Handling Domestic Violence

Several times I have heard people say things like “this woman has so suffered from the hands of her husband, yet she is submissive and meek.” The person telling the story speaks with so much passion that one is tempted to wonder how cruel can God be to watch this meek and gentle woman suffer humiliation and hate from the hands of her husband who is suppose to love her, care for her and treat her with respect. Yet God says He hates divorce.

Some people have attributed some issues in life to be a misery that can only be unraveled when we leave this world and this illustration is one of such miseries. But God is not a cruel God and He does wish that the people He created should have to suffer anything. In fact the heart of God bleeds when He sees His children suffer. But just as God created the one who is being humiliated, He also created the one who is causing the humiliation so to say. He is a fair God who alone sees the two sides of the coin. He does not judge as we do, and He does not approach issues in the way and manner which we do. He is God, the One who sees the end from the beginning. Just as He longs to save the one who is humiliated, He likewise wants to save the one who humiliates.  

God said His people perish for lack of knowledge and then He also said, we should call on Him and He will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things we do not know (Jeremiah 33:3). And so that tells me that if a wife genuinely seeks the face of God for an understanding into the secret to the problems and challenges she is facing in her marriage, the Lord is always willing, ready and available to answer her.

One truth about handling a situation that seems so hard to crack in marriage is that in approaching God for help and truth in that misery of a situation, what we carry in our hearts as we approach God matters. And we should be ready to find a solution in God's way and approach through the instructions He gives us rather than our own way. It is very easy to hate a husband that maltreats you. It is convenient have resentment towards a husband who has turned you into a punching bag. So what you most likely will be praying for is vengeance against your husband who has invariably become a monster in your life, forgetting that though God loves you and does not approve of you been maltreated which He has expressed clearly in Malachi 2:16, yet He loves your husband too and He longs that your husband will have a change of heart and character. Just as you need help, your violent husband needs help too, and all of these God sees and knows.

It’s like a mother whose children are always fighting each other; yes one will be on the wrong while the other is right; one will be the bully while the other is the bullied, yet they are siblings born of the same mother. And even though the mother does not like what is happening between her children, still she loves them both and will keep making efforts to mend the broken relationship between her children. She won’t kill one for the other neither will she disown one for the other. This illustration is what we put God through with dispute in our marriages, and for as long as the heart of both spouses are hardened towards each other they not only damage one another emotionally and even physically, they break the heart of God who loves and cares for them both.

No matter how bad or terrible a man is, God has still made his wife a suitable helper for hm. And no matter how bad a husband can be, the combined forces of God and his wife will tame him. Often times an abused wife wants vindication for how she has been treated, she wants vengeance for how she has been treated. What she seeks from God is often to punish her erring husband and when this not the case, she follows her heart and seek for a divorce in the name of running for her dear life and even praises God for it. But if God says He hates divorce and He has not changed His mind on that declaration then I am tempted to say that God did not ask you to divorce neither is He happy you did. Will God forgive that decision you made? I think the answer is yes, but this is not a thing to climb a church podium and give testimony about as a lot of people do today.

In Genesis 2:18 God gave a reason why He created the woman, and that reason is to be a suitable helper to the man who is suppose to be her husband. In that pronouncement of God, He did not specify the area of the husband’s life where the wife is to come in and help, He just said the woman who has become the wife is the suitable helper to the husband. So in any area of the man’s life where help is required, God has provided a helper for him in the person of His wife. Even with the man with a terrible temper and violent nature, still his wife is his suitable helper. And God would really love to use that wife who is her husband’s suitable helper as a vessel or an instrument to bring about a valuable change in the life of the man He created and loves despite his terrible nature.

