Let's start with faith

I want to start by thanking God that we all made it to the new year. It is 2025, and in Jesus' name, it will be a glorious year for all of us. I had to take a break to spend time with my husband and children for the holiday, and I hope you missed me as much as I missed sharing something with you on the blog.

It’s a new year with new expectations and wants for and from the year. There are hopes and plans for this new year. And just like last year, some expectations will be met, and some will not. But the biggest thing I want us to take into 2025 is Faith. While we will need to put some effort into realizing some of our desires and wants, like understanding and knowing that the volume of work we put in will determine the volume of income and reward that accrues to us, we cannot remove faith from our 2025.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. All of what we desire and want for the year 2025 comes from one source, and that is God. The ability to put in the appropriate effort, which will be enough to make things happen without experiencing burnout or frustration in 2025, comes from God. Deuteronomy 8:18 teaches us that it is God who gives us the power to obtain wealth. Peace, love, joy, wealth, health, and everything we hope to have to make 2025 a memorable year loaded with testimonies all come from God. Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 tells us that laboring so hard and enjoying the proceeds of our labor also comes from. And then Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith, it is impossible to please God. 

Without understanding how your dreams will materialize or how things will add up to make that hope move from the point of a farfetched want to tangible manifestation, I want to encourage you to have a powerful faith. You honestly don’t need to know how things will fall into place; I think you should let God worry about that. Your assignment is simply to hand over the desires and wants to God and leave them there. Your faith should be strong enough to overshadow the challenges that may want to sneak into your peace in 2025.

I want to share an interesting story of what happened to my husband and me during this break. We made a trip during the holiday; trust me, I had overpacked. All our carry-on bags were so full that we had no allowance for anything more. I had three carry-on bags instead of two. But interestingly, as we were driving to the airport, my husband realized he drove to the airport with just his socks on and without shoes. My son, on the other hand, had an extra pair of shoes in his hand luggage, and he wears shoes of the same size as my husband.

As we waited at the boarding gate, there was an announcement that only two carry-on bags were allowed, but I had three. I needed to find a way to re-organize myself to reduce my stuff to two carry-on bags. We were already at the airport about to board the plane, and I could not return anything home at this point. However, because my husband forgot his shoes and had to wear my son’s, my boy had room in his bag where I could reduce my stuff and meet the two carry-on requirements. While on the plane, the Lord dropped in my spirit that my husband, forgetting to wear his shoes (which was unbelievably weird), was no coincidence. The Lord, who knew what awaited us at the airport, had pre-arranged our journey so we wouldn’t have any issues. We traveled hassle-free.

Just like my story, your 2025 has been taken care of by God. He has prepared the year to favor you; all you need to do to activate that favor is your faith. We don’t know what awaits us in 2025, just like I didn't know what awaited me at the airport, but God knows, and He has already made a way for us all to experience a beautiful and fulfilling 2025. So, we are just to go into the year loaded with faith and in complete trust that God has ensured that only the best is what we experience in 2025 in Jesus’ name. 

A Very Tough Advice I had to Give

Some time ago, a lady confided in my husband about her failed marriage. Apparently, her husband was a friend of my husband. She felt that since the two men were good friends, she could speak to my husband to positively influence her husband. Her husband had taken a second wife without her knowledge, and she was torn apart (who wouldn't be?). But then my husband proffered a solution: She should speak with me. So she came to the house, and we had a heart-to-heart discussion.

Unlike what she would have wanted to hear from me, my God-sent advice to her was to go fight for her marriage. By so doing, she was to show love, respect, and submission to her husband as though she was the only one married to him. My advice to her was for her to be the best thing that could ever happen to her husband, and in so doing, she was to pray to God and ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit to show her the missing link in her husband's life that she was to fill and how she could fill the space. Rather than fight, she was to act as though she was the only wife and woman in her husband's life. Though this would be a tough thing to do (obviously so), with prayers (plenty of it) and reliance on the strength and grace of God, it was very possible for her to do it. 

I encouraged her to be the sufficiency in her husband's life to the point where he would not have any feelings of inadequacy to the point of seeking adequacy elsewhere. As long as there was no physical abuse, the grace of God was all she needed to fight and win her battle. Every battle in marriage and life generally requires different tactics and approaches, and it's only God who would fight the battle on our behalf that determines the suited approach for the issue at hand. 

