My Mother-In-Law is My Greatest Problem in My Marriage

I bless God for another the grace to see another morning. This morning I woke up with a heavy thought and that is, I am alive for a purpose, it’s an opportunity that those in the grave will do anything to have. It’s an opportunity to a second and third chance to make it right with God and fulfill the purpose for which He created me and is still keeping me alive. It’s up to me to make that opportunity count. This is not just for me, but for all of those who wish to have a successfully blessed and glorious 2017.

So it’s another talk day and I feel led to write about marriage and external influence. I wrote in the book "Marriage: God’s Rules of Engagement" that one of the greatest enemies of a successful marriage is tradition. Another innocent looking treat to marriage is the influence of family members in the marriages of their child or loved one so to say. God being mindful of this says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” The reason for this leaving is because the influence of family factor in any marriage is always one sided and will never promote the unity of that marriage that is requisite for it’s success. This leads me to the story I want to share today and I pray that we lesson valuable lessons from it.

Issue

When I got married it was with an open heart and I looked forward to a loving relationship not just with my husband but also with his family. My husband had warned me that he respected and loved his mum, but would not want any unnecessary closeness between his mum and I. This was strange and different from the training my mother gave me. She always told me that in marriage, you don’t just marry the man, but you marry his entire family too. That I should love my mother-in-law and take her as my mother; so I followed through with my mother’s advice and did all I could to be a loving daughter to my mother-in-law. But that was my biggest undoing. My mother-in-law saw me as a threat and treated me with great disdain. For God knows why, everything I did or said got her irritated. As far as she was concerned I just came to take her son away from her; she was of the mindset that her husband who happens to be my husband is very rich and I am stopping her from having her share of the largesse despite all she sacrificed to train him and all she invested in him to become the man that he is. She always comes up scary threats and when I complain to my husband, he tells me that I brought it upon myself as he had told me to stay away from his mum. There is always this constant cold war between me and my mother-in-law and my husband is always at a loss as to whose side he should be on. This is really affecting my marriage because it is having it’s toll on my relationship with my husband; we often end up fighting whenever issues of his mum comes between us and try as I may her issues come up too often because she always has one complain she is reporting me to my husband for even though they are always lies or twisted stories.

Response

I will tell you that both your husband and mother weren’t wrong in the advice they gave you on the issue of your mother-in-law, it’s just the balanced application of these two advises that you lack. In Romans 13:7-8 Paul said, “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellow-man has fulfilled the law.” From this passage you owe your mother-in-law respect and honor because she is your husband’s mother and because you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit she has become your mother and God says “Honor your father and mother so that your days may be long on earth.” And then because you also owe the continuing debt of love to everyone as a child of God, you owe her love. And this is why I said your biological mother didn’t advice you wrong.

But in marriage you are to leave mother and father behind and be united to your husband; that is God’s instruction in Genesis 2:24. So your husband was also very correct when he instructed you not to get unnecessarily close to his mother. The Bible says you should submit to your husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), so you should obey your husband’s instruction above that of your mother. The instruction of your husband should be the priority instruction in your life.

Now here is how to balance out this situation: You are to love your mother-in-law, respect and honor her, but never let her get involved in any affairs that has to do with your marriage. Your marriage and all that has to do with it should be a no go area of either your mother-in-law or even your biological mother or any relative or friend. Any issue in your marriage should be handled between you, your husband and your God. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work," and then Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This cord of three strands is you, your husband and your God. Any other attachment to this threesome is not allowed and should not be welcomed.

Also never try to get involved in any situation that involves your husband and his mother or family members. Before God, you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit, but before your mother-in-law, you are an intruder. Trying to play the devil’s advocate or trying to mend quarrels between him and his mother will be misconstrued by her and you will be seen as been too forward or domineering. So it’s safer you stay away from anything that concerns your husband and his mother or any relative for that matter.

If there is an issue and his mother tries to report to you or intimate you on the matter, politely refer her back to him in the nicest and most friendly manner; never attempt to come between them. All you should do is play your part of love, respect and honor. Any other involvement should come in the form of prayer within your closet for him as your husband and for your mother-in-law or any relative as it may be.