It is important to pray hard before making a marriage decision, it is also important to check for signs to see and know if your husband has a tendency to be violent once in marriage and retrace your steps on your about to be sealed decision or better still cross check with God properly before signing that certificate. But people change, a man who was not violent before may end up being violent due to circumstances he finds himself but cannot help or he is unable to handle properly. Some men fall foolishly into the hands of evil strange women who are agents of darkness with the mission to spoil the good thing God has provided for your home and steal your joy. They influence your husband and take over his senses and he begins to act strangely. In some other cases the economic of times in these days is enough frustration on its own and a man who is increasingly finding it difficult to cope with the responsibilities on his shoulders gradually becomes violent. Not that he means to, but he has grown to be a frustrated man. In all of these, the wife is still God's vessel in bringing healing to her husband. She is God’s tool of change in the life of her husband.

She will apply the forces of prayer and good attitude, sensitivity to her husband’s mood and plenty of love to fight the war raging in her husband’s life and she will win. You cannot win a war against negativity by been negative too. You can only conquer the negative with a positive and that is why a wife can win any attack in the life of her husband that is affecting her both body and soul by been positive and prayerful.

When you are submitting to your violent husband, its not because you are weak, it because the battle you fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and forces of darkness in high places. And your weapons of war are not harsh words and unbridled tongues or even the fist, but your weapons of war are mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.

A wife who appears weak and unable to win the war against her husband’s rage of the fist is missing something vital. She might have prayed to God on the matter and be submissive to her husband, but what is she carrying in her heart concerning her husband? Is she able to forgive him truly and genuinely as she prayers? Does she see in her husband a man that can change and become a better person with the touch of God on his life? One too many times we hear wives of violent husbands say things like “he can never change or he is a failure,” when you have made such a negative declaration over the life of the person whom you have been assigned to help, then you complicate issues for yourself, because what you have declared will find a means of manifestation in him. Yet you have been assigned to help him and God has not changed His mind on that. What you say to and about your husband when you are hurt is very important and needs to be watched carefully.

In truth, it is hard task dealing with a violent husband, to have to work on someone who has not just dealt with you physically but more so emotionally is a big assignment. But the grace of God is available for you at all times. I know a lady who overcame an abusive marriage without having to go through a divorce, still with the same husband, but now there is so much love and peace between them. At every opportunity her husband thanks her for sticking with him through the past ugly days. When asked how she coped and was able to turn things around, she said it was and still is only God. She was at the point of depression and had so much resentment for her husband like everyone else in her situation. Then the Lord opened her eyes to His word that she was the suitable helper God has assigned to help her husband become a better person. It was hard for her to comprehend because she didn’t know how and was unwilling to do any good to the man she had grown to hate.

But she loved God and wanted to please God. She could not divorce her husband because she knew that would displease God, yet she hated the man she was living with. So she began to pray that God should help her overcome the resentment she felt for her husband. She prayed that God would love her husband through her because on her own she could not love the man again. Did God answer her prayers? Well her story today tells it all. God practically took control of her situation. When her husband comes home ranting and shouting and nagging, somehow she found herself not responding. No matter what her husband says, no matter the insult, she either was not talking back or would only say “I’m sorry”. Even those words “I am sorry” provoked her husband the more yet she says no word. In the midst of it all she was always praying within her and because she was praying she almost was not hearing what her husband was saying in his rants and shouts.

She submitted to him nonetheless and tried to ensure that all she had to do for him as his wife she did well. Today she tells the world she can’t say for sure how she managed through those days, but God always took over her body and senses that she becomes numb to her husband’s actions. This went on for years and over time she tamed her husband. Not by words but by actions and prayers. They are best of friends now and her husband respects her so much and she has become a model even for him. Till today, this lady still handles her marriage on these values, when her husband is angry she gives him space once she notices he is not willing to open up to her. When he calms down they talk and try to solve the problem together.

