Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness

A dear friend sent me a private message requesting that I write on a few topics, which is precisely what I will be doing in my next few blog posts. I encourage you to send me a message through the Contact Us page using this link if there is anything you would like me to discuss as a blog topic.

The first topic she wants to read about is titled "Your Spouse is Not Responsible for Your Happiness." This sounds like something I wrote about many years ago, but I will trust God for fresh insight from His throne of grace to share a word that will indeed meet the needs of someone and, in fact, people who may come across this post.

Going by the word of God in Genesis 2:18, we are made to understand that based on God's review of creation, He concluded that it is not good for man to be alone, so He needed to make a helper suitable for Him. Solomon also shares profound wisdom in Ecclesiastes 4:9, when he says that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. With that said, having a companion in the person of a God-given spouse cannot be overemphasized. Marriage is so much joy when you run it by the dictates of the Bible. And a companion takes the loneliness away and makes life more beautiful. 

While your spouse is a vessel of accomplishment as you both support each other for growth and accomplishment, relying on your spouse as a source of happiness is a recipe for disappointment. In Jeremiah 17:5, the Lord says, 'Cursed is the man (including woman) who trust in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.' As long as your source of strength and trust is in a human, based on what the Lord says in this passage above, you are getting it all wrong.

Your spouse can give you some level of comfort and peace of mind; they can be a source of good advice and reliable support for growth. They are reliably there when you feel low and need someone to be vulnerable with, but their ability is still very limited as long as they are still human and not God. When you remove your focus from God and place it on your spouse and replace God with your spouse in your life, that is the beginning of heartbreak. The best of your spouse is still human, capable of being tempted and falling into temptation. In all sincerity, your spouse may not want to hurt you; they love you so much that they will not hurt you intentionally. However, the truth remains that good intentions and love can still fail when put through daring challenges and intense temptation. I will always say that the best of a man is still a man in all of his frailties. God, knowing this, says, 'cursed is the man who puts his trust in man.'

Your happiness, self-esteem, or personal values are qualities that depend on no one else but you, with your focus on God. While I do not subscribe to abandoning your responsibilities as a wife or husband, father or mother, your personal mental health is an assignment for you to take care of. How you position yourself, and the value you place on yourself is the value people will put on you. No one but you will nurse your personal well-being for you. As long as you are not disabled to the point where you rely on your spouse to feed you your meals, then your ability to handle your mental and emotional well-being is yours. The only support that can adequately help is that of God.  

But on the flip side, it is possible for your spouse to do everything within their means to make you happy, and you still will not be happy. This is because you are the only one who knows what makes you happy, thereby making your happiness your personal responsibility. Your spouse can hurt you but cannot steal your joy unless you let them. Depending on anyone, no matter how close or far, to be the source of your happiness or joy is like not wanting to take responsibility for yourself and blaming others for what you should be blaming yourself for. Joy, which is a deeper form of happiness, is a fruit of the Spirit from God (Galatians 5:22). Rather than seek happiness from a human who is limited in his abilities, seek it from God. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Removing the "I" in Your Marriage

I want to title my blog today: “Removing the ‘I’ in Marriage.” Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So, when two people enter into a marriage union, a joining takes place just like we have read in the scripture. As long as they both remain in that joining, everything is fine. But the joining begins to crack when the word “I” is introduced into the union.

How can this simple one-letter word “I” become so dangerous in a marriage union? The dictionary tells us that “I” is a personal pronoun in first-person singular; “me” is the objective form of “I,” and mine is the possessive form. We also have “myself” as the reflexive and intensive form of “I.” In all of these descriptions of the word “I,” I have yet to see where joining, as spoken in Genesis 2:24, plays a role. Yet, that joining is the basis of every marriage. Without the joining, there is no marriage.

What this tells me is that as long as the word “I” becomes prominent in your relationship with your spouse, the marriage is starting to experience a crack. Once one spouse begins to have a sense of superiority over the other spouse, danger looms, and if not checked, what will be left of the marriage will be two individuals coexisting; if nothing is further done and the center can no longer hold, they start to speak of a divorce.  The word “I” is self-gratifying, selfish, self-promoting, and self-focused. While taking care of yourself and working towards your happiness and mental well-being is important, it should never be done at the expense of your marriage union.

