The Marriage Series 13

Hello wonderful people of God, I thank God for another blessed opportunity to share the word of God with us on the issue of marriage. It is always a very good feeling to share the word of God here. In my last post I promised to write on the issue of Marriage and Children and by the special grace of God, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Psalm 127:3-5

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. 

The very first thing we need to understand and appreciate is that having children is a gift from God and a reward from Him. I know a handful of friends in my life whose number one prayer point in their lives is to be able to bear children. For those in this category of people who are looking up to God for the fruit of the womb, note that children are a reward from the Lord and He gives His gifts in ways and manners which only Him determines and we cannot question God’s judgment or decision. Roman 9:14-16 reads, “What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For He says to Moses, ‘I will have mercy on whom I will mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.’ It does not therefore depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” But if children are a reward from God and its comes with His mercy and compassion, then the one important thing we need to understand is that there is something we need to do to earn us this reward from God.

Those who do special things will naturally earn special rewards. When you are believing God for the gift of a child, don’t just trust God for any child, trust Him for a special child. If you then want a special child from God, and we know that children are a reward from God, then we need to do something special to earn a special reward from Him.  

Luke 1:5-7, 13-15

In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zachariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both well on in years.   

But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zachariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord.

This story gives a better illustration of what I am trying to get across to those waiting on God for the gift of a child. Elizabeth and her husband were upright in the sight of God, observing the Lord’s commandments and instructions blamelessly despite their barrenness and the fact that they were well advanced in years. But who else ought to be anxious and grumble at God if not Elizabeth and Zachariah; but rather than grumble, they continued steadfastly in the Lord as though they had no issues in life. Yet they had no children.

But when the God who rewards diligence and steadfast upright living was ready to give His reward to Elizabeth, He gave her no ordinary child. Rather the Lord rewarded Elizabeth with John the Baptist who the Bible says was great in the sight of the Lord. This explains why you need to do great things for God in order to get great reward from Him. When you seek a special child then do special things in the sight of God that will move Him to reward you specially. Remember children are reward from the Lord.

One of the big reasons why God instituted marriage is because He seeks godly offspring from the union. Malachi 2:15 says, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring.” If the Lord has blessed your marriage union with the gifts of children, these gifts comes with huge responsibilities, and that responsibility is to ensure that these children who are gifts to us are raised in the godly ways so they grow to be the godly offspring the Lord seeks from our union.

All those who are called by the name of the Lord are expected to know the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Even the Christians by name can recite the Lord’s prayer even when woken up from sleep, but if we bother much about the Lord’s prayer is a questions each individual needs to answer personally. Matthew 6:10 reads, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” The answer to this prayer we recite every day and in fact every time is in the godly offspring that our marriage union produces for the Lord. So if we do not see God’s kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven, it’s because we have not produced godly offspring for God to work with.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,” and Ephesians 6:4 reads, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” If you really desire the manifestation of the Lord’s prayer in that you want God’s kingdom to come and His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, and you are tired of the moral decay in our world today; if you are tired of the society you live in and you desire a positive change in your society, then you need to begin with producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks. When we have a large population of married couples producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks then we are inviting the presence of God into our society and working towards a healthy community.

In my last post I discussed the issue of input in marriage as a determinant of the output of that marriage. That same principle applies to raising your children as a product of your marriage. The training you give your children determines the character they grow up with. The Bible says train your child in the way he should go and when he grows he will not turn from it. What do you expect of your child when he/she grows up? Whatever you want them to grow up into depends on what values you put in them when they are young. May the Lord bless our efforts in Jesus name.

The Marriage Series (12)

Just at the time that I was beginning to think that we have come to the end of the marriage series, the Lord is opening up to me something else that needs to be discussed on the issue of marriage. In today’s marriage series, we will be discussing the products of our marriage. What exactly is your marriage producing?

The first truth we need to understand and appreciate is that what you put into your marriage determines what comes out of it. Just like in every production process, the input determines the output. In marriage there are two categories of output which are: the emotional output and the physical output. The possible emotional output ranges from love, peace in the home, friendliness, joy, laughter, happiness, harmony, trust, protection, unity, anger, strive, disaffection, hatred, malice, tears, lack of trust, vulnerability, and all other emotions that fits in like these ones. Then there are the physical outputs which are, children, wealth, physical assets, position of affluence and influence.