I am sure a lot of people reading this now will say that the man who will cheat will definitely cheat no matter how good his wife is. But sincerely, that is not true. The way to overcome infidelity in marriage is not about trusting your man not to cheat. It's about entrusting your man into the hands of God and believing God not to let him do anything that will affect the stability of your marriage. Your husband can fall even when he does not mean to; he will disappoint you unintentionally. But God can never disappoint your trust in Him. A man will always be tempted, but he can overcome such temptation with the help of the Holy Spirit through the fervent prayer of his wife. Also, if, as a wife, you become to your husband his true sufficiency with the help of the Holy Spirit leading your life and steps in marriage, you give your husband one less reason to fall under temptation when he remembers that he has a queen at home who will do everything it takes to make him feel like a king. If a man is made to feel special in his home, he has no reason other than greed to seek anyone outside of his wife to make him feel special.

Before I continue my story, I know many wives would say they have tried everything within their understanding to make their husbands feel special, yet they remain unfaithful to them. Well, I have learned over time that there are many things that I think I know but flop at. There are many things that I assumed I did right but actually got wrong. You can imagine making a very special dish for your husband, and he gets home only to show interest in eating something entirely different from what you have labored to make. So, wives trying to please their husbands with self-effort dance in the face of frustration. But there is Someone who knows your spouse more than you do, and that Someone is God. So, when you ask God to show you how to make your husband feel like a king, He directs you perfectly. Whatever you do by the leading of the Spirit of God in you, you will never miss the target. Trying to please and satisfy your husband with your understanding is likened to chasing after the wind because his likes will change frequently, and you will get frustrated trying to meet up. But with the help of God, you can never miss the target. When God is in the mix, everything He leads you to do and you obey will be right on target. 

So, going back to my story, I shared all of these ideas with this troubled wife, but she was too hurt to listen or accept. First, she complained and wondered how she could treat a man who abandoned her for another woman special. She also wondered how possible it was to treat like a king a man who doesn't care how she and the children were fairing. And she told me point blank that it was impossible to ever make love with a man who has given himself to another woman.

I then wondered why she was running around seeking intervention in a marriage she wasn't ready to fight for and wasn't willing to make efforts to remedy. I asked her what she wanted from the man if she wasn't willing to forgive and give anything capable of drawing him back to her. Well, she told me she just wanted the man to take responsibility for his family.

A couple of years later, the man took a third wife. And then had a fraud case at work and was dismissed. Whatever responsibility the first wife sought from the husband towards her and the children was no longer possible as he was not financially capable of taking up any financial responsibility. I will say that this man failed woefully, but I will say his wife failed much more.

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:10 that if a man falls, his companion will lift him up, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to lift him up. What other fall is more common than the fall to sin, and what other companion does a man need to lift him up than his wife, whom God has designated as his suitable helper. This is really hard to accept, but it's the honest truth. Even though we feel betrayed when our spouses are unfaithful to us, you shouldn't snuff out the life out of your marriage for that reason. It hurts, and yes, I know it hurts, but much more than the hurt we feel is the grace we have in Christ Jesus to forgive and repair, and by so doing, we kill the hold of the devil over our marriages.

I agree that it takes the grace of God to follow through with such advice as this, but let's consider the other options, which are break-up and divorce. Now, which of these alternatives is better for the situation? When we hear from a divorced person, they'll tell you the scare never goes away. And we do not talk of the scare on just the couple, but also on their children (if any). Thinking deeply about this, which would you rather do? Forgive and repair, or take a walk and divorce?

What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

In one of my previous blog posts, we looked at the law of God for marriage, which says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. Again, I will say that submission by a wife to her husband is not a sign of her weakness; it is not a sign of her stupidity; it doesn't make her less intelligent, nor does it demean her self-worth or self-esteem. It simply means that as a child of God, she obeys God's instruction for her life as a wife. It tells God how much of a serious and dedicated child she is to Him.

When a wife who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband, it's good, but the chances are there that the husband can trample on that submission if he also does not have the mind of Christ in him. He can make a caricature of her effort, and that, in turn, demeans her self-worth. But when she is a child of God – not by human standard, but by the Spirit of God testifying with her own spirit that she is a child of God, submission becomes evidence of strength because she combines obedience to the word of God with the power of God. No man can trample on such submission. A right-thinking husband will be careful to do what is right with such obedience, or he stands the risk of being chastised by God.

