Unity in Marriage - A Big Lesson (4)

Genesis 2:24

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Malachi 2:15

Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

Matthew 19:4-6

“Haven’t you read” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

We have looked at and considered several dimensions of unity in marriage, and in truth, we cannot overemphasize its importance. And so, in the Bible passages above we see one fundamental truth spoken by God and not by any man. The Lord God Almighty says “He who made them male and female has declared that the man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and from then on, they are no longer two but one.” They are in fact one both in flesh and in spirit. So what marriage makes happen is to unite the man to his wife whereby they stop to be two different entities, but they then become one.

Within this one people comprising of the male husband and female wife joined as one entity, whatever they plan shall not be impossible for them (Genesis 11:6), and they will have good returns for their labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9) and when they agree concerning anything that they have asked God for, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 18:19).

But this unity does not come cheap, the fact that you are united as one in marriage does not mean you will remain united as one if you are not careful to guide and guard that unity. Because the devil knows the abundant blessings that are enveloped in the unity of marriage, he will do everything within his power to ensure that the unity of the husband and his wife does not hold. So you cannot afford to be careless or carefree with the unity of your marriage.

Now the devil won’t come to you and say, I want to take the unity of your marriage away. No-one has ever seen the devil even though we hold him responsible for everything that goes wrong in our lives. But the unity of our marriage is stolen in disguise. It starts with a very minute misunderstanding or disagreement. And in some cases, it graduates to lack of trust and then to marital unfaithfulness. And I can go on with so many reasons why the husband and the wife don’t agree. But one secret that we are not always mindful of is that Matthew 18:19 requires that they agree first before asking and then it is crowned up with receiving what they have asked for. And so, ensuring agreement should be a continuous deliberate act.

We cannot eliminate misunderstandings and disagreements in marriages, but it is important that we suffocate it out of our marital lives whenever it raises its ugly head. Sometimes it’s necessary to play the fool and be quiet and tolerant on issues with your spouse in marriage, not because you are actually a fool but because you want peace to reign in your marriage and you hold the unity of your marriage sacrosanct.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, “a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak”, the second part of this scripture is so very important in marriage. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. When you are mindful of the unity of your marriage, you will understand and appreciate that there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Now, note the order, the silent time comes before the speaking time.

You don’t respond to everything your spouse does that hurts you, not because you can’t or that they don’t hurt, but because you are working for the unity of your marriage. When your spouse hurts you and you keep quiet more often than you kick-back and react, you are respected and when you eventually speak up, it’s weightier. But when you are always reacting to everything your spouse does to you, first you wash away the unity of your marriage, you erode the respect your spouse should have for you and eventually you become irritating and categorized as a nagging personality. So, there is more dignity in holding back and praying, than in speaking up and fighting all the time.  

I am not saying that you bottle-up so much in you till you grow resentful towards your spouse, but I say that you pray more for your spouse when he/she hurts you and seek the peace of God within you to forgive and let go. In marriage, there is the need to master your emotions and be the lord and boss over your feeling than to let your feeling and emotions rule you.

I totally agree that you will need to voice out sometimes, but you need to let those sometimes be less times than more. And then when you have to let your spouse know that you are hurting by his/her actions or inactions, the manner in which you air your grievances is also very important. I would always say this about communication in life and especially in marriage; three things are most important: What you say, how you say it and when you say it. All these factors put together will say a lot about the reaction of your spouse to what you have complained about. These three factors will determine whether he/she will be sober and repent or whether he/she will kick-up and react negatively or aggressively. So, your words, your timing and your body language and tone of voice play a big role in the effectiveness of what you have to communicate with your spouse.  

Now, the focus of all of these is to ensure the unity of your marriage which is prerequisite to loads of blessings from the Lord for your marriage and individual lives. Remember it’s "if two of you agree concerning anything they ask for." Note that a house that is divided in itself cannot stand. A company or an establishment in which its owners are divided on more issues than they are united, is heading towards a collapse and same goes for any marriage institution. We if we have not been working hard towards the unity of our marriages, now is the time to start.  

The very first Couple's Clinic is happening on the 1st of December 2018. It's a free attendance program but we have very limited sitting capacity. Plan to be there and book your sit by registering for the program. Details of the program will be provided very soon