A Very Tough Advice I had to Give

Some time ago, a lady confided in my husband about her failed marriage. Apparently, her husband was a friend of my husband. She felt that since the two men were good friends, she could speak to my husband to positively influence her husband. Her husband had taken a second wife without her knowledge, and she was torn apart (who wouldn't be?). But then my husband proffered a solution: She should speak with me. So she came to the house, and we had a heart-to-heart discussion.

Unlike what she would have wanted to hear from me, my God-sent advice to her was to go fight for her marriage. By so doing, she was to show love, respect, and submission to her husband as though she was the only one married to him. My advice to her was for her to be the best thing that could ever happen to her husband, and in so doing, she was to pray to God and ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit to show her the missing link in her husband's life that she was to fill and how she could fill the space. Rather than fight, she was to act as though she was the only wife and woman in her husband's life. Though this would be a tough thing to do (obviously so), with prayers (plenty of it) and reliance on the strength and grace of God, it was very possible for her to do it. 

I encouraged her to be the sufficiency in her husband's life to the point where he would not have any feelings of inadequacy to the point of seeking adequacy elsewhere. As long as there was no physical abuse, the grace of God was all she needed to fight and win her battle. Every battle in marriage and life generally requires different tactics and approaches, and it's only God who would fight the battle on our behalf that determines the suited approach for the issue at hand. 

I am sure a lot of people reading this now will say that the man who will cheat will definitely cheat no matter how good his wife is. But sincerely, that is not true. The way to overcome infidelity in marriage is not about trusting your man not to cheat. It's about entrusting your man into the hands of God and believing God not to let him do anything that will affect the stability of your marriage. Your husband can fall even when he does not mean to; he will disappoint you unintentionally. But God can never disappoint your trust in Him. A man will always be tempted, but he can overcome such temptation with the help of the Holy Spirit through the fervent prayer of his wife. Also, if, as a wife, you become to your husband his true sufficiency with the help of the Holy Spirit leading your life and steps in marriage, you give your husband one less reason to fall under temptation when he remembers that he has a queen at home who will do everything it takes to make him feel like a king. If a man is made to feel special in his home, he has no reason other than greed to seek anyone outside of his wife to make him feel special.

Before I continue my story, I know many wives would say they have tried everything within their understanding to make their husbands feel special, yet they remain unfaithful to them. Well, I have learned over time that there are many things that I think I know but flop at. There are many things that I assumed I did right but actually got wrong. You can imagine making a very special dish for your husband, and he gets home only to show interest in eating something entirely different from what you have labored to make. So, wives trying to please their husbands with self-effort dance in the face of frustration. But there is Someone who knows your spouse more than you do, and that Someone is God. So, when you ask God to show you how to make your husband feel like a king, He directs you perfectly. Whatever you do by the leading of the Spirit of God in you, you will never miss the target. Trying to please and satisfy your husband with your understanding is likened to chasing after the wind because his likes will change frequently, and you will get frustrated trying to meet up. But with the help of God, you can never miss the target. When God is in the mix, everything He leads you to do and you obey will be right on target. 

So, going back to my story, I shared all of these ideas with this troubled wife, but she was too hurt to listen or accept. First, she complained and wondered how she could treat a man who abandoned her for another woman special. She also wondered how possible it was to treat like a king a man who doesn't care how she and the children were fairing. And she told me point blank that it was impossible to ever make love with a man who has given himself to another woman.

I then wondered why she was running around seeking intervention in a marriage she wasn't ready to fight for and wasn't willing to make efforts to remedy. I asked her what she wanted from the man if she wasn't willing to forgive and give anything capable of drawing him back to her. Well, she told me she just wanted the man to take responsibility for his family.

A couple of years later, the man took a third wife. And then had a fraud case at work and was dismissed. Whatever responsibility the first wife sought from the husband towards her and the children was no longer possible as he was not financially capable of taking up any financial responsibility. I will say that this man failed woefully, but I will say his wife failed much more.

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:10 that if a man falls, his companion will lift him up, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to lift him up. What other fall is more common than the fall to sin, and what other companion does a man need to lift him up than his wife, whom God has designated as his suitable helper. This is really hard to accept, but it's the honest truth. Even though we feel betrayed when our spouses are unfaithful to us, you shouldn't snuff out the life out of your marriage for that reason. It hurts, and yes, I know it hurts, but much more than the hurt we feel is the grace we have in Christ Jesus to forgive and repair, and by so doing, we kill the hold of the devil over our marriages.

I agree that it takes the grace of God to follow through with such advice as this, but let's consider the other options, which are break-up and divorce. Now, which of these alternatives is better for the situation? When we hear from a divorced person, they'll tell you the scare never goes away. And we do not talk of the scare on just the couple, but also on their children (if any). Thinking deeply about this, which would you rather do? Forgive and repair, or take a walk and divorce?

What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

In one of my previous blog posts, we looked at the law of God for marriage, which says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. Again, I will say that submission by a wife to her husband is not a sign of her weakness; it is not a sign of her stupidity; it doesn't make her less intelligent, nor does it demean her self-worth or self-esteem. It simply means that as a child of God, she obeys God's instruction for her life as a wife. It tells God how much of a serious and dedicated child she is to Him.

When a wife who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband, it's good, but the chances are there that the husband can trample on that submission if he also does not have the mind of Christ in him. He can make a caricature of her effort, and that, in turn, demeans her self-worth. But when she is a child of God – not by human standard, but by the Spirit of God testifying with her own spirit that she is a child of God, submission becomes evidence of strength because she combines obedience to the word of God with the power of God. No man can trample on such submission. A right-thinking husband will be careful to do what is right with such obedience, or he stands the risk of being chastised by God.

