The Secret of Making Submission Easy

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I have often heard pastors preach about submission in marriage and encourage both the husband and his wife to submit to one another. While this might be said to drive home the essence of the message they are preaching or conveying their thoughts to their audience, it still represents a misalignment with the instructions of the Bible.

Although Ephesians 5:21 instructs us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, the detailed explanation follows from Ephesians 5:22-33, concluding with Paul's instruction to husbands to love their wives as themselves and for wives to respect their husbands.

Submission is the duty of a wife to her husband, and this duty does not come with exceptions. It is unconditional, and she must submit in likeness to the submission she gives to God. And for the husband, your big assignment from God is to love your wife first as yourself and then as Christ loves the church. A man who responds to his body when he has a headache is expected by God to respond to his wife when she shows signs of dissatisfaction over something he has control over or a decision he has made.

If this is what these preachers term as a man submitting to his wife, then I will understand. But if, as a wife, you think you can instruct your husband, and he should obey because Ephesians 5:21 says we should submit to one another, and that is all you see in that chapter of the Bible, then you are in for a big surprise. You urgently need to unlearn what you have learned if your marriage is to stand the test of time.

The reality of the matter is that it is a wife who submits to her husband. It is the wife who is expected to willingly yield herself to the authority of her husband because, based on the hierarchy designed by God, the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. In fact, Paul reiterates this in 1 Corinthians 11:3, stating that the head of the man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man.

We follow a leader and not instruct leaders. When you think you want to instruct your husband and be successful at it, you will need to route that instruction through Christ, who is the head of the man. You get that job done on your knees in prayer. Thank God we have direct access to Christ, which gives us the opportunity and grace to route our instructions through Him.

However, this submission can be quite challenging, especially when you see your husband making errors in judgment, making decisions based on faulty information, and often making decisions that affect the family without first praying about the decision he is making. We don't know what the future holds, but we know the One (God) who knows the end from the beginning. You will agree with me that it's not always the case that our gut feelings are right. And we have experienced situations where, as the wife, you end up having to clear the mess of the aftermath of those faulty decisions.  

Now, you want to put in a word in time to avoid a mess from a decision gone wrong, and your husband would just not have it. He will not have you boss him around, as that is how he sees your advice. As the wife, you are angry, pissed off, and you tell yourself at least the Bible says submit to one another.

I am sure I speak the minds of many wives because I have been there many times before. I learned to be silent and watch my husband have it his way at the very expense of what I believe in and my convictions. However, it becomes easier for me to do that when I hand over those decisions he must make to God, whether they concern me or affect me or not. My prayer is that, since my husband is my head and Christ is his head, the Lord will fill my husband with Himself so that whatever decisions he has to make come from God through him.

The important thing I want to highlight here is that I still never align with some of those decisions based on my understanding. But I have learned to trust the decisions because I trust Christ, who is handling those decisions behind the scenes. My husband has made some decisions that do not make sense at the time, and if you ask him, he'll tell you he can't explain the rationale behind those decisions. On my part, I am grudgingly submitting anyway. Ultimately, those decisions prove to be the best for all of us.

There is no point in struggling to be heard, fighting for relevance, or fighting for your words to be heard. You are the loudest, most valued, and most relevant in that marriage when you route your instructions through Christ, who is head over your husband. The secret is that you speak through Christ. In that way, all the decisions will always work for your good. You get everything working in your favor, and you eliminate the supremacy battle in your home.

If this piece of secret has blessed you, don't keep it to yourself. Help a marriage by sharing it with those who will also be blessed by it. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. The bookshelf is a place I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage journey. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

 

What Happens When the Bottleneck is Your Spouse

Based on God’s design, marriage is complementary. One spouse is supposed to support the other, and they are both to lift each other up. The Bible has taught us that they are no longer two but one flesh. The idea of who owns what or who is more successful than the other in marriage is foolish in its totality. The definition of success for couples is not related to how much money each has in their account, as the simple-minded see it. It is how much they have excelled in fulfilling their God-given assignment towards each other. Success is sweet when you look at your spouse and see your impact on his/her achievement. A very common proverb says, "Behind every successful man is a woman," but in the real and ideal sense, it should be, "Behind every successful man should be his wife."

