The Power of Thank You

They say the phrase “thank you” is a magic word. They teach it to our nursery and kindergarten children, but for us adults, the phrase has totally lost its value. And then it has become nonexistent in a handful of marriages (being careful not to generalize). In fact, it's also the same in our relationship with God. When we don’t get what we want how we want it, appreciating what we have becomes a problem.

A man in his sixties walked into my shop to buy a lace fabric for his wife. It was his 60th birthday shortly before then, and he got a handful of cash as gifts from well-wishers and just decided to spoil his wife and appreciate her. And so he wanted to buy her a beautiful piece of clothing. He bought this lovely fabric and took it home. He also bought her a pair of shoes to go with the fabric. He called a day after to say the shoes were not the size of his wife, so he would return the shoe. After two days, he brought the shoe back, and I asked him if his wife liked the fabric he had bought. The expression on his face said it all. He was pained in his spirit over the fact that his wife didn’t appreciate the fabric simply because she wanted him to give her the money and let her buy for herself what she wanted.

Interestingly, he told me that if he had given her money, he wouldn’t have given her as much as he had spent buying the fabric. Her lack of appreciation spoke volumes to the man and his ability to extend such a gesture another time. Even if he had to do it, he wouldn’t. And if he brings himself to do it just as a sense of duty, he wouldn’t do as much, simply because the initial one was not appreciated.

A lot of us wives make this same mistake, and when our husbands shut down on us, we begin to complain. We call them irresponsible and compare them to men who take good care of their wives forgetting that we are the architect of who and what they have become. For the husband doing so much for his wife, have you taken time to study what the wife is doing to make the husband continue to pour out himself for her?

I have learned to appreciate all that my husband does for me and our children, even though it is his responsibility to do these things. When I thank my husband for paying our children’s school fees, he asks why? He then comments that he is just taking care of his responsibility. But I tell him that thousands of husbands are not paying their children’s school fees even though some can afford to, and heaven isn’t falling because of them. So, he should allow me to appreciate him that he knows his responsibility and he is doing the responsibility of his own free will. That alone is a morale booster for a man.

And the same goes for the wife. We, as wives, go beyond the limit to keep the home and family together. I know the feeling I get when my husband and I go out and return home very tired and I still have to go straight to the kitchen to make food while others are stretching out their legs and relaxing, and then my husband enters the kitchen to say well done and apologize for putting me through the stress. That alone drives the tiredness away, and you find a little strength to continue.

These are the little spices that make the marriage beautiful. It’s so wrong and, in fact, dangerous to take your spouse for granted. A little bit of appreciation here and there is just good oil for the shining of your marriage. It's not all the gifts my husband buys for me that I am crazily in love with, but I appreciate them all and wear these gifts as though I have longed for them all my life, and sincerely, what that does is that it gives him reasons to keep giving. He is also learning to know more about what I like and improving on the gifts. That is the power of “thank you.” It makes the giver never stop giving.