One of my favorite scriptures on marriage is in Matthew 19: 4-6, and if you permit me, I would like to quote it here in full. It says, “And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’”  In these direct words of Jesus, I have not encountered any form of personal pronoun or first-person singular word expression, yet this is the divine foundation upon which God establishes marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. Jesus then tells us that in marriage, God joins the two (male and female) to become one, which is better and more rewarding. Unless the “I” spoken by any of the two individuals in marriage refers not to a singular individual but a unit of two becoming one (which is naturally not the case), the only acceptable pronoun for every action in marriage should be “we.” If your marriage will stand the test of time, the first word to abolish in your home is “I.”

What that tells you, in essence, is that every action taken in that marriage should be taken with the word “we” in focus. Everything should be done in unison. There must be an agreement of purpose and alignment of implementation in all that you have to do in your marriage. This alignment and agreement would not just promote peace and love in your marriage; it is the hidden secret of great achievement and success in all that you two plan to do.

There is great power in agreement; even the devil is very aware of that. In Matthew 18:19, Jesus teaches that if two agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them by God. Which two are better to ask in agreement if not the two of a husband and his wife? In Deuteronomy 32:30, we learn that with the help of God, one can chase a thousand, and two can put ten thousand to flight. This tells me that the mathematics of agreement is beyond simple arithmetic progression. If you think you are successful by yourself, try out the power of agreement simply by removing the “I” in that success and changing it with a “we.” Enlist the agreement of your spouse, work as a unit of two becoming one, and not as a single individual, and put God in the mix. Do this genuinely, and I will wait for your testimony. 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

A Secret for the Financially Success Wife

One of the big issues in marriage is finances, and understandably so. The Bible, in fact, tells us that the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil—1 Timothy 6:10. The financial issues of marriage come in various shapes and forms. Either the husband is not doing enough, or the wife is not helping. But one common tool of the devil in destroying homes and marriages is money. No matter how resolute couples are not to let money come between them, that issue finds a way of raring its ugly head in the peace of stable homes, causing havoc on its way.  

In today’s blog, I want to address one common aspect of financial issues in marriage that we are not so mindful of as wives. So, I kind of want to speak to the financially successful wife. All wives need to engage God’s wisdom in their marriages. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 24:3-4 that through wisdom, a house is built, and with understanding, it is established. We are also aware that the wise woman builds her house (Proverbs 14:1). So, I won’t be wrong to say that the success of a marriage is largely dependent on the building ability of the wife and her wisdom level.

While the wives need to seek and consume large chunks of wisdom, the successful wife needs to double her quest for wisdom if she is to build her house. If, as a wife, you have any advantage over your husband in any way, it is not a tool to overpower or suppress your spouse. It is a tool given to you by God to support him and enable him to be all that God has called him to be.

With that said, how do we support our husbands with our success? Some wives have diligently picked up bills on behalf of their husbands, taken care of financial issues in the home, and done remarkably well but killed it all with the attitude that followed afterward. There is no use doing so much, and then all your husband hears from you is how you saved his life and bought all the appliances in the house and paid the children’s school fees and going on and on and on about what you have brought to the table and contributed to the marriage. It would have been better if you hadn’t done all that than to do it and never stop talking about it.

The side effect of this attitude is that rather than being grateful for your support, your husband will detest you for it. Your continuous narrations and highlights bring out the inadequacy in your husband. You telling him daily how you have helped him has killed all the help. One truth you must realize is that without you saying it out loud, he knows and appreciates it. He is proud of your support, but when it comes from you, it kills the value of what you have done. So, when providing support, please do it without making a fuss about it. You should not expect gratitude from your husband but praise from God, who gave you the resources you are helping with and has assigned you to help in the first place.