So, we will discuss the responsibilities that accrue to a man who earns the submission and respect of his God-given wife. First, we will note that the kind of submission a wife gives her husband is like the kind of submission she gives to God. So, what does God do with our submission? How does God handle the submission we give to Him? Does He insult it, disrespect it, play boss with it, and ill-treat us for submitting to Him? This is what every husband who wishes that his wife should submit to him needs to critically ponder because God expects that you watch what He does with the submission we give to Him and replicate His actions towards your wife whom you wish to submit to you.

Just like God delights in our obedience, it pleases Him that we trust Him unconditionally and obey His words without question, so does a man delight in his wife's submission and enjoy the reverence he gets from her. But God doesn't just handle our submission to Him with levity; rather, He cherishes it so much that the only way to have God do what we want Him to do for us is by submitting to Him. Now, is the husband who seeks submission from his wife willing to give her as much reward for her submission as God gives us for submitting to him? And this is why I say to men that when you want your wife to submit to you, it's good, but it's not to boost your ego because what you seek actually accrues enormous responsibilities to you.

Paul in Ephesians 5:25-27 said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy without blemish." In this passage, we can readily tell that the church isn't perfect; otherwise, Christ will not need to sanctify and cleanse her with the word; He will not need to make an effort to remove spots and wrinkles or any form of blemish. However, due to the church's imperfection, Christ needed to do so much.

In the same way, the husband who wants to enjoy his wife's submission also needs to love his wife with the magnitude of love that Christ loves the church. He needs to love her despite her imperfections, taking on the responsibility of sanctifying and cleansing her with the word until she is without spot or wrinkle, until all her blemishes go away. Then, he presents her to himself as a glorious bride.

If you ask me, I will say that it is the husband's responsibility to lovingly train his wife into whom he wants her to be rather than insulting his wife's family for not bringing up their daughter well. The wife is a reflection of the effectiveness of the husband as a leader. The husband trains his wife not with violence or harsh words, not with insults and derogatory words, not with physical or verbal abuse, but with words that inspire and encourage. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:34 that sweet words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It is the subtle words and loving corrections that effectively get the job done, and with plenty of prayers, too. The husband will need to correct his wife, no doubt, but should he abuse her by doing so? That is so very wrong and ungodly.

So, what should a husband do with the submission he seeks from his wife? I will say that he treats that submission like Christ treats the submission of the church. As a husband, it is important that you understand that you have to work hard to earn your wife's submission. Christ had to die a gruesome death on the cross for Him to earn the submission of the church. Though submission from a wife to her husband is a law of God to the wife, on the other hand, it is an assignment from God to the husband. If God has likened this whole process of marriage to the relationship between Christ and the church, then it is important to note that before a husband begins to claim the right of submission in his marriage, he must have made huge sacrifices to be entitled to such a right. This is huge but true. I pray the Lord grants us understanding and the brokenness we need to excel in our marriages.

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

When You Don't Feel Appreciated

I have been thinking about how to handle sharing blog messages in the next couple of days and praying to God for what to share, and as I began to trust God for what to write that will make an impact, I realized that I have a bank of blog posts that I had written since 2020 but not published. Is God not too good? So, today's blog is one of those messages that were archived. I hope and pray that you pick a lesson from it in Jesus' name. 

One common issue with couples is finance. Looking at this from the perspective of a woman and wife, I will play a scenario for us to consider. The wife feels she spends so much on household matters, you know, those $5s, $10s, and $50s, that appear not so much, yet their accumulation turns out to be so much. On the other hand, the husband carries those big bills all the time and then does a rethink and says he is the only one spending all the money in the family, and the wife isn't helping, and sometimes vice versa.

I understand this scenario too well because I sometimes experience it in my home. Our spouses often wonder what we spend money on, forgetting that the small needs of the home never end. Those petty needs you think you should not bother your spouse with. So, in short, we both spend so much; it's just that one person probably does not appreciate the effort of the other. This also leaves out the non-monetary commitment to caring for the home that does not have a tangible value. 

This scenario plays out in many marriages, and even though the problem is apparent, the solution must be addressed. I trust the Lord to open our hearts to the perfect solution to this problem.

