The Effective Discipline

Proverbs 23:13-14

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.

Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Proverbs 29:17

Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be willing party to his death.

Proverbs 13:24

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. 

I believe by the special grace of God my readers had a very restful and beautiful weekend, and they are alive and on alert to receive the abundance of God's blessings for their lives this new week. If there is any book on the face of the earth that is rich and full and not lacking in content, it's this wonderful Bible, the life Manual that the Lord God Almighty has blessed us with. 

In today's post we will continue how search of God's word as we strive to be better parents approved of God . As I take time to read through the news on a daily basis, there is always something of concern about the children, and it's been more on the negative than positive. I am not sure if I am the only one observing this trend, but this tells there is a need for a major awakening for us as parents. There are major cases of evidence of lack of training and proper discipline in the home as much as there are cases of child abuse. In Nigeria of today, I am beginning to read of cases of little children been beaten to death for cases as flimsy as been unable to count 1 to 10 or a 3 year old girl beaten and pushed to her death for vomiting and passing stool on her body while burning up with fever and high temperature and overwhelmed with diarrhea. 

Although in most of the cases (and that is to say nearly all of the cases) I have read about on such things as this, the children in question are not the biological children of those who abused them to the point of their death, but all the same these so called care givers did what they did in the name of disciplining or training the children. It was always in the name of correction, discipline and training. But this said, do we now do away with training our children and just let them pick up their values their own way and form? In the light of this we will want to know and understand what the take of God is on this matter.

The Bible said when you discipline your child with the rod you save his soul from death. Based on what the Bible tells us in the passages above punishment and even punishment with the rod on our children is suppose to give life and not death. And this makes me wonder that the rod that produced the death that we read about happening in some communities is actually suppose to produce life based on Bible standard. So we are now to know and understand that there is a difference between children abuse and child discipline and more so child discipline with the rod.

The Bible recommends so strongly that we discipline are children, in fact Solomon said once we train them in the way they should go, when they grow up they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). The wise Solomon said the your future peace that spring up from the life of your child rest in your ability to discipline him. In fact he will delight your soul is what Solomon said.

Some major lesson I have learned from this subject of disciplining our children from the passages above are that: 1)It saves their lives and soul from death, 2) It guarantees peace of mind for us as the child becomes a delight to our souls, 3) In the act of discipline there is hope, 4) It expresses our love for our child when the discipline is carried out with care.

The last point mentioned above highlights for us the difference between child abuse and discipline. The one factor that draws the line between child abuse and careful discipline is the substance called love. Once you remove love from discipline you arrive at child abuse. 

To now remove the act of discipline from a society or term it wrong to discipline a child as we are beginning to experience in today's world is writing a welcoming heart warming letter to the future destruction of our children. The absence of discipline in a home, community, society or nation is a big invitation to chaos and disorder. 

Unlike what we have made ourselves to believe, the Bible says when you truly love your child, you will discipline that child, and when we wish for peace in your mind and soul when you are old and grey, then make it a priority task to discipline and train your child now that you can. There is no other way to gain so much peace when you have not invested in it when you have the strength to do so. 

Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.      

I still can't fathom how complete this Bible can be, but there is no book like it on the face of the earth. In the passage above, the writer of the book of Hebrews says "No form of discipline is pleasant at the time but painful." To now understand that what will produce the preciousness in the lives of your children and bring out the great value that they carry within them is a painful process, but this though painful process needs to take its course to birth the preciousness in your child.
As a parent you never want your child to experience any form of pain and as a parent myself I understand what that means, even God has a parent never wants us to go through any form of pain, but in truth the pain of good and careful discipline is required to produce for us the godly children the Lord seeks. The experience they go through and learn from endows them with wisdom that no money on the face of the earth can buy for them. Pain is indeed painful (Lol), but it brings forth a matchless glow and shine in the lives of those who have been trained by it. From what we are learning in the book of Hebrews, the pains of discipline produces in us the righteousness and peace that the Lord seeks in us and that is needful for our smooth ride on the face of the earth.
In conclusion I will say this to all parents seeking peace in old age, take the pains to discipline and train your children even though its painful for you as a parent and also for the child as one been trained. Look beyond the lies of the society you live in, the government will not be as injured emotionally over the moral death of your child as much as you would. The peace and righteousness of your child and your joy and delight in old age over that child hangs on the fact that you discipline him now that you have the strength.

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The Father In Job

Job 1:1-5

In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and there daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East. 

