What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (4)

Hello wonderful prince and princesses of the greatest King of all, I really thank God for our lives and the grace to be among the living today. It’s always so easy to take God for granted for His grace and goodness in our lives, but when we encounter someone who is in dear need of what we count as ordinary and of no consequences, it humbles us and makes us realize how favored we are to be so blessed by God. But I urge you not to wait for that encounter that will force you to your knees before thanking God for His goodness and mercy in your lives.

I want to apologize for taking two days off, there has been some domestic issues that I urgently needed to pay attention to or should I say that, these issues have been causing some form of distractions in my life, but I bless God that I have been able to sort them out and to the glory of God I am back to serve God and serve you.

So we will look at the last of the four elements we have been considering in order to determine which is most important for the success of our individual marriage. So far we have looked at the role of love, trust and time in marriage and lastly we will look at the role of sex in marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

This is my favorite Scripture when I have to write about sex and marriage, and this is so because just these three verses of scripture are loaded with information that is vital for the success of marriage.

Paul describes sex in marriage as a marital duty from a husband to his wife and from a wife to her husband, and I am so smiling now, wondering how such a relaxing and love and pleasure loaded activity can actually be a duty. But that is just how good and stressless God is to us His children. So the first thing to know about sex in marriage is that it is a duty that must be fulfilled, with no excuse except for the purpose of devoting oneself to prayer and it must be for a short period of time and with mutual consent.

But sex plays other vital roles in marriage asides being a marital duty. Sex in marriage helps to foster communication in marriage. I can’t imagine a husband and wife who would engage in sexual relationship and still get to keep malice with each other. It’s almost not possible.

Sex in marriage is a very convenient way for couples to settle quarrels and mend fences of misunderstandings between them without words. They don’t have to determine who is right or wrong, they don’t even have to apologize, once they get together apology takes the form of action and not words.

I really do understand and appreciate God when He instructed through Paul that the man and his wife should not deprive one another except for mutual consent. This is so that a lot of unhealthy gap in the marriage can be closed up effortlessly and communication can flow smoothly between the husband and his wife and bond of unity between them should remain strong and unshaken.

It’s very bad to sex-starve your spouse, be it that you are the wife or the husband. You are not teaching any lesson or making any point or promoting love and unity in your marriage by sex-starving your spouse. You are only committing a sin by depriving your spouse of your body when God says you should not and if for any reason your spouse engages in extra-marital affairs, you would have caused him/her to sin too.

If you have any issue with your spouse settle it first on your knees, then settle it with a right attitude and crown it all with a gentle and loving talk where you let your spouse know that he/she has done wrong. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

So we have looked at all four elements under consideration we think each one would prefer to have for their marriage to be successful. We have looked at love, trust, time and sex. I want to state that the success of a marriage is not limited to just these four elements. As a matter of fact money as broken a lot of homes; some people regard money as very vital for the success of a marriage. Some others are very mindful of home-keep and food; some men get irritated by a wife who cannot cook good food or take proper or adequate care of the home.

But for me, I desire a total package; I desire love, trust, time and sex for my marriage to function the way I want it to. But for me to desire all these and more, I should be ready to give all these and more. Like I understand marriage to be, it’s what I invest in it that I will reap from it, and what I will reap from it comes in multiples of what I have invested in it. And when the yield is not as expected, I pray and let God lead me to areas of my marital life where adjustments are required and then He fixes the rest.

In this same manner, whatever you think is vital in your marriage is what you need to put in it the most. If you want the love most, then you give the love most and whatever you give comes to you in multiple fold of what you put in. You then need to settle down and think this matter through properly as you take your pick. May the Lord bless our marriages in Jesus name. 

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (3)

At Christmas time we often say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but I just read on my friend’s wall that it was because of you and I that Jesus came to the world, if there was no sin in the world, then there will be no reason for Christ to come and die. So according to her, you and I are the reason for the season and I totally agree with her. But the important thing is that we make the death of Jesus count for good in our lives. Let the purpose of Christ coming into this world and then dying for our sins not be in vain. You are the reason for the season so make the most of it and make Jesus proud.