The only output of marriage which is not fully determined by the input of the married couples is the issue of child bearing in the sense that children are a gift from God and He alone can choose either to close a woman’s womb or open it. He can choose to delay conception or hasten it. No one can question God on that. But if God has blessed you with children, what becomes of the life of these children is a function of how you train them and the values they have soaked up from you as their parents and so they become a product of your marriage.

We need to take the issue of our inputs in marriage one after the other. First, when you take your time to make sacrifices that is geared towards the unity of both you and your spouse, first the product of your sacrifice is unity in your marriage. This unity is then a raw material for other products to come forth from that marriage. The book of Ecclesiastes says two are better than one, for they have good returns for their labor. So when you have formed a bond of unity and then add to it good and effective labor, the Bible says you will get a good return for that labor; far better than if you have to labor alone. So the output of sacrifice is unity, and the output of unity and labor is prosperity. So what you input into your marriage determines what you get as output.

Again let’s look at another possible input in marriage and what it is likely to yield for us as output. When you input sacrifice again, you get unity as by-product. This unity when mixed with prayers that brings down the intervention of God in your marriage, you get victory over life’s battle. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” So we are understanding better the importance of getting the input right in our marriage.

There are many times we have troubled marriages that leads to disastrous ends, but it’s all a question of input in most marriages. For example, a wife with a very mean and ruthless husband might not win him over with love, but it is guaranteed that this wife can win her husband over with her submission to him as her head and prayers to God. Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that “wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

Please note that a man who truly believes in the word of God and does the will of God from his heart will not be mean to anyone let alone his wife. No matter how godly a man appears, in as much as I do not stand to judge any man, I will say a man who maltreats his wife has very little going between him and God. Such a man does not have the fear of God in him.

As a wife, if you desire the output of a loving and caring husband, then you need to invest the input of submission and prayers. And consistency in these inputs, continuing and not stopping will yield for you the product of a loving husband as output.

Also a husband who desires the respect and submission and love of his wife as an output in his marriage, then the input he need for the product he desires is just love and lots of prayers. The love we speak of here is not just any kind of love, but a very sacrificial love that is so deep that it is worth dying for in the manner in which Christ loves us that He died for us (Ephesians 5:25-29). Anything short of this might not be adequate for the product you desire. Then mixing this unconditional love with prayers makes the output a perfect finish. The input of unconditional love is not a once and for all input; it has to be continuous in order to continue to receive the output you desire.

Again sacrifice in marriage produces unity between married couples which is a by-product in whatever output is produced in the lives of your children. The character and values of the children produced in any marriage is determined by the character traits of their parents or those they see and perceive as parent figure. What you feed into your children is what they produce out for you. Proverbs 22:6 says “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Whatever level of training you give your child determines his/her character mold in life, and whatever level of discipline you give to your children determines how disciplined they will grow to become.

So what are the inputs you are putting in your marriage and at what quantity? Are these inputs enough for you to get the desired product you want? I once tried my hands on baking a cake, and what I learnt is that every ingredient is important in a required amount to arrive and the type of cake I want. If I want a very fluffy cake, then I must make sure that I get the right quantity of butter, eggs and flour. Even though the baking powder/soda is the smallest ingredient in the recipe, you cannot do without it in the right amount if you want your cake to rise up. And that is just the way it is in marriage. Just like when baking a cake you need to mix the butter and sugar to a specific texture and color before proceeding in baking, so also is it in marriage. When you put all your inputs together, mix them always in prayers, this you need to do always if your product is to be a perfect finish.

I hope we have learned a great deal in today’s post. In our next marriage series, we will be looking more at marriage and the children. Please just stay with us and we will be here for you. Till then remain blessed. 

The books Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement and Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring are available in paper back on Createspace eStore and on Konga.com for the Nigerian readers. Please get your copy and be blessed by them. Please find below the link address to these materials from the respective online stores for easy access to them.

Createspace eStore address link:https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Kindle Store address link :https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU
Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Kindle Stores address link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6
Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

The Marriage Series (11)

Hello great and wonderful people, I am so positive that you are all doing great and your homes are receiving a touch from God and looking good too. I hope this marriage series isn’t coming late, but if it is, I am really sorry. Please accept my apology.