His sons used to take turns holding feast in their homes, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, "Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom. 

This post will still talk about parenting, and I think we need to get some examples of fathers or maybe I should just say parents in the Bible and learn from their experiences. I have heard a quote that says "a wise man is one who learns from the experiences of others," so we will do ourselves a lot of good by learning from the experiences of those in the Bible. 

From the intro given in the Bible about the man called Job, there are several interesting characteristics of this wonderful man of God. He was a very wealthy man, in fact the Bible calls him the greatest man among the people of the East in his lifetime. So he was very rich and great and that most likely will make him a very busy man. For him to be able to attain and retain greatness it really takes diligence and consistence in his work. His schedule must have been a very tight one owing to his riches, greatness and influence. 

He was also a righteous man, he was a man who was very God conscious. He was godly to the point that God Himself made a proud declaration of this man saying there was none like him on the face of the earth. For God to make such a declaration, Job must have been assessed inside out by God and not found wanting in anyway. 

But for the purpose of this message we will look at the life of Job as a father. The Bible said Job will wait till the feasting period of his sons were over and will send for them to have them purified. He had to make sure that his sons did not sin against God even as they feasted and this was his regular custom. 

Owing to Job's status as a rich, great and busy man one would have assumed that he had every reason to overlook the deeds of his children and their attitude towards the things of God, but Job understood better. He knew that in order to have an excellent score card before the Lord, the lives, attitudes and deeds of his children was of great importance and in his very busy lifestyle his children's life took center stage. It was not just his own personal life that he needed to watch over but that of his ten children and Job did this as a regular custom.
Another thing to note about Job and his children was that his children were not young. In fact they were already living in their individual home as the Bible records that they took turns to hold feasts in their homes. So each one in his home would hold a feast and after the feast, Job will send for them from their individual homes in order to be purified.
Noting all that we have seen from the life of Job and his children, we will notice that his wealth, affluence, busy schedule and even his righteous walk with God did not affect or disturb or hinder his role as a father. And also the age of his children did not stop him from purifying them after each feasting period. Job did not assume that since his children were old they could take care of themselves and develop their own relationship with God with no contribution from him. But instead he ensured that he still did what was needful as a father whether or not his children were old enough to show restrain towards sinning against the Lord or not. This was the life and regular practice of Job as a father.
In my last post we saw that no ministerial call of God on our lives is more important to God than the ministry of home management and children management. In addition to that, we are learning from the life of Job as a father that our wealth, riches, greatness, work-life, busy schedule and whatever reason we might come up with is good enough reason for us to fail as parents. In fact the age of our children no matter how they may have grown to be is not enough reason for us not to purify them before God in good counselling, training and even discipline. And just like Job, the Lord expects that to be our regular custom and not a one-off habit. Your task as a parent ends the day your exit the face of the earth. But as long as you are still living you owe God the responsibility to produce for Him the godly offspring that He seeks from your marriage union.
Looking at the life of Job, was there any gray area of his life that will make not God say to satan "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no-one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil"? Job was not just a blameless man in his walk with God, he was also a blameless man as a father.
If we seek such testimony as that of Job's coming from the mouth of God and not man, then we need to start emulating the life of Job and seek perfection not just in our personal relationship with God, but also in our responsibility as parents. Our work-life and pursuit of wealth, our political life and our ministerial calls are no reasons at all to fail God as parents.

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The Sin Of Prophet Eli

1 Samuel 2:22-25, 27-33

Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the Lord’s people. If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?” His sons, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord’s will to put them to death. 

Now a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Did I not clearly reveal myself to your father’s house when they were in Egypt under Pharaoh? I chose your father out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod in my presence. I also gave your father’s house all the offerings made with fire by the Israelites. Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honour your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’

Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel declares: ‘I promised that your house and your father’s house would minister before me for ever. But now the Lord declares: ‘Far be it from me! Those who honour me I will honour, but those who despise me will be disdained. The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be a old man in your family line and you will see distress in my dwelling. Although good will be done in Israel, in your family line there will never be an old man. Every one of you that I do not cut off from my altar will be spared only to blind your eyes with tears and to grieve your hearts, and all your descendants will die in the prime of life. 

1 Samuel 3:11-14

And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against    his family - from beginning to end. For I told him I would judge his family for ever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

In my last post I wrote about the instructions of Moses to the Israelites and to all the people of God all over the world, to impress the commandments of God on their children and household, then will they and their children be able to live long on the land the Lord promised to give them. In continuation to the revelations we got from the last post we will be looking at the effect that the characters and attitudes of our children have on our own life and walk with the Lord.