When you wonder why your husband is not acknowledging your help or being grateful for it, check the attitude you have built around the support you have provided. One story in the Bible that speaks so well to this point for me is the story of Abigail, Nabal’s wife, found in 1 Samuel 25:2- end. The Bible tells us that Nabal was a wealthy but foolish man with a beautiful and intelligent wife named Abigail. Nabal had insulted David, thereby touching the tail of a lion, and David had sworn not just to kill Nabal but his entire household. David had prepared to take off for the mission of massacre when Abigail heard of the trouble that her husband had caused. She immediately swung to action to save the situation, providing supplies to appease David and remove the disaster about to befall her husband and his house. But verse 19 tells us that she didn’t tell her husband about it. Abigail did what she had to do but didn’t make any fuss about it.  God, who saw all that happened, rewarded Nabal and Abigail according to their input in the matter. God killed Nabal, and Abigail married David.

When you help and support your husband based on the resources God has given you, note one thing: you are not doing your husband a favor; you are simply fulfilling your God-given assignment for which your husband and home are beneficiaries. The more you fulfill your God-given assignment in that regard, the more resources will be poured into you by God. And when you don’t kill it all with a proud and self-gratifying attitude, you maintain the peace and stability of your home and, above all, earn the respect and love of your husband.  

 

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

Let's start with faith

I want to start by thanking God that we all made it to the new year. It is 2025, and in Jesus' name, it will be a glorious year for all of us. I had to take a break to spend time with my husband and children for the holiday, and I hope you missed me as much as I missed sharing something with you on the blog.

It’s a new year with new expectations and wants for and from the year. There are hopes and plans for this new year. And just like last year, some expectations will be met, and some will not. But the biggest thing I want us to take into 2025 is Faith. While we will need to put some effort into realizing some of our desires and wants, like understanding and knowing that the volume of work we put in will determine the volume of income and reward that accrues to us, we cannot remove faith from our 2025.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. All of what we desire and want for the year 2025 comes from one source, and that is God. The ability to put in the appropriate effort, which will be enough to make things happen without experiencing burnout or frustration in 2025, comes from God. Deuteronomy 8:18 teaches us that it is God who gives us the power to obtain wealth. Peace, love, joy, wealth, health, and everything we hope to have to make 2025 a memorable year loaded with testimonies all come from God. Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 tells us that laboring so hard and enjoying the proceeds of our labor also comes from. And then Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith, it is impossible to please God. 

Without understanding how your dreams will materialize or how things will add up to make that hope move from the point of a farfetched want to tangible manifestation, I want to encourage you to have a powerful faith. You honestly don’t need to know how things will fall into place; I think you should let God worry about that. Your assignment is simply to hand over the desires and wants to God and leave them there. Your faith should be strong enough to overshadow the challenges that may want to sneak into your peace in 2025.

I want to share an interesting story of what happened to my husband and me during this break. We made a trip during the holiday; trust me, I had overpacked. All our carry-on bags were so full that we had no allowance for anything more. I had three carry-on bags instead of two. But interestingly, as we were driving to the airport, my husband realized he drove to the airport with just his socks on and without shoes. My son, on the other hand, had an extra pair of shoes in his hand luggage, and he wears shoes of the same size as my husband.

As we waited at the boarding gate, there was an announcement that only two carry-on bags were allowed, but I had three. I needed to find a way to re-organize myself to reduce my stuff to two carry-on bags. We were already at the airport about to board the plane, and I could not return anything home at this point. However, because my husband forgot his shoes and had to wear my son’s, my boy had room in his bag where I could reduce my stuff and meet the two carry-on requirements. While on the plane, the Lord dropped in my spirit that my husband, forgetting to wear his shoes (which was unbelievably weird), was no coincidence. The Lord, who knew what awaited us at the airport, had pre-arranged our journey so we wouldn’t have any issues. We traveled hassle-free.

Just like my story, your 2025 has been taken care of by God. He has prepared the year to favor you; all you need to do to activate that favor is your faith. We don’t know what awaits us in 2025, just like I didn't know what awaited me at the airport, but God knows, and He has already made a way for us all to experience a beautiful and fulfilling 2025. So, we are just to go into the year loaded with faith and in complete trust that God has ensured that only the best is what we experience in 2025 in Jesus’ name. 

