marriage. The starting point of God’s answer to that prayer was me. I never would have thought that I had a submission issue in my marriage until the Lord revealed it to me. This is because I respected my husband to a fault.

But when the Lord kept speaking to me about submission, I then prayed that He should teach me to submit to my husband in a way that He (the Lord) approves of. As a matter of fact, I had to go and look up the dictionary meaning of “submission” and “submit.” And what I learned from the dictionary was that to submit means to yield yourself to the authority of another willingly.

It was at that point that I knew and understood that what I had for my husband was mere respect and not submission. My behavior then was that when my husband gave an instruction that I didn’t align with, I never argued. I only wait for him to go out of sight for me to implement what I was convinced was the right thing to do. And guess what, I never saw this as a problem; instead, I saw it as me helping him to avert the problems of a wrong decision that he was making, in my own opinion.

Sometimes when we pray, God does a miracle instantly, and sometimes He gives us a strategy that leads to our desired result. In that instance, the work is done by us through the leading of God. And then sometimes God takes what we have to create a miracle out of it. The truth is that for the answered prayers that we seek, there will be an input from us. This is because God multiples our seed, but He does not do magic. So, we need to give Him a seed and sometimes seeds to multiply.

When we pray for our spouse, we need to understand that the answer to that prayer will require some form of input from us. And that means when we pray, we need to be attentive to the voice of God and be sensitive to His leading. We cannot expect that once we pray, we will just have a brand new husband in the old husband’s flesh overnight.

But what happens in reality is that the more we do what God tells us to do, the more our spouse’s heart is being softened under the touch of God. In Ezekiel 36:26, God says, “I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” The implementation of this truth does not happen overnight. It comes as a result of what the person has experienced that has created a divine revelation within them.

Sometimes, the implementation of God’s word in the life of your spouse, which is the sum of all your prayers for him, comes from what he has experienced through your obeying God’s instructions for your life, as a result of the strategy God has given you in the place of prayer. Your obedience may be the eye opener for your spouse that brings about a new heaven revelation that changes his heart of stone to a heart of flesh. So sometimes when you pray, your actions, ability to hear from God, and your obedience to God’s instructions are also needed in the answer to that prayer.

Let me use this illustration to explain this better. It's like taking a sick person to the hospital, and a surgery is required. You, who took the sick person for surgery, happen to be a nurse who is required to assist the surgeon in carrying out the procedure. You are the custodian of the tools needed to carry out the surgical procedure. When the surgeon asks for a 10-blade (tool needed for surgery), it is your responsibility to provide it immediately; otherwise, there may be fatality.

This is what it feels like when we commit our spouses to God in prayer. The Lord handles the change, but He requires our input in carrying out the change. Your obedience to God’s instruction over your marriage, your submission, and your act of selfless help are all tools in the hands of God in bringing about the change in your spouse that you are praying for.

In my own case, God required my submission. And with His help and the support of the Holy Spirit, I was able to submit to my husband in a way that was usable by God in softening my husband’s heart and healing my marriage. I made that sacrifice, and I am reaping the benefit now.

I don’t know what your command or instructions may be. But when you pray, don’t just stop there; actions are required, and your input is necessary. Listen to the voice of God, understand the instructions, and obey the leading. In that obedience lies the strategy that is required for the healing of your marriage. Never say or conclude that your spouse can never change because they can if only you listen for the strategy, work with God, and in due course enjoy the benefits.

 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

 

The Importance of the Power of Unity in Marriage

There seems to be a subtle trick that the devil knows about marriage that he has been conveniently exploiting, and we, as children of God, are either not aware of or we are not taking seriously. That subtle trick is Unity in Marriage. Unity in marriage is not just about friendship or romance; it is about a strategy that brings about growth and kills stagnation.

In Genesis 11:6, God said something with regard to the building of the tower of Babel. He said, “Indeed, the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them.” That is to say that if the people are one, nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them, told by God Himself and not Derin.