As a wife, the pride of your achievement should be that your husband is successful. You don’t have to put money in his pocket to make that happen; let God handle that assignment. You don’t even have to provide an opportunity for a breakthrough; that also is for God to do. It is God who opens doors of opportunity. But you can certainly put in the prayers and fasting; you can add calmness of the environment to your contribution when you give him peace of mind, and you are not quarrelsome or nagging all the time. When you don’t throw insults at him, and you acknowledge and appreciate his little efforts, even when they appear insufficient. When you support the home with your widow’s might and never talk about it. When you become a listening ear for him and never shame him—a place of comfort when he needs someone to talk to and unburden his mind to, without judging him or providing unsolicited advice. When you don’t make him feel belittled or compare him to his money-bag peers or your friend’s wealthy husband.

All these do not require you to play God and try to shoulder the responsibilities that are really not yours. They are just the little things that go a long way to boost your husband's confidence and give him that fighting spirit and the determination to stand up and fight when life’s issues try to knock him down. Proverbs 27:15 says a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. A quarrelsome wife adds no value but instead drains value. No matter the justification a wife has for being a value drainer, it is still not a good enough excuse for God. Such a wife is not fulfilling her God-given assignment in her husband's life. Proverbs 16:24 tells us that pleasant words are like a honeycomb: sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. You bring healing into your husband’s life simply by using pleasant words. These are not my words but treasured wisdom from the Bible.

But this issue goes both ways. A man who feels threatened by the success of his wife is actually not ready for success in his own life. He is going nowhere and is just dragging his wife into the mud with him. If not for the reason of absolute foolishness, if God gives you a wife and then says this wife is an embodiment of His favor in your life (Proverbs 18:22), and all you do is hinder her from being all that God has called her to be, then you shortchange yourself. Your wife is your support system; if you fail to let her gather enough resources to support you, then when you need her to come through for you,  she will be empty, and it will be all your fault.

A man with the mind of Christ in him will want for his wife what he wants for himself, as Paul taught us in Ephesians 5:25-30. As a husband, your wife is a reflection of your leadership qualities. Your scorecard in terms of success is not in how much you possess in your bank account, but how well you have fared as a husband and father. Even with the most impossible wife, a wise man will know how to bring out the best in her for himself.

In teaching men how to handle their wives, Paul said in the manner in which Christ sanctified the church, cleansing her with the word and presenting her to Himself, so also should a man take care of his wife so that he can present her to himself as a glorious bride. Sanctifying, cleansing, caring for, and loving your wife is not limited to putting money in her bank account. In fact, sometimes, that is far from what God wants. But it can mean enabling her to soar, giving her room to be the virtuous woman who finds a field and buys it with her profit, whose trade is profitable and her merchandise is good, understanding that on account of the strength in her arms, you, her husband can sit at the city gates with elders.

There are many unfounded reasons why men shy away from enabling their wives to become all that God has given them the potential to be. Most of these reasons originate from man's insecurity. But pursuing these insecurities amounts to you short-changing yourself.

As I said in the first chapter of the blog, marriage is a “we” business with both partners supporting the other for growth and destiny fulfillment. They complement each other, which is why Solomon rightly says two are better than one, for they have a good reward for their labor. Your spouse is not a threat in your life, but one that should make the journey of life easier and challenges easy to overcome; when one falls, the other is readily available to lift them up. That is the wisdom of God in marriage.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.

Making Money or Building a Home, What Will it Be?

One of my personal truths is that on judgment day, God will not ask me why I was not rich or wealthy, but He will require an account from me on the assignment of being a wife and a mother that He has assigned to me. This truth has not placed me in the position of a mediocre person; I am not lazy; I love to learn, and continuous development has always been my focus, which I am not deviating from or relenting about. As a stay-at-home mum, I have invested heavily in my career development, such that it almost feels like too much. But one truth about me is that I am prayerfully sowing seeds of development in my own life so that when the Lord finally serves me my opportunity, I will be more than ready.