In closing I will say, there is nothing impossible for God to handle if we will let him. As a wife you should not compare your husband with anyone else. He is your husband and he is uniquely for you. If you know you are married to a man with a short temper, then you should understand that you have to deal with him with care. If your husband raises his hand to slap you, please never wait for the second slap or even try to challenge him. Run away from the scene to a safe place and lock yourself up till he calms down; the explanation can come later. Where you need to explain something to him in defense or you want to demand an explanation from him, leave it till the demon controlling the air at that time is conquered. While in your hiding place please pray and pray and let the power of God fill the environment where you are and where you husband is. All other things will come after the power of God has saturated the air. You can win the battle with all things still looking and feeling good. May the Lord bless our homes.

Domestic Violence

It’s another beautiful day with another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of the word of God. It’s been a while since I last shared a post on this blog and I must apologize for this. I have been a little bit unmotivated lately and I sincerely crave your prayers. Nothing too serious, I am just a little overwhelmed.

Well with my apology tendered I should then go ahead and be God’s spokesperson to a heart needing a word from Him today. And I want to say something about domestic violence. Despite the fact that I have been unmotivated the Lord has been laying it on my heart to share a word about the issue of domestic violence.

Domestic violence has been a trending topic lastly on all social media platforms and even in the news in my country. There is been a recent case of wife been beaten to death by her husband and it’s not a case in isolation. It is gradually becoming a one too many occurrence of very extreme case of domestic violence that has ultimately led to death.

One of the spouses dies and the other is also just as good as dead just because they both have not been able to master the act of controlling their emotions and exercising restrain when necessary. In situations like this the woman who most likely is the one that dies becomes the victim while the husband is the beast. This is just so natural because the man holds the strength of power, he carries the muscles. But we almost always forget that the wife carries the tongue and even in some cases carries some hidden venom that kills faster than the strength of the muscle. So in my submission to you in this post I will not be one sided, neither will I apportion blame. But by the help of the Holy Spirit we will be looking at this issue from a balanced point of view. 

Malachi 2:13-16

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?”It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 

Has not the Lord, made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

"I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. 

So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

In the course of writing the book Marriage: God’s Rules of Engagement, I came across one hidden truth about marriage in Ephesians 5:22-31, Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 and this truth is that God in dealing with the issue of marriage begins with the wife. God instruction concerning marriage is first issued to the wife. Why the wife first and not the husband, who God says is the head of the home? It is because the success or failure of any marriage resides in the ability and wisdom of the wife. A wife is the heart of every marriage is what we like to say. When the heart is not functioning well the whole body is in trouble. If the heart does not recover the body dies. This is exactly what happens to marriage. If the wife begins to misbehave then that marriage is dancing swiftly to the rocks. If this wife is not awakened from her slumber her marriage dies.

Before I direct my writing to the man in marriage I will like to share a few passages from the Bible for the wives to consider so they know that there are consequences to their actions whether good or bad. As a woman you need to understand that you cannot sow the seed of hate and expect to reap love. When you want to be treated as a queen then you must endeavor to treat your husband like a king. Life is about cause and effect. 

Proverbs 21:9, 19

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. 

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. 

These two passages are meant to be a food for thought for all women; we need to personally assess ourselves to know what kind of a wife we are. Are we the manipulative wives, the quarrelsome wife, the wise wife or the wife of noble character? Genesis 2:18 states clearly the reason why God made the woman; our primary reason for being in existence is to be a suitable helper to our husbands. As a wife are you fulfilling that purpose? 

Proverbs 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits. 

Proverbs 18:2, 6

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites beating. 

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect him. 

Like I mentioned earlier, life is about cause and effect. When you sow a seed you must be ready to reap its harvest. When as a wife you do not learn to sow wisely then you should be ready to reap foolishly. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Those who have applied this quote wisely in their homes are reaping the harvest of peace and love.

In marriage a woman fights her battles on her knees with God and not reflexing muscles with a husband you cannot match strength for strength. There is nothing your husband is bringing your way that you and God cannot handle. When the wife has a deep rooted relationship with God and she is sincerely following the leading of the Holy Spirit on the affairs of her home she can never be subjected to any humiliation by any man in the name of husband. If God cannot change your husband’s heart to love and care for you like he should, then the Lord will call the husband home and you will be free from the marriage covenant while He hands you over to a man who can love you like the Lord will want him to. God did it before for Abigail and it is at His discretion to do it again if the need arises.