In one of my previous posts, I wrote about the ripple effects of our deeds and actions on our children, but this post will be the other way round. What the Bible is revealing to us is that just as much as we take the time to reverence and obey the commands of God, it is of high priority that we teach and ensure that our children after us follow in the same manner. 

Looking at the passages above, we will notice that Prophet Eli understood the ways of the Lord, he knew the word of God and had inherited a priesthood that the Lord had promised his father’s house. I want to believe that Eli’s father must have taken time to train and prepare him to continue in the line of that promise, otherwise he would have not been eligible to take up the mantel of priesthood after his father. So Eli in himself, his personal attitude and character did not commit any sin before the Lord. 

But Eli’s sin was his inability to raise a successor in the life’s of his children who will diligent respect the Lord’s altar and treat it with reverence and dignity. Eli did not train his children right. As a priest he was a okay, but as a father he was a failure. 

We will note that when report started reaching Eli about his children’s attitude he was already old. He rebuked them as much as his strength could permit (or so I think), but if he had trained them well when he was much younger when he had the strength to impact proper discipline in them, the children will probably have grown up to be better adults than they turned out to be. Proverbs 22:6 says “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The adults that the children of Eli turned out to be reflected the training they got from their father when they were young or the absence of a training at all. 

And then following the caution of God for Eli through the man of God in 1 Samuel 2:27-33, the Lord expects that Eli will take some stern measures on his sons to check their misdeeds and give honour to the Lord's altar, but he did no such thing. He had already given up on his sons and accepted his fate. The sin of Eli were not the sins he committed himself, but the sins of his sons that he knew about and failed to restrain them. 

In the last blog post we saw the Lord instructing the parents to impress His commandments on their children. Making a mark of God’s word on their hearts and mind such that it is not easily removed. And that instruction is still applicable to all godly parents today.  The numerous stories of moral decay we hear and read of in our world today is largely due to the lapse on the parts of the parents to impress the word of God in the hearts and minds of their children as the Lord instructed through Moses. 

The Lord will not come down from His throne to train our children for us, but He will leads us in the direction and manner to train them such that they will be generals usable by Him for good works and help birth the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven if only we call on Him for help and direction and also follow His leading. 

1 Timothy 3:2-5, 12

Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)

 A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and household well.

What I see from this passages above is that no ministerial assignment that a man receives from the Lord is far above the ministry of home management and children management. The first point of test for a man who is to be used by God for mighty works is his ability to do well in managing the small unit of his home and his children as his first disciples. If he has excelled well in this regard, then he has shown God his readiness to do exploits for Him. 

When we start to desire a better environment and a better world to live in, then we need to start to put ourselves to work in creating a better home that we have to manage, and then imbibe good discipline and training in the children that the Lord has entrusted under our care and as the population of these glorious upright and wonderful children start to grow, in no time we start to have a better world as a whole. 

It’s not just our misdeeds that affects our children either negatively or positively, but the sins of our children will also affect our effectiveness in our service for the Lord. The training of our children also impact on our score card before the Lord. The sins of our children can erase all our good deeds before the Lord if we are not careful, so we cannot afford to take this matter lightly. It is time to start to act right in this regard if we have not be up to God’s standard before now. May the Lord help us.      

Bringing Down The Kingdom Of God Here On Earth

Matthew 6:9-10

"This, then, is how you should pray:

"'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Deuteronomy 6:4-8

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Fix these words of mine in your in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heaven are above the earth. 

I bless the Lord for another wonderful opportunity to share a post on my blog. Much has been shared on the issue of marriage and I had been trusting God for the grace to share other topics that bothers on the home other than marriage. In answer to my prayer, we are moving on from the man and his wife in marriage, it's time to turn our flash lights to raising the children. The next important issue I believe is that of raising godly offspring. In the book of Malachi 2, when God addressed the issue of man and his wife, He mentioned that the reason why He is watching over the union was because He the Lord was seeking godly offspring from that union.

We are all very familiar with the Lord's prayer found in the book of Matthew 6, from verse 9 to 14. Verse 10 of that passage says "your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven," and I am most positive that many parents still don't realize that the answer to that prayer lie in their actions; in their ability to produce the godly offspring that the Lord seeks from their marriage union. 

