Before You Say Yes: What Every Single Person Must Know About Marriage.

I have come to realize that many people say “yes” to marriage without truly understanding what they are saying yes to. Some marry for love. Some for pressure. Some for convenience. But very few are truly prepared for what marriage requires.

Why People Marry

Let me put this in context. One common reason why people marry is love. The belief is that love is a vital deciding factor for a marriage decision to be taken. At the same time, some marriages are forced due to situations such as pregnancy from pre-marital sex.  

Other reasons include marrying for comfort and money, some are forced into marriage by their parents or guardians, and some as a result of self-inflicted societal pressure. Their age pressures them, and what society will think of them as mature singles.

These are just some of the reasons I can think of from the top of my head right now, but I am sure there will be many more. Many have gone into marriages without being fully prepared for what lies ahead. For some, the reason for getting married takes over the marriage preparation mindset.

Marriage Is Not What You Think

I sincerely do not mean to scare you as you read this, but the first thing to note is that there are no two exact marriages, as there are no two exact individuals. So, you cannot base your expectations of marriage on the success or failure of another person’s marital experience.

I suppose this is a good place to start.   

Marriage is a journey of discovery, and if you are not prepared for the adventure, then it’s safe not to take the ride. And I have said it many times and would say it again, TRADITION is the greatest enemy of a successful marriage if the tradition is not based on the WORD of GOD.

If we have to talk about what every single person should know about marriage before saying yes, I think the first thing to look at is the choice of the person you are saying yes to. How did you arrive at the choice of that man or woman that you are about to commit the rest of your life to?

One very important thing I want to state here is that marriage is not a 50-50 partnership. I know that is what our tradition has conveniently impressed on us and has become the yardstick of a successful or failed marriage.

In truth, a successful marriage is all about the individuals in the marriage fulfilling to the utmost their God-assigned roles in marriage. We find these roles stated in Ephesians 5:22-29, Colossians 3:18-19, and 1 Peter 3:1-7, and I discussed them in detail in my blog post titled “What Does the Bible Really Say About Marriage Roles?” So, I’ll encourage you to read it.

Another tradition that runs contrary to the truth of the Bible is that the husband and wife are equal. This is what we have been taught, but that is not what the Bible says. Ephesians 5:23 tells us that the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church.

On the first hearing, this may sound unpleasant to a woman, but it feels like an empowerment to the man. But when we have a clear understanding of what this truly means, the man will know the magnitude of the responsibility attached to his leadership. Again, I will encourage you to read my post on “What Does the Bible Really Say About Marriage Roles?” for clear context.

With what has been discussed so far, you will agree with me that the decision of a life partner is not one to be taken casually, or under pressure, or based on flimsy reasons. God expects a wife to submit to her husband in all things, so choosing who you will submit the rest of your life to requires delicate care.

Also, for the husband, he is expected to lead his wife with unconditional love, service, and sacrifice just as Christ loves the church. Being a husband is not a lord and master privilege; it is a service, and it is important to choose with care the woman you want to serve. Because by God’s design, when you start, you are not expected to stop except for death.

Love Is Not Enough

Traditionally speaking, the major indicator of who to marry is that thing called love, but just a little time down the road, love fades, and the binding force loses its hold. The center can no longer hold, so everyone walks away on the basis of irreconcilable differences. The long story short, love is not enough to base the choice of a marriage partner on.

Many people enter marriage because they are in love, but love alone is not enough to sustain a lifelong commitment. The couples citing irreconcilable differences as a basis for separation were madly in love with each other at the time they both said, “Yes, I do.”

Choosing the Right Partner Matters

If love is not enough, then what would be enough? In answering this question, let us go back to the beginning, the story of the first marriage. Genesis 2:18-25 tells us how the institution of marriage came to be.

First, God noticed that the man He created needed help, and from that man He created the woman, and then brought her to the man, and she became his wife. This is the simple summary that is loaded with truth that we need to uncover.

The making of a wife was not an assignment for the man; it was an assignment for God. The man did not come to the realization that he was lacking in help and so fetched himself a wife. The conception, thought, and delivery of the product started and ended with God.

God Must Be Involved in Your Choice

So if, as a man, you have reached a point of needing help, there first needs to be a discussion between you and God in prayer. Choosing a wife is not about the body shape of the lady or the flirting emotions of the man; it is a deliberate and strategic decision that should be overseen and approved by God.

This is important because there are no marriages without challenges. When God is the pacesetter of your decision, He also becomes the fighter of your battles as the devil tries to attack your marriage.

Learn from Biblical Examples

There are a couple of marriage stories in the Bible, of men who made a choice of a wife without consulting God, and how the story played out. One of such stories is that of Samson in the book of Judges 14. He saw a woman and went to his parents to insist on marrying her. This woman ended up being a deceitful wife.

Even the great Jacob in Genesis 29-31 labored for 14 years to marry beautiful Rachel, who ended up being a selfish, deceitful woman, and also a thief and a liar who stole her father’s household idols and almost brought shame to her husband. 

Before You Say Yes…

No one is capable of truly knowing what is in the mind of another person except what the person chooses to reveal about themselves. The only One capable of knowing the intent of a man’s heart and knowing the future even now is God. To choose peace over chaos in marriage, let God lead you to His choice of a wife for you.

And this also goes for the wife to be. Before saying yes to the man who has captivated your heart, the important first step is to let God give you a confirmation of His approval. This man is the one you will submit the rest of your life to. He will lead you and cover you. You do not want to be led by the wrong head into a journey that is hard to walk away from.

Marriage Is Still Beautiful

But overall, marriage is a beautiful experience. I have been married for over 22 years, and I have experienced my fair share of challenges with no single regret. God has been in it with me all the way, and if there is another life to live, I will choose this path.

Today’s post is the third of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. I have a whole book on marriage titled “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage.” It speaks a whole lot more about building a marriage that is strong, beautiful, and lasts a lifetime, with real-life stories of struggles in marriage and practical and biblical advice on how to deal with those struggles.

Click the button below to get your copy.