Who is a wife

Some of the many issues wives face in marriage are hinged on the fact that they really don’t know who they are and their role in marriage, other than the acquired definition of a wife from tradition, society, and unhealthy norms. But based on the author of marriage – God, we need to know the true meaning of a wife and her assignment and role in marriage.

Genesis 2:18-25 describes this role quite clearly. At the beginning of this scripture, God, who created everything and said it was good, observed that it was not good for the man to be alone. Of all that God had made, He could not find a suitable helper for the man, so He created a helper from the man for the man.

So, God created a woman from Adam, and He presented her to him as his suitable helper, and she became his wife. Of the many assignments that a wife gets to perform, her primary assignment is to be a suitable helper to her husband. So based on the truth of the bible, a wife is a suitable helper to her husband.

When we say a wife is a suitable helper to her husband, this can be viewed in various contexts. A wife as a helper is not a maid; instead, she is a powerhouse of value that helps in the fulfillment of her husband’s destiny. She is an embodiment of God’s favor in the life of her man. She is God’s favor personified in her husband’s life. (Proverbs 18:22)

The success of a wife in her God given assignment is tied to the quality of help she can provide and contribute to her husband’s life. But her value is not derived from her husband, but from God; her strength does not come from her husband but from God. She pours from the value she receives from God into her husband through the fulfillment of her God given assignment as a suitable helper to her husband.  

If a wife understands that her value, strength, and worth are not derived from her husband, but from God, then she would know that her self-esteem and self-worth are not from her husband but from God. That said, if your husband is not the source of your strength, he should not be the drain of your worth and your value. No matter the disposition of your husband towards you, you should not allow him to drain your value because he is not the source of it.

If we understand that the value, strength, and worth of a wife are not derived from her husband but from God, then it is worthy of note that the quality of help that we give to our husbands as an assignment from God to us should not be determined by the behavior of our husbands. Because your husband is bad does not translate to you being a bad wife. Two wrongs never make a right.

Your assignment as a wife comes from God; God measures the quality of your performance on that assignment and your scorecard. God does your appraisal on the job. It is to God that you will give account, so having a bad husband will not be a good enough excuse to God for being a bad wife.

It is important to note that as long as God is satisfied with the quality of your help as a wife, your husband has no choice but to fall in line and behave in the manner that God instructs him to act towards you, or else, he has God to answer to. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:6 that every disobedience will be punished when your own obedience is complete. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to treat their wives well so that their prayers may not be hindered. So, you see that God will not allow you to provide valuable help to your husband in vain.     

There are many tools at the disposal of a wife to use in successfully fulfilling her God given assignment as the suitable helper to her husband. Some of those tools include wisdom, understanding, discernment, and many more as the Lord reveals them by His grace. But the most important of these tools is submission.

We cannot overemphasize the importance of submission in marriage. But in today’s blog, my focus is not on submission itself, but on how you submit. As a wife, are you submitting as a weakling who needs to be supervised closely or as a powerhouse full of value and as someone loaded with intelligence and wisdom?

In a lot of job postings, one essential requirement is the ability to work under minimal supervision and to have problem-solving skills. As a wife, can your husband entrust you with a task and you deliver on it with exceptional perfection? If you have been able to do this multiple times, there is no doubt that you would have earned the respect of your husband numerous times.

I know some men can be overbearing; some men are obsessed with micromanaging their wives as a show of strength, and sometimes due to ego issues. Some men find it hard to take advice from their wives, probably because they see her as incapable of delivering value. As wives, how can we deal with this and correct the trend?

My first go-to place in a situation such as this is the throne of God. Without arguing or trying to correct any notion my husband has, I will first go back to God, Who is my source of value. At some point, your spouse will bring up issues of concern in your conversations every now and then. This is not the time to offer solutions or render opinions. Those issues of concern would be your prayer points.

You would want God to render solutions and strategies through you. When you are speaking, you won’t be doing so from a place of limited knowledge, but you will be a mouthpiece for God so that your opinions and advice have their roots in God. When your husband dismisses your advice and runs with his own approach, and the problem is not solved, he’ll return to your advice, and then the problem gets solved because that solution was not originally yours, but it came from God through you in the place of prayer. And then, he’ll start to trust your judgement and respect your views. That is how the value of a wife is built in marriage.

When this happens multiple times, and the efficacy of your problem-solving skills is tested and proven to be good, your spouse begins to trust you, rely on your advice, and get vulnerable with you more. You become a safe place for him. You would have earned his respect not by simply being his wife, but by the value you have been able to pour into his life.

So, I will conclude with this: a wife is a suitable helper to her husband. To be a helper, she will have to be a problem-solver. To effectively be a problem-solver, she must have her roots deep in God. She must realize and know for sure that she is limited in herself, and so she needs the unlimited God to be successful in her assignment. God measures her scorecard; her value is derived from God, and her husband’s character is not an excuse to fail God in her assignment as a wife. 

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