So we continue on the discussion on what should be the most important element in your marriage; should it be love, trust, time or sex? So far we have discussed the issue of love and trust, so in today’s post, we will be discussing the role of time in marriage. Now time as stated here refers to the attention that a man ought to give his wife and the attention that a wife ought to give her husband. What does the Bible say about this, and how should we as married couples handle the issue of attention to one another.

Ephesians 5:28-29

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

The closest I have been able to get to in my Bible research on the issue of time/attention in marriage is what I have found in the passages above. If a man knows how to take care of himself and give himself adequate attention such that he takes time to eat, care for his body and nourishes his body then in same manner as he does his own body so also should he do for his wife. And for the wife, the Bible says she should submit to her husband as to the Lord, if only the godly wives can give as much attention to their husbands as they give to the things of God. So you understand now that it’s not really right for a wife to abandon her husband in the name of church activities unless you have your husband’s permission and consent to do what you are doing.

Marriage is an investment like a lot of other things we invest in. What you sow into our marriage is what you reap from your marriage. If you require the attention, love and care of your spouse, then you sow attention, love and care into that marriage. The more you sow, the more you reap from it, and the joy that accrues to you is boundless. When you sow right, you surely will reap right.

Now we have dealt with three out of four of the elements in consideration for a happy marriage. So which is most important to you in all of these elements? Is it love, trust, time and sex? Whichever one is most important to you is the one you need to give the most.

So we will be looking at the last element in our next and arrive at a conclusion. May the Lord our marriages in Jesus precious name. 

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (2)

A very Merry Christmas to you, may the joy of the Lord Jesus Christ remain in your hearts and in your lives forever. I pray that Jesus will not be missing in your hearts, He will not be missing in your homes and He will not be missing in your marriages. The turnaround that you have been seeking God for will surely come without delay in Jesus name.

Though we are in that celebration and relaxed mood, yet we will need to continue to feed on the word of God. And so we will continue to look at the gist that I started with yesterday. Which is the most important element in marriage? Is it Love, Trust, Time or Sex? Yesterday we were able to search the word of God for the role of love in marriage based on discoveries made from Bible; today we will look at the role of Trust in marriage. How can we make use of Trust in our marriages?

Faithfulness in marriage is a must by God’s standard. If you have any sexual relationship with a man or woman who is not your husband or wife, you are either committing the sin of fornication for those who are not married or the sin of adultery for those who are married; and same gender sexual relationship is a taboo to God, but that is not the focus for this write-up. Everywhere in the Bible we read about God warning us to abstain from sexual immorality, that tells us how much God holds the marriage vows we make to each other sacrosanct and He expects that as His children we do the same. The marriage bed should be undefiled in any way.

Jeremiah 17:5-10

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

This passage is where I find God speaking about trust in a very explicit manner and I am sure the next thought that comes to mind is: Does this apply to marriage too? How then can I marry a man that I cannot trust? So by the special grace of God we will try to understand the application of trust in our marriages going by God’s declaration in Jeremiah 17:5-10.

The first truth I want you to understand is that this declaration of God in Jeremiah 17:5-10 is applicable in every area of our lives including our marriage; if it were not so, God would have given some exemptions. So when you allow the strength of your marriage to hinge on the trust you have for your spouse, you are acting in error and you are opening yourself up for a big shock or a possible heartbreak. This is one of the reasons why some marriages are unable to withstand the storms that hit them because the center of the marriage is very fragile and unpredictable.

God said cursed is the man who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength, He didn’t say except your spouse. So as long as your spouse is under the umbrella of man, and he/she is flesh you are putting yourself at risk putting your strength in him or her. This is not my words, but the word of God. But you will understand how a marriage can run successfully without the strength of that marriage being centered solely on your trust in your spouse and yet you are not having to suspect your spouse of any wrong doing because the word of God says "cursed is the man who puts his trust in flesh" and so destroying the peace, love and harmony of your home and marriage.

Jeremiah 17:6 says “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” When the strength of your marriage is from God and not your spouse, your marriage can withstand any storm. When you daily commit your marriage into God’s hands, He will continually watch over that marriage. When you are always praying for your spouse, then God will always watch over your spouse to make sure he/she does nothing that will jeopardize the strength of the marriage. You need to acknowledge, understand and appreciate that you spouse left alone is a potential vessel in the hands of the enemy to test your faith and destroy your peace. But when you hand over your spouse into the hands of God, the Lord will form a hedge roundabout him/her such that he/she becomes unreachable by the enemy of your peace.