A Very Tough Advice I had to Give

Some time ago, a lady confided in my husband about her failed marriage. Apparently, her husband was a friend of my husband. She felt that since the two men were good friends, she could speak to my husband to positively influence her husband. Her husband had taken a second wife without her knowledge, and she was torn apart (who wouldn't be?). But then my husband proffered a solution: She should speak with me. So she came to the house, and we had a heart-to-heart discussion.

Unlike what she would have wanted to hear from me, my God-sent advice to her was to go fight for her marriage. By so doing, she was to show love, respect, and submission to her husband as though she was the only one married to him. My advice to her was for her to be the best thing that could ever happen to her husband, and in so doing, she was to pray to God and ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit to show her the missing link in her husband's life that she was to fill and how she could fill the space. Rather than fight, she was to act as though she was the only wife and woman in her husband's life. Though this would be a tough thing to do (obviously so), with prayers (plenty of it) and reliance on the strength and grace of God, it was very possible for her to do it. 

I encouraged her to be the sufficiency in her husband's life to the point where he would not have any feelings of inadequacy to the point of seeking adequacy elsewhere. As long as there was no physical abuse, the grace of God was all she needed to fight and win her battle. Every battle in marriage and life generally requires different tactics and approaches, and it's only God who would fight the battle on our behalf that determines the suited approach for the issue at hand. 

I am sure a lot of people reading this now will say that the man who will cheat will definitely cheat no matter how good his wife is. But sincerely, that is not true. The way to overcome infidelity in marriage is not about trusting your man not to cheat. It's about entrusting your man into the hands of God and believing God not to let him do anything that will affect the stability of your marriage. Your husband can fall even when he does not mean to; he will disappoint you unintentionally. But God can never disappoint your trust in Him. A man will always be tempted, but he can overcome such temptation with the help of the Holy Spirit through the fervent prayer of his wife. Also, if, as a wife, you become to your husband his true sufficiency with the help of the Holy Spirit leading your life and steps in marriage, you give your husband one less reason to fall under temptation when he remembers that he has a queen at home who will do everything it takes to make him feel like a king. If a man is made to feel special in his home, he has no reason other than greed to seek anyone outside of his wife to make him feel special.

Before I continue my story, I know many wives would say they have tried everything within their understanding to make their husbands feel special, yet they remain unfaithful to them. Well, I have learned over time that there are many things that I think I know but flop at. There are many things that I assumed I did right but actually got wrong. You can imagine making a very special dish for your husband, and he gets home only to show interest in eating something entirely different from what you have labored to make. So, wives trying to please their husbands with self-effort dance in the face of frustration. But there is Someone who knows your spouse more than you do, and that Someone is God. So, when you ask God to show you how to make your husband feel like a king, He directs you perfectly. Whatever you do by the leading of the Spirit of God in you, you will never miss the target. Trying to please and satisfy your husband with your understanding is likened to chasing after the wind because his likes will change frequently, and you will get frustrated trying to meet up. But with the help of God, you can never miss the target. When God is in the mix, everything He leads you to do and you obey will be right on target. 

So, going back to my story, I shared all of these ideas with this troubled wife, but she was too hurt to listen or accept. First, she complained and wondered how she could treat a man who abandoned her for another woman special. She also wondered how possible it was to treat like a king a man who doesn't care how she and the children were fairing. And she told me point blank that it was impossible to ever make love with a man who has given himself to another woman.

I then wondered why she was running around seeking intervention in a marriage she wasn't ready to fight for and wasn't willing to make efforts to remedy. I asked her what she wanted from the man if she wasn't willing to forgive and give anything capable of drawing him back to her. Well, she told me she just wanted the man to take responsibility for his family.

A couple of years later, the man took a third wife. And then had a fraud case at work and was dismissed. Whatever responsibility the first wife sought from the husband towards her and the children was no longer possible as he was not financially capable of taking up any financial responsibility. I will say that this man failed woefully, but I will say his wife failed much more.

