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Saturday, 24 December 2016

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex

I appreciate God for another gracious day and another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word with you. I hope and pray that your marriages are being impacted positively by the truth of the word of God shared on this blog and I really bless the Lord for your lives.

A couple of days ago I read a question on one of my social media timelines that has inspired me to just drop a few lines for us to really think about. And the question says, “Which is most important for a marriage to succeed? A). Love, B). Trust, C). Time, D). Sex. In the next couples of days, we will go through these elements of marriage one after the other and search the Bible to find out what the word of God says about each and then each of us will be able to answer this question in a more personal way.

So we will start with the first option which is love. Quite a number of people have the mindset that before a relationship can kick off, love must exist. For a lot of people love is the igniting force of a relationship and before you go into marriage, the first question that is asked is “Do you love him or her enough to marry him/her?” But I will be saying that this approach is so very wrong, the application of this approach has birth a lot of divorce in marriages as we see today.

Songs of Songs 2:7, 3:8 and 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

What I am learning from these three Bible passages above is that for a relationship that is destined or desired to lead to marriage love does not come first. I have come to see love as an emotion like all other emotions such as crying, feeling happy, a sad feeling, feeling gloomy or grouchy and so on, and all these emotion can be controlled because we have the power to control them.

For a relationship to be ignited there must be some form of attraction, but before we fan the flame of love or before we allow this attraction to give birth to what we call love, there is the need to pray and seek the face of God on what you are about to get yourselves into. It is only advisable to fall in love after you must have consulted properly with God and are sure you are doing the right thing or taking the right step. If Solomon being the wisest man to ever live in the Bible times will repeat a warning three times on inappropriate release of love, you can be sure that it’s a warning worth heeding to.

If you ask me if love is important for the existence of marriage, my answer will be a very BIG YES. If it was not so, the Lord will not instruct the man over and over again to love his wife as himself. From my observation we women don’t find it hard to love at all; we release and awaken love so very easily that God had to warn us three times through Solomon to exercise caution in the way and manner we release love. But for the men, it appears the other way round has God has to remind them over and over again to love their wives as themselves (Ephesians 5:25-29, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7).

If you then ask me if a marriage can be sustained solely on love, I will answer a BIG NO; and this is my reason. I have come to understand and appreciate love as catalyst in marriage. It’s like bringing two objects together to form one piece and then using an adhesive to hold them firmly together so they don’t fall apart. Love is that adhesive that holds the man and his wife together to make them just one entity rather than two.

Just like in natural objects, the stronger the adhesive used in holding the two objects together, the longer those two objects will remain together. So if the quality of the adhesive is good, the objects hold together for longer and if the quality of the adhesive is poor, in no time at all the two objects will fall apart. In the same manner, the quality of love in your marriage is very important. What motivated the love that is keeping you and your spouse together? Is it the God motivated love or the money motivated love or the beauty motivated love?

If it’s the God motivated love, whereby you prayed to God, sought His consent before releasing your love to that woman or man, then your love is a good quality love that will stand the test of time. If it’s the money motivated love, then God help you that money never finishes, because if it does, it takes away the love with it and you can smile your union good bye or begin again with God. And if it’s the beauty motivated love, it another no assurance kind of love, because beauty fades and also with it fades the love. And these issues are some of the reasons we have failed marriages today.

The beautiful thing about the God originated love in marriage is that the love never ends. Because you have made God the foundation of your marriage, He will watch over it and ensure that the adhesive of love never runs out. At the slightest hint of trouble, He reapplies the love and He ensures everything is going fine. When you need to learn some lessons and He needs to purge some negativity out of your union, He does it meticulously such that lessons will be learned, negativity will be removed and the love will still remain. With the God’s originated love also comes prosperity and beauty and all the other things you would have wished for in the marriage; because you have made God the foundation of your marriage, the success of that marriage is as much His business as it is yours if not more.

With this revelation, I want you to answer for yourself, is love the most important element in marriage? If you are not sure what your answer will be, then maybe we should wait until all other elements are looked into and you can answer what yours will be. I already know what my answer is anyway.

May the Lord bless our marriages in Jesus name. 

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