There are some mothers-in-law that are loving and kind; these ones really do have the mind of God in them and they will attract your love effortlessly by the love they show to you. But still you are to leave father and mother and be united to your husband as they Bible instructs; your marriage should still be shielded from their influence. And for the mean mothers-in-law, you still have to love them anyway, its just that it will take greater effort at love but God’s grace is sufficient for you. In all, do not encourage external interference in your God. God is all you need and He is always available for you.  

Where Do I Go From Here

I bless God that you made it to this year 2017 and first I want to wish you a very Happy New Year. May all your expectations in the Lord this year not be cut short. I will plead with you as I pray for myself and my household that this will be a year of developing and maintain a very strong tie with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Then you are assured of living in abundance even in the midst of famine.

So we continue to learn the valuable lessons of marriage so that we are well grounded and adequately equipped for all that the enemy may throw at us in the name of challenge and distractions. My prayer is that the Lord God Almighty will use this blog to cut down the divorce rates all over the world, and help couples understand that they are not each other’s enemies but rather they have a common enemy who is working tireless to endure that they do not attain the fullness of their God given potentials and destiny.

So today I will share another story. And I pray and hope we are able to learn valuable lessons from it that will enhance our own marriages.

Issue

Marriage for me has been 100% misery. The big problem that I am facing now is that if I leave, I don’t know where I am leaving to or how to start all over again. First of all, for a reason I don’t understand, I and my husband and children are living with my mother-in-law in her house. And this is a situation I dare not contest or protest about. My husband lost his well-paying job and his mother convinced him not to get another job but rather join her in the so-called family business. Now we live off the crumbs that falls of my mother-in-law’s table. We can’t buy anything or spend any money without her knowledge and approval. It is so bad that she has assumed the role of the spiritual head in my husband’s life and so whatever she says is as good as “thus says the Lord” and must be obeyed. My husband has now taken to drunkenness and late nights. We can’t even communicate with each other as husband and wife. My mother-in-law is a widow and my husband is her only child, but this situation is the worst that any wife can find herself. I don’t have a job and so I don’t earn income. I can’t even provide for my children, I just have to make do with what almighty mother-in-law makes available. I am miserable and I need help.

Response

I am trying to imagine what you are going through and how uncomfortable you are in that situation, but you don’t have a problem that defies solution. At the throne of God you will find grace to cope in the meantime and help to move you to the next level. You will pray and pray yourself out of that situation.

I believe that God will not let you be in a situation that His grace fitted into the ability He has placed in you cannot see you through. So you will stop to pity yourself and get ready to do battle.

Your husband is in a dilemma; he has walked himself into a situation he is most likely regretting and because he is frustrated he has taken to drunkenness and late nights. No well-meaning man will have to depend on his mother to take care of his family and be happy with that situation; so he is a frustrated and miserable man. You need to understand that your husband is not your problem, he is probably going through too much for him to handle as it is. But you are God’s assigned helper in his life. So you need to understand also that you are God’s instrument of change in the situation of your husband and your family as a whole.

First you need to find your way to Jesus; you need to develop a relationship with Jesus. Get your Bible and start to read it; that is your sword for fighting the battle that lies ahead of you. Pray that the Lord will open up His word to you. Get instructions on how to fight this battle from your Bible which is the word of God and run with those instructions. When you do, you are guaranteed to win.

You will pray that the Lord will open heavens for your husband and that he gets another job, then you will pray that the Lord will provide another accommodation for you and your family. The word of God says that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh,” this word is not effective in your marriage and so you will pray to God that His spoken word in Genesis 2:24 will be the active word in your marriage. When your husband gets a new job and a new accommodation I believe you will have respite and a bit of breathing space. 

While still praying, you will submit to your husband and respect him despite the situation you both are in. You will pray that the Lord will fill your husband with Himself and His glory so that whatever instructions come from your husband is coming from the Lord and you will find ease to obey. When you do this, you will earn your husband's love and attention again. 

You don’t need to make your mother-in-law your enemy, just pray for her to have a better understanding of the ways of God so she will not ignorantly dominate your life as a result of her selfish emotions. Your husband and his mother are not your enemy; they are only tools in the hands of your true enemy which is the devil to distract you and your husband from being all that God has destined you to be.