But one of my biggest prayers is that I do not want the pursuit of money to make me fail as a wife or a mother. Proverbs 14:1 tells us that a wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears hers down with her hands. Building the home is an assignment for the wife, and it is not out of place for a virtuous woman to build wealth. But in all that God has assigned to us and also blessed us with, there is a need for balance. Wealth is a very necessary additive in any man’s life. Solomon, in Ecclesiastes 10:19, speaks of the importance of wealth when he says, “A feast is made for laughter; wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything.” But we often focus on the pursuit of money at the detriment of our God-given assignment, which is to build the home.

What I am trusting God to do in this little piece is to be able to help us (including me) align our focus in the right direction and reorganize our priorities as we launch into 2025. Deuteronomy 8:17-18 says something really profound. Let me put that scripture in my own words; we can think and assume that it is our hands and efforts and 500IQ that have produced the wealth we have for us, but that would be the biggest illusion that we would be living in because it is God who gives us the ability to produce wealth. Without Him, we will just be chasing after the wind.

If God, who gives you the ability to make wealth, then gives you an assignment to do and you decide that you will abandon the assignment to pursue wealth, forgetting that the thing which you pursue, He will obviously provide as part of the necessary things He knows you need to fulfill that assignment, what does that make you? Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:33 that we should seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness, and all other things will be added unto us. The assignment of building a home, nurturing the home, being the wife God called you to be, being the mother He created you for, building wisdom, amassing knowledge, and pursuing understanding are the things you should pursue first. Let God deal with the accumulation of wealth for you. The strategy to make wealth while fulfilling your God-given assignment resides with God, and He will hand you that strategy and support it with implementation once you immerse yourself in doing what pleases Him.

When I think of the pursuit of wealth, I am quick to remember the story of Peter and Jesus in Luke 5:1-11. Peter had used all of his 1000 IQ to catch fish that fateful night, but the fish just refused to be caught 😜. Frustrated, he had resigned to fate and retired for the night when Jesus borrowed his boat to sit in; afterward, he asked them to launch into the deep again for a catch. Mr. Peter, though, was frustrated, did not hesitate. He didn’t forget to point out that he had tried all night but caught nothing. The beautiful thing was that he was willing to obey, and he caught fish that he had never caught in his entire fishing life, obeying Jesus and going for another try. This happened just after Jesus borrowed his boat to sit in. The strategy to make wealth is in the hands of God; pursuing wealth while abandoning your God-given assignment is like telling God He doesn’t matter while He is the One who matters the most. Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord, and He shall give us the desires of our hearts. This is not just about praying and fasting and praising. All those are perfect and required, but doing what pleases God is important because prayers without deeds are dead.  

This is not to say that a wife is to abandon her dreams because she is a wife and a mother. It is about fitting and incorporating those dreams into God’s purpose for your life. There are times when what you seek is not what God has in store for you; at this point, you need to pray that the Lord will show you your path to success without jeopardizing His assignment for your life. When it is God leading you, you cannot go wrong. He created you and put gifts and talents in you, designed to make you great. If you don’t know what those gifts and talents are, seek God, and He will show you and help you soar with them.  

In conclusion, I will say that your dreams are valid and need expression, and pursuing the fulfillment of your dreams is also very valid. But that pursuit should never be at the detriment of your assignment from God. If there is a conflict between pursuing your dreams and your God-given assignment, you must pause and pray. Let God, who is the master strategist, lead you in a way that will lead you to fulfill both without falling short on any. Jesus teaches us that with God, all things are possible. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.

Who is Responsibile for the Training of the Children?

 

It is generally believed that the children in a family are the responsibility of the mother. So, how the children in the home turn out is a duty the society has placed on the shoulders of the mothers. And I believe this is also a duty the mothers have embraced with grace. But I want to say that this is just a traditional standard; it is a bit different from what we will find when we do a deep dive into the Bible. So, in today’s blog, I want to share a perspective that is a bit different from the traditional norm we are used to.

