Why Christian Marriages Are Failing Today—And What the Bible Says About It

Christian marriages are not supposed to look like this. Yet today, many are filled with frustration, silence, doubt, and emotional distance. The shocking part? Even strong Christian homes are not spared. So what is really going wrong—and what does God actually say about it?

Why Marriages Are Struggling Today

If there is a time in history when the marriage institution is most threatened, I think it is now. The level of tolerance in marriage seems to be at an all-time low. Many factors have contributed to this, ranging from faulty traditional norms and unrealistic expectations when entering into marriage to the economic situation the world over.

But the sad part of it all is that Christian marriages are also not spared. We are tempted to assume that, as a Christian, the bar should be a little higher, but the reality is that Christians are also humans with the same color of blood running through their veins, and even more so, they are more prone to attacks from satan.

Even Christian Marriages Are Affected

A Christian marriage is a lot more under watch and scrutiny from the devil than the marriage of couples who do not identify as Christians. But other than demonic attacks, Christians are faced with the same harsh economic realities; they also pay bills to enjoy basic amenities, send children to school, buy groceries, and live in the same world as non-Christians.

The regular everyday living pressure added to demonic attacks puts a great deal of pressure on Christian marriages. But do we now say that Christians should not get married to avoid the struggles that come with it? Definitely not.

In my first blog post on the marriage series, I mentioned that marriage is one of the most beautiful things God created. And that is truthfully so. If God created marriage, and He made it beautiful, the first beneficiary of that beautiful entity God created should be His children—those He adopted through the perfect finished work of Jesus.

The last post discussed marriage roles based on the truth of the Bible—the roles of the husband and the wife in marriage. The understanding of these roles is the foundation of a successful marriage. If you have not seen it, I will encourage you to go and check it out.

Marriages struggle when we replace God’s laid-down roles for marriages with baseless traditions and norms. I have heard wives complaining about their husbands, while saying they are not doing the right thing. Some say that is not how a good husband should act or behave, but then you wonder who is setting the rules for a good husband, or what is the yardstick for measuring a good husband.

And the same goes for husbands, who, based on what they have seen in other homes and advice passed down to them by their ancestors, have concluded that their wives are not good enough. Stories from social media platforms that are grossly lacking in truth have also contributed to a great deal of these struggles in marriages.

The Hidden Influence of Social Media

I once heard the story of this couple whose marriage was on the verge of collapse just because the husband had seen multiple videos of men who claimed they had been raising children who were not their biological children, and these husbands never knew.

The continuous exposure to such content on social media platforms began to raise doubts about the paternity of his own children. The fear reached a melting point, and he accused his wife of infidelity with so much conviction without proof that it almost tore them apart.

The wife felt angry and betrayed that her husband could accuse her of such. Interestingly, the husband refused to do a DNA test for the children for fear that his doubt would be confirmed. The strain in the home was palpable. And they carried on like that for close to two years.

This was a strong Christian marriage. The wife was a praying woman. She wanted to get a divorce, but she held herself back from doing it. Over time, events came up that necessitated a paternity test before the children could partake of an important benefit that accrued to them through their father by law.

So, after two years, a DNA test was done, and all the children were confirmed to be biologically his. This is a true-life story and an example of why even Christian marriages struggle.

God, who is an all-knowing God, knew ahead of time that there would be a time such as this that the marriage institution that He created and is good would be under great threat, and we find in many scriptures in the Bible the mind of God when it comes to marriage.

Guarding Your Heart Matters

Beginning with the story I just shared, Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (NIV). The NKJV version says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”

There are a lot of things the Lord takes care of for us as His children, but there are also a lot of things that He teaches us to take care of by ourselves as our responsibility. The things you choose to believe, and the things you allow to control you, are listed under your own responsibility and not God’s.

What you expose yourself to is within your control, and that falls within your responsibility. Solomon says in the book of Proverbs to guard your hearts and do it ever so diligently. If what you hear will generate doubt, then stay away from it. If it will cause you pain, which will in turn cause pain to the one you love, it is safer to stay away. What you do not know does not hurt.

God indeed said in Hosea 4:6 that “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge,” but the knowledge God speaks of is the knowledge of His law—the knowledge of things that edify and promote, and not the knowledge of things that destroy. There is a difference between the two, and God expects that we choose what edifies us.

What God Says About Divorce

In Matthew 19:8, when Jesus was asked about the legitimacy of divorce permitted by Moses, He answered that Moses permitted divorce because the hearts of men were hard, but that in the beginning it was not so. What that says in plain text is that in all of God’s plan for marriage, and based on the truth that God is all-knowing, who knows the beginning from the end, He did not plan divorce into marriage. 

So, divorce is man-made, born out of the hardness of the heart of man, and it is not of God. And the same goes for baseless traditions and norms built into marriages, but that contradict the truth of the Bible. Another truth we should face is that for every marriage struggle, God will not permit divorce as a solution. Divorce is not of God, even though this may be hard to accept.

Malachi 2:16 tells us that God hates divorce. If that is true, what He hates will not be His best solution for your struggles in marriage. I have seen a handful of videos on social media of Christians saying that after praying, God told them to divorce. An example of such is not found in the Bible.

God loves a divorcee, but He hates divorce. A claim of God giving divorce as a solution to struggles in marriage is misleading and is only put out there as an income-generating content bait.

God’s Solution for Marriage

But there is a real and godly solution to marriage struggles found in God’s outlined roles in marriage. This truth is found in Ephesians 5:22-29. It’s a foundation for a successful marriage based on love and submission. This has been discussed and explained explicitly in my last post, so repeating it would not be necessary.

But what I want you to have as a takeaway from this post is that Christian marriages are most definitely under great attack, but even so, God has won the battle even before it began. As a child of God, you own the responsibility to guard your heart diligently.

Protect What God Has Given You

Protect the blessing that God has graciously given to you in your marriage. Proverbs 18:22 tells us that “he who finds a wife, finds what is good and obtains the favor of God.” Marriage is a good thing; it is a favor from God, and you should guard and keep it diligently.  

Today’s post is the second of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. I have a whole book on marriage titled “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage.” It speaks a whole lot more about building a marriage that is strong, beautiful, and lasts a lifetime, with real-life stories of struggles in marriage and practical and biblical advice on how to deal with those struggles.

Click the bookshelf below to get your copy.