So, we will discuss the responsibilities that accrue to a man who earns the submission and respect of his God-given wife. First, we will note that the kind of submission a wife gives her husband is like the kind of submission she gives to God. So, what does God do with our submission? How does God handle the submission we give to Him? Does He insult it, disrespect it, play boss with it, and ill-treat us for submitting to Him? This is what every husband who wishes that his wife should submit to him needs to critically ponder because God expects that you watch what He does with the submission we give to Him and replicate His actions towards your wife whom you wish to submit to you.

Just like God delights in our obedience, it pleases Him that we trust Him unconditionally and obey His words without question, so does a man delight in his wife's submission and enjoy the reverence he gets from her. But God doesn't just handle our submission to Him with levity; rather, He cherishes it so much that the only way to have God do what we want Him to do for us is by submitting to Him. Now, is the husband who seeks submission from his wife willing to give her as much reward for her submission as God gives us for submitting to him? And this is why I say to men that when you want your wife to submit to you, it's good, but it's not to boost your ego because what you seek actually accrues enormous responsibilities to you.

Paul in Ephesians 5:25-27 said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy without blemish." In this passage, we can readily tell that the church isn't perfect; otherwise, Christ will not need to sanctify and cleanse her with the word; He will not need to make an effort to remove spots and wrinkles or any form of blemish. However, due to the church's imperfection, Christ needed to do so much.

In the same way, the husband who wants to enjoy his wife's submission also needs to love his wife with the magnitude of love that Christ loves the church. He needs to love her despite her imperfections, taking on the responsibility of sanctifying and cleansing her with the word until she is without spot or wrinkle, until all her blemishes go away. Then, he presents her to himself as a glorious bride.

If you ask me, I will say that it is the husband's responsibility to lovingly train his wife into whom he wants her to be rather than insulting his wife's family for not bringing up their daughter well. The wife is a reflection of the effectiveness of the husband as a leader. The husband trains his wife not with violence or harsh words, not with insults and derogatory words, not with physical or verbal abuse, but with words that inspire and encourage. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:34 that sweet words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It is the subtle words and loving corrections that effectively get the job done, and with plenty of prayers, too. The husband will need to correct his wife, no doubt, but should he abuse her by doing so? That is so very wrong and ungodly.

So, what should a husband do with the submission he seeks from his wife? I will say that he treats that submission like Christ treats the submission of the church. As a husband, it is important that you understand that you have to work hard to earn your wife's submission. Christ had to die a gruesome death on the cross for Him to earn the submission of the church. Though submission from a wife to her husband is a law of God to the wife, on the other hand, it is an assignment from God to the husband. If God has likened this whole process of marriage to the relationship between Christ and the church, then it is important to note that before a husband begins to claim the right of submission in his marriage, he must have made huge sacrifices to be entitled to such a right. This is huge but true. I pray the Lord grants us understanding and the brokenness we need to excel in our marriages.

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

When You Don't Feel Appreciated

I have been thinking about how to handle sharing blog messages in the next couple of days and praying to God for what to share, and as I began to trust God for what to write that will make an impact, I realized that I have a bank of blog posts that I had written since 2020 but not published. Is God not too good? So, today's blog is one of those messages that were archived. I hope and pray that you pick a lesson from it in Jesus' name. 

One common issue with couples is finance. Looking at this from the perspective of a woman and wife, I will play a scenario for us to consider. The wife feels she spends so much on household matters, you know, those $5s, $10s, and $50s, that appear not so much, yet their accumulation turns out to be so much. On the other hand, the husband carries those big bills all the time and then does a rethink and says he is the only one spending all the money in the family, and the wife isn't helping, and sometimes vice versa.

I understand this scenario too well because I sometimes experience it in my home. Our spouses often wonder what we spend money on, forgetting that the small needs of the home never end. Those petty needs you think you should not bother your spouse with. So, in short, we both spend so much; it's just that one person probably does not appreciate the effort of the other. This also leaves out the non-monetary commitment to caring for the home that does not have a tangible value. 

This scenario plays out in many marriages, and even though the problem is apparent, the solution must be addressed. I trust the Lord to open our hearts to the perfect solution to this problem.

This problem is usually born from the place or position of lack; in the face of abundance, this will not be so much of a problem. When one party begins to get overwhelmed with the financial burden of the home, then he/she gets so consumed by how they feel that they are totally unaware of the efforts and contributions of their partner. And even though the partner does so much, it doesn't seem to be appreciated because all they see is what they feel and nothing more.

However, the one whose efforts go unnoticed tends to feel hurt and wants to withdraw due to a lack of acknowledgment and appreciation, which does not resolve the problem but creates more. It's either the one who is not appreciated, fights for acknowledgment, or withdraws, leading to a breakdown in communication. Whichever way, it leads to a bigger problem, becoming a rollercoaster of issues. Whether you are the wife whose effort is unnoticed or the husband whose effort is unnoticed, you must understand that the problem is not yours. What you should realize is that your partner needs help. You should know that he/she is overwhelmed, so rather than getting angry, it's essential that you ignore the hurt and pray that the Lord will grant your spouse the peace of mind he/she needs to focus. 

I have always found Genesis 25:21 a helpful scripture when interceding for my husband. The Bible tells us that the wife of Isaac - Rebekah, was barren, and Isaac pleaded with the Lord. God granted his plea, and his wife became pregnant, not with a child but two babies. When you lift up your spouse in prayer, God listens, hears, and grants your plea. The big trick here is that the abundance that comes from your prayer brings peace into your home and life. The appreciation and acknowledgment you seek follow. 