You are God’s battle axe in that family and so you need to find your way to the throne of grace to obtain grace and mercy and power from God to wage war against that which is waging war against your peace. I am very positive that with Christ you will succeed. 

In Marriage, What Does Age Have to do With It.

Hello wonderful people, it’s the last day of the year and I really bless God for the grace we have to be counted among the living today. I watched a Myles Munroe video clip last night and he taught that success is not being rich in material wealth, but success is discovering your purpose of existence and fulfilling that purpose. We are alive today because we have a purpose to fulfill for the Lord, it’s important we find that purpose and run with it. I wish us all a very fruitfully blessed and prosperous 2017 in Jesus name.

I had promised in my post yesterday to share another story, but the Holy Spirit is leading me in another direction and in this joint venture of ours He is the boss and He calls the shots, so permit me to deviate a little.

Today I will share on the issue of age and marriage. I have been asked if it’s okay for a woman to marry a man who is younger than her in age and what the Bible says of such a union.

Well so far in my search of the word of God I have not yet come across any scripture passage where God stated categorically that a woman must marry a man older than her in age or otherwise, but the closest I have come across the issue of age and marriage is the fact that as at the time Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah, Abraham was a 100years old while Sarah was 90years old. So Abraham was 10years than his wife Sarah. Other than this, there is no speculated age difference that should be between a man and his wife or whether that a man should be older or younger than his wife.

But that said, God instructed that a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord and in all things (Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-6, Colossians 3:18). So whether you choose to marry a man who is older or younger than you, the important instruction that you should bear in mind is that this man becomes your head once he becomes your husband and you are to obey him and submit to him like you would submit to God.

You should be ready to sit when he says sit, and you should be ready to stand when he says stand without questioning his authority. When you are ready to willingly submit to his authority irrespective of whatever age difference is between the two of you, then you are ready to be married and if you are already married, then you are ready to take your marriage to the next level of success.

For the man, I will repeat the same thing; the word of God instructs that you love your wife unconditionally (Ephesians 5:25-30, Colossians 3:19), so age is not a barrier to love. If you are married to a woman who is older than you and yet she submits to you, it’s not because she is foolish, it’s because she is obeying the instructions of God for her life. She should not be taken for granted or treated with disdain. That she calls you the king of her life and treats you the same should not translate to ego boost, but it’s should be appreciated humbly and reciprocated with divine love, unconditional love, a love that is worth all the sacrifice you can give for it. Then you will be having a marriage made in heaven here on earth.

May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.   

I Was Beaten Black & Blue By My Husband While Pregnant

To the glory of God we just have a day to go and in about 36 hours or less we will be jubilating into another year to the glory of God. And it’s the usual custom to have a quick stock-take of the year rounding up and where to make amends for the new year. This is also a time of new year resolutions of which we hardly make up to 50 percent of our resolutions by the end of half year. I can remember making a resolution this time last year that I will share a message on my blog every day. I didn’t make good that promise until the last six weeks of the year. But I sure do pray for grace this year in Jesus name.

Today I will share another gist and I hope to share another tomorrow by the special grace of God and plead that you give me the first day of next year off and then we will resume talks on the 2^nd of January by the special grace of the living God. I am excited and that’s no lie.

Issue

I had an argument with my husband, and just as I was trying to prove my point, he took the cable wire of one of the electronics in the house and beat the living day out of me, not minding the fact that I am pregnant and without a thought for our young child. I am now wondering if this is what I have to cope with in this marriage because I have a good feeling of just calling it a day with this marriage and taking a walk. What manner of man beats a pregnant woman, not to talk of his pregnant wife?

Response

Before I pronounce you a victim of domestic violence, it is important to understand what was the tone of your argument between you and your husband? Two points came to mind on this issue and I pray that you read this with an open mind and with a will to learn and make corrections where necessary.

The first thing I want to say is that it is your responsibility to avoid arguments with your husband. Roman 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone," the first person of everyone should be your spouse. So you should make every effort to live at peace first with your spouse and then everyone.