This problem is usually born from the place or position of lack; in the face of abundance, this will not be so much of a problem. When one party begins to get overwhelmed with the financial burden of the home, then he/she gets so consumed by how they feel that they are totally unaware of the efforts and contributions of their partner. And even though the partner does so much, it doesn't seem to be appreciated because all they see is what they feel and nothing more.

However, the one whose efforts go unnoticed tends to feel hurt and wants to withdraw due to a lack of acknowledgment and appreciation, which does not resolve the problem but creates more. It's either the one who is not appreciated, fights for acknowledgment, or withdraws, leading to a breakdown in communication. Whichever way, it leads to a bigger problem, becoming a rollercoaster of issues. Whether you are the wife whose effort is unnoticed or the husband whose effort is unnoticed, you must understand that the problem is not yours. What you should realize is that your partner needs help. You should know that he/she is overwhelmed, so rather than getting angry, it's essential that you ignore the hurt and pray that the Lord will grant your spouse the peace of mind he/she needs to focus. 

I have always found Genesis 25:21 a helpful scripture when interceding for my husband. The Bible tells us that the wife of Isaac - Rebekah, was barren, and Isaac pleaded with the Lord. God granted his plea, and his wife became pregnant, not with a child but two babies. When you lift up your spouse in prayer, God listens, hears, and grants your plea. The big trick here is that the abundance that comes from your prayer brings peace into your home and life. The appreciation and acknowledgment you seek follow. 

This is where understanding in marriage is of great importance. This is not the time to stop contributing your quota because you think the effort is not recognized, but to steadily increase the tempo of your effort. Whether you are the wife or husband, never sit on the seat of a dependent. Always ensure that you are contributing something to the well-being of the home. If you can't make financial contributions, you can always give efforts to other activities of the home. You need to work at earning the respect of your spouse, and that is done by what you are able to bring to the table in the marriage. The Bible says, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for the labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9), even when it appears the labor is not appreciated. The reward comes from God and not man. He holds the scorecard, and the reward is good when the two are laboring together. But the Bible says, "Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

To labor alone can be overwhelming and understandably so, but not to appreciate and acknowledge the help of a partner can also be discouraging and demoralizing yet both need to labor on because the pressure is only for a while, the reward is sure and sweet if both don't give up.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Should you stop singing? (Part 2)

So, I started writing on Exodus 15 in my last post but only ended up discussing Exodus 14. So, let's look at Exodus 15 properly now. Like my son said, it's mostly a song. The kind of song you sing when God surpasses and exceeds your expectations. The sort of song you sing when what you never thought or imagined could happen does happen. You are in awe, honestly grateful to the One who makes it happen. Finally, your fears are gone, relieved at last. You are now in your safe place. People who have heard and seen how God came through for you are also in awe. Those who thought you could never amount to anything and have placed on you the stigma of an enslaved person are finally humbled. The narrative has changed in your favor. You are now singing a new song of victory, grace, and gratitude. You have become the one God has helped. This is the story behind the song sung by the children of Israel in Exodus 15. It was a deep song of joy, gratitude, and confidence.  

It is human nature to feel the way the children of Israel felt with the kind of miraculous deliverance they received from God. They have been helped and expressed gratitude; nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary. What would have been spectacular about the story of Exodus 15 was if the children of Israel never stopped singing. If they didn't forget their wins, thereby making God prove Himself to them over and over again. But that was not the case. Not too long after they sang their song of victory, which was just a journey of three days into the wilderness with no water, and all the songs of gratitude evaporated into thin air. They complained like people whom God has never helped.

I am convinced that as you read this, you will be angered in your spirit and wonder how these people can be so ungrateful. The deliverance from Egypt with such a mighty hand, snatching them from the claws of slavery, allowing them to leave with so much wealth than they ever imagined, and then destroying their enslaver, and yet they complained about a tiny issue—lack of water. If God could do so much for them, what was water that would be a thing to complain about? But in truth, they are just being human. As humans, every little discomfort erodes all the good things we've had before. For a simple-minded person, a single no as an answer has nullified all the yeses he has received in times past, even when the yes was an uncomfortable yes from the giver. And sometimes, that really hurts. If it will hurt a man who has been going out of his way to provide a yes only to be shown ingratitude for a single no amid a million yeses, how much more would God feel when we complain at the slightest discomfort and forget all the saves and deliverances that we did not qualify for and yet received.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 teaches us that in all things, we should give thanks, for that is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us. Thanksgiving is not denying our discomfort; it is simply acknowledging the sovereignty of God over our challenges and discomforts. When the Bible says we should give thanks, it is, in essence, saying we should put our faith to work and trust the power of God over what we may be going through, knowing that if God did it in the past, He would do it again. We are asked in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 to rejoice always and pray without ceasing. That means never stop asking, knowing that the One you are requesting from has the ability and capacity to do what you are asking Him to do, and so in confidence, faith, and trust, you rejoice. Because He has answered you several times before, you have a basis to trust again.

