Hello great people of God, it’s yet another great day and another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word. As usual I am delighted to write this post and I trust God that as you read you will pick up something valuable from this write-up.
In my last post I promised to share a story and here I am making good my promise. So in this marriage series 19, I am sharing the story I heard from a friend and got the permission to share on this blog.
This story is about a duly married couple; both husband and wife are working and fending for the family, but because the wife has a higher paying job and she earns more, she carries on a little more financial responsibility than her husband. This isn’t so much of a problem though, but the problem in the marriage is that the husband is cheating on his wife and having extramarital affair with another lady.
Bad as it were, this unfaithful husband borrowed money from his loving wife. Now, there is nothing wrong in a man borrowing money from his wife, but the wife didn’t have as much money as her husband was demanding to borrow and so she had to take soft loans from office colleagues to make up the amount of money her husband was requesting she borrowed him.
All of these are no a big issue if you will say, but the aspect of the story that hurts deep into the heart is the fact that this unfaithful husband took all the money he borrowed from his wife, part of which she had to borrow from her colleague in the office to buy a gift for the girlfriend he is having an affair with. Now how much worse can this get?
The wife discovered all the atrocities of her husband just by chance when she picked up a call that came on his phone on his behalf while he was in another room in the house. Before borrowing him the money, she had demanded to know what he needed the borrowed money for and he declined telling her but rather played the emotional game on her; telling her he only needed a genuine help from her and if she wasn’t ready to help she should forget it and not bother to query him on what he needed the money for. As at the time I heard of the story, the husband is not even aware that his wife has discovered his wrong doings and unfaithfulness. All he knows is that his wife’s mood in the house has changed and he is still playing the loving caring husband, trying to console his wife on whatever it was that was causing her a heavy heart.
My pain in this story that I have just shared is that: what kind of a man would cheat on his wife let alone collect a huge sum of money from her to buy a gift for a girlfriend. This really sounds wicked to me. It is as though this wife was stabbed at the back; and she was not just stabbed at the back by someone she loved and trusted with her life, the knife was turned and twisted within her body to ensure she really died. And this is my analogy of the story I just shared.
But a lot of people will advise that this kind of husband is worth no good and so he is not worth fighting for. So many will advise this young lady to talk a walk from the marriage and get a better man that can be trusted, who will get his priorities right in life and show a decent measure of responsibility in life. But I will say there are other ways to handle this situation that would yield to better result and more respect from the husband to his wife.
This seems an issue that might be hard to forgive, but forgiving in this case does not make the wife stupid or a dumb head as some would think. Forgiving her husband would make her husband respect her more if he still has any form of dignity in him. If my opinion where to count in this matter, I would advise that the wife let her husband know that she knows about his little undignified secret and though he has broken her heart and betrayed her trust, yet she is willing to forgive.
If this husband is a man with conscience, he should be the one looking more stupid and begging for forgiveness. The fact that his wife knows so much of his adulterous life style and still willing to forgive should make him respect her for life. In shame, he should repent of his sinful ways and find a means of paying all that he owes in the act of committing adultery.
This to me is a better approach to the matter with better results. This approach is far more dignifying than to tear the roof down in rage or take a divorce. Why take so much time and effort to build a home and then tear it down with your own hands. The Bible says it’s only foolish women who do such. If you have made good effort to build your home, then make better effort to keep it standing; even against all odds.
I have heard a lot of people tell me that it takes great grace to practice the things I preach on my blog. But the truth of the matter is that, yes it takes great grace to practice these things, but that great grace is available to all those who seek it. We only need to tap into it and it will work for us. I have practiced these things and they have worked for me, I don’t have more great grace available to me than you, that grace is available for us all as long as we are willing to make use of it. When you yield to God’s great grace, it will work for you.
Another thing that forgiving will bring about in this marriage is that the wife will cause a change in the life of her husband more than she can ever know; not by words but by her actions. The simple act of forgiveness will cause newness in the life of her husband beyond what any fight can ever make happen. Over and over again, my husband has told me that I have impacted his life positively more than I can ever imagine. This was not achieved through fights and proving points and enforcing my opinion. This was achieved through submission and prayers. 1 Peter 3:1-3 says a godly wife will convert her unbelieving husband not by words, but by the actions; through the reverence and purity of her life.
Before you think this approach is timid and would not carry the weight of the hurt you feel, try it out first in any situation you may be faced with in your marriage and judge the end result of the approach. Handling situations with the full weight of emotions do not always yield the best result. Sometimes it’s important to deal with the emotions surrounding a situation first before dealing with the situation itself.
In my next marriage series, I will be sharing another story and I am positive there are huge lessons to learn from that too. Till then, remain blessed.