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:10 that if a man falls, his companion will lift him up, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to lift him up. What other fall is more common than the fall to sin, and what other companion does a man need to lift him up than his wife, whom God has designated as his suitable helper. This is really hard to accept, but it's the honest truth. Even though we feel betrayed when our spouses are unfaithful to us, you shouldn't snuff out the life out of your marriage for that reason. It hurts, and yes, I know it hurts, but much more than the hurt we feel is the grace we have in Christ Jesus to forgive and repair, and by so doing, we kill the hold of the devil over our marriages.

I agree that it takes the grace of God to follow through with such advice as this, but let's consider the other options, which are break-up and divorce. Now, which of these alternatives is better for the situation? When we hear from a divorced person, they'll tell you the scare never goes away. And we do not talk of the scare on just the couple, but also on their children (if any). Thinking deeply about this, which would you rather do? Forgive and repair, or take a walk and divorce?

What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

In one of my previous blog posts, we looked at the law of God for marriage, which says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. Again, I will say that submission by a wife to her husband is not a sign of her weakness; it is not a sign of her stupidity; it doesn't make her less intelligent, nor does it demean her self-worth or self-esteem. It simply means that as a child of God, she obeys God's instruction for her life as a wife. It tells God how much of a serious and dedicated child she is to Him.

When a wife who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband, it's good, but the chances are there that the husband can trample on that submission if he also does not have the mind of Christ in him. He can make a caricature of her effort, and that, in turn, demeans her self-worth. But when she is a child of God – not by human standard, but by the Spirit of God testifying with her own spirit that she is a child of God, submission becomes evidence of strength because she combines obedience to the word of God with the power of God. No man can trample on such submission. A right-thinking husband will be careful to do what is right with such obedience, or he stands the risk of being chastised by God.

So, we will discuss the responsibilities that accrue to a man who earns the submission and respect of his God-given wife. First, we will note that the kind of submission a wife gives her husband is like the kind of submission she gives to God. So, what does God do with our submission? How does God handle the submission we give to Him? Does He insult it, disrespect it, play boss with it, and ill-treat us for submitting to Him? This is what every husband who wishes that his wife should submit to him needs to critically ponder because God expects that you watch what He does with the submission we give to Him and replicate His actions towards your wife whom you wish to submit to you.

Just like God delights in our obedience, it pleases Him that we trust Him unconditionally and obey His words without question, so does a man delight in his wife's submission and enjoy the reverence he gets from her. But God doesn't just handle our submission to Him with levity; rather, He cherishes it so much that the only way to have God do what we want Him to do for us is by submitting to Him. Now, is the husband who seeks submission from his wife willing to give her as much reward for her submission as God gives us for submitting to him? And this is why I say to men that when you want your wife to submit to you, it's good, but it's not to boost your ego because what you seek actually accrues enormous responsibilities to you.

Paul in Ephesians 5:25-27 said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy without blemish." In this passage, we can readily tell that the church isn't perfect; otherwise, Christ will not need to sanctify and cleanse her with the word; He will not need to make an effort to remove spots and wrinkles or any form of blemish. However, due to the church's imperfection, Christ needed to do so much.

In the same way, the husband who wants to enjoy his wife's submission also needs to love his wife with the magnitude of love that Christ loves the church. He needs to love her despite her imperfections, taking on the responsibility of sanctifying and cleansing her with the word until she is without spot or wrinkle, until all her blemishes go away. Then, he presents her to himself as a glorious bride.

If you ask me, I will say that it is the husband's responsibility to lovingly train his wife into whom he wants her to be rather than insulting his wife's family for not bringing up their daughter well. The wife is a reflection of the effectiveness of the husband as a leader. The husband trains his wife not with violence or harsh words, not with insults and derogatory words, not with physical or verbal abuse, but with words that inspire and encourage. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:34 that sweet words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It is the subtle words and loving corrections that effectively get the job done, and with plenty of prayers, too. The husband will need to correct his wife, no doubt, but should he abuse her by doing so? That is so very wrong and ungodly.