In today’s marriage series, I want to discuss what I call Marriage Investment. I pray that this blog post will touch many marriages and heal many homes and I particularly pray that those who are preparing for marriage will find this blog post helpful and encouraging.

One truth about life is that we make investments every day, in fact almost every moment of our lives we are making one form of investment or other and we expect to receive some form of returns on investment.

One thing we might not realize is that every action we take in life is a form of investment. Every passion we create is an investment, every time we spend on a thing is an investment, even the love we give is an investment. This explains why when you give your attention to something, you expect a level of satisfaction from that which you have investment your attention on. In the same manner, when you give your love to someone, you expect love in return. When you spend time on something, you expect value for that time that you have spent. And when you visit a friend, unconsciously you expect that friend to pay you a visit in return. Even when you show respect, it is a form of investment, because in truth you expect some form of respect in return. I guess that is why they say that “respect is earned and not forced or imposed.” So you will agree with me that almost everything in life is an investment; some prefer to refer to it as a seed sown. But the bottom line is that something has been given for which a form of returns on investment is expected.

In marriage it isn’t any different. In order to enjoy the ultimate benefit of a marriage some level of investment must have been made into it, and what yields for you as returns on investment is in direct proportion to what has been invested in the marriage. This is not for just a particular gender; it applies to all in marriage.

There are loads of investments that you need to make in your marriage that will ultimately yield for you the sweetness of marriage. And marriage investment is not a one-time investment; it is continuous, with each investment having different maturity date and pattern. I want us to consider this illustration: In order to enjoy a meal of pounded yam and vegetable soup (an African delicacy), the ingredients for this meal is not just one, but many. First you have the yam, the green leave vegetables, the tomatoes and pepper, the seasonings, onions, palm oil and then the meat or fish as one would want it to be.

For you to get the yam, it needs to be planted, and so are the green leave vegetables and the pepper, then the onions and tomatoes and the palm oil. The seasons for planting these crops are different and their growths to harvest time are also different. Yet all of these crops come together to produce for us the African delicacy of pounded yam and vegetable soup. And for people to continue to eat pounded yam and vegetable soup, then there is the need to continually cultivate the crops that will produce this African delicacy.

I want us to now apply the lessons of this illustration into our marriage. There is no magic or luck to a good marriage, the success of a marriage is determined by the type and volume of investment made into it. Marriage investment is not a one-time investment; it is continuous if we must continue to reap the return on investment of peace, love and harmony in our marriages. What you invest in the marriage and the quantity of that investment will determine what comes to you at the end of the day. Someone who bought ten thousand dollar shares in a company cannot expect to yield the same returns on investment as someone who bought one million dollar shares in that same company. The investment type is the same in that they both bought shares in the same company, but the volume of shares bought is different and as such the dividend will be different at the end of the accounting period.

Before I round up this post, I want us to look into the type of investment to make into a marriage for it to be successful. In this marriage series we have looked into the different roles for the husband and the wife in marriage which if followed through effectively are a type of investment in marriage that should yield returns for the investor. We have talked about God’s rule for the man to love his wife as himself which is an investment that would yield returns, and we have spoken of God’s rule for the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord which is also an investment that would yield returns. Then we have looked as the virtuous wife and all her domestic roles that when performed effectively are investments that would yield returns to her, and we looked at the husband who has been assigned to provide for his family and take care of them which if he also performs effectively would yield returns for him.

Another investment that is very necessary is that of prayers. When you have invested all of these good virtues, then you guard your investments jealously with prayers. Quite a numbers of times some spouses get tired of making investment into their marriage because they seem not to be seeing or enjoying the returns on their investment and this is where prayer becomes very essential. Like I said earlier, investment is like sowing a seed and marriage investment can also be likened to that. When you sow into a bad soil no matter how good the seed, it’s either that the yield on what is sown is low or you will absolutely have no yield at all owing to the fact that the soil is bad and cannot support the life of your seed. When you buy shares in a company that is not well managed you are bound to run into a loss. This also applies in marriage. So for those yet to marry you need to pray well before entering into that union.