This is where understanding in marriage is of great importance. This is not the time to stop contributing your quota because you think the effort is not recognized, but to steadily increase the tempo of your effort. Whether you are the wife or husband, never sit on the seat of a dependent. Always ensure that you are contributing something to the well-being of the home. If you can't make financial contributions, you can always give efforts to other activities of the home. You need to work at earning the respect of your spouse, and that is done by what you are able to bring to the table in the marriage. The Bible says, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for the labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9), even when it appears the labor is not appreciated. The reward comes from God and not man. He holds the scorecard, and the reward is good when the two are laboring together. But the Bible says, "Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

To labor alone can be overwhelming and understandably so, but not to appreciate and acknowledge the help of a partner can also be discouraging and demoralizing yet both need to labor on because the pressure is only for a while, the reward is sure and sweet if both don't give up.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Should you stop singing? (Part 2)

So, I started writing on Exodus 15 in my last post but only ended up discussing Exodus 14. So, let's look at Exodus 15 properly now. Like my son said, it's mostly a song. The kind of song you sing when God surpasses and exceeds your expectations. The sort of song you sing when what you never thought or imagined could happen does happen. You are in awe, honestly grateful to the One who makes it happen. Finally, your fears are gone, relieved at last. You are now in your safe place. People who have heard and seen how God came through for you are also in awe. Those who thought you could never amount to anything and have placed on you the stigma of an enslaved person are finally humbled. The narrative has changed in your favor. You are now singing a new song of victory, grace, and gratitude. You have become the one God has helped. This is the story behind the song sung by the children of Israel in Exodus 15. It was a deep song of joy, gratitude, and confidence.  

It is human nature to feel the way the children of Israel felt with the kind of miraculous deliverance they received from God. They have been helped and expressed gratitude; nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary. What would have been spectacular about the story of Exodus 15 was if the children of Israel never stopped singing. If they didn't forget their wins, thereby making God prove Himself to them over and over again. But that was not the case. Not too long after they sang their song of victory, which was just a journey of three days into the wilderness with no water, and all the songs of gratitude evaporated into thin air. They complained like people whom God has never helped.

I am convinced that as you read this, you will be angered in your spirit and wonder how these people can be so ungrateful. The deliverance from Egypt with such a mighty hand, snatching them from the claws of slavery, allowing them to leave with so much wealth than they ever imagined, and then destroying their enslaver, and yet they complained about a tiny issue—lack of water. If God could do so much for them, what was water that would be a thing to complain about? But in truth, they are just being human. As humans, every little discomfort erodes all the good things we've had before. For a simple-minded person, a single no as an answer has nullified all the yeses he has received in times past, even when the yes was an uncomfortable yes from the giver. And sometimes, that really hurts. If it will hurt a man who has been going out of his way to provide a yes only to be shown ingratitude for a single no amid a million yeses, how much more would God feel when we complain at the slightest discomfort and forget all the saves and deliverances that we did not qualify for and yet received.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 teaches us that in all things, we should give thanks, for that is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us. Thanksgiving is not denying our discomfort; it is simply acknowledging the sovereignty of God over our challenges and discomforts. When the Bible says we should give thanks, it is, in essence, saying we should put our faith to work and trust the power of God over what we may be going through, knowing that if God did it in the past, He would do it again. We are asked in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 to rejoice always and pray without ceasing. That means never stop asking, knowing that the One you are requesting from has the ability and capacity to do what you are asking Him to do, and so in confidence, faith, and trust, you rejoice. Because He has answered you several times before, you have a basis to trust again.

This would have been the preferred attitude of the children of Israel as they journeyed through the wilderness without water. They never should have stopped singing. The song was not meant to transition to a complaint. While this is the default human nature, ingratitude should not be the nature of God's children. You have been bought with the blood of Jesus, immersed in God's unending and unconditional love. Your focus should not be on the challenging situation but on the ability and capacity of the God you have invested your trust in. Has He ever failed? If the answer is no, then He will never fail. God only fails when you fail to wait on His deliverance. Otherwise, God never fails. His timing and strategy may not align with your limited understanding, but He will always show up, and when He shows up, He shows up big.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Should you stop singing? (Part 1)

My children and I have this Bible-reading ritual. One person picks a book in the Bible, and we read through the whole book and share what we have learned from each chapter in the family group chat. When finished, another person picks a book, and we do the same. The whole idea is to ensure we read the Bible and be sure each person picks a lesson or two for their life’s treasure. We spend an average of one month on each book, depending on the volume of the book.

We are currently reading Exodus, and much of what I have learned has been the basis of what I share on the blog. My last child read Exodus 15 and simply wrote in the group chat, “It’s just a song.” He was ahead of me in the reading, so I looked forward to Exodus 15 to see if all it contained was a song. And yes, it was mostly a song but loaded with lessons, which I want to discuss in today’s blog.

The chapter before Exodus 15 contained the story of how the children of Israel crossed the read Red Sea on dry ground, and when Pharaoh and his men attempted to do the same, they all perished, swallowed up by the water, which was the reason for the song in Exodus 15. It was a calculated trap set by God Himself. We read in Exodus 13:17 how the Lord led the children of Israel through a longer route that landed them at the Red Sea. So, it was a calculated arrangement by God.

Have you ever felt that God may be slow in handling an issue that you trust in His hands? You probably think there should be a shorter or faster way to get things done. This story may help you, as it does for me, too. By the time the children of Israel got to the Red Sea, the cloud that produced light for them and led them on their journey moved position and became darkness for their enemies and protector for the children of Israel. But that is not just the highlight of Exodus 14; it was the fact that God destroyed Pharaoh on behalf of the children of Israel. The long journey was aimed at the fact that Pharaoh would never have to come and intimidate or enslave the children of Israel again. Every one of his servants who could have taken up the assignment of enslaving Israel again or continuing in the pursuit of Israel perished in the Red Sea, and the exciting thing is that Israel didn’t have to lift a sword or fight. In Exodus 14:14, God said the battle was His to fight, and He won fear and square.