Now the more the godly offspring we produce from our marriage union, the more the population of God's generals carrying out the will of God here on earth just as it is in heaven. And so God instructed through Moses that as we stamp the commandments of God upon our hearts and souls, being careful to follow and carry out these commandments, we should also teach and impress them on our children and sustain the growth of the generals of God on the face of the earth. 

There are many lessons to learn from the instruction of Moses in the passages above, but for the purpose of this blog post, I will like to fix my attention on the part of the passage that says "Impress them on your children." The Lord is not requiring that as parents we just present His words to our children, but that we impress His commandments on them. Then we will be able to produce for Him the godly offspring that He seeks from our marriage union. 

In order to understand what God requires of us concerning the instruction in this passage, it will be of advantage that we understand the dictionary meaning of that word impress. From the discovery I made the word impress has the following dictionary meanings: 1) to affect deeply or strongly in mind or feeling; influence in opinion, 2) to fix deeply or firmly on the mind or memory, as ideas or facts, 3) to impose a particular characteristics or quality upon (something), 4) to produce ( a mark, figure etc.) by pressure; stamp; imprint, 5) to apply pressure, so as to leave a mark, 6) to subject to or mark by pressure with something. 

These are some of the meaning of that word impress that I have been a able to find in the dictionary. But what caught my attention in all of these meanings is that in order to impress the words of God in our children and produce the godly offspring who are the generals of God that will cause the will of God to be done on earth as it is in heaven then the task requires pressure. It is not just buying them a Bible as a gift, it requires continuous teaching monitoring and mentoring until the mark of God becomes visible in their lives. You are required to fix those words in them deeply and firmly and this requires pressure such that it is not easily removed. Despite the challenges they may face in their lives from time to time and from phase to phase, still the word of God in them remains deep and firm. When all true Christian homes begin to produce offspring in whom the word of God is deep and firmly rooted, then in multitudes we begin to have the physical manifestation of God's kingdom here on earth as it is heaven with the generals of God doing His will in all seasons and at all times.   

As The Queen Makes A Request From Her King

Esther 5:1-8

On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace, in front of the king's hall . The king was sitting on his royal throne in the hall, facing the entrance. When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold sceptre that was in his hands. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the sceptre.

Then the king asked, "What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you."

"If it pleases the king," replied Esther, "let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him."

"Bring Haman at once," the king said, "so that we may do what Esther asks." So the king and Haman went to the banquet Esther had prepared. As they were drinking wine, "the king again asked Esther, "Now what is your petition? It will be given you. And what is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be granted. 

Esther replied, "My petition and my request is this: If the king regards with me favour and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and fulfil my request, let the king and Haman come tomorrow to the banquet I will prepare for them. Then I will answer the king's question."  

It is interesting as much as surprising the much lessons there are for women to learn from this book of Esther. I must be truthful that when the Lord dropped it in my spirit to read this book, I didn't know that I could learn this much from the book of Esther. As I learn this lessons I also share them. 

Today what I want us to see again in that story of Esther is the way and manner in which Esther presented her petition and request before her husband, King Xerxes. True that the man named Xerxes in that book of Esther was the king over 127 provinces, but that king was the husband of Esther the queen. 

When she heard of what Haman had laid in store for the Jews, she didn't storm into the king's court fuming. She didn't shout the roof down proclaiming the fact that she is the queen in the palace. But the first thing she did was to request for prayers. She sort the face of God before even approaching her husband. 

In this day and time, how many women of God still pray before approaching their husbands over sensitive issues? How many women still think it necessary to pray before discussing the needs of the family with their husbands as the king in their lives and the head of their home?

After Esther had fasted and prayed, the Bible said she put on her royal robes before standing in the inner courts of the palace where she could be in full view of her husband the king. So after Esther had prayed, she took the time to pay attention to her appearance. She didn't just stand up from the place of prayer and walk straight to the inner court, but she took time to adjust her look before heading up to the full view of her husband the king. How many of us see our husbands in the light of the king in our lives who deserves to see us at our best at all times. 

I know that Esther's case might be a little different due to the prevailing culture of her time and region. Then she had not been called into the presence of her husband in 30days, but still we who lie in the same bed with our husband night after night should not take that for granted but still honour the presence of our husbands at all times.

Then another thing Esther did before making her request was that she made a special meal for him, the Bible said she made a special banquet for the king. Let's leave the fact that Haman was invited to dinner, but concentrate on the fact that the petition was made over a beautiful banquet prepared specially for the king. 