In Matthew 18:19, Jesus says, “If two agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by His (our) Father in heaven." God said it in Genesis, Jesus repeated it in Matthew, and that tells me there is power in unity. But more so, there is power in unity in marriage because what better two can there be than the two of the husband and wife that the Lord has joined together and made one in flesh and in spirit.

But guess what, the devil knows more than you know that there is power in unity, and so he ensures that there is no unity. So, while you are busy proving a point and insisting on your right, the devil is having a field day enjoying your ignorance. He understands that as long as there is no agreement, there is no achievement. And that is all that he wants.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the wise king Solomon added his voice to the revelation based on the depth of his wisdom when he said, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Again, I wonder what better two can we have than the two of a husband and wife laboring together. Based on the truth of the Bible, joint labor is far more profitable than individual effort.

All of the scriptures above underscore the power of unity, but the marriage element of it is what we see in Genesis 2:18. There God says it is not good for the man to be alone. A single effort of labor is far less profitable than joint labor. When God says it is not good, He knows what He is talking about. So, when the husband and his wife (joint laborers) agree on anything and they ask, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven.

When the husband and wife are married, heaven does not regard them as separate individuals any longer. They become two people seen and addressed as one by God. When there is a request to heaven without an agreement first, such a request is not complete. It is paused until there is an agreement for it to move forward.

It’s like having a joint account in heaven. When a cheque is drawn on a joint account with only a single signatory’s signature, the bank would not honor such a cheque because the mandate on the account is not fulfilled. The cheque is returned without a withdrawal made until there is the required second signature on the cheque. This is what the devil knows that we don’t know or we are not paying attention to.

I cherish my peace of mind, and so I don’t like fights or conflicts in my marriage. I try as much as I can to avoid it. But other than being mindful of my peace of mind, I understand too well the importance of unity in my marriage, and I protect that unity. I would rather sacrifice my opinion and allow my husband to lead in whatever direction he so chooses than to be the fool to the devil and sacrifice the unity of my marriage on the altar of providing a point and wanting my opinion to be heard. I have won so many battles on my knees than with my mouth.

Fights in marriage can be inevitable. Even the healthiest of marriages have conflicts. But the application of knowledge and understanding should be at the center of every successful marital relationship. Settling the dispute quickly and maintaining the unity of the marriage is something that should not be compromised.

Let us all not be fooled, the devil knows, and understands the power of unity. He heard God say it in Genesis 11:6; he heard Jesus speak about it in Matthew 18:19, and he plays on our pride and ego by selling us the narrative of speaking up, and we have conveniently fallen for his tricks.

In Exodus 14:14, God tells us that the battles are His to fight. Even if you have to speak up and address pressing issues with your spouse, pray about it first and let the Lord give you divine utterance that will fix the problem without creating another one.

I agree that sometimes when you are in an abusive relationship, you don’t just stay still. And sometimes you will have to speak up, but make sure that in speaking up, you have the backing of heaven. Your first place to run to when you need help is to the throne of God. Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:12 that God is able to keep that which he has committed to Him. A beautiful marriage is not run on intellect, it is not run on romance or love; a beautiful marriage is run on the leading and backing of God.

Unity in your marriage is built on the altar of prayer. To promote unity in your marriage, you must be willing to sacrifice your ego, pride, the insistence on your way, and the willingness to agree with your spouse even when it may not make any sense at that time. When you are not convinced that the approach to an issue by your spouse is the right way, just hand it over to God. God will handle it on your behalf in a manner that would not injure or compromise the unity of your marriage.

Life is a lot easier when you labor jointly rather than in a singular effort. The scientific law of division is a logical way to consider this. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” One will chase a thousand, but two will put tens of thousands to flight. The profit of joint effort is not in arithmetic progression; it is seen in multiples.  

Don’t let the devil keep you stagnant and stall your growth simply because you cannot align with your spouse and agree on issues. What you are losing costs a lot more than the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.