If you are a person of faith and you hold dearly to God, you would have known and experienced that God’s work is not always in line with your style or timing. If you can figure out how it (your challenge or situation) will be done, then it’s most likely not God at work but you doing your thing. The wisdom of God is beyond human comprehension, and His strategy is far beyond understanding. But the best of it all is that His timing is always perfect.

For the children of Israel, getting into the Promised Land as soon as possible would have been the most important thing to them. For God, it was beyond getting to the Promised Land; it was about them remaining in it without ever being troubled by Pharaoh again. God started with hearing their cry and coming down to save them. Then, He plagued Egypt so that the children of Israel would be free from slavery, but it wasn’t just about leaving Egypt, but about receiving what was due to them for all their years of labor in Egypt. But God didn’t stop there; He ensured they never had to go back to slavery in Egypt, and so He completely destroyed their enslaver and his servants. He even destroyed the firstborn of all Egyptians, both human and animal, so that it would not even come to the mind of anyone in Egypt to force Israel back into slavery.

We often judge issues based on our limited understanding of God’s strategy and what He is working on for us. Sometimes, we give up a little too soon, and we miss the mark of His goodness. It is at this point that faith becomes very essential. Hebrews 11:1 describes faith as “The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” With faith, we focus on two things: the result, which is the goal or desired outcome, and the One who is making it happen—God. We disregard the process of achieving the result entirely because focusing on the process may shake our faith and cause us to abort the process without achieving the goal. We can’t do it like God will, so bothering about the process can be a little beyond us. Our only assignment in the process is to listen to God’s leading and do what He tells us to do, nothing more. Then, praise Him in the process as we wait. And as we are learning in the story of the children of Israel, the outcome will always be far better than what we can imagine or achieve by our limited minds because exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ever ask or imagine is always the way God delivers the goods.  

I deviated from what I had intended to write. I started with the song in Exodus 15 but only gleaned from Exodus 14. But I have been blessed to be a vessel in God’s hands in sharing this blog with you. So, in my next post, I will continue with what I learned in Exodus 15. It’s worth looking forward to the next post. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Blueprint for a Successful Marriage

 

I will be shaking some tables in today’s blog. I do not intend to be judgmental, but I hope what I discuss in today’s blog will help someone. I have spent the last couple of minutes going through YouTube reels on my phone just as a form of resting, and the volume of marriage talks, workshops, and sermons I saw is quite interesting. One would think that blissful marriages would trend with so much being said about marriages. But honestly, that is not the case. So, we will discuss one of my perceived reasons why we still struggle in marriages.

I have observed that many marriages are now being modeled around the environment in which the couples reside, more than the Bible standard. In the regions and places where women are more privileged and favored, marriages are dominated and controlled by women. It is more like saying the woman becomes the head of the home. What they say is law. And in regions and places where the men are more privileged and favored, the men are the lord and master. The women there have no voice. They are subjected to the code of forced submission, and how they feel does not matter. If, by chance, the couple finds themselves changing regions, the call for vengeance is almost inevitable as the one favored by the new environment is quick to want to take back a pound of flesh.

One truth to bear in mind as you enter into marriage is that God, who instituted marriage, established the institution with standards and rules that are not subject to your environment or culture. I would always say that the biggest enemy of marriage is TRADITION. Any tradition or norm that runs contrary to Bible standards is a big enemy of your marriage, and you will do yourself a lot of good by throwing such tradition out of your life.

For any marriage to succeed, and when I say succeed, I don’t mean being miserable in your marriage and telling yourself you must stay there either out of shame, to avoid stigma, for your children, or whatever reason you give to throw your peace away; I mean enjoying and genuinely having a proper good marriage, you need to do it God’s way. You can only get a good marriage devoid of pretense or hidden hatred by following God’s blueprint for marriage.  

This blueprint is just as simple: husband, love your wife as Christ loves the church; love your wife as yourself (Ephesians 3:25-29, Colossians 3:19). This love does not change no matter the environment or region you find yourself in. It does not change even when your wife changes. It is a love modeled in the pattern in which Christ loves the church. The love is unconditionally giving. It is not restricted to you financially providing for your wife; it is not an economy-based love. It does not blame, it does not revenge; in fact, it is not punitive. It is a love that keeps loving. I pray that God will enable the husbands to know this is a huge issue. Marriage is not transactional. It is not a 50-50 relationship. It is a 100% forever business. We read in 1 Peter 3:7 and Malachi 2:13-15 the consequences of default.

However, the first spouse to receive an instruction from God when it comes to marriage is the wife (Ephesians 3:22-24, Colossians 3:18). The instruction says to submit to your husband as unto the Lord. So, the model for the wife is that just as she would submit to God, she is supposed to give the same level of submission to her husband. The submission spoken about in Ephesians and Colossians is not forced or demanded by the husband; it is God asking the wife to willingly yield herself to her husband's authority just as she will willingly yield herself to the authority of God. The submission is not conditional; otherwise, the Bible would have stated so. Although, as a woman myself, I understand this can be tough. Based on my experience, I can confidently say that submission can sometimes be demanding. Still, it is the one powerful tool a wife has at her disposal that, if well used, can take her very far in building a successful marriage.