All that Esther did was to prepare the heart of her husband favourably for what she was going to ask of him. The lesson in all these is that before Esther made a request of her husband she had put some special things in place even before approaching him with her request. How many of us take time to warm our way into the hearts of our husbands before knocking them off with loads and pills and requests? These things might seem insignificant but in truth they are the tiny bits that make the whole sum either positively or negatively.

Once I was counselling a women who has been married for over 30 years and she has been estranged from her husband for more than half of the period she's been married. The husband will rather just live away from his family because that seem more peaceful for him. The couple are not divorced, but would not live together either. When I asked the wife what exactly was the problem, she said her husband's complain has always been that she is too demanding. So I told her that I have seen many things in the Bible, but I am yet to see where in the Bible that God or any of the authors of the Bible has said your husband must meet all your needs or wants, neither did God tell us women to trust our husbands for our needs. But I have seen where the Bible says "The lion may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord will lack no good thing." I told her the Bible says we should seek God and not the husbands. 

It is not those who overburden their husbands with loads of request that lacks no good thing, but those who seek the Lord. There are times we know that our husbands can afford what we need or want and their is no sin in asking, but the way and manner we present our request to them tells how much of our needs they will be willing to give us. The manner of approach when you ask your husband for things is a minor issue that is of major importance. When we follow the lead of Esther and we try out the approach of Esther, then up to half of our husband's kingdom will most assuredly be made available to us, because in truth they are the king.  

The Appearance Of A Queen

Esther 2:3, 21

Let the king appoint commissioners in every province of his realm to bring all these beautiful girls into the harem at the citadel of Susa. Let them be placed under the care of Hegai, the king's eunuch, who is in charge of the women; and let beauty treatments be given to them.

Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six months with perfumes and cosmetics. 

Genesis 12:11

As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. 

Genesis 26:7

When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, "She is my sister," because he was afraid to say, "She is my wife." He thought, "The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful."

My post today is still one of the lessons I learned from the book of Esther in the Bible, a very rare lesson I must say and one that is seldom thought to woman in the church. Well at least not in Nigeria. It is a common practise that once a woman gets married they bother very little about their physical appearance. And what the Bible terms moderation in dressing as been interpreted to be the total removal of good looks in women. But from what I see in the Bible, I am of the mindset that there is a need for the woman of God to look beautiful both inside and out. A balance is required for us woman to remain as beautiful as the Lord God Almighty has created us. 

In the provinces of King Xerxes a beauty course of twelve months was prescribed for the women, and for a girl to be presented to the king for approval consideration, she needed to complete the twelve months course. What I am learning in this is that in our own domain as women, we are queens. Within the territory of your home, you are a queen, and a beautiful queen to a deserving king who is your husband, and you hold it as a responsibility to remain beautiful for him, to ensure that in your appearance before him at all times makes him proud and delighted that he has you as his queen. 

1 Timothy 2:9

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive cloths, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. 

1 Peter 3:3

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.   

Many people have interpreted the words of Paul and Peter in the passages above to be that woman should abstain from wearing gold, pearls and fine or expensive cloths, but what I see here is not that. I see Paul and Peter calling women to a need to balance their efforts in making themselves beautiful. Not overdoing the efforts on the outward appearance while neglecting the inward beauty. 

Sarah and Rebekah where godly women of old. I will like to refer to them as the mothers of the godly women as the Bible refereed to Sarah as an example of the holy woman of old, yet she was beautiful enough to be sort after by worldly kings even in old age (Genesis 20). It is very important that we need to be beautiful in deeds and good works. There is the need to make God our standards at all times. But there is also the need to make our appearance beautiful. Even if it's just on a scale of 2:10 as we take time to pursue after God, we need to give attention to our appearance. We need to make a little effort at our looks.

King Xerxes was proud of the appearance of his queen that he wanted to show her off to the nobles and princes under him. Not that they have never seen Queen Vashti before, but it still delighted the king to show her off. I am positive our husbands feel some sense of pride when they have a beautiful wife by their side as the appear for occasions. No matter how godly a man is, he still feels proud to present his beautiful wife to the world over and over again. 

Once I escorted my husband for his graduation ceremony at the Lagos Business School where he did a short course program. I did take time with my dressing I must confess. I was modest, decent and I looked good. A bit of make-up, small earrings, a small necklace and a wrist-watch. My hair was also very nicely done, like that which I have on my profile now and I was very satisfied with the way I looked. But the highlight for me was the pride with which my husband introduced me to his friends and course-mates that he was graduating alongside with. And they all had a surprise look about them, their comments been "madam, you look good." When we got home my husband told me that some of his friends didn't believe I was his wife, but accused him of hiring a woman to stand as his wife. I could read the delight on his face over that incidents and all he said was Derin I think we should go out some more. 