This would have been the preferred attitude of the children of Israel as they journeyed through the wilderness without water. They never should have stopped singing. The song was not meant to transition to a complaint. While this is the default human nature, ingratitude should not be the nature of God's children. You have been bought with the blood of Jesus, immersed in God's unending and unconditional love. Your focus should not be on the challenging situation but on the ability and capacity of the God you have invested your trust in. Has He ever failed? If the answer is no, then He will never fail. God only fails when you fail to wait on His deliverance. Otherwise, God never fails. His timing and strategy may not align with your limited understanding, but He will always show up, and when He shows up, He shows up big.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Should you stop singing? (Part 1)

My children and I have this Bible-reading ritual. One person picks a book in the Bible, and we read through the whole book and share what we have learned from each chapter in the family group chat. When finished, another person picks a book, and we do the same. The whole idea is to ensure we read the Bible and be sure each person picks a lesson or two for their life’s treasure. We spend an average of one month on each book, depending on the volume of the book.

We are currently reading Exodus, and much of what I have learned has been the basis of what I share on the blog. My last child read Exodus 15 and simply wrote in the group chat, “It’s just a song.” He was ahead of me in the reading, so I looked forward to Exodus 15 to see if all it contained was a song. And yes, it was mostly a song but loaded with lessons, which I want to discuss in today’s blog.

The chapter before Exodus 15 contained the story of how the children of Israel crossed the read Red Sea on dry ground, and when Pharaoh and his men attempted to do the same, they all perished, swallowed up by the water, which was the reason for the song in Exodus 15. It was a calculated trap set by God Himself. We read in Exodus 13:17 how the Lord led the children of Israel through a longer route that landed them at the Red Sea. So, it was a calculated arrangement by God.

Have you ever felt that God may be slow in handling an issue that you trust in His hands? You probably think there should be a shorter or faster way to get things done. This story may help you, as it does for me, too. By the time the children of Israel got to the Red Sea, the cloud that produced light for them and led them on their journey moved position and became darkness for their enemies and protector for the children of Israel. But that is not just the highlight of Exodus 14; it was the fact that God destroyed Pharaoh on behalf of the children of Israel. The long journey was aimed at the fact that Pharaoh would never have to come and intimidate or enslave the children of Israel again. Every one of his servants who could have taken up the assignment of enslaving Israel again or continuing in the pursuit of Israel perished in the Red Sea, and the exciting thing is that Israel didn’t have to lift a sword or fight. In Exodus 14:14, God said the battle was His to fight, and He won fear and square.

If you are a person of faith and you hold dearly to God, you would have known and experienced that God’s work is not always in line with your style or timing. If you can figure out how it (your challenge or situation) will be done, then it’s most likely not God at work but you doing your thing. The wisdom of God is beyond human comprehension, and His strategy is far beyond understanding. But the best of it all is that His timing is always perfect.

For the children of Israel, getting into the Promised Land as soon as possible would have been the most important thing to them. For God, it was beyond getting to the Promised Land; it was about them remaining in it without ever being troubled by Pharaoh again. God started with hearing their cry and coming down to save them. Then, He plagued Egypt so that the children of Israel would be free from slavery, but it wasn’t just about leaving Egypt, but about receiving what was due to them for all their years of labor in Egypt. But God didn’t stop there; He ensured they never had to go back to slavery in Egypt, and so He completely destroyed their enslaver and his servants. He even destroyed the firstborn of all Egyptians, both human and animal, so that it would not even come to the mind of anyone in Egypt to force Israel back into slavery.

