Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness

A dear friend sent me a private message requesting that I write on a few topics, which is precisely what I will be doing in my next few blog posts. I encourage you to send me a message through the Contact Us page using this link if there is anything you would like me to discuss as a blog topic.

The first topic she wants to read about is titled "Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness." This sounds like something I wrote about many years ago, but I will trust God for fresh insight from His throne of grace to share a word that will indeed meet the needs of someone and, in fact, people who may come across this post.

Going by the word of God in Genesis 2:18, we are made to understand that based on God's review of creation, He concluded that it is not good for man to be alone, so He needed to make a helper suitable for Him. Solomon also shares profound wisdom in Ecclesiastes 4:9, when he says that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. With that said, having a companion in the person of a God-given spouse cannot be overemphasized. Marriage is so much joy when you run it by the dictates of the Bible. And a companion takes the loneliness away and makes life more beautiful. 

While your spouse is a vessel of accomplishment as you both support each other for growth and accomplishment, relying on your spouse as a source of happiness is a recipe for disappointment. In Jeremiah 17:5, the Lord says, 'Cursed is the man (including woman) who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.' As long as your source of strength and trust is in a human, based on what the Lord says in this passage above, you are getting it all wrong.

Your spouse can give you some level of comfort and peace of mind; they can be a source of good advice and reliable support for growth. They are reliably there when you feel low and need someone to be vulnerable with, but their ability is still very limited as long as they are still human and not God. When you remove your focus from God and place it on your spouse and replace God with your spouse in your life, that is the beginning of heartbreak. The best of your spouse is still human, capable of being tempted and falling into temptation. In all sincerity, your spouse may not want to hurt you; they love you so much that they will not hurt you intentionally. However, the truth remains that good intentions and love can still fail when put through daring challenges and intense temptation. I will always say that the best of a man is still a man in all of his frailties. God, knowing this, says, 'Cursed is the man who puts his trust in man.'

Your happiness, self-esteem, or personal values are qualities that depend on no one but you, with your focus on God. While I do not subscribe to abandoning your responsibilities as a wife or husband, father or mother, your personal mental health is an assignment for you to take care of. How you position yourself, and the value you place on yourself, is the value people will put on you. No one but you will nurse your personal well-being for you. As long as you are not disabled to the point where you rely on your spouse to feed you your meals, then your ability to handle your mental and emotional well-being is yours. The only support that can adequately help is that of God.  

But on the flip side, it is possible for your spouse to do everything within their means to make you happy, and you still will not be happy. This is because you are the only one who knows what makes you happy, thereby making your happiness your personal responsibility. Your spouse can hurt you but cannot steal your joy unless you let them. Depending on anyone, no matter how close or far, to be the source of your happiness or joy is like not wanting to take responsibility for yourself and blaming others for what you should be blaming yourself for. Joy, which is a deeper form of happiness, is a fruit of the Spirit from God (Galatians 5:22). Rather than seeking happiness from a human who is limited in his abilities, seek it from God. 

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