Please beautiful women of God, do not deprive your husband the joy they feel when people commend them on the looks of their wives. Make effort at been a queen both inside and out. I am not saying you pour all your life at looking good and abandon your true assignment of been the suitable help and the submission and prayer you are required for give as a wife, but on a scale of 2:10, make effort at looking good. 

Once a friend of mine told me that her husband does not like her wearing gold jewellery, and she didn't see anything wrong with wearing such. She wanted my advice and I told her that her major assignment from God towards her husband is submission. So if your husband forbids you wearing gold jewellery then its important you stop wearing them and any other thing your husband does not permit, but still look good anyway. The good looks is not restricted to the jewelleries and pearls. The efforts at looking good is mainly for your husband so there is not point making efforts that is not appreciated. But if your husband permits you to wear these apparels, heaven does not forbid it either as long as it is done in moderation and done modestly and with a lot of decency to go with it. You are a queen fearfully and wonderfully made by God, maintain the beauty of God's creation in you.    

The Errors Of Queen Vashti. Are You A Model Queen?

Esther 1:9-12, 16-18

Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of King Xerxes.

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him - Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Carcas - to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendants delivered the king's command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.  

Then Memucan replied in the presence of the king and nobles, "Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, 'King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.' This very day the Persian and Median women of nobility who have heard about the queen's conduct will respond to all the kings's noble in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.   

For about two days I had been praying and trusting God for what to share in my next blog post. I really wanted to move on from marriage issues to other aspect of our everyday life such as parenting, but the Lord just kept pressing on my heart to read the book of Esther in the Bible. I knew the story of how Esther became queen and just didn't see a desired message in that story until I picked up my Bible and began to read. I had just read the first chapter of the book of Esther when I realized why the Lord wanted me to read it all over again. 

My post today will touch on the role of the wives as queens with leadership assignments. The wife leader is more of what this Bible passage talks about. Much was not said of the wife of King Xerxes, other than three things. She was a very beautiful woman whose husband was proud to show off to the world; she was a woman leader as she was a queen, and she held a banquet for the noble women in the province just at the time her husband the king was holding a banquet for the noble men and princes of the province; and lastly she disobeyed or maybe its okay to say she disregarded her husband's command. 

But the highlight of what is contained in the first chapter of the book of Esther is what we read from Vs 16-18. The interpretation given to the action of Queen Vashti by the noble men. Because Queen Vashti is a woman leader, it is assumed that what she did will be replicated in all the women in the province and there will be no end to the disrespect and discord among the women to their husbands. Vashti might have been looking down on her husband within the confines of their home but when in public eye it was time for her to show restrain and conduct herself properly. Her sins where not just against her husband who is the king but against the entire provinces under the rule of the king because she was a woman leader, she was a queen, she was a role model that others looked up to and copied. She needed to set a standard and it has to be the right standard. 

Now, there is the need to point the flash light at the women leaders in our times and those who aspire to be leaders. The Pastor's wives and deaconesses in the house, the female pastors in the house. Those who are married to leaders of a group and leaders of organisations, those who mentor others and have people who look up to them as role-models, are you a model queen? What examples are you setting for those who look up to you with your conduct in marriage. Do you show total and complete respect for your husband such that those who see you can emulate such conduct and replicate it in their homes and then just by your actions you promote peace in other peoples lives and homes? 

The truth is that we might not understand the extent to which our actions can go. Vashti might never have thought that her lack of respect to her husband had a potential danger on the entire provinces under her husband's rule. But whether we know it or not, those action have ripple effects. Your children see the way you relate with their father with lack of regard for his authority as the head of the home and this leaves a lasting impression on them. They might grow up treating their spouses in the same manner because that is what they saw and know their mother to do. 

As a pastor's wife, your respect for your husband is also your respect for the entire congregation and the office he holds. The women in the church see the way the pastor's wife behaves and they go home and replicate the things they have learned not by words but through the actions of their role model and they get good results. 

In order to be a real queen there is the need to make that husband of yours a king both at home and in public eye. The king in him authenticates the queen in you and a disrespect to the king is a disrespect to the kingdom. You need to be a model queen at all times.