The secret to making this happen is prayers, and your prayer focus should be that the Lord will inhabit your husband’s life and make your husband’s life His dwelling place. You will also pray that the Lord should take over your husband’s senses and his reasoning ability such that whatever decisions your husband makes will be decisions that God made for you through your husband. When you have prayed this prayer, and you believe that God hears and answers prayers, you will then begin to submit to your husband knowing that your submission to your husband is submission to God who resides in your husband and controls all the activities of his life.

When you do this, you will seldom have a course to argue with your husband, not to talk of having an argument that will lead to him beating you black and blue.

Proverbs 17:28

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 18:2, 6

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

A fool’s lips brings him strife, and his mouth invites a beating

Proverbs 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

The biggest mistake you made that I believe resulted in the beating is you trying to prove your point. I can tell you for free that that is not necessary and so uncalled for. Quite a number of people will advise you to speak up so you are not taken for a fool, but in truth it’s the other way round. Silence in the face of argument makes you wise and not foolish. The Bible says that “a fool’s lips brings him strife and his mouth invites beating for him.” This I am tempted to say might be the case in your situation.

I am not in any way excusing your husband’s barbaric and heartless outpour of rage and anger, but it would have been better if he didn’t have you as an excuse to be sinfully foolish. God says he hates a violent man (Malachi 2:16) and your husband would have exonerated himself by avoiding temptation by giving his emotions the power to control his actions. But that said it’s a solution we seek and its solution will find in Jesus name.

This is not a situation that cannot be changed if you and your husband are willing to do what is right. I with plead with you to forgive your husband and then work for the success of your marriage. It is great wisdom if as a wife you understand the times and know when to pray rather than talk. So far you have applied the technique of talking and proving your point in solving issues with your husband and what has resulted from that is beating so it is important to try another method for a more positive result. Pray and pray and pray. Pray for him and pray to always get a positive response from him.

When you have an issue to sort out with your husband, if he demands an explanation, give him an explanation otherwise just be quiet. If he is doing something that you are not pleased with, pray about it, and then speak with him about it in a manner that will fetch you a positive response. Check your husband’s mood before presenting your grievances and always keep your emotions in check when you are upset. Avoid speaking to your husband when you are angry. Always pray and apply wisdom. May the Lord bless your home in Jesus name.  

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (4)

Hello wonderful prince and princesses of the greatest King of all, I really thank God for our lives and the grace to be among the living today. It’s always so easy to take God for granted for His grace and goodness in our lives, but when we encounter someone who is in dear need of what we count as ordinary and of no consequences, it humbles us and makes us realize how favored we are to be so blessed by God. But I urge you not to wait for that encounter that will force you to your knees before thanking God for His goodness and mercy in your lives.

I want to apologize for taking two days off, there has been some domestic issues that I urgently needed to pay attention to or should I say that, these issues have been causing some form of distractions in my life, but I bless God that I have been able to sort them out and to the glory of God I am back to serve God and serve you.

So we will look at the last of the four elements we have been considering in order to determine which is most important for the success of our individual marriage. So far we have looked at the role of love, trust and time in marriage and lastly we will look at the role of sex in marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

This is my favorite Scripture when I have to write about sex and marriage, and this is so because just these three verses of scripture are loaded with information that is vital for the success of marriage.

Paul describes sex in marriage as a marital duty from a husband to his wife and from a wife to her husband, and I am so smiling now, wondering how such a relaxing and love and pleasure loaded activity can actually be a duty. But that is just how good and stressless God is to us His children. So the first thing to know about sex in marriage is that it is a duty that must be fulfilled, with no excuse except for the purpose of devoting oneself to prayer and it must be for a short period of time and with mutual consent.

But sex plays other vital roles in marriage asides being a marital duty. Sex in marriage helps to foster communication in marriage. I can’t imagine a husband and wife who would engage in sexual relationship and still get to keep malice with each other. It’s almost not possible.

Sex in marriage is a very convenient way for couples to settle quarrels and mend fences of misunderstandings between them without words. They don’t have to determine who is right or wrong, they don’t even have to apologize, once they get together apology takes the form of action and not words.

I really do understand and appreciate God when He instructed through Paul that the man and his wife should not deprive one another except for mutual consent. This is so that a lot of unhealthy gap in the marriage can be closed up effortlessly and communication can flow smoothly between the husband and his wife and bond of unity between them should remain strong and unshaken.