We often judge issues based on our limited understanding of God’s strategy and what He is working on for us. Sometimes, we give up a little too soon, and we miss the mark of His goodness. It is at this point that faith becomes very essential. Hebrews 11:1 describes faith as “The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” With faith, we focus on two things: the result, which is the goal or desired outcome, and the One who is making it happen—God. We disregard the process of achieving the result entirely because focusing on the process may shake our faith and cause us to abort the process without achieving the goal. We can’t do it like God will, so bothering about the process can be a little beyond us. Our only assignment in the process is to listen to God’s leading and do what He tells us to do, nothing more. Then, praise Him in the process as we wait. And as we are learning in the story of the children of Israel, the outcome will always be far better than what we can imagine or achieve by our limited minds because exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ever ask or imagine is always the way God delivers the goods.  

I deviated from what I had intended to write. I started with the song in Exodus 15 but only gleaned from Exodus 14. But I have been blessed to be a vessel in God’s hands in sharing this blog with you. So, in my next post, I will continue with what I learned in Exodus 15. It’s worth looking forward to the next post. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Blueprint for a Successful Marriage

 

I will be shaking some tables in today’s blog. I do not intend to be judgmental, but I hope what I discuss in today’s blog will help someone. I have spent the last couple of minutes going through YouTube reels on my phone just as a form of resting, and the volume of marriage talks, workshops, and sermons I saw is quite interesting. One would think that blissful marriages would trend with so much being said about marriages. But honestly, that is not the case. So, we will discuss one of my perceived reasons why we still struggle in marriages.

I have observed that many marriages are now being modeled around the environment in which the couples reside, more than the Bible standard. In the regions and places where women are more privileged and favored, marriages are dominated and controlled by women. It is more like saying the woman becomes the head of the home. What they say is law. And in regions and places where the men are more privileged and favored, the men are the lord and master. The women there have no voice. They are subjected to the code of forced submission, and how they feel does not matter. If, by chance, the couple finds themselves changing regions, the call for vengeance is almost inevitable as the one favored by the new environment is quick to want to take back a pound of flesh.

One truth to bear in mind as you enter into marriage is that God, who instituted marriage, established the institution with standards and rules that are not subject to your environment or culture. I would always say that the biggest enemy of marriage is TRADITION. Any tradition or norm that runs contrary to Bible standards is a big enemy of your marriage, and you will do yourself a lot of good by throwing such tradition out of your life.

For any marriage to succeed, and when I say succeed, I don’t mean being miserable in your marriage and telling yourself you must stay there either out of shame, to avoid stigma, for your children, or whatever reason you give to throw your peace away; I mean enjoying and genuinely having a proper good marriage, you need to do it God’s way. You can only get a good marriage devoid of pretense or hidden hatred by following God’s blueprint for marriage.  

This blueprint is just as simple: husband, love your wife as Christ loves the church; love your wife as yourself (Ephesians 3:25-29, Colossians 3:19). This love does not change no matter the environment or region you find yourself in. It does not change even when your wife changes. It is a love modeled in the pattern in which Christ loves the church. The love is unconditionally giving. It is not restricted to you financially providing for your wife; it is not an economy-based love. It does not blame, it does not revenge; in fact, it is not punitive. It is a love that keeps loving. I pray that God will enable the husbands to know this is a huge issue. Marriage is not transactional. It is not a 50-50 relationship. It is a 100% forever business. We read in 1 Peter 3:7 and Malachi 2:13-15 the consequences of default.

However, the first spouse to receive an instruction from God when it comes to marriage is the wife (Ephesians 3:22-24, Colossians 3:18). The instruction says to submit to your husband as unto the Lord. So, the model for the wife is that just as she would submit to God, she is supposed to give the same level of submission to her husband. The submission spoken about in Ephesians and Colossians is not forced or demanded by the husband; it is God asking the wife to willingly yield herself to her husband's authority just as she will willingly yield herself to the authority of God. The submission is not conditional; otherwise, the Bible would have stated so. Although, as a woman myself, I understand this can be tough. Based on my experience, I can confidently say that submission can sometimes be demanding. Still, it is the one powerful tool a wife has at her disposal that, if well used, can take her very far in building a successful marriage.

These marriage rules are not territorial; they are not culturally based. They don’t change even when your environment changes, and nothing guarantees a beautiful marriage as much as when the married couple builds their marriage on these two foundational blueprints from the throne and God. When a man loves his wife in the model by which God asked him to, and the wife submits to her husband in the model given by God, no environment can influence this union. The bedrock of any successful marriage is God; you cannot claim to have God in your marriage if you do not obey His rules for marriage.