If you as a wife do what you are supposed to do as a wife, doing it to please God, then you can be sure that peace beyond measure will reign in your home and even your husband will call you blessed.With this said, I then want to address the men.

In Malachi 2:13 God, addressing the men, said they weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to their offerings and does not accept their sacrifices with pleasure mainly because they have broken faith with the wife of their youth; the wife of their marriage covenant. Men who don’t treat their wives right don’t have to wait till they get to hell before they are punished. They start to get the response of their deeds while still on earth. I am sorry if I sound hard, but that’s the truth of the Bible. 1 Peter 3:7 says be considerate with your wife and treat her with respect so that nothing will hinder your prayers. So a man who does not treat his wife as the Bible says he should is at the danger of having his prayers hindered.

Then Malachi 2:16 God says He hates a man covering himself with violence as with his covering. This is not just any violence that God is speaking of, it is violence against your wife; the wife of your marriage covenant. The Bible says who can stand the wrath of God. If God says He hates a thing and you do it, then you invite His wrath. When that God comes, can you withstand it?

So many men have nosedived from grace to grass, from abundance to absolute lack and poverty owing to the way and manner in which they treat their wives. They cry wolf and blame it on household witches; it is no household witch, it is the Lord who stands as a witness between you and the wife of your youth that has refused to hear your cry for help and thrown your offerings back at your face. He will not tolerate any man treating His precious being violently. Change your ways and see how things will turn around in your favour.

If as a husband you abuse your wife and you are violent towards her, true she cannot match your strength, but there is someone who handles the case on her behalf whose strength you cannot comprehend. She might appear a weaker one to you and a ready prey for your outburst, but when she begins to pray I’ll advise you start to beg for forgiveness and retrace your steps because what will be the after effect of that prayer you cannot match it in any way. No matter how masculine and overbearing a husband is, he cannot match the powers of a praying wife. He might appear to win in the physical, but the real war is in the spiritual. When your wife has secured victory spiritual she has ultimately won even in the physical. It’s just the manifestation that comes afterwards.

Marriage is not a battle field, it is a land flowing with milk and honey where God has brought the man and his wife together as one people combining strength to wage war against the various challenges of their lives. Marriage is not for the husband and wife to battle against each other, but to combine forces against external forcing threatening their union. We need to always be reminded of this because it is based on this truth that God will demand an account from us on how we have performed on the assignment He has placed on our lives. In everything in life which includes marriage there is an effect for every cause, and there is a cause for every effect. Sow the right seeds so that you can reap good harvest. May the Lord bless our homes.

One More Thought On the Issues of Unity In Marraige

Much has been said about unity in marriage and now I am thinking “how can this be achievable between a husband and wife such as Nabal and Abigail.” As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, unity in marriage does not just come by chance, it is not a byproduct of love as most people would like to believe, but unity in marriage is an attribute that needs to be cultivated. It is something that has to be worked for and pursued as a goal in marriage.

It is often said that nothing good comes easy; this saying might be likened to the issue of unity in marriage. The devil will throw a lot of tantrums at your marriage to ensure that unity in that marriage is not attained. The wife and her husband will have conflicting opinions about more than one issue in their marriage but nonetheless they need to always have their minds focused on unity in their union in order to enjoy the benefits that accrues to those who have attained the goal.

A husband who has the unity of his marriage as his focus is a husband who bears the feeling and opinions of his wife in mind when making instructions or engaging in any action. A husband who has the unity of his marriage at heart is not a husband who is selfish in what he does. He is a husband who listens to the opinions of his wife, deliberate on issues with her before taking a decision or taking action on issues. Unlike what some tradition teaches, this husband who is one with his wife is not a weakling as some may think, but he is a man who knows that the prosperity of his life and the success of his assignment on earth is closely tied to the cooperation of his wife. He is a man who knows and understands that as one people (himself and his wife), nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them to do. This is a man who understands well his assignment for God and how to achieve much successfully.