For you to have a good understanding of what I am trying to get across in write-up, I will share a short story on this: A young lady was struggling with infidelity in her marriage, she had fought her husband on so many occasions on his adulterous life-style to the point that she just didn’t know what else to do. The man kept making broken promises to stop having extra-marital affairs, but they were all promises never kept. Because she knew that God hated divorce, as a Christian she could not divorce her husband.

Eventually, she cried bitterly to God for help. In tears her and prayer the Lord spoke to her heart that infidelity will forever be a thing of history in her marriage. She held on to the word she heard from God and hinged her faith on it. Gradually her husband started getting bored with other women and began to pay more attention on his wife. Today, she is at peace, not because she knows her husband cannot cheat on her again, but she because she knows that God will not go back on his words. This should be the application of trust in your marriage if you want to have a marriage that can withstand any storm.

One important fact is that your spouse is flesh and vulnerable to attack, he or she might not want to intentionally betray your trust but they might it because they are vulnerable. The fact that they betrayed your trust does not amount to lack of love from them to you, it’s just because they are flesh and they are susceptible to attack and can also be vessels in the hands of the enemy to attack you. And so God says trust Him instead and He will perfect all that concerns you. When you trust your spouse into the hands of God you have better confidence because God is forever faithful and He will not betray your trust in any way. You can go to sleep that your spouse will not betray your trust not because in truth they can't betray you, but because you have handed them over to God and you are confident that God is faithful not to betray your trust in Him. He will keep that which you have kept in His care including your spouse and marriage. 

Going back to our big question which is: Which element is most important in marriage? Is it love, trust, time or sex? I will say that trust is very important in marriage but who do you trust? Is God or your spouse? The way and manner you invest your trust in marriage determines the returns it yields for you, so it’s important that you invest it wisely.

May the Lord bless our homes and marriages in Jesus name. 

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex

I appreciate God for another gracious day and another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word with you. I hope and pray that your marriages are being impacted positively by the truth of the word of God shared on this blog and I really bless the Lord for your lives.

A couple of days ago I read a question on one of my social media timelines that has inspired me to just drop a few lines for us to really think about. And the question says, “Which is most important for a marriage to succeed? A). Love, B). Trust, C). Time, D). Sex. In the next couples of days, we will go through these elements of marriage one after the other and search the Bible to find out what the word of God says about each and then each of us will be able to answer this question in a more personal way.

So we will start with the first option which is love. Quite a number of people have the mindset that before a relationship can kick off, love must exist. For a lot of people love is the igniting force of a relationship and before you go into marriage, the first question that is asked is “Do you love him or her enough to marry him/her?” But I will be saying that this approach is so very wrong, the application of this approach has birth a lot of divorce in marriages as we see today.

Songs of Songs 2:7, 3:8 and 8:4

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

What I am learning from these three Bible passages above is that for a relationship that is destined or desired to lead to marriage love does not come first. I have come to see love as an emotion like all other emotions such as crying, feeling happy, a sad feeling, feeling gloomy or grouchy and so on, and all these emotion can be controlled because we have the power to control them.

For a relationship to be ignited there must be some form of attraction, but before we fan the flame of love or before we allow this attraction to give birth to what we call love, there is the need to pray and seek the face of God on what you are about to get yourselves into. It is only advisable to fall in love after you must have consulted properly with God and are sure you are doing the right thing or taking the right step. If Solomon being the wisest man to ever live in the Bible times will repeat a warning three times on inappropriate release of love, you can be sure that it’s a warning worth heeding to.

If you ask me if love is important for the existence of marriage, my answer will be a very BIG YES. If it was not so, the Lord will not instruct the man over and over again to love his wife as himself. From my observation we women don’t find it hard to love at all; we release and awaken love so very easily that God had to warn us three times through Solomon to exercise caution in the way and manner we release love. But for the men, it appears the other way round has God has to remind them over and over again to love their wives as themselves (Ephesians 5:25-29, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7).

If you then ask me if a marriage can be sustained solely on love, I will answer a BIG NO; and this is my reason. I have come to understand and appreciate love as catalyst in marriage. It’s like bringing two objects together to form one piece and then using an adhesive to hold them firmly together so they don’t fall apart. Love is that adhesive that holds the man and his wife together to make them just one entity rather than two.