As a mother, I will say an average mother is a nurturer; we are built with some valuable inherent traits and characteristics that are needed to nurture. A mother is naturally caring, protective, discerning, and pretty attentive to details. It is just very natural for a woman to be conscious of the minute detail in the change in character, pattern, and behavior of her child that no one else will take note of. In most cases, the mother is quick to understand what the baby needs by the slightest cry unless it is beyond her knowledge. She is quick to notice body changes as the child grows and develops. She is quick to notice the unique qualities of her children, and if this mother has a strong relationship with God, the level of her discernment is even greatly heightened. So, these qualities of a mother make it easy to commit to her the responsibility of training the children.

But after my romance with the Bible, I discovered that when God is demanding an account over the turnout of any household and, in fact, the children of the household, He holds the fathers accountable. In Genesis 18:19, we see why God chose Abraham. The Bible tells us so that he may command (train) his children and his household to keep the way of the Lord and do righteousness and justice. Here, we see that God didn’t think or believe that Sarah would train or command her children after the Lord, but He chose Abraham, the ideal head of the family, to shoulder that responsibility.

Also, considering the case of the rich man Job in Job 1:5, it was Job, who was the head of the home and the one responsible for the moral uprightness of the members of his home, who took the time to purify his children after every festive period, and not Job’s wife. And when the children of Prophet Eli sinned against God in 1 Samuel 3 & 4, Eli, who failed to train his children well, died alongside the erring children. Nothing was said of his wife being punished for the sins of her children.

It is very okay to charge mothers to nurture their children and watch every aspect of their growth—morally, academically, physically, and most importantly, spiritually. However, fathers should not be absolved of their important role in bringing their children up in the way of the Lord. A father’s role is not limited to financial provision in the lives of their children. Still, understanding that they will give account over the lives of the children the Lord has given them, they must understand the grave importance of training their children right amid their very busy schedules. Job was the richest man among the men of the East in his time, which would have made him a very busy man, but he was never too busy to purify his children.

Both parents play extremely vital roles in their children's lives. The mothers are the nurturers and caregivers. They possess the love, protectiveness, and inherent qualities that adequately qualify them for the job. However, the fathers have a bigger assignment in this matter. They are answerable to God over their children's lives, so the children's moral upbringing is their responsibility. Even at that, the support of the mother is highly required in this assignment, but she is not to be held responsible for the moral development of a child; she only operates on the capacity of support.

In conclusion, I will say that for parents to deliver optimum value in raising their children, they must practice what they preach and do what they teach. You can’t give what you don’t have. The training of a child or children starts with the training of oneself.

 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.

The Power of a Working Wife

 

It is generally believed that a man is supposed to be the breadwinner of his home and the primary and only financial source for the family. Although there seems to be a shift in this mindset owing to the economy of the world we live in today, let’s just look into this situation holistically. This is necessary for wives who believe that they do not have any business working to earn income or provide financial support in the home with their personal income.

Let’s start with what Paul says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10; there, we find the law that ‘The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.’ This is not a law for men alone. If so, Paul would have been more specific in that scripture. So, male or female, husband or wife, all must work. As children of God, we have learned from Genesis 2:1-2 and all over the Bible that God also works. So, if God is working, why won’t we? It is simply an unrealistic illusion for anyone to sit idle and expect the best to accrue to him or her. The laws of life don’t work that way; anyone unwilling to work shall not eat. Laziness is for the perishing.

So, to address the wife who thinks that financial support is not part of her assignment in marriage, we will check out what Solomon said about a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:13-18. One of the high points of a virtuous wife is that she willingly works with her hands; she is an embodiment of strength, and she strengthens her own arms (she waits on no one to do that for her); she provides for her household; she considers a field and buys it, and with her profits, she plants a vineyard (she is a master of investments). All these she does by herself, not that the Bible says her husband set her up. So, with or without the enabling of her husband, she is not relenting. The Lord, who has assigned her as a suitable helper in her marriage, is the source of her strength and her enabler.

I find something interesting in Proverbs 31:11, which says, ‘The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so, he will have no lack of gain.’ I am struggling a bit to comprehend this verse, but if I am correct, Solomon is saying that a virtuous woman's husband does not lack gain because of the character of the wife he has married. If a wife is as strong, forward-thinking, goal-oriented, a die-hard achiever, loving, caring, and supportive as Solomon described in Proverbs 31:10-31, I can bet her husband will never lack gain. Behind a successful husband is a virtuous woman described by Solomon. Such a woman will forever be the queen of her husband’s heart.