But prayer does something else; prayer can change the composition of the soil and make a bad soil good. There is nothing God cannot do, so He can turn your loss and porous soil to humus soil fit for planting where your seed will germinate well and produce good for you. So guard your investment or seed jealously in prayers.

The best investment to make in marriage is the investment of wisdom and understanding. This is the bedrock of any and every successful marriage. And when I speak of wisdom and understanding, I mean God’s wisdom and understanding which is only obtained on the altar of prayers. Love is a very good investment to make in marriage, but I tell you that God’s wisdom and understanding far outweighs love when you are investing for a successful marriage. When you pray to God, ask Him to give you the necessary wisdom and understanding that you need to invest in your marriage to make it a success.

I finish this post by asking, “What are you investing in your marriage in order to make it a success that you desire?” What you invest determines what you get. Think about it.

It’s been a lengthy post and I pray it meets you well and timely and impacts your life and marriage positively. So please stay with me for the next episode on the Marriage Series. Till then stay tuned and remain blessed. 

The books Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement and Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring are available in paper back on Createspace eStore and on Konga.com for the Nigerian readers. Please get your copy and be blessed by them. Please find below the link address to these materials from the respective online stores for easy access to them.

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Kindle Store address link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU

Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore address link: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Kindle Stores address link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

Konga eStore address link: http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

The Marriage Series (10)

As always I thank God that I am alive to share with you on marriage issues, and more thankful to God that you are alive and available to read what I share and I pray that as you apply the lessons learned on this blog your lives and marriage will receive a divine touch from God himself in Jesus name.

There is always a general complain among wives on the level of house chores they get to do while it appears that the husbands are only burdened with reading newspapers and watching sport channel in the house. In as much as I cannot generalize this trend as we have some husbands who are domesticated and have their hands on with house chores, yet some men feel it’s not their responsibility how the house is kept clean; that is the duty of their wife. This she has to bear in addition to being a wife, mother, daughter, a suitable helper, an income earner and other unmentioned responsibilities. Now can we say there is a balance in the share ratio of responsibilities in the home and marriage between the husband and the wife? This is an issue we will trust the Lord to help us clarify in today’s post. And this message is so ideal for all levels of marriage, and even for those intending to marry.

From what we read in the Bible, Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us the many attributes of a good wife; this Bible scripture can be taken as the code of conduct for a wife in marriage. Proverbs 31:15 says, “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servants girls.” So this tells us that the woman is the cook in the house. When we read through the book of Proverbs 31, we will notice that the wife is the one who takes care of the wellbeing of her household. So it is not strange that the wife is expected to be domesticated and to ensure that her house runs effectively as it should. With the house properly cleaned, the supplies of the house are in adequate supply and the children are well taken care of. Generally, the wellbeing of her entire household is her business.

But interestingly the husband holds the responsibility to love and take care of his wife. It is responsibility of the husband to ensure that his wife is not overburdened with responsibilities. Just as the wife is to device a means of taking care of her household, the husband is to device a means of taking care of his wife. Note that if the wife is not well taken care of, then she is unable to take care of the house. This is how God designed it to be at the beginning.  

If a husband notices that what his wife has to do in terms of house chores is overwhelming for her, and she is getting tired often out of stress, then it is his responsibility to find a means of reducing the work load for her either by taking some chores off her shoulder and make himself available as a helping hand. or by providing assistance in terms of paying a domestic staff as a helping hand for his wife. He can also advise her on how to structure her activities such that it will not be overwhelming for her to carry out. But the bottom-line is that the generally wellbeing of the wife is the responsibility of her husband.

For the wife to be effective in her responsibility in the home then she needs to be adequately motivated and that is the responsibility of the husband. If the husband desires the best from his wife, then he need to give her the best. What he sows in his wife is what comes back to him in multiple forms, and the matter of house chores is not left out.

With this explanation I believe we have been able to arrive at a balance when it comes to the issue of responsibility with regards the upkeep of the home. I hope we have learned a vital lesson that will aid us well in our marriage. Please just stay tuned to this blog cause we have so much more to learn about marriage.  