Just like in natural objects, the stronger the adhesive used in holding the two objects together, the longer those two objects will remain together. So if the quality of the adhesive is good, the objects hold together for longer and if the quality of the adhesive is poor, in no time at all the two objects will fall apart. In the same manner, the quality of love in your marriage is very important. What motivated the love that is keeping you and your spouse together? Is it the God motivated love or the money motivated love or the beauty motivated love?

If it’s the God motivated love, whereby you prayed to God, sought His consent before releasing your love to that woman or man, then your love is a good quality love that will stand the test of time. If it’s the money motivated love, then God help you that money never finishes, because if it does, it takes away the love with it and you can smile your union good bye or begin again with God. And if it’s the beauty motivated love, it another no assurance kind of love, because beauty fades and also with it fades the love. And these issues are some of the reasons we have failed marriages today.

The beautiful thing about the God originated love in marriage is that the love never ends. Because you have made God the foundation of your marriage, He will watch over it and ensure that the adhesive of love never runs out. At the slightest hint of trouble, He reapplies the love and He ensures everything is going fine. When you need to learn some lessons and He needs to purge some negativity out of your union, He does it meticulously such that lessons will be learned, negativity will be removed and the love will still remain. With the God’s originated love also comes prosperity and beauty and all the other things you would have wished for in the marriage; because you have made God the foundation of your marriage, the success of that marriage is as much His business as it is yours if not more.

With this revelation, I want you to answer for yourself, is love the most important element in marriage? If you are not sure what your answer will be, then maybe we should wait until all other elements are looked into and you can answer what yours will be. I already know what my answer is anyway.

May the Lord bless our marriages in Jesus name. 

The Menace of Domestic Violence 2

I thank God for another beautiful opportunity to share the word of God with you. I hope and pray that we are ready for a very wonderful Christmas, as long as you have your mind stayed on God, your expectation and faith in God will not be in vain. I have come to realize and know for sure that God is not held by time and He is never too early nor too late, He is always just right on time.

Today I will be sharing a continuation of what I discussed yesterday on domestic violence. A friend who read my post yesterday asked me this question: “Should a woman leave a man for being victim of physical abuse and should a man leave a woman for being victim of physical abuse?” This will be the question I will be answering via today’s post and I pray the Lord will reach many hearts today through this post and make right a lot of wrong that we see and experience in marriages today.

The answer to this question will depend on the fighting spirit and the will to succeed in marriage of the couples, especially the one who is the victim. When I say the fighting spirit, I do not mean the ability to fight your spouse and win, but your will to fight the true enemy of your marriage who is also the enemy of your destiny. Leaving your spouse who is violent is like dealing with a problem from the top rather than from the root. There is a force that makes him or her become a violent person and that force is what needs to be fought and eliminated.

A violent man or woman is one who needs help; if you as a wife are married to a violent man, you need to appreciate that your husband needs help and you are the suitable helper that God has assigned to him. Though you are at the receiving end of his feast and anger, yet you are his suitable helper in all problems in his life including his violence. When you want to fight in your marriage, you will not be fighting to win when you exert your energy at fighting your husband. But you will be fighting the real battle when you confront the forces of darkness that has taken refuge in the life of your husband and are ruling his life. When you fight this battle against the forces of darkness in his life and you fight with the full armor of God and you fight with your life of obedience to the word of God, you are sure to win. You are winning and with the victory comes a peaceful and joyful marriage, and then you would have depopulated the kingdom of darkness by one candidate and that candidate is your spouse. You would have won a soul for Christ.

And the same goes for having a violent woman for a wife. Dealing with her will just be touching the tip of the problem, but dealing with the forces that transforms her into an aggressive personality is dealing with the root of the problem. While dealing with the root of the problem, all that you wife needs from you is love. True love that will touch the core of her being and turn her around inside out; the Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Matthew 19:8

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from the husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

I will not say that a wife who is a victim of an abusive marriage should remain in that marriage if she does not have the will to fight for the turnaround of her marriage. If you ask me if she has the ability to turn things around, I will say yes, because if not the Lord will put a stop to that marriage Himself. But it’s not a question of the ability, but a question of will power. Jesus said that divorce was permitted by Moses because the heart of men where hard. So you will agree with me that it’s not a question of ability but of will power. And this is also the case with a man who is a victim of an abusive marriage.