These marriage rules are not territorial; they are not culturally based. They don’t change even when your environment changes, and nothing guarantees a beautiful marriage as much as when the married couple builds their marriage on these two foundational blueprints from the throne and God. When a man loves his wife in the model by which God asked him to, and the wife submits to her husband in the model given by God, no environment can influence this union. The bedrock of any successful marriage is God; you cannot claim to have God in your marriage if you do not obey His rules for marriage. 

Are You Ready for your Package

I will glean from a story in Luke 1, and today’s blog will be based on that. This story has greatly encouraged me, and I hope you will be encouraged by it, too. Zacharias and Elizabeth are a couple that the Bible calls righteous (Luke 1:6). However, their righteousness did not shield them from life's challenges; Elizabeth was well advanced in years, yet she had no child—she was barren. Then, we move on to verse 13, when the angel named Gabriel visited Zacharias and declared that “his prayer is heard.” From what I have read, I don’t know how long Zacharias has been praying, but if he and his wife had advanced in age, then it would mean they had been praying for a long time. But the lesson I have picked here is that despite the length of waiting for Zacharias and his wife, they never gave up their righteous walk with God. The comforting outcome of their righteous waiting was a great son before God who will be going before God in the spirit and power of Elijah, and he will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children (Luke 1:17). It was indeed a well deserving answer to their righteous waiting.

One more big lesson for me in this story is in Luke 1:36, when the same angel named Gabriel visited Mary to inform her of her good news. He said, “Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren.” What this tells me is that Elizabeth had a stigma of barrenness to her person. Everyone who knew Elizabeth knew her to be that childless woman. It wasn’t a good identity. Some would have mocked her, spoken ill about her, and it would have appeared as though God was silent. But when it was time to send a great prophet to earth—the forerunner of Jesus Christ, righteous Elizabeth’s womb was perfectly ready and available to carry the seed.

I don’t know what kind of stigma your challenges have placed on your person, but nobody dares define you in a way that God has not because only God has the final say. It might not look or feel like it, but if you do not lose focus on God, the perfect time for that miracle is on its way. When the answer to Zacharias' miracle came, it was unbelievable for him. The kind of miracle that matches the definition of “too good to be true.” It was such a dumbfounding miracle that when people around Elizabeth heard of her childbirth, they rejoiced with her. Remember, these same neighbors had known and defined her as barren.

Isaiah 49:14-15 speaks of a profound truth. When you, like Zion, say the Lord has forsaken and forgotten you, the Lord responds with an affirmation, and He says: “Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely, they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palm of My hands; your walls are continually before Me,” These words are a direct declaration from God, not spoken by Derin or your pastor.

When you feel overwhelmed, as we all do every now and then, understand one truth: Your situation does not define you, and your challenges are only for a moment. Your prayers are not in vain. Don’t lose focus on God, and don’t neglect your righteousness because when God is ready to dispatch your package, you must be ready to receive it. Elizabeth and Zacharias received their package, and it wasn’t small. Yours is coming too, and it won’t be small. 

Something to know about waiting

The Bible is filled with profound truths relatable to our world today. That is why the Bible is rightly referred to as a living manual for a successful life on earth. This manual doesn’t promise or depict a life without challenges but contains a cheat sheet for overcoming life’s hurdles and living a victorious life.

In today’s blog, let’s glean the life of one prominent man in the Bible named Joseph. His story can be found in the book of Genesis from chapter 37 to the end of Genesis. In Genesis 37 Joseph had a dream of a great future for himself. He dreamed that those older than him would eventually bow to him. Now the interesting thing that we always hold onto from this part of Joseph’s story is to keep our dreams to ourselves to avoid them being truncated even before they materialize.

While I agree with this line of thought I would like to make some additions to it. Having a dream is the beginning of a journey, running with the dream is the big assignment that follows. Many people have had dreams like Joseph's, they have kept these dreams to themselves to avoid them being truncated or polluted, yet these dreams never materialize. And then, I wonder—God who is all-knowing and sees all things even before they happen, knowing beforehand that Joseph would tell the dream prematurely, still chose to reveal to Joseph what would happen to him ahead. God, knowing Joseph would not keep the secret, and also knowing the hearts of his brothers were envious, and what would happen to Joseph if he told the secret, still showed Joseph his future.

The big problem wasn’t what anyone could or would do to truncate Joseph’s dream but what Joseph himself would do to materialize or truncate the dream. The question wasn’t about what others would do but what Joseph himself would or would not do. So, the major focus was “how determined was Joseph in ensuring that what he had dreamed, was his experience in reality.”

God is not a partial God; He doesn’t bless one and abandon the other. The door of opportunity opens to all of us at one time or another and if we dare to dream and run with it with the help of God, we will succeed. Joseph was sold as a slave, and he was imprisoned, about 20 years of wait was what he endured but that dream never left him. His circumstances, situation, and challenges were not big enough to kill the dream he had dreamed. His situation didn't look like his dream, but his dream prevailed over his situation.

Another interesting thing I noticed was that all through Joseph’s ordeal; from his father’s care to being a slave, a convict who was falsely imprisoned, what the Bible tells us is that God was with Joseph. In his pain and suffering, God was with him and he was a successful man (Genesis 39: 2-3). He was a successful slave and a successful prisoner. I am sure you will wonder why it happened that way. God would have taken him through an easier route to success. Joseph didn’t have to be a slave, and then a prisoner to become a prime minister. If your thoughts are in this direction, they are valid. However, God knew the enormity of His planned greatness for Joseph and He also knew He needed to train him first to be mature enough to handle the capacity of what God was doing in his life. The issue was not about Joseph telling the secret. It was about God putting Joseph through a divine preparation course for the magnitude of the greatness coming.