 The books "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement" and "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring" are available on Createspace.com and Amazon Kindle. Get a copy for yourself and for your friends and you will be really blessed you did. And for the Nigerian readers, these books are live on http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-book

 Createspace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016

Createspace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4352171 

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016 

The Marriage Series (9)

I bless God for another beautiful day and another beautiful time to share a word to bless a soul as I am being blessed continually on this blog.

In my last post I promised that we will be looking at the issue of Marriage and Money. The times we are in now are very trying times, and it is an understatement to say that the economic pressure is being felt in the homes too. Money is fast becoming a major factor generating misunderstandings and quarrels between couples. The question then is: should this be? And how can money issues be resolved in marriages such that it will not be a factor causing problems in the home.

There is this story of a lady seeking advice on what to do; she shares a joint account with her husband and they do practically everything together. They both contribute into this joint account without any problem and embark on big projects together as a unit. In all of these no issues has been recorded, but the problem now is the husband buys a car for his wife with money from the joint account which is fed by the both spouses and only his name appears on the ownership documents of the car. Also the husband buys a landed property from money taken from the joint account and still puts only his name on the title document of the landed property.

This development has made the wife uncomfortable and she politely asks her husband why her own name is also not appearing on the ownership document of these huge assets that was paid for by the two of them, and the husband says she is just being insecure. The lady is now confused, she does not want to feel cheated and at the same time she does not want this issue to smear her marriage.

This is just an example of major issues that can arise in a marriage as a result of money. First, as a woman I appreciate and understand the fears of this woman and I can relate to her concern. So I will not write off her fears as though it is not called for. There are a handful of negative reports coming from the cases of joint ventures like this between husbands and wives, so one cannot really blame this wife if she gets apprehensive about the fact that either deliberately or as an oversight the husband did not include her name on the ownership documents of very huge assets that should belong to both spouses. It would be a very nice and reassuring if the husband can make corrections where necessary and going forward, he needs to understand that he is not alone; he has a wife that needs to be included in the assets ownership too. If it’s okay that she is a joint financier of the projects then she should be a joint owner of the assets too.

This story is one of the many stories that affects marriages and should be discussed, so I trust the Lord to help us understand how to handle cases like this and all money related issues in marriage. The first and most important key point in any marriage is that two has become one. For any marriage to succeed there shouldn’t be an individual pursuit or goal. Everything decision and approach to issues much bear in mind both parties in the marriage union. The moment any of the two begins to see issues from a selfish or self-centered point of view and pursue goals with just himself or herself in mind, problems will begin to brew in that marriage.

It is from this same point of view that we approach money matters in marriage. I totally agree that likes may differ, what women wear surely does differ in appearance and price from what the men wear. There are a whole lot of areas where we have difference in the spending of the man and that of the woman. But even with the issue of money and marriage, when selfishness is removed from the picture, a lot of problems will be solved and much more averted.

The husband is the head of the home; he is the one who holds the responsibility to provide for his family (1 Timothy 5:8), and if he avoids this responsibility intentionally, the Bible says he is worse than an unbeliever; he has denied the faith. So it is totally wrong for a man to stay on the excuse that because his wife is working then he will avoid his responsibility to provide for his family; such a man the Bible says has denied the faith. He is not acting like a child of God should; he is worse than an unbeliever.

One beautiful thing I have discovered about men who hold their responsibilities in marriage very dear to them and perform their duties in providing for their family is that such men do not lack. For a man who takes his responsibility seriously and performs them diligently God will always ensure that such a man is not put to shame. Such men do not lack that which they need to truly be the head of their family in terms of finances.

The secret there is this: God will not make available His resources to a man who would eventually waste it. God is not a waster of resources. But for a man who put God’s resources to proper use, such a man will never live in lack. The Lord who made him the head of the family will also make available all that he needs to perform his duties as head of the family adequately well.

The wife is the suitable helper to her husband, and the Lord did not specify the area of the husband’s life where the wife is required to come in and help. But in every area of the man’s life where help is needed, the wife is God’s assigned suitable helper for him. And this includes in the area of finances, or should I say money. There is absolutely nothing wrong if the husband has a temporary setback financially and the wife steps in and helps. The important thing for the two is that the financial problem of the family is solved. Whoever solved it between the husband and the wife should not be as important as the fact that the problem is solved.