Paul said that if you have to leave your husband, then you must remain unmarried or still be reconciled to that same husband, and that the husband must not divorce his wife. So if you consider yourself as a victim of domestic violence and decides to take a bow from the marriage, then you cannot go ahead to marry another man. You will have to remain unmarried for the rest of your life. And for the man, you are not permitted to even take a bow.

Can you then say that God is unfair with this strict instruction? Well God knows why He is making His rules so. It’s because He knows that taking a bow is not the best option for you and He knows you have the ability to fight it out and win, you now have to work on your will power because all you need to win are within your reach, in fact they have already been made available to you.

But I will not say a man or woman who is a victim of domestic violence or abusive marriage should remain in that marriage if they don’t have the will to fight the key battle and obtain victory. But that leaves them with the rule of remaining unmarried if they want to follow God's rules and His ways and pattern for their lives. 

The Menace Called Domestic Violence

Good day to the very special people of God. Its four days to Christmas and I pray and trust God that it will be a very wonderful Christmas for us all; it will be a memorable Christmas that we will always thank God for in our lives in Jesus name.

Today will just be a little gist on the issue of domestic violence in the marriage. One of the major causes of separation in marriages in today’s world is violence, as a matter of fact it’s an acceptable basis for separation of married couples even among Christians and why God did not give this as an acceptable reason for divorce of marriage is what we need to consider very carefully.

Domestic violence has led to uncountable number of deaths and the scar and consequences of uncontrolled emotions that results in violence last for a life time; and why God did not consider this a good enough reason for a marriage to be annulled calls for serious thinking. Is God missing something here or that we are missing something in the whole issue.

Malachi 2:16

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

For God not to give domestic violence as a reason for divorce in marriage is not because God is missing anything; it’s that we are stiff necked people who have refused to heed to warning. God said, “So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” You need to put yourself in check to guard against anything that will result in violence in your marriage.

One of the major causes of domestic violence is uncontrolled emotions; another cause of domestic violence is unbridled tongue. And all these are products of lack of understanding of your purpose in marriage and the fact that the married couples see themselves of separate individuals charting their individual courses and pursuing separate dreams. At the end of the day when the dreams are not looking like they will be real someday, frustration sets in and they are so ignorant that they do not know that in order to attain much they need to work together rather than apart. So like I described in my last post, rather than come together to achieve much, they fight each other to the point of complete destruction.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us the spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

So we see why God is not making an issue of domestic violence, it's because He is certain of the spirit He has given to His own; the spirit of power, love and self-discipline. And so the use of this spirit is our own responsibility. The more you make use of this spirit, the less you open yourself up to domestic violence. This is similar to a case of giving a valuable gift to your child and he/she does not make use of it and then get into trouble as a result of not using the gift that you have made available to him/her.

This is the situation we find ourselves when we fail to make use of the spirit that God gave us; the spirit of power, love and self control. Is it possible for a man or woman who exerts power over his/her negative emotions and puts them in check and under control, and then embrace love at all cost and make quality use of self discipline and still engage in domestic violence. If you ask me, I will say that is not possible. So domestic violence arise as a result of us not making adequate use of the spirit that God has blessed us with; so when this happens, we only have but ourselves to blame.

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protects them.

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Proverbs 17:28

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 18:2

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

These are just but a few of the many places in the Bible and especially in the book of Proverbs where God shows us the wisdom of keeping quiet in the midst of trouble. While the world system tells the women to speak up about whatever you don’t like in your marriage, the Bible says it better wisdom to be quiet and avoid any form of strife or quarrel. What you do at times like this is to pray, put up a good attitude and let God do the talking for you. You can be sure He'll say and do more than you can ever think of saying and He'll get you the desired result. 

Proverbs 20:3 says, “It’s to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel,” the world system says its cool not to take any nonsense from people around you including your spouse, but God’s system says it’s more cool to avoid strife. But as children of the most high, we run our lives not by the system of the world, but by the God’s system.