It’s very bad to sex-starve your spouse, be it that you are the wife or the husband. You are not teaching any lesson or making any point or promoting love and unity in your marriage by sex-starving your spouse. You are only committing a sin by depriving your spouse of your body when God says you should not and if for any reason your spouse engages in extra-marital affairs, you would have caused him/her to sin too.

If you have any issue with your spouse settle it first on your knees, then settle it with a right attitude and crown it all with a gentle and loving talk where you let your spouse know that he/she has done wrong. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

So we have looked at all four elements under consideration we think each one would prefer to have for their marriage to be successful. We have looked at love, trust, time and sex. I want to state that the success of a marriage is not limited to just these four elements. As a matter of fact money as broken a lot of homes; some people regard money as very vital for the success of a marriage. Some others are very mindful of home-keep and food; some men get irritated by a wife who cannot cook good food or take proper or adequate care of the home.

But for me, I desire a total package; I desire love, trust, time and sex for my marriage to function the way I want it to. But for me to desire all these and more, I should be ready to give all these and more. Like I understand marriage to be, it’s what I invest in it that I will reap from it, and what I will reap from it comes in multiples of what I have invested in it. And when the yield is not as expected, I pray and let God lead me to areas of my marital life where adjustments are required and then He fixes the rest.

In this same manner, whatever you think is vital in your marriage is what you need to put in it the most. If you want the love most, then you give the love most and whatever you give comes to you in multiple fold of what you put in. You then need to settle down and think this matter through properly as you take your pick. May the Lord bless our marriages in Jesus name. 

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (3)

At Christmas time we often say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but I just read on my friend’s wall that it was because of you and I that Jesus came to the world, if there was no sin in the world, then there will be no reason for Christ to come and die. So according to her, you and I are the reason for the season and I totally agree with her. But the important thing is that we make the death of Jesus count for good in our lives. Let the purpose of Christ coming into this world and then dying for our sins not be in vain. You are the reason for the season so make the most of it and make Jesus proud.

So we continue on the discussion on what should be the most important element in your marriage; should it be love, trust, time or sex? So far we have discussed the issue of love and trust, so in today’s post, we will be discussing the role of time in marriage. Now time as stated here refers to the attention that a man ought to give his wife and the attention that a wife ought to give her husband. What does the Bible say about this, and how should we as married couples handle the issue of attention to one another.

Ephesians 5:28-29

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

The closest I have been able to get to in my Bible research on the issue of time/attention in marriage is what I have found in the passages above. If a man knows how to take care of himself and give himself adequate attention such that he takes time to eat, care for his body and nourishes his body then in same manner as he does his own body so also should he do for his wife. And for the wife, the Bible says she should submit to her husband as to the Lord, if only the godly wives can give as much attention to their husbands as they give to the things of God. So you understand now that it’s not really right for a wife to abandon her husband in the name of church activities unless you have your husband’s permission and consent to do what you are doing.

Marriage is an investment like a lot of other things we invest in. What you sow into our marriage is what you reap from your marriage. If you require the attention, love and care of your spouse, then you sow attention, love and care into that marriage. The more you sow, the more you reap from it, and the joy that accrues to you is boundless. When you sow right, you surely will reap right.

Now we have dealt with three out of four of the elements in consideration for a happy marriage. So which is most important to you in all of these elements? Is it love, trust, time and sex? Whichever one is most important to you is the one you need to give the most.

So we will be looking at the last element in our next and arrive at a conclusion. May the Lord our marriages in Jesus precious name. 

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (2)

A very Merry Christmas to you, may the joy of the Lord Jesus Christ remain in your hearts and in your lives forever. I pray that Jesus will not be missing in your hearts, He will not be missing in your homes and He will not be missing in your marriages. The turnaround that you have been seeking God for will surely come without delay in Jesus name.

Though we are in that celebration and relaxed mood, yet we will need to continue to feed on the word of God. And so we will continue to look at the gist that I started with yesterday. Which is the most important element in marriage? Is it Love, Trust, Time or Sex? Yesterday we were able to search the word of God for the role of love in marriage based on discoveries made from Bible; today we will look at the role of Trust in marriage. How can we make use of Trust in our marriages?