But when the husband leaves all the financial problems of the family for the wife to solve without making any effort at taking up his responsibility on money issues that originally should be his responsibility, then he has denied the faith and no better than an unbeliever.

I cannot over emphasize the fact that goals are better and easily achieved in twos rather than individually. Challenges of life are better handled and overcome when faced in twos rather than individually. The Bible tells us two are better than one because they have a better reward for their labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). And that includes handling financial issues in marriage. This is the ideal theory for Marriage and Money. When you handle money issues in your marriage in twos and not individually I guarantee you better results. This works effectively when the husband and wife are selfless in their marriage.

If you have been blessed by what you have learned in today’s blog post, then look forward to something even better. We are working at a very blessed and prosperous marital life for you together and by the grace of God you will get there. In the next post we will need to find out the role the husbands play in the issue of domestic chores of the home. Please share with a friend and bless them too, it’s all at no cost. 

The books "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement" and "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring" are available on Createspace.com and Amazon Kindle. Get a copy for yourself and for your friends and you will be really blessed you did. And for the Nigerian readers, these books are live on http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books

Createspace eStore:https://www.createspace.com/4309313

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HGHVPOU


You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016

Createspave eStore: https://www.createspace.com/4352171

Live on Amazon Kindle Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW8E3O6

You get a free kindle edition for every paperback purchased on Createspace eStore. Promo End 30th September 2016

The Marriage Series (8)

It’s another beautiful day and another opportunity to share the truth of the word of God. I thank God that today we are alive to the glory and praise of His Name alone. And today we will be discussing on how to handle misunderstandings in marriage.

In this post I will be making a lot of reference to the post on Marriage Series (6) where we looked at the importance of unity in marriage. Misunderstandings are inevitable in any relationship you find yourself in, and as such misunderstandings are inevitable in marriages. There are occasions where the husband and wife will have contrasting views about issues; there are occasions where the husband and wife will betray each other’s trust; cases of infidelity in marriage will arises, disputes will arise over money matters and many other decisions that should be taken that concerns and affects all parties in the marriage. In any marriage that both spouses can say that they have not had any form of misunderstanding at all between them is a marriage where the couples are not been truthful and open with each other.

Now if we say that misunderstandings are inevitable in marriages, then how can this be resolved or handled in a way that it will not lead to a break-up of the marriage?

My answer to this question will need me to refer to the importance of unity in marriage discussed in the marriage series 6. If we understand and agree that the secret to success in life’s pursuit either for you or your spouse is closely tied to unity with your spouse, then you should know and understand that that element of unity in your marriage is far more important than any misunderstanding that you and your spouse have between each other. The drive for success in life should be strong enough in you to understanding that success in life is tied to the unity between you and your spouse and the will to succeed should be stronger than the justification for the misunderstanding between the two of you.

The Bible says we are not ignorant of the devices of the devil; the devil knows that if you and your spouse are united as a force, then nothing you plan to do will be impossible for you and so he will pump pride in you that you will be so pumped up in being on your right and ensuring that the other person knows and accept that he/she is wrong that you forget that being on your right is actually killing the unity in your marriage which is a very vital ingredient to success in all your goals and dreams.

At the end of the day you would have gained the temporary satisfaction of winning the argument, but there would have been a crack in the bond of unity in your marriage. If you are not quick to mend this crack, it grows bigger with every argument won with temporary satisfaction at the detriment of the unity of your home. Without realizing it, the bond of unity in your marriage will reach a point of total collapse. Yes you would have won so many arguments against your spouse, but you would have lost the unity requisite to succeed based on the word of God in Genesis 11:6. 

Now the dreams and goals you would have achieved with less effort and success guaranteed when united with your spouse becomes a very hard task to see through because you are struggling at it alone. It will take much longer time and effort to achieve it if ever you get to achieve these goals before leaving this world.

It is true and correct that you would have won many arguments in your marriage and your spouse might be perceived as the devil that cannot be lived with, but the bond of unity in that marriage would have been broken, the marriage will be a living hell if at all its still is standing. And life becomes more of a struggle than it ordinarily should be. When you now settle down to take account, you wonder if what you have gained is big enough compared to what you have lost.

