I also shared the thinking that marriage was a bondage, when all the butterflies I had in me before getting married all disappeared, and I was faced with the harsh reality that my expectations and my reality were miles apart. But I took some steps back and shifted my position, understanding that if this marriage was to work, I needed to do some work.
Why Marriage Became My Passion
Talking about marriage has been one of the most fulfilling
aspects of my existence. In a world where negativity thrives and marriage
vices shout so loudly, I find purpose in telling the other side of the story.
If there are so many sad marriage stories, awful endings, and messy breakups
that are going viral on our social media spaces, I think we also need to have
some positive stories, too.
There is a need to give hope to the upcoming marriages. In
reality, more marriages thrive in the midst of struggles, weather tough
challenges, stay strong together in spite of the differences in opinions and
ideas of those in the marriage, and even disagreements that cannot be denied,
than the marriages that are failing. But the negative marriage stories are
traveling farther and wider.
The Painful Reality I Couldn't Ignore
In my adult years, I have spoken to a lot of women regarding
the topic of marriage, and their views of it have been very concerning. Quite a
handful of women see their husbands as never-do-wells. I believe a lot of these
originate from what they have experienced in their marriages and stories they
have heard or passed down notions from parents’ experiences or even relatives'
marriages that they have seen.
And this observation is not limited to just casual women,
but this anomaly also comes from those who are of the faith: those who are pastors'
wives, and even those who stand on the pulpit to preach. The situation is so
bad that we now have people come forward, with a microphone in hand, and tell
the world God told them to get a divorce.
But while we will not deny that there may be trouble in
paradise, and the devil has greatly worked his way into the marriage
institution, God also will not fold His hands and let the devil win over and
destroy what He created and certified to be good.
So, God is raising voices, and He is impressing it in the
hearts of those who will yield to that call to rise and tell the story of the
goodness of marriage. And one such voice is my humble self, driven with passion
and purpose to tell the story of the resilience and beauty of marriage.
My Own Marriage Wasn't Always Beautiful
One truth that I am burdened to share is that just like
those who shout about the horrors of marriage, I have had my own very good
share of marriage struggles. In my self-effort, I have prayed hard to God for a
divorce; I have, in fact, contemplated suicide. But I have also surrendered my
troubles and challenges to God. I handed the reins to Him and let Him lead me
while I painstakingly followed after His leading.
Were those experiences easy? Most definitely not. Were they
challenging even to the bones? I can tell you for free that it’s a big YES. But
looking at where I am today, and what I have been through and come out of, I
know without a doubt that when God is allowed to lead, the story will always
end in praise.
I have been married for over 22 years, and I am writing this
in the year 2026. I have seen it all in marriage. I have experienced things
that, when I share my story, those who hear it tell me they can’t stay in such
a marriage. But here I am in that same marriage, with the same husband, and
having the best time of my life. And only God made it happen.
Those close to me say I have a special grace, but I beg to
differ. The grace of God is like an ocean of water. The container you fetch
grace with from the ocean of grace determines the quantity of grace that you
will take away.
God's grace is abundantly available to all, but how much we
receive often depends on how much we trust Him. No one is given more grace than
another when it comes to having faith to receive from God, because God is a
just and fair God. But your volume of grace is directly proportional to your
container of faith and trust in God.
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What God Taught Me About Restoration
At the time when there was nothing else to hold on to, I
held onto God. I didn’t tell God what to do, or how to do it. I simply cried
for help and let Him do what I couldn’t do for myself in a way that I could
never have done and succeeded. God restored my marriage; I was just a willing
partner in the whole process.
In Matthew 19:8, Jesus confirmed that Moses permitted
divorce because the heart of men was wicked, but in the beginning, it was not
so. So, the importance of willingness in the restoration of a challenged
marriage cannot be overemphasized.
The problem is not whether God can restore a challenged
marriage, but whether we are willing to set aside the hurt that we are feeling
and not carry the weight of our troubles on ourselves, but let God truly heal
and restore what the enemy has destroyed.
Why I Chose to Teach What the Bible Says About Marriage
Sometimes, I get to think and wonder if God would truly
permit people to get a divorce, like people have been announcing to the world
that He did in our present times. But God is a Father who does not force us to
obey Him. If He expresses His will and you disagree, He lets you have your way.
Unfortunately, you also carry the burden of that decision.
But what is most unfortunate in that is the fact that these
people who still have God’s oil on their lives mislead others who assume that
if it was okay for God to let them do that, then they can also do it and it
wouldn’t be a sin.
So, here I am with a counter experience. That is why I am
led to teach about marriages and let the world see the other side of the
divide. The one that ends in happily ever after without bitterness and divorce.
God made this happen for me. And going through all that I
went through, coming out of it with better love and attention from the same
husband, in the same marriage, and having to share my story, I appreciate now
why God put me through that season.
Without me experiencing it firsthand, I would say it can
never happen. But it happened to me. I won the war on my marriage. God helped
me dig out my husband’s love for me, and now we are two adult love birds.
There Is Hope for Your Marriage
My experience is not an isolated one. I believe there are more
stories like mine out there than there are negative ones. But the truth is that
the negative story gains more ground and is loudly amplified. But for those
having marital troubles, you are not alone, and you can win without bitterness
and divorce.
Your willingness to let God handle things and lead you to
win should be your first call. And follow that with your willingness to let go
of the hurt you feel. That may seem like the hard part, but when you understand
that your fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and
powers and rulers of darkness in high places (Ephesians 6:12), you will know
that your spouse is not the problem; they are just a vessel in the hands of the
real enemy.
These are the truths that God helped me to see and
understand, which enabled me to redirect my emotions and focus on my real
fight. With God’s leading, I fought for my husband and fought for my marriage. These
are the reasons why I teach about what the Bible says about marriage. I have
enjoyed these truths, and I am led to share them.
That said, I also recognize that not every marriage ends in
restoration. Some people have faced abuse, abandonment, or situations where
separation became necessary for safety. This series is not written to condemn
anyone. It is written to point readers toward God's design for marriage and the
hope that He can bring where hearts remain willing.
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