So, what should a husband do with the submission he seeks from his wife? I will say that he treats that submission like Christ treats the submission of the church. As a husband, it is important that you understand that you have to work hard to earn your wife's submission. Christ had to die a gruesome death on the cross for Him to earn the submission of the church. Though submission from a wife to her husband is a law of God to the wife, on the other hand, it is an assignment from God to the husband. If God has likened this whole process of marriage to the relationship between Christ and the church, then it is important to note that before a husband begins to claim the right of submission in his marriage, he must have made huge sacrifices to be entitled to such a right. This is huge but true. I pray the Lord grants us understanding and the brokenness we need to excel in our marriages.

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format. 

When You Don't Feel Appreciated

I have been thinking about how to handle sharing blog messages in the next couple of days and praying to God for what to share, and as I began to trust God for what to write that will make an impact, I realized that I have a bank of blog posts that I had written since 2020 but not published. Is God not too good? So, today's blog is one of those messages that were archived. I hope and pray that you pick a lesson from it in Jesus' name. 

One common issue with couples is finance. Looking at this from the perspective of a woman and wife, I will play a scenario for us to consider. The wife feels she spends so much on household matters, you know, those $5s, $10s, and $50s, that appear not so much, yet their accumulation turns out to be so much. On the other hand, the husband carries those big bills all the time and then does a rethink and says he is the only one spending all the money in the family, and the wife isn't helping, and sometimes vice versa.

I understand this scenario too well because I sometimes experience it in my home. Our spouses often wonder what we spend money on, forgetting that the small needs of the home never end. Those petty needs you think you should not bother your spouse with. So, in short, we both spend so much; it's just that one person probably does not appreciate the effort of the other. This also leaves out the non-monetary commitment to caring for the home that does not have a tangible value. 

This scenario plays out in many marriages, and even though the problem is apparent, the solution must be addressed. I trust the Lord to open our hearts to the perfect solution to this problem.

This problem is usually born from the place or position of lack; in the face of abundance, this will not be so much of a problem. When one party begins to get overwhelmed with the financial burden of the home, then he/she gets so consumed by how they feel that they are totally unaware of the efforts and contributions of their partner. And even though the partner does so much, it doesn't seem to be appreciated because all they see is what they feel and nothing more.

However, the one whose efforts go unnoticed tends to feel hurt and wants to withdraw due to a lack of acknowledgment and appreciation, which does not resolve the problem but creates more. It's either the one who is not appreciated, fights for acknowledgment, or withdraws, leading to a breakdown in communication. Whichever way, it leads to a bigger problem, becoming a rollercoaster of issues. Whether you are the wife whose effort is unnoticed or the husband whose effort is unnoticed, you must understand that the problem is not yours. What you should realize is that your partner needs help. You should know that he/she is overwhelmed, so rather than getting angry, it's essential that you ignore the hurt and pray that the Lord will grant your spouse the peace of mind he/she needs to focus. 

I have always found Genesis 25:21 a helpful scripture when interceding for my husband. The Bible tells us that the wife of Isaac - Rebekah, was barren, and Isaac pleaded with the Lord. God granted his plea, and his wife became pregnant, not with a child but two babies. When you lift up your spouse in prayer, God listens, hears, and grants your plea. The big trick here is that the abundance that comes from your prayer brings peace into your home and life. The appreciation and acknowledgment you seek follow. 

This is where understanding in marriage is of great importance. This is not the time to stop contributing your quota because you think the effort is not recognized, but to steadily increase the tempo of your effort. Whether you are the wife or husband, never sit on the seat of a dependent. Always ensure that you are contributing something to the well-being of the home. If you can't make financial contributions, you can always give efforts to other activities of the home. You need to work at earning the respect of your spouse, and that is done by what you are able to bring to the table in the marriage. The Bible says, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for the labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9), even when it appears the labor is not appreciated. The reward comes from God and not man. He holds the scorecard, and the reward is good when the two are laboring together. But the Bible says, "Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

To labor alone can be overwhelming and understandably so, but not to appreciate and acknowledge the help of a partner can also be discouraging and demoralizing yet both need to labor on because the pressure is only for a while, the reward is sure and sweet if both don't give up.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.