So in my own view winning an argument in marriage should not be as important as winning the peace and unity of your marriage. The unity of your marriage which is one of the ingredients to success in life is far more important than who is right or wrong in any argument. The unity of your marriage should be of higher priority than any other thing in your marriage. When the unity of your marriage is more important to you, then you have learned the secret of handling misunderstandings in marriage successfully.

I will finish off this post with a short story.

There was a lady who discovered her husband was having an affair outside her marriage, she confronted him about it and though he didn’t deny it, he appeared sorry about what he had done. The woman who very angry as would have been expected of her, she felted betrayed by her husband whom she had given her whole life to. But after been angry for a while, she had to make a decision whether to end the marriage because of what the husband had done or forgive him and move on. As a Christian she began to pray about her hurt. Then with the help of God she evaluated the time of her life she had given into the marriage and the sacrifices she had made for it. She met and married her husband when he was poor and a nobody, now he is rich with affluence. She thought to herself how she labored in prayers and the seed offerings she made to God in prayer for the success of her husband. Will she then give that all up because he betrayed her? She realized she would loose more if she left him and all her effort in his life would be the gains of another woman who would eventually marry her husband who now is a rich man.

So she forgave him and remained in his life. The husband could not believe his wife would forgive him for his mistakes, and he put in extra effort in gaining her love and trust. Now they are happy like two new love birds with the husband having renewed respect for his wife for her decision. And both of them are growing together and becoming even more successful in their goals.

This is what it should be like for those who want to succeed the godly way. If you are so bent on not forgiving your spouse when he/she has wronged you, would you then expect him/her to forgive you when you are wrong and they are right?. So if you would allow pride to overwhelm you when you are on the right, then are you prepared to allow shame to overwhelm you when you are wrong? Sometimes you don’t even need to flog or dwell on the matter, forgive and move on; those misunderstandings and quarrels are just distraction that will not allow you reach your goals and achieve your dreams in the shortest possible time. See them for what they are and move on. May the Lord bless our homes.

If you have been blessed by this post, then stay tuned to this blog. More exciting and inspiring posts are still coming up. It’s getting more exciting every time, and I pray and hope your homes will be blessed. In ninth episode of the marriage series, we will be discussing Marriage and Money.


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The Marriage Series (7)

I am thanking God for a beautiful day and another glorious opportunity to share the truth of the word of God. And like I promised in my last post, we will be looking at the issue of sex in marriage in this episode seven of the marriage series. I am positive it has been a very interesting and enlightening series so far, and believe me if I say that I have also learned a lot with what is being shared in this series despite the fact that I have been God’s vessel in putting this message across to those He loves.

1 Corinthian 7:3-5

 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:15-19

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public square?

Let them be your alone, never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

When discussing marriage and sex these are the Bible passages I always love to refer to. Sex I have discovered is among the leading course of dispute in marriages, and even though a lot of couples having this problem do not own up to it but rather disguise and then attribute the course of their problems to other irrelevant issues, still this is something that needs to be discussed and resolved for a marriage to be interesting and successful.

The first thing that I think we need to be sure of is why God infused sex in marriages. It is important to note that sex between married couples is not just for procreation; the ultimate goal for engaging in sex for married couples is not just to make babies. Sex is as essential to the existence of man as sleep and urinating. It is a natural urge that requires adequate attention. Medically it is advised that regular sex between married couples helps reduce the incidence of breast cancer and prostate cancer.

In the Bible God has repeated over and over again that a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to or be united with his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This saying is so true and evident in the act of sex between married couples. When two lie down together they keep warm as Solomon has said in Ecclesiastes 4:11 and this is also possible in the act of sex between married couples. The best communication between married couples happens during the time of sex. It is a period of special and quality bonding between married couples in an ideal situation. So sex plays very important and vital role in marriages and absence of it is not always desirable.

Some truth we need to know about sex in marriage is that Paul calls it a marital duty from a husband to his wife and from a wife to her husband. He also said that a husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, and a wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. Again we are reminded that a woman was made from the bone taken out of the man, so this justifies Paul declaration that a husband’s body does not belong to him alone and a wife’s body does not belong to her alone.