In God's training hands Joseph learned loyalty, hard work, trustworthiness, overcoming temptation, and learned to focus. He also learned leadership. In Genesis 39:23, Joseph was already an authority over all the prisoners. By the time he was heading to the palace to take on the elevated position, he was ready for the opportunity.

Quite a handful of people have dreams like that of Joseph that don’t look like they will ever come to pass. Days are counting into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, and still, it doesn’t seem as if this dream will ever be real. The big takeaway from this story of Joseph is: “What is God teaching me in the process?” God will not entrust big stuff into small minds. If it has to be you, then you need to be trained. No matter how many people you tell your dreams to when you are ready for the breakthrough, it will not delay. But if being able to hold your mouth and keep secrets is the lesson God desires for you to learn,  you will have to learn it before you show yourself ready for the big break.

So, I finish with this: delay they say is not denial. Your waiting time is not a wasted time, rather, it is a prepping time. It is God teaching you and revalidating the values of greatness in you before your portion of greatness comes. It is a time of learning and so embrace it with grace.

 

 

How Do You Pray?

I have often written about prayer in my blog. For me, it’s one singular action you can never get wrong because things happen when we pray. In my post of the 6^th of November, you will find a discussion about God saying in Exodus 3:7-9 that He had heard the cry of His children (Israel) and had come down to save them. The cries go up to heaven if we dare to cry to God in prayer. As a matter of fact, we find in Revelations 8:4 that the smoke of the incense, together with our prayers, goes up to God. So, the efficacy of prayer cannot be overemphasized.

I strongly believe in the power of communal prayers. Jesus said, “When two or more gather in His name, there He will be in their midst.” So, when we come together to pray with oneness of heart, it becomes a powerful force. Solomon said, “One will chase a thousand, but two can put tens of thousands to flight.” There is power in praying together.

However, an exchange happens when you spend quiet time alone with your Maker. The kind of prayer I love the most is the dialogue prayer, where I get to speak to God and take the lead from Him, and I pour my heart out to God as though I can literally see him and feel the warmth of His comfort. This, for me, is a kind of Jeremiah 33:3. Going to God in this prayer pattern is not just about going to talk; it is more about going to receive.

Interestingly, God spoke to us through an intermediary in the days of Moses, Aaron, Samuel, Nathan, and all other prophets of old. But by the perfect finished work of Jesus, God speaks to us not with a mouthpiece but directly, and if you have trained your ears to listen to His voice and adhere to His instructions, then you can't go wrong.

You will wonder where Derin is going with this prayer talk in today’s blog. It’s all about offering a word in season. Many of us take a good time to join prayer meetings, which is a good habit as God is still in the business of doing miracles. But some breakthroughs and miracles come from a place where God tells you or leads you to do something; this comes as a specific instruction to you for a specific situation in your life. Now, this is not as a group instruction but as a Father to His child. You will miss the opportunity or struggle if you have not trained yourself to listen to His voice.

When you have not developed the habit of cultivating the presence of God and dialoguing with Him in prayer rather than just talking without receiving, you leave your life to chance and the possibility of frustration. We remember the story of Peter and the catch of fish in Luke 5; in verses 4-5, when Jesus told Peter to launch into the deep for a catch, he replied by saying He had toiled all night and caught nothing but at the word of Jesus, he will let down his net. Now, consider you as Peter, struggling to put it all together without learning to hear the voice of God on which direction you should go. I am sure you probably would conclude that God is a lie because you have prayed so hard and worked so hard with nothing to show for it. But what you are missing is your ability to hear His voice and discern His leading. He would have been creating opportunities and leading you in advance, but you simply have not been yielding because you don't recognize His voice. Just fix that little problem, and everything else falls into place.

Sometime in 2022, I landed a six-figure job without applying or using any connection or referral, simply by being able to discern the voice of God and doing what the voice told me to do. Before this exciting morning, I had been taking some online courses. I finished one of the modules and just heard a voice within me to update my resume on LinkedIn. The voice was clear, and it was like a pressure on me. Like a robot, I opened my laptop and updated my LinkedIn profile. I had totally forgotten about it until about six weeks later when I got a message on LinkedIn asking if I was available to take on a role in the field where I had completed the online courses. Initially, I thought it was a scam; I had told myself I would not leave my house in the name of any job interview. And just to know it was God doing His thing, I did my interview online on a Zoom call. My offer letter was sent to my email box, and I worked from home for the 3 months of being on that job. The contract ended 2 days after I left my home country.

Just imagine what I would have missed if I had not learned to pay attention to the voice of God. God speaks, and we should learn to listen to His voice. But be mindful and careful not to mix the voice of God with your desires and personal objectives. Be sure that you have heard from God and not your inner longings. Be objective enough to differentiate between what you want and what God tells you to do. When God speaks, He backs it up with evidence. You will always have your receipt to show for it. 

Harnessing your wins for more wins and more victories

One of the many exciting stories in the Bible is the story of David and Goliath, which is found in the book of 1 Samuel 17. This story is very familiar, and I am convinced that it is not a story that will be strange to you as you read this blog. However, the lesson in it for me, which I believe should be of interest to you, is the basis of David’s confidence. I dare to say that the army of Israel on the battleground at the time of the confrontation knew God somehow, but they didn’t know God in the way David knew Him. This is because David knew how to harness his wins.

What do I mean when I say David knew how to harness his wins?  David never let a win slip by; he would hold his win dear to him, which became his basis for trusting God to win another time. In 1 Samuel 17:36, David said, He has killed a lion and a bear. So, let’s analyze this situation. At some point, David had killed a lion (I am not sure which one he killed first; we assume a lion); that win gave him the confidence to take on the bear, and he won. The second win, in turn, gave him a basis to take on Goliath, and he won. And there were many more great wins for David in his lifetime.