A wife who has the unity of her marriage as her focus is a wife who knows the importance of submission. She is a wise woman who is not selfish in her ways and is not easily influenced by the outside world, but has her mind set on God. She is a wife who knows that her primary assignment given to her by God is to help her husband succeed in all he has to do and that is her main pursuit on the face of the earth. She knows that if her husband succeeds then she succeeds all the more. She is not in competition with her husband but strives to complement him while not attempting to take over his role or getting overzealous. She is not selfish but pursues the peace and prosperity of her husband as a means to the peace and prosperity of her own life. If her husband prospers, she prospers all the more. When things are done this way in marriage, then nothing the husband and the wife plans to do will be impossible for them.

Often times women have walked this line that I just described in marriage and when the husband becomes a success he begins to misbehave and forget that the success was not achieved on his strength alone but there was a lot of work done backstage by the suitable helper God has provided for him in his wife. Not too long after success is achieved that the husband begins to disdain his pillar of achievement. He forgets that it was when he was one people with his wife that success was achieved. In same manner the wife grows bitter and the bond of unity is broken and impossibility is allowed entrance into their union. So with this illustration, it is very important that the husband and his wife guards with all diligence the bond of unity that exist between them whether when successful or not.

Unity and communication are two inseparable entities in marriage because, how can you unite with someone you don’t communicate with? How is it possible to deliberate on goals and objectives when the husband and his wife have communication problems? So when there are quarrels and misunderstandings in marriage it is important that communication is not broken. Eat up the pride and mend fences with your spouse whether you are wrong or right because the communication space in the union cannot be left as a vacuum. Never be too proud to forgive and even beg because the unity of your union is important to your joint success and also your individual success. Communication enhances unity and unity produces success, peace and prosperity. All of these things take conscious effort to attain; they don’t just appear in the union by chance. They are not dependent on love, although love is a catalyst in the process. In fact all these positive attributes are byproduct of unity. You can unite with a person that you don’t love, but if unity lingers long enough love will appear in the union.

To achieve and retain success as a married couple, unity between the husband and his wife is very important. Pride and ego destroys good character, and they are enemies of success. So when success comes as a result of joint effort neither the wife nor the husband should allow pride or ego to consume them. This is a vice to guide against diligently as it will spoil the good that has been achieved. May the Lord bless our homes.

More To Know On Unity In Marriage

Its always a wonderful thing to be able to share the truth of the word of God with God’s wonderful people. In all of it I am positive that God is taking over in many homes and turning things around to the glory of His holy name.

I promised in my last post that there is more to learn on the issue of unity in marriage, and I will say with confidence in Christ that we are yet to appreciate and understand the importance of unity in the home and between couples. I am trusting God that through this blog post the Lord will open up our minds to the importance of having a united marriage. 

Genesis 11:6

The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.

Matthew 18:19

“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 

These two scriptures hold very important truth about unity in the home. Genesis 11:6 used a phrase that really got me thinking, and it says “if as one people” the word people shows that we have more than one individual involved. There are probably two or more individuals fused together to form one people with the bond of unity firmly holding them together. God then testifies to the fact that these group of individuals who have come together to form one people are indestructible because whatever they plan to do as one people will definitely be possible for them to do. So as one people (bind together by the cord of unity) nothing shall be impossible for them.

The only way the word impossibility can exist within the rank of this one people is if the bond of unity is destroyed. But as long as they are united as one people nothing shall be impossible for them to do. With this we have a better understanding of why God made the man and his wife one rather than two. Because if as one in flesh and spirit as God originally designed it, then nothing they plan to do shall be impossible for them. With this understanding it important that the husband and wife realizes that fighting each other and working against one another rather than working for one another only destroys the bond of unity holding them together and orchestrates impossibility into their individual lives. So as one flesh with the bond of unity holding the two together to form one, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. But as separate entities, impossibility will definitely have its free play.