Faithfulness in marriage is a must by God’s standard. If you have any sexual relationship with a man or woman who is not your husband or wife, you are either committing the sin of fornication for those who are not married or the sin of adultery for those who are married; and same gender sexual relationship is a taboo to God, but that is not the focus for this write-up. Everywhere in the Bible we read about God warning us to abstain from sexual immorality, that tells us how much God holds the marriage vows we make to each other sacrosanct and He expects that as His children we do the same. The marriage bed should be undefiled in any way.

Jeremiah 17:5-10

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

This passage is where I find God speaking about trust in a very explicit manner and I am sure the next thought that comes to mind is: Does this apply to marriage too? How then can I marry a man that I cannot trust? So by the special grace of God we will try to understand the application of trust in our marriages going by God’s declaration in Jeremiah 17:5-10.

The first truth I want you to understand is that this declaration of God in Jeremiah 17:5-10 is applicable in every area of our lives including our marriage; if it were not so, God would have given some exemptions. So when you allow the strength of your marriage to hinge on the trust you have for your spouse, you are acting in error and you are opening yourself up for a big shock or a possible heartbreak. This is one of the reasons why some marriages are unable to withstand the storms that hit them because the center of the marriage is very fragile and unpredictable.

God said cursed is the man who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength, He didn’t say except your spouse. So as long as your spouse is under the umbrella of man, and he/she is flesh you are putting yourself at risk putting your strength in him or her. This is not my words, but the word of God. But you will understand how a marriage can run successfully without the strength of that marriage being centered solely on your trust in your spouse and yet you are not having to suspect your spouse of any wrong doing because the word of God says "cursed is the man who puts his trust in flesh" and so destroying the peace, love and harmony of your home and marriage.

Jeremiah 17:6 says “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” When the strength of your marriage is from God and not your spouse, your marriage can withstand any storm. When you daily commit your marriage into God’s hands, He will continually watch over that marriage. When you are always praying for your spouse, then God will always watch over your spouse to make sure he/she does nothing that will jeopardize the strength of the marriage. You need to acknowledge, understand and appreciate that you spouse left alone is a potential vessel in the hands of the enemy to test your faith and destroy your peace. But when you hand over your spouse into the hands of God, the Lord will form a hedge roundabout him/her such that he/she becomes unreachable by the enemy of your peace.

For you to have a good understanding of what I am trying to get across in write-up, I will share a short story on this: A young lady was struggling with infidelity in her marriage, she had fought her husband on so many occasions on his adulterous life-style to the point that she just didn’t know what else to do. The man kept making broken promises to stop having extra-marital affairs, but they were all promises never kept. Because she knew that God hated divorce, as a Christian she could not divorce her husband.

Eventually, she cried bitterly to God for help. In tears her and prayer the Lord spoke to her heart that infidelity will forever be a thing of history in her marriage. She held on to the word she heard from God and hinged her faith on it. Gradually her husband started getting bored with other women and began to pay more attention on his wife. Today, she is at peace, not because she knows her husband cannot cheat on her again, but she because she knows that God will not go back on his words. This should be the application of trust in your marriage if you want to have a marriage that can withstand any storm.

One important fact is that your spouse is flesh and vulnerable to attack, he or she might not want to intentionally betray your trust but they might it because they are vulnerable. The fact that they betrayed your trust does not amount to lack of love from them to you, it’s just because they are flesh and they are susceptible to attack and can also be vessels in the hands of the enemy to attack you. And so God says trust Him instead and He will perfect all that concerns you. When you trust your spouse into the hands of God you have better confidence because God is forever faithful and He will not betray your trust in any way. You can go to sleep that your spouse will not betray your trust not because in truth they can't betray you, but because you have handed them over to God and you are confident that God is faithful not to betray your trust in Him. He will keep that which you have kept in His care including your spouse and marriage. 

Going back to our big question which is: Which element is most important in marriage? Is it love, trust, time or sex? I will say that trust is very important in marriage but who do you trust? Is God or your spouse? The way and manner you invest your trust in marriage determines the returns it yields for you, so it’s important that you invest it wisely.

May the Lord bless our homes and marriages in Jesus name.