Finances in Marriage: What Does the Bible Say About Who Should Pay the Bills?

I once spoke to a friend who was divorced, and she was telling me some of the things that her husband did that hurt her feelings. One of them was that immediately after she was able to get a job, her husband split all the house bills in half and demanded that they share the bill payments, and she had to remit her own portion to his account every month. 

Her husband singularly paid all the bills while she was unemployed, but as soon as she began to earn income, he set the rule that she had to pay her own share of the home’s running costs. And this is not a case in isolation. All over the internet, there have been debates about whether the husband and wife should share the bills or not.

What Does the Bible Say About Financial Responsibility in Marriage?

Before sharing anything about how to handle financial stress in marriages, we need to check the Bible, God’s own word, to understand the mind of God when it comes to the matter of money and its impact on marriages.

One of the most popular scriptures when it comes to the matter of finance and marriage is 1 Timothy 5:8, and it reads, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially those of his household, he has denied the faith and worse than an unbeliever.”

From this scripture, and the role of the man as the head of the home, and the one assigned by God to care for his wife as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-29), and train his children in the way of the Lord, we won’t argue with the fact that the husband is the primary financier of the family.

A good man ensures that his family is well taken care of, and he would do whatever it takes to ensure the well-being of members of his home. A good man is sacrificial in ensuring he fulfills his God-given assignment, because his assignment is to follow the pattern laid by Jesus.

So, expecting a man to go above and beyond in this regard will not be a surprise. But more importantly, the underlying catalyst is love. A man who loves his family deeply and genuinely will do what it takes to care for them sacrificially. A man who loves will do all that is within him to show that love, and financially providing for his family is one of the means of showing that love.

Should a Wife Help Her Husband Financially?

But there is another caveat to this theory. A man who is genuinely needing help to fulfill his God-given role as the provider for his family has not sinned if he seeks the financial support of his wife when he is sure she is capable of providing that support.

In discussing this angle of the matter, I want us to consider Proverbs 31:16-18, and it says, “She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.”

The scripture above is the description of a virtuous woman. The Proverbs 31 woman is not idle. She is industrious, resourceful, productive, and willing to use her abilities to contribute to the flourishing of her household, including financially where she has the opportunity and capacity to do so.

Should Husbands and Wives Split the Bills 50/50?

The question that then comes to mind is: Is she supposed to be earning income to hand it over to her husband, or is it right for the husband to demand that she shares in equal proportion the family expenses simply because she is earning income?

While there is no right or wrong answer to these questions, we can glean wisdom from God’s word as we try to approach this. Genesis 2:18 describes what God has in mind when He formed the woman. That verse says, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

So, the woman that God made and handed over to the man, who then became his wife, was formed as a suitable helper for the man. If we agree to this truth, then a man asking financial help from his wife, who is formed for him as his suitable helper, is not out of place.

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Marriage Is a Partnership: Two Are Better Than One

But more than this, the angle I want to approach this from is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, which says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

A good wife should be readily available to help when it is required of her, first because she is her husband’s suitable helper, and because that is what partners should do naturally; they should help one another up in times of a fall.

But when a man refuses to carry out his financial obligations to his family and shies away from his responsibilities not because he does not have the means to, but because his wife works hard and earns income, then 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us that such a man has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So being able to do and not doing when it comes to a man’s financial responsibility to his family is an act of irresponsibility. I have seen a man who continually grows in God’s blessings, and one of his secrets to success is that he cares for his family sacrificially. Nothing is too much for him to spend for the comfort of his family.

When Financial Support Becomes a Weapon in Marriage

But there is another side of the coin that I want to talk about. There is another true-life story of a divorced couple, and one of the husband’s pain points is that the wife really does help whenever she is called upon to support financially, but when there is a slight misunderstanding, she starts to recount all that she has done for the husband.

She will hound him with the house furniture she bought, the home appliances she paid for, and the mortgage she supported, and, as such, make the man feel worthless. And so one begins to wonder if the financial support was even worth it in the first place.

Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” And verse 23 says, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”

These scriptures above tell us what is expected of a good wife. It is not enough that a wife supports her husband financially, but that she honors him even while doing so. Money should be a blessing and not a curse. It should be enjoyed and not used as a weapon.  

Submission, Money, and Obedience to God

If you then ask me what I would do if I were in the position of a wife whose husband has asked for financial assistance. First, because communication between my husband and me is very active and we discuss a lot, I will not wait for him to ask before jumping in to help if he needs it.

If you ask again what I would do if my husband demanded that we share the household bills equally, my answer is that I would pay my share. Not because I believe that a 50/50 arrangement is fair, but my submission to my husband is ultimately an act of obedience to God.

Ephesians 5:22–24 tells wives to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord. Therefore, my focus would not simply be on whether I agree with my husband's decision or not, but on whether I am obeying what God has required of me. Unless what my husband asks of me requires me to disobey God, I cannot define submission as yielding only when I agree with him.

My husband is responsible before God for how he leads me, and I am responsible before God for how I respond to his leadership. If his decision is unfair, God can deal with him concerning his responsibility; but I should not allow his failure in one area to become my justification for disobedience in another.

So, when I pay that bill, I am not merely putting money toward a household expense. I am choosing to honor God's Word. I believe that no sincere act of obedience to God is wasted. God sees the heart from which that obedience comes, and He is the One who rewards those who honor Him. My confidence, therefore, is not in the fairness of the arrangement, but in the faithfulness of the God whom I am ultimately obeying.

In my own real world, I am a stay-at-home mum who does not earn income yet, but my invaluable contribution to my husband is priceless and well appreciated by my husband. But when I do earn income, what I would do is what I have described above.

I will say this as my closing: The husband is the primary provider of the home. God, knowing that there will be downtimes in a man’s life journey, provides a suitable helper for him in the person of his wife. A good wife should not sit idle; as much as she can, she should earn income or strive to earn income.

A wife who financially supports her husband does what is good. But more than just supporting your husband financially, how you do it matters. Do it while protecting his honor. A man who has the capacity to take care of his family financially but does not has lost the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Financial disagreements are rarely just about money. They often reveal deeper questions about responsibility, sacrifice, trust, honor, submission, and how two people learn to function as one. And these are not principles we need only when financial pressure comes; they are part of learning how to build a marriage according to God’s design.

Today’s post is the twelfth in our three-month series on marriage. If this message has challenged you to look more closely at how God’s Word should shape not only your finances, but the way you relate to your spouse, then I invite you to go deeper.

My book, God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage, walks you through biblical principles for building a marriage that honors God and remains strong through the different seasons of life.

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