Again, Jesus says, if two agree about anything and they ask for same in prayer it shall be done for them by our Father in heaven. So we understand that two getting to agree and then praying is a vital key to success. I am now discovering here that unity and prosperity go hand in hand. Where you find unity of two in goal and purpose there also you find success and prosperity.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I am also discovering and I believe you are too that unity precedes victory. So if you desire victory over the challenges of your life, then first mend the bond of unity between you and your spouse. Jesus said a house that is divided against itself cannot stand.

It is true your wife is not perfect, and it is very true that she has so many shortfalls that you have to cope with. But if you must succeed on all your assignments assigned to you by God and have victory over the challenges of life that will come your way, its important you make that woman your best friend and do all that is needful to ensure that she is one people with you and you both are speaking the same language.

That husband of yours may not be as loving as you wished him to be, he may not even be as kind as you would think you deserve for a husband, but you need to be one with him in flesh and spirit to have your destiny fulfilled and your life balanced. The impossibilities of your life will go away if you start to work on the bond of unity between you and your husband rather than work against it. 

1 Samuel 25:2-3

A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings – he was a Calebite.  

Above is the description of a couple and I would like to round off with this. These two people are entirely different in composition, the wife was intelligent and beautiful while the husband was surly and mean yet they were a very wealthy couple basically because they were one people. The wife knowing who her husband was (character wise), was always readily on hand to cover up his mess. If we read through the whole story in 1 Samuel 25, we will observe how Abigail hastily corrected her husband’s wrong before king David. But irrespective of Nabal’s attitude, he had a wife who was one with him in flesh and spirit and so he succeeded and was a very wealthy man.  

From the revelation of the word of word God I will conclude that the by-products of unity are success, victory, prosperity and peace. So a united marriage is one that will be successful, victorious, peaceful and prosperous. It is also important to note that unity in the home is a thing that couples have to consciously work at developing and attaining. Unity will not just appear in the marriage, it is sought after and worked towards by both spouses in the marriage with an attainable goal as a focus. Quarrels and misunderstandings will come up in the marriage, issues that will threaten the unity of the marriage will always come up every now and then, but each spouse in the marriage will consciously ensure that they remove any and everything that will remove their focus from the goal ahead which is unity in order to enjoy the benefits that comes with it. Fights in the marriage should be settled quickly, misunderstandings should be handled with wisdom and promptly not allowed to linger so that the eyes of the couple is allowed to stay fixed on the goal (unity) in order to enjoy its reward. Each spouse should have absolute control over their emotions, not allowing the negative emotions over-run its bound and eroding the focus off the goal of unity. One of the big secret to success for the married couple in that one word called unity. Where there is unity there surely will be prosperity and peace. May the Lord bless our marriage.

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The Essence Of Unity In Marriage

It’s another gracious day, a day the Lord has made and we are destined to rejoice and be glad in it. It’s a beautiful day with a beautiful opportunity again to share the glorious word of God. The feedbacks have been very good, and I am positive that new and beautiful things are beginning to happen in many homes to the glory of God.

I have been hit several times by messages about the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray that when He does return, we will be ready to go with Him.

So we continue on our marriage talks and the next important component of a successful marriage that I want to discuss again is the power of unity. Unity in goal, unity in purpose, unity in pursuit, unity in objective, unity in achievement are all important for the success of the couple as a unit and then the success of the individual component that makes the unit. Jesus Christ said that "the house that is divided in itself cannot stand." There is no gainsaying that when married couples see themselves as competitors rather than a joint force with one common goal, that marriage will end in a misery. It’s either the husband is struggling to outdo the wife or the wife is aiming so very hard to be better than her husband. God did not institute marriage for this purpose at all.

