Can a Submissive Wife Be Financially Independent? What Ephesians 5 and Proverbs 31 Reveal

We often mistake submission for a wife burying her identity in the husband she has married. The assumption is that a submissive wife is not allowed to build a purpose outside of her husband’s purpose. And for some marriages, when a wife desires to seek financial improvement for herself, she is seen as defying the ethics of a good marriage.

In a handful of my marriage posts, I have described a wife as a suitable helper to her husband. A God-given help to a man to help fulfill his destiny and be all that God has ordained him to be. Even though that is very true, as we find in Genesis 2:18-25.

But understanding this scripture to mean that a wife’s duty is only to do the will of her husband would not just be a great disservice to the wife but, more importantly, to the husband. It simply means you are incapacitating the vessel that God has assigned to help you.

Submission Should Not Silence a Wife’s God-Given Potential

When God instructed the wife to submit to her husband, I don’t believe it was on the premise of losing her capacity to think for herself or take initiatives that will help her develop her own capacity and skills.

When a husband deliberately suppresses his wife’s God-given abilities because he fears her independence, success, or financial strength, what appears outwardly as leadership may actually be insecurity or control.

Unfortunately, what that would mean is that you have incapacitated your God-ordained help and support such that she is unable to effectively help you when you need her to.

Let us examine what Ephesians 5:22-24 says about God’s expectation from a wife. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” So, we understand that when a wife submits to her husband, she is doing so in the same strength as submitting to the Lord.

But when submitting to the Lord, we don’t feel caged in. Submitting to God is freedom; it’s liberty; it’s strength-building. A wife who submits to God yields herself to the authority of God. But what the authority of God does in her life is lead her to discover her strength and purpose.

When we yield to God’s authority, it leads to growth in potential and advancement. When you are under God’s authority, your discernment is sharpened; strategies for growth are received. And you are all around the best version of yourself.

A husband who is being submitted unto as unto the Lord holds it as his duty to imitate God’s reaction to the privilege of that submission. When a wife honors her husband with her submission, it’s not because she has not been endowed with talent and value from God; it’s that when she combines what she has with what God has given her husband, they both have a good reward for their labor.

Can a Submissive Wife Work and Build Financial Independence?

One of the benefits of submitting to God is what we see in Deuteronomy 8:18, where Moses tells us that it is God who gives us the power to make wealth.

A husband may not have the power to make wealth that he can give to his wife, but he has the power not to hinder her from freely expressing God’s gift in her life and giving her the room to harness the power to make wealth that God has given to her.

There are instances where a husband would forbid his wife from working or earning a living. And such a man demands submission to that instruction. For some, they use the excuse of not wanting their wives stressed, but rather to stay home and take care of the children.

For others, they don’t want their wives exposed to the possibility of meeting other men in the name of working. While a godly wife is supposed to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, this instruction, no matter what excuse we may have for it, is not healthy for the husband and the wife alike.

Why Financial Empowerment Can Strengthen a Marriage

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”

The scripture above speaks to the heart of why it is dangerous for a man to prevent his wife from financially empowering herself when the opportunity and power to do so is available to her. When the husband experiences downtime, which is almost a constant in a man’s life journey, then he would have no one to help him up.

This would not be that God did not provide the support he needed ahead of time, but that he suffocated life out of the support. Having a wife whom you have prevented from earning a living when she possibly can is like being alone with no one to help.

I understand that there will be instances where circumstances are the things preventing the wife from earning income, which is different from the husband insisting she should not work. And I will not rule out cases where she is still waiting on God for her own breakthrough.

But when a wife is sitting at home not earning a living simply because her husband instructs her to do so, not because of any meaningful reason but just because of his own selfishness, such an instruction can be very limiting; not just for the wife, but also for the husband.

Insecurity, competitiveness rather than a complementary outlook, and excessive ego force some men to struggle alone when they have abundant help made readily available for them that they have refused to exploit.

God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage — discover biblical principles for building a marriage where submission does not erase purpose, leadership does not become control, and both husband and wife can grow, contribute, and thrive together in God’s design.

The Proverbs 31 Woman Was Productive, Capable, and Trusted

Proverbs 31:10-31 is the part of the scripture that speaks of a wife of noble character. She is a strong, successful merchant whose husband has allowed her to harness all of God’s gifts for her life, and from which her husband benefits, because she takes care of her household from her earnings.

Her husband is so secure that he sits at the city gate with elders. Her productivity does not diminish her husband. On the contrary, the household prospers, and her husband is respected among the elders at the city gate.

When a Wife Wants to Help but Cannot Contribute Financially

I am very passionate about this discussion because this is my lived experience. For the better part of my marital life, I have lived as a stay-at-home mum without earning any income. This wasn’t because my husband stopped me from working; it’s because I couldn't get a job.

I graduated from the university some 25 years ago, but by God’s design, I find myself raising four lovely children as my full-time job. But while I am not complaining, and God has been gracious to my family in that He has provided for us adequately from just a single source of income from my husband, I still understand what it feels like not to be able to support financially.

I have known the pain that my husband feels when the account spreadsheet isn’t looking good, and there is no support. I know firsthand what it means to really want something but cannot even dare to dream of it because some other things should take priority.  

While I know that my situation is not because my husband is limiting me, and my breakthrough is coming, I still feel the pain of being helpless when I know I should be a source of help. And when I listen to my husband plan the income for the family in a way that we are just getting by, it cuts deep.

To now imagine that a man would deliberately put his wife in a financial confinement simply to preserve control over her is not an expression of the sacrificial love Scripture requires from a husband.

What Abigail Teaches Us About Wisdom, Initiative, and Courage  

As I round up this article, a story in the Bible comes to mind. The story is found in 1 Samuel 25:2-end. The scripture is a long one, so I will summarize. It’s about a very wealthy man named Nabal, whom the Bible describes as harsh and evil. He had a wife named Abigail, whom the Bible describes as a woman of good understanding and beauty.

Nabal offended King David, and David promised to kill him. Words got to Abigail, his wife, that David was on his way to kill her husband, and she sprang to action and went to appease David on behalf of her husband without his knowledge.

The lesson that I got from this story is that Abigail possessed enough wisdom, competence, courage, and practical authority to intervene when her husband's foolishness placed the household in danger. That singular action saved her husband from David, even though it didn’t save him from the wrath of God.

The Ephesians 5 Wife and Proverbs 31 Woman Are Not Opposites

So, I will finish with this: A submissive wife is still an intelligent woman; she is full of talents and value that are designed to position her for greatness. There is no conflict between the Ephesians 5 wife and the Proverbs 31 wife. Scripture does not present one woman who submits and another woman who succeeds.

The Proverbs 31 woman is industrious, financially productive, discerning, entrepreneurial, trusted by her husband, and deeply committed to her household. Biblical submission and female capability are not enemies.

The Ephesians 5 wife does not disappear when the Proverbs 31 wife appears. They are not two different women. A wife can honor her husband's leadership and still think, build, create, earn, invest, lead, contribute, and become everything God has equipped her to become. Submission was never God's instruction for a woman to become less.

Restricting a wife from being all that God has called her to be in the name of submission would only mean that the husband will be laboring all alone when he is supposed to labor with the suitable help that God has given him. He would hardly find room for rest. 

My book, God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage, walks you through biblical principles for building a marriage that honors God and remains strong through the different seasons of life.

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