So, what have you done with your little wins? Have you assumed that your little achievements have been by your ability or intellect or the grace of God that puts you at an advantage, which you should be grateful for? Have you learned to create a portfolio of wins you reference – like David – when facing challenges? As simple as your ability to wake up in the morning is a win that should be archived in the portfolio of your wins and form a basis for you to trust God for something a little bigger than that.

I will use my experience to illustrate what I mean when discussing harnessing your wins. My family had the rare opportunity to move to a new location sometime back. This opportunity came with its fair share of scares. It was going to be us starting life all over again, and because we were not doing too badly where we were moving from, it would be a hard call to make. We didn't want to lose the opportunity and were still scared of the uncertainty ahead. It was a time of sleepless nights for my husband and I. But guess what? It was my portfolio of wins that pulled me through that season. I always remembered the many challenges that God had overcome for us, which was one of my faith's strong bases. I was confident that if God had done so much for us, He will do much more. What was fear for us became a song of rejoicing at the end of it all. 

Psalm 37:4 teaches us to delight ourselves in the Lord, and He will grant us the desires of our hearts. To delight yourself in God, you first need to recognize His grace and goodness in your life. In other words, you will need to reflect on your portfolio of little wins and understand that your strength, talent, and ability didn’t get you thus far, but the grace of God. This deep thought puts you in a mood of gratitude; gratitude to God brings about a delight in Him, and then David said as you delight in Him, He continues to grant you your heart’s desires. A place of gratitude is a place of increase.

A person who seeks to have the floodgates of heaven opened over his life and situation needs to develop an attitude of gratitude, which begins with harnessing his wins. Never forget or take for granted the goodness of God in your life. Your little wins may look like nothing, but I beg you to use a magnifying glass to look at it to give you a reason to thank God for it and trust Him for bigger things. The more you praise God, the more you have reasons to praise God. Find a reason to thank God today, no matter how insignificant that may be. It is still a seed of gratitude that, when sown, will produce a harvest of more wins and more reasons to be grateful. A life of victory starts with gratitude.

 

Knowing the Secret of Staying Strong

 

It is common knowledge that life is a big challenge now. The world's economy is not smiling, and many people are forced to make lifestyle changes. One important thing to also see in this situation is that it is driving a wedge in many homes, and marriages are breaking left, right, and center.

As a couple, if you are not very watchful and prayerful, it is just a matter of time before you fall under the burden of the wave of hardship the world is experiencing. So, I say a big well done to the millions of marriages still standing despite it all. May the Lord continue to uphold your marriage and pour fresh oil of love on your union. 

But guess what? At this point, some marriages are getting more robust, and the love is building like these couples are newlyweds. How come when quite a handful of marriages are crumbling, and some are struggling, these ones are thriving? What are they doing differently? Do they not feel this economic crunch?

I will share some of what I know in today's blog post. The first piece of information to share is prayer. And the first response to that is, "We all pray, so why is it different?" Well, what kind of a prayer person are you? Are you a grumbling prayer person or a thankful prayer person?

I noticed that whenever my daughter wants something from my husband, they will first have to play and joke, and she gets her father in a playful and gentle mood and then chips in her demand along the way. Often, the first response is always a no. But guess what? She gets what she asks for.

In the same way, if we want a fast and sure answer, we will do what Paul teaches us in Philippians 4:6-7, "with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving, we should make our request known to God." Hold fast to that keyword thanksgiving because God dwells in the praises of His children.

The second piece of information I want to share is the need to make every effort to keep the bond tight. The power of agreement can never be over-emphasized, and that agreement will not come cheap; it comes with the cost of compromise. One party must learn to trust the other party's judgment into God's hands. Often, this is done by the wives. The wife aligns with her husband in agreement. She commits her husband's decisions to God's hand, who alone can turn an unbelievably lousy situation around for good.

 A virtuous wife is not the fool who gives up herself all the time for her spouse and family; she is the one who stoops to conquer. Arguing and fighting are what we are avoiding here. Conflict is what we are running away from. Sometimes, those decisions are terribly wrong, and our husbands are unbelievably adamant. So, your view as a wife may contradict your husband's decisions or conclusions or the direction in which he leads the family. Still, rather than becoming assertive, we pray. We must keep the bond strong, maintain agreement, and stoop to conquer. The only way to get through him or lessen the impact of his decision-making is by praying. And before I jump to the next paragraph, I want to highlight that it runs both ways. Some wives are a hard nut to crack. 😉

There is power in agreement; even God said it in Genesis 11:6, so wanting to be right continually erodes the power of agreement in your marriage and makes your union vulnerable to the attack of impossibility. In Matthew 18:19, "Jesus said if two agree on earth concerning anything they ask, it will be done for them by Our Father in heaven." So, we should ask in agreement, and we should ask thankfully and in faith. You know that faith is the currency of heaven. 

God will not come to do the agreement aspect for us; that is for us to do. Will we always agree? The true answer is NO. However, the work is for one party to align their will with the will of the other party, and then an agreement is achieved. Doing this over time makes it less complicated.

But see what God said in Genesis 2:8: "It is not good for man to be alone, so He makes a helper for him as his wife." The two will not be strong in the same area of life, with the same strength, and even at the same time. The idea is where and when one is weak, the other is strong. That is the design from the Creator. So, acknowledging your weakness and the strength of your spouse and allowing them to be strong when you are weak is the birth of agreement that brings power.

So, we see why some marriages wax strong in the world's meltdown, and others are melting with the meltdown. I pray for wisdom today and the grace of God to stand strong and firm when everything else is falling apart. Not just for my marriage but for yours, too, in Jesus' name. 