But I will deviate a little so we can have a holistic approach to this issue, as I mentioned at the beginning. Some wives are homemakers, not by their own will but by circumstances beyond their control. For some, the husbands do not wish for them to work, and for some, like me, we are still waiting on God and on the path of financial growth. This category of wives is not those unwilling to work. There are situations where the husband has decided to prioritize the well-being of the children and decided that, in the best interest of their young children, the wife should stay home and care for them. For wives in this category, the instructions for submission to your husband supersede your need to earn income. But never stop praying and find the means to grow yourself in a manner that will not jeopardize your submission to your husband. Learn and keep learning. Continue to sow the seed of growth in your life so you don’t become stale in knowledge when the opportunity to launch out comes. Know that your children will not be young forever; at some point, they will be grown enough to give you the space to be the virtuous woman Solomon described. And honestly, homemaking is work.  A big one at that.

Sometimes, I like to think of myself as jobless, basically because I fall into the category of those who are not earning income YET. This is not because I am unwilling to work, but because I am still doing God's business. But a pastor friend told me that I am a miracle going somewhere to happen, and that stuck with me. I have spent much of my life as a stay-at-home mum, and my primary assignment was our four children, as well as every other assignment that was given to me by my husband. I can tell you that I can be very handy in the home. I fix any and everything that needs to be repaired in the house, equipped with a safe-cost spirit to everything. I love to learn, too. I am a full-stack web developer and a certified Scrum Master, and I love to write blogs like the one you are reading. As a matter of fact, I built the website that hosts my blogs and books from scratch. So, you will wonder why I don’t have a job. I trust God's time because He makes all things beautiful in His time. He is my destiny's director, so I wait on Him. I enjoy writing these blogs, and the feedback I get from them is very fulfilling. 

I hope the perspective shared in this blog is all-encompassing and touches various case scenarios, even to the point of sharing my personal story. However, the message remains that anyone unwilling to work should not eat. If you want God to bless you, you need to give Him work to bless. And your income as a wife is a tool of support for your husband, too.

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.

 

A Little Secret on What to Expect from Your Children in Old Age

There are a handful of anomalies in the world today; one of them is the idea of parents raising children as their retirement plans. The idea of ensuring your children are properly educated just so that they can shoulder your burden in old age is something I want to discuss in today’s blog.

Proverbs 13:22 teaches us that a good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children. So, the Bible standard is for a good man not only to leave an inheritance for his children but also for his children’s children. This explains why relying on the children you have provided for and paid their way through school as a means of sustenance in old age is an anomaly.  That is not the standard.

Raising children is a God-given assignment. It can also be regarded as a civic responsibility to society if the children you have labored over turn out to be positive contributors to society and make a positive impact in their sphere of influence. The joy of knowing that the child you raised and trained is standing tall in society is yours. But you erode that pride of fulfillment when all you did it for was to have the child pay you back with interest when he is old enough to do so. Your child or children are not an investment but an assignment from God. And for that assignment, you will give an account to God.

In 1 Timothy 5:4, we have an instruction from Paul that encourages children to put their religion into practice by caring for their family and repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. If we have established that children should not become an investment plan for parents in old age, that does not translate to giving children the pass to be callous and uncaring to their parents in old age. The Bible says your love for God is displayed by how much you care for your parents and grandparents. If God has blessed you, it is for a reason, and one such reason is that you are able to care for those who labored tirelessly to see you succeed in life. If they have poured into you from their strength and resources, it is just ideal to pour back into them from your strength and resources when their strength is diminishing. That is just the moral thing to do.

So, we look at this issue from two endpoints. In old age, parents are entitled to support, love, and care from their children as long as these children have the resources to provide this support. From the place of love, sacrifice, and gratitude, children should care for their parents in old age. But to avoid disappointment in old age, understand that your children are not designed and given to you by God as a retirement plan. They are not an investment as we have now made it to be. It is out of the conscience of a child's heart that he should not neglect his aging parents, but not on the demand of the aging parent. A good man, the Bible says, leaves an inheritance for his children and does not wait on the crumbs that fall from his children’s table to survive in old age.