Marriage is about a man lacking in some things and the Lord blesses him with a wife to fill in all the missing links in his life and so Solomon says in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favour from the Lord."The woman is in the life of the man to complement him and not to compete with him, sharing the same goals, having the same focus and joining forces to wage war against the challenges of life that are lined up their path in life.

It’s important that we know some basic truth about marriage and then re-engineer our thoughts with regards to marriage in line with this truth. And the first fact about marriage is that the institution of marriage is bigger than any individual component of the institution. Yes, I form an important part of my marriage yet my marriage is bigger than me or my emotional feelings. My marriage is an institution established and ordained by God for a purpose that is far bigger than me. I am on assignment for God and as such God placed me in that marriage to fulfill a purpose for him.

In Genesis 2:18 God declared that it is not good for my husband to be alone and decided to make me as a suitable helper for him. It is true that I am in my husband’s life to help him and he is capable of coming up with various attitudes and characters that might upset me, but still I didn’t place myself in the life of my husband, God did. He is also watching me on how I am fairing on my assignment. So yes, there is my husband’s factor in marriage but there is the bigger picture of who sent me on assignment in the life of my husband. So there is a purpose and aim that God desires to achieve through me as He sends me on that assignment in my husband’s life. And this illustration explains why I have said that marriage is bigger than any individual component on the institution.

Also a man in marriage is not just in that marriage because he wishes to alone, in fact he has a lot more responsibility and more to report to God for. He has various duties that the Lord has lines up for him, one of such is to care for all that God created (Genesis 2:15), and he has also been given a suitable helper on that assignment who he has been asked to love and care for as himself, cleansing her by washing with water and the word (Ephesians 5:25-26). On these assignments the husband is answerable to God who is watching how he is handling the assignments. So you will appreciate that marriage is bigger than how we feel or what we think individually as spouses.

God has many aims and objectives he wishes to achieve through our marriages and so the fact that we have found ourselves together as husbands and wives is beyond what we see it to be. God allowed the union because we have assignments to fulfill for Him together. One of such assignment is found in Malachi 2:15, God in desiring godly offspring, brought the man and woman together as husband and wife to raise godly offspring for him.

In the coming together to two entirely different people, it’s inevitable that differences will surface in their union every now and then, this is because in truth they are different but only when these two different and uniquely wonder individuals come together to form a bond can they achieve for God what He desires to achieve through their them as one unit, and in so doing also have their own collective and individual goals and desires achieved. Because as they join forces to do for God what He wants done, then they can also be sure that as they please God, He is also making relentless efforts and meeting not just their needs but also their wants.

In marriage what is usually the case is that the weakness of one spouse is the strength of the other. I always tell wives that if their husbands were perfect then they don’t have a role playing in his life. The shortfall of your husband’s life is the reason you are his wife. If the husband is perfect the Lord will have no need forming a wife for him as his suitable helper. So capitalizing on your husband’s shortcomings as a reason to disdain him amounts to you not fulfilling your purpose in his life. In the same way as a husband you need to understand that you are not perfect and your wife is that God assigned helper to complete you. She is also not perfect, but she fits well into the missing link of your life. If you then, knowing that you are not perfect, will be wrong demanding perfection from your wife. But one truth is that the woman God has placed in your life possess all that is required by you to be all that God has destined you to be. You need to realize that you can also successfully be all that God has called you to be with the help of the suitable helper He has provided for you who is your wife. You will enjoy the full benefit of what God has provided for you in your wife when you learn to treat her well with unconditional love and care.

It also natural that as couples, you step on each other’s toes once in a while, it’s not unheard of that a husband will betray the trust of his wife, cheat on her and vice versa. It’s also natural that when that happens emotions will run wild and these emotions will be expressed strongly. But it’s very important to know when to run past the emotions of betrayal, let go of the hurting feelings and return your focus to the bigger picture of the purpose of your union and continue to make God the ultimate focus of your marriage. It is only then can you achieve much from and for your marriage, for God and for yourselves together as a couple and as individual component of the marriage.    