Winning is Inevitable

 

In my newly launched website, the first paragraph promises that the website will provide adequate encouragement and some inspiring words to boost hope. That is just what I hope to do in today’s blog.

We all have our ups and high joyful and happy moments, and because life's journey is characterized by its ups and downs, we also get to have our down times.  These downtimes come with varying degrees of intensity. Sometimes, they genuinely feel like the "valley of shadow of death" that David spoke about in Psalm 23:4. I have experienced this enough times in my life to know just what it feels like to be desperately in need of help, someone to talk to, or at least for that phase or situation to just go away.

Some of us have faith enough to pray and wait on God, but fear and doubt begin to set in when the wait seems endless. Sometimes, we second-guess ourselves, sometimes, we blame God, and sometimes, we blame ourselves and even allow others to guilt trip us. But in all these, the Lord still sits on His throne in heaven watching.

I was reading the book of Exodus some days ago and found something profound in Exodus 3:7-9. I will summarise it like this: God tells Moses that He had heard the cry of His people in Egypt and had come down to deliver them. At the time God came down for the deliverance of Israel, they didn’t even know it; they didn’t see it coming, nor did they understand it. As a matter of fact, if we continue reading, they grumbled and quarreled with Moses, saying that he brought more trouble to them. But in truth, what they called trouble was God working behind the scenes for them. He didn’t want to just bring them out of Egypt; He wanted them to be rewarded abundantly for all their labor in Egypt. He would make Eygpt so vulnerable that Israel could take valuables from them effortlessly and leave with abundant treasure in gold, silver, money, and clothing. They could not have left empty-handed just like that. So, more than Israel gaining their freedom, God would ensure they got duly paid for all the years of their labor in Egypt.

Israel didn’t see this; they only saw increased pain and added burden, and they grumbled, doubted God, and insulted His vessel – Moses. And this story feels so like us right now. The pain, the suffering, and the challenges all add up to give us reasons to fear and doubt. But I find hope in Romans 8:18, in which Paul says, “He considers that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us.”  This was the situation of the children of Israel when they were in Egypt. They probably would have rejoiced instead of grumbling if they knew what was coming.

Some of our challenges may not bring the desired outcome in the short term. But in the long term, there is glory that awaits. I say this because I have been there before. Consider this illustration: You probably had been praying that your landlord would not send you packing. You trusted God and got people to wait on God with you; you prayed and exercised deep faith, but guess what? The landlord ended up sending you packing. It was a painful experience. You felt God failed on this one. He didn’t show up when you needed Him. He watched and did nothing when the landlord threatened and eventually evicted you. It was a gruesome experience that almost shattered your faith and trust in God. Then, 12 months down the line, 12 months of uncertainty, 12 months of shame and reproach, 12 months of having faith when there is nothing tangible to tie the faith to, 12 months down the line, you find yourself comfortable in your own home. Your property, where you never have to fear the horrors of a landlord – the pain, the horrors, the reproach, all gone. Something in you now thanks God that the landlord evicted you because you probably would not be in this better place if he didn't. This is why Paul would say that our sufferings of the present time are not worthy compared to the glory that shall be revealed in us.

One assurance I have always had, which has never failed, is that God will always come through. He may not come through at my timing or in my presumed pattern, but He comes big when He wants to come and does so at the perfect time. After experiencing this repeatedly, I have understood one time: He surely comes through. My only prayer is: “What will you have me do while I wait.” The waiting time is the toughest of them all. Numerous temptations exist, and the battle is fierce during the waiting period. But if you have a grateful heart, never forgetting your past wins, you will resolve within yourself that if God won the war for you before, He would win the battle now, so you hinge your faith on that and trust Him.

I hope you have been encouraged today. In another two days, you can pop in again. There will be some encouragement waiting for you.

I am Back

 I am careful to say that I am resuming blogging again. And I must confess that I miss sharing my heart and views on my blog. I had a long break that could not be avoided. First, I needed to return to learning, and then my wifely duties and mothering assignments were overwhelming. But I think the pressure has eased off, so I am back.

This, my first post in a long time, will be a little gist about what went down while I was away. I finished schooling over 2 decades ago, but realizing how fast the world is evolving, I concluded that I couldn’t be left behind. Now, of all the knowledge that could interest a person my age, I picked an interest in web programming. I am sure quite a handful of you would want to believe I am weird. Well, it is what it is.

So, I have spent the last two years learning how to code. It’s been an exciting and scary journey, coupled with the fact that I am not under compulsion but out of personal interest and self-motivation. And just like that, I built thewordthatsuits.com from scratch all by myself. And to say that I am grateful for this opportunity and grace is, to put it mildly. So, the website now has a new face, and I hope you like what you see.

Writing about self-motivation and talking about pursuing one’s dream will be repeating what has been said over and over again. But there are times when you find yourself down and low; it’s often a time to understand that everyone is too busy for you except yourself. And the truth remains that there is always a way when there is a will, and I mean this in positive terms. We don’t always have to get involved in duty activities to get things done.  

Some routes may be slow – like it took me two years to get to the point of launching my website that is not a plug-and-play Wix or WordPress website, but I guess the more you need to prepare, the greater the outcome or end product.

I told myself I don’t want to write a preaching blog post, so I think I will stop here. My big message now is that I am back, and I am so proud, excited, elated, and every other word you can think of in classifying my emotions now – to be back.

For those familiar with my blog and who have been blessed by it in the past, I am glad to return to you. And for those who will start to read from me, I pray that the Lord will bless your life, your home, your marriages, and all your endeavors by the content of this blog.