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone,” if God wants you to live at peace with everyone, then you should understand much more that for as long as it depends on you, you should live at peace with your spouse. In a home where the fear of God reigns, and the instructions of God are truly followed with all your heart and not just with the lips, domestic violence will be a strange thing and as a matter of fact non-existence. No true man of God will engage in domestic violence. Once we let God the captain of the ship of our marriage, domestic violence has no business sailing with us. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Your Marriage is a Battlefield For Spiritual Warfare

Hello people, it’s another beautiful morning and another special grace made available to work through today. Aren’t we just blessed to be counted among the living today, then even more blessed to be well and in good health, and a lot more blessed to have a place to rest our heads at night and much more blessed to have something to eat and a cloth to shield and cover our bodies and I can just go on and on counting how blessed we are despite the many problems we think we have. So for me, I will be among those who will give God quality praise this morning and every other morning that I am privileged to be alive. Not that I don’t have concerns in my life but that I have learned to appreciate God for the things I consider little even though these are things some others may long so dearly for and then show that I am faithful with little and ready for bigger blessings. I think this is a good way to go. What do you think?

Ephesians 6:12 (NKJV)

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Last Sunday my pastor preached a message that really got my head spinning; the message explained in plain terms a lot of things in my life. He didn’t give the message a title, I suppose it was a series of messages of which I was not in Church when he started the series, but the summary of his message was that as a child of God, as long as you are a follower of Christ you are in a warfare. You are constantly at war against the principles of idles of this world. The Bible said though we are in the world, but we are not of the world.

This message has ignited a revelation in me about our marriage. It is important that we realize that our destinies and your marriages are two aspects of our lives that need each other for sustenance and fulfillment. When your marriage is stable and working well, the fulfillment of your destiny is easily attainable. A bad marriage slows down one’s growth; when you have problems in your marriage, your entire life is up-side-down. When in a bad marriage, your ability to focus for growth is greatly impaired. So a successful marriage is a catalyst for destiny growth.

But one thing that we need to understand is that the devil who is the prince of the world does not want your destiny to grow; he is not interested in your legitimate successful life. He is not interested in the growth destiny; as a matter of fact, he will work effortless to ensure that your destiny is as stagnant as a still and smelling water and you will begin to run from pillar to post seeking help where you don’t have any business going to.

Because the devil is out to destroy your destiny, he attacks your marriage. So your spouse makes a mistake or acts wrongly, and the devil comes and then sits in your head telling you that the sin of your spouse is unforgivable; you get so consumed feeling betrayed and hurt by your spouse that you don’t have the energy and focus to fight the enemy of your destiny. You are busy fighting your spouse rather than waging war against the devil whose mission is to destroy your destiny.

Paul said our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm; what you need to understand is that your spouse is not the problem; he/she is as much under attack as you are. The war is not a war of the wife against her husband or the husband against the wife, but it is a war of the husband and the wife against the enemy of their destinies which is the devil.

The tactics of the devil is that he ruffles the nest between you and your spouse, and while you are busy being at each other’s throat, he steals that which belongs to you, messes up your lives and destinies and then mocks both of you at your foolishness and then goes ahead to show contempt at God for how foolish the so-called children of God can really be.

One beautiful gift that God has blessed us with is the power of choice; you have the power within you to choose to forgive any wrong your spouse has done to you or to hold on to do the wrong and act on it. In the system of the world to be unforgiving is so allowed, to hit back when someone hits you is so natural, but in the God’s Kingdom where we belong it is different, it is the other way round; it is actually wrong not to forgive; unforgiving is not allowed. You are mandated to forgive all the wrongs done against you in order to show yourself approved as a child of God (Matthew 5:43-48). So if you are to forgive your enemies and pray for those who hate you, then what should be the case if your spouse does you wrong?

These are the truth that the devil just would not want you to see. Your battle is not with your spouse. God said you are no longer two but one in flesh and spirit. What we see are two people, but what God sees is one person in two bodies. When you fight against your spouse rather than fight with your spouse against the true enemy of life, what you are doing is using your own hands to shred your destiny into pieces and the devil enjoys seeing you do that, while you break God’s heart in the process.

Your marriage is a battlefield and the warriors are you and your spouse as a unified one entity against the devil. It is your responsibility to protect your territory against the inversion of the enemy. Don’t let uncontrolled emotions give room for the inversion of the enemy into your territory, if you do, you will be robbed clean and left empty. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.