There will have the continuation of this topic in my next post and then I will try to dig up examples of marriages in the Bible on how unity in marriage has helped bring about success for God and for the individual component of the union in my next couple of posts.

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues (3)

It’s another glorious opportunity to share the truth of the word of God with the wonderful people of God. Your responses have been encouraging I must say and you are well appreciated.

Still continuing in discussing practical issues in marriage and here is an issue that has affected a lot of married women, most especially those without helping hands or maids in the home. The economic climate we are in, in this present day and time is such that unless by the grace of God, it is almost impossible for both spouses not to get into income generating activities. As it is, both the husband and the wife have to work and earn income to be able to financially sustain the family.

With that said, the wife in addition to her income generating activity or work which in most cases take the priority on the list of the activities that struggles for her time, she has to take care of the children, cook for them, monitor their hygiene which might include bathing them, doing their laundry, ensuring nails are cut, hair well-kept etc. Then she still has other house chores to do which will also include house cleaning, toilet washing, dish washing, taking care of the kitchen and so on. Then not to forget children’s education support activities, school’s home-work, class projects etc for each child at different level of education. I hope as you read this, you try to use your imagination to figure out the picture I am trying to present to you.

Then in some cases you have the wife who has all these of the above listed burdens to carry still being the breadwinner of the home. The husband is unable to make much in terms of financial income though it might be a temporary situation or an effort not yet yielding the expected returns, but still cannot and would not put a helping hand in the upkeep of the home and family because he has concluded that it is not his responsibility to do that. In some other cases it may be the husband’s ego in action, or so that people or family/relatives will not see him doing a woman’s stuff in the house thereby terming him a weakling (which is predominant in our culture). And in still other cases it may be share laziness on the husband’s part.

I can’t imagine why and how a woman should not be expected to age early and wear-out fast if she has all of these on her to do list on a daily basis without any form of help. You might conclude that she employs a helping hand, but remember she is the breadwinner, and that is an additional monthly expenses that she has to bear with no addition to the current income generation.

I have always written on this blog that the woman holds the responsibility to build her home, this is an assignment given to her by God and she will report to God on how she has feared on this task. But this same wonderful God has instructed the husband to love his wife as himself in the order with which Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-30). If the husband will be fulfilling this call of God on his life and obeying carefully this instruction he has been given by God then he will not sit and watch his wife burn herself out in order to be his wife. It is highly insensitive for any man not to make any meaningful contribution to the growth of the home and family. As a man there should be something weighty that you as the head of the home in contributing to the growth of the home otherwise you are as good as an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8 says “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We have always termed the providing mentioned in this scripture to mean money or related it solely to financial provision, but thank God the Bible did not say “provide financially”, it only said provide. So the provide can come in the form of support, care, love, money, helping hand, encouragement, watchfulness and many other provides that there can be to make the home comfortable for those that God has given to you to care for as head of the home. So if the man will be true to obeying this instruction of God on his life, then there are more provides required of him than just financial provision.

If he is unable to provide financially for his family then he should be able to provide encouragement, support, helping hands, love and many other forms of provision that will foster the growth of the family and make him truly the head that God has called him to be. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better that one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up.” It interesting what the Bible says about a man who has no-one to help him when he falls, such is the case of the wife who has been left to carry all the burdens of the home all alone. In no time at all this beautiful wife will completely fade out if care is not taken. If a man would claim that his wife is his suitable helper and so should be there to help him if and when he needs help and in whatever way or form he needs the help, then such a man should be reminded that the beautiful helper also requires ample love and care which the husband has been instructed by God to give to her unconditionally and without limit. As a man you would do yourself a whole lot of God when you learn to care for, love and encourage your wife because in so doing, you can be sure she’ll serve you well.   

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.