Just a Little Secret

Still on the issue of finances in marriage, I have heard so many wives turn into being their family’s breadwinner with the husband doing close to nothing and sitting happy on the fact that his wife is able to meet up with the financial burdens of the family. And the wives give so much till they are heavily weighed down with the financial burden of the family and they can bare no more.

I will again want to say that the financial responsibility of the family is the primary assignment of the husband while the wife contributes in assist mode. But what can the wife do when her husband is just not yielding when it comes to the finances of the family noting that the wife by the auction of God on her life is supposed to submit to her husband as unto the Lord?

I have come to understand and also preach the same that life does not have a one-size-fits-all approach to it. So, to say that what works for wife A might not work for wife B and if this be the case, we need the divine intervention of God in our everyday life and most of all in our marriages. But before I continue in this discussion as we trust God for wisdom, it’s important to differentiate the two kinds of husband that might fall within this category. First, there are husbands who honestly cannot meet up with the financial burden of their family because they truly do not have a means of income or their source of income is insufficient to handle their burdens. So, they genuinely have it in their heart to do, but just don’t have a means to. And then, we have those who do not care. Even when they have to give, they have absolved themselves of every sense of responsibility towards the needs of their family. As long as their wives are taking care of the family’s finances, then they can just not bother anymore.  

As we trust God for wisdom in handling issues like this, I want to also implore wives that they need to be very prayerful and rely on God for the day to day running of their homes. I had shared in one of my blog’s post that wives should not be quick to take up and embrace the breadwinner role just because they have the income to do so. They can support when needed, but when the support is tending towards a permanent responsibility then there is the need to begin to trust God for divine intervention.

For as long as a husband genuinely cannot meet up with the financial needs of the family and the wife is in the know of the situation then she should be ready to fill in the gaps while they both wait on the Lord to lift the husband up financially. But in a situation where the husband is capable of handling the financial responsibility of his family but is deliberately not doing so, then I will suggest that the wife gradually, wisely and prayerfully begin to withdraw from the role that God has not assigned her to and then let her husband begin to understand that it’s his responsibility as the head of the family to financially care for his family and for that, he is accountable.

But this withdrawal must be done with great sensitivity because issues like this have affected marriages negatively. The wife if not careful will be tagged the wicked one and seen as proud and arrogant. But with prayers and the help of God a woman can successfully withdraw from being the breadwinner to being the financial support in her family, without it having a negative effect on the marriage. In fact, some husbands show so much love and respect for their wives for helping them while things were tough.

So as a wife, if there is a financial need in the home and you are certain your husband can handle it, don’t rush to handle it simply because your husband isn’t. First, with love, respect and wisdom inform your husband of the need, then give him time. If after a while he still isn’t handling it, remind him gently. If then he doesn’t handle it, you can either ignore it or find another route to solving the problem without spending money and if possible don’t let him know you have resolved the issue.

I am not encouraging wives to keep secrets from their husbands, but if there is a need to hold back information that will make the husband do what he is supposed to do for the health of the marriage and home, then it wise to hold back such information for the greater good of the family. But I will say this to wives, “know your husband” because there is no one-size-fits-all in marriage. What works for me might not work for you and so above all, we need God’s guidance and wisdom to run a marriage successfully.