It is a recipe for disaster when a man puts his trust in another man for sustenance, no matter who this human is – whether your beloved child or supportive spouse (Jeremiah 17:5). Your primary source of help is and always should be God. Psalm 46:1 tells us that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. It is God that is your help, not your child or grandchild. And when He is stepping in to help, He uses whoever He pleases to use. But when you train your child well enough, and you diligently fulfill your God-given assignment in the life of that child, enabling him/her to achieve lofty heights and great success, he or she becomes a very ready vessel for God to use for you in times of need and help. Psalm 127:3-5 teaches us that “children are a heritage from the Lord and like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born to a man in his youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”

So, I conclude by saying, train your child without expectations, but as an assignment from God. And for the children, love and care for your parents as vessels of God, not just in bringing you into the world, but in instilling great values in you and being instrumental to all that God has caused you to achieve in success. This is the balance in the matter. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness

A dear friend sent me a private message requesting that I write on a few topics, which is precisely what I will be doing in my next few blog posts. I encourage you to send me a message through the Contact Us page using this link if there is anything you would like me to discuss as a blog topic.

The first topic she wants to read about is titled "Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness." This sounds like something I wrote about many years ago, but I will trust God for fresh insight from His throne of grace to share a word that will indeed meet the needs of someone and, in fact, people who may come across this post.

Going by the word of God in Genesis 2:18, we are made to understand that based on God's review of creation, He concluded that it is not good for man to be alone, so He needed to make a helper suitable for Him. Solomon also shares profound wisdom in Ecclesiastes 4:9, when he says that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. With that said, having a companion in the person of a God-given spouse cannot be overemphasized. Marriage is so much joy when you run it by the dictates of the Bible. And a companion takes the loneliness away and makes life more beautiful. 

While your spouse is a vessel of accomplishment as you both support each other for growth and accomplishment, relying on your spouse as a source of happiness is a recipe for disappointment. In Jeremiah 17:5, the Lord says, 'Cursed is the man (including woman) who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.' As long as your source of strength and trust is in a human, based on what the Lord says in this passage above, you are getting it all wrong.

Your spouse can give you some level of comfort and peace of mind; they can be a source of good advice and reliable support for growth. They are reliably there when you feel low and need someone to be vulnerable with, but their ability is still very limited as long as they are still human and not God. When you remove your focus from God and place it on your spouse and replace God with your spouse in your life, that is the beginning of heartbreak. The best of your spouse is still human, capable of being tempted and falling into temptation. In all sincerity, your spouse may not want to hurt you; they love you so much that they will not hurt you intentionally. However, the truth remains that good intentions and love can still fail when put through daring challenges and intense temptation. I will always say that the best of a man is still a man in all of his frailties. God, knowing this, says, 'Cursed is the man who puts his trust in man.'

Your happiness, self-esteem, or personal values are qualities that depend on no one but you, with your focus on God. While I do not subscribe to abandoning your responsibilities as a wife or husband, father or mother, your personal mental health is an assignment for you to take care of. How you position yourself, and the value you place on yourself, is the value people will put on you. No one but you will nurse your personal well-being for you. As long as you are not disabled to the point where you rely on your spouse to feed you your meals, then your ability to handle your mental and emotional well-being is yours. The only support that can adequately help is that of God.  

But on the flip side, it is possible for your spouse to do everything within their means to make you happy, and you still will not be happy. This is because you are the only one who knows what makes you happy, thereby making your happiness your personal responsibility. Your spouse can hurt you but cannot steal your joy unless you let them. Depending on anyone, no matter how close or far, to be the source of your happiness or joy is like not wanting to take responsibility for yourself and blaming others for what you should be blaming yourself for. Joy, which is a deeper form of happiness, is a fruit of the Spirit from God (Galatians 5:22). Rather than seeking happiness from a human who is limited in his abilities, seek it from God. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.