So sex is present in marriage for all the existing reasons; it’s there for warmth and togetherness, it’s there for bonding, it’s a physical expression of love, it’s a relaxation therapy for married couples, it’s nature’s call, and interestingly, it is a marital duty from a husband to his wife, and vice versa. So we can see the very many functions of sex in marriage far above a means of procreation and having babies.

There are some practical stuff that I think we should discuss on the issue of sex in marriage that I believe will help a lot of those silently have trouble with their sex life in marriage. What I want us to look at now before I conclude on this is what I call “the habits that promotes a healthy sex life in marriage.”

First I want us to look at the Bible passages above on the issue of sex in marriage, the Bible never specified a heaven approved style of sex between married couples. When it comes to sex between married couples there is no evil or holy kind of sex as long as it is between a man and a woman that are duly and legally married. We need to correct the notion that there is any kind of sex that is evil and another that is holy. What God tells us through Paul is that the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife and the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but to her husband. And the wife should not deprive her husband and likewise the husband should not deprive his wife. As long as the method or style of sex is approved by both parties, I am yet to see a Bible passage that rules any kind of sex as evil. But the freedom we speak of in marital sex does not include any fun that will jeopardize the health of either spouse. Sex is for pleasure and not for pain

What I read in the Bible as evil is sex between humans and animals, sex between a man and another man, sex between a woman and another woman, sex between unmarried couples, sex between close relatives. Any kind of sex within this listed categories are incest before God, they are abomination in the sight of God. As long as both parties consent to whatever style of sex that they engage in, I am yet to see where the Bible rules it as evil. In this light, I will encourage married couples to remove any restrictions from their mind and enjoy each other’s bodies as the Lord has blessed them to.

Secondly, personal hygiene is a very essential habit that promotes a healthy sex life in marriage. I can tell you for free that nobody resist good aroma, when a thing smells good it attracts. Maintaining good body and mouth odor does not only enhance a healthy sex life in marriage, it promotes self-esteem and self-confidence. I will encourage every married couple to invest in good body and mouth hygiene. Regular body bath especially after a hectic work activity and sweat is important. Maintaining a good breathe is also very important. It’s important for couples to invest in deodorants and perfumes, mouth wash and anything that will promote fresh breathe from the mouth like mint gums and peppermint when it is required. And for the ladies it’s important that you ensure your hair does not overstay to the point of oozing out offensive odor.

Thirdly, sex and stress are not compatible in the lives of many people. When a woman is tired, sex is the last thing she is thinking of or looking forward to, and when a man is stressed out, whether mentally or physically sex will also not readily come to mind. So it’s important that the married couples help each other relax in order to encourage a healthy sex. When you feel like having sex with your spouse and he/she complains of being tired, rather than get angry, it’s important to help him/her to relax well before introducing sex. This relaxation period might take a while but it should be worth the wait. 

A healthy sex is one that is not selfish. Each spouse should always look out for the satisfaction of the other above themselves. When you do this, you will not just be having sex but you two will be making love. It pays to try out new sex act and make effort to know what sex activities excite your spouse and encourage same.

Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Sex in marriage is not a thing to be shy of, it is not unholy and it is not a shameful act. There is no one defined style of sex between married couples so make effort to enjoy your spouse’s body because it belongs to you. Like I mentioned earlier, always try something new and exciting when making love with your spouse. Having just one approach in the issue of sex with your spouse becomes boring and unexciting after a period of time, so it pays to try something new so as not to bore each other out. And lastly make sure you are not the only one getting satisfied in what you two should be getting satisfaction from; make sure your spouse is carried along and he/she is happy. And if you are a married person who naturally does not enjoy sex or it does not appeal to you to the point that it is affecting your marriage, please feel free to pray about it and ask for God to put in you the desire for sex such that it will bring about joy and love in your marriage. I can assure you that it is worth praying about, and the Lord will surely hear and answer you.

So we have come to the end of episode 7 of the marriage series. With the help of the living God, I am having more courage to talk about sex in marriage. I wasn’t this bold and blunt writing about sex between married couples a few years back. I hope a lot of lessons have been learned in today’s post and I pray and believe God that a lot of issues in many marriages will be resolved by what is learned from this post in Jesus name.

Still we continue on the marriage series and we will look at how to handle disputes between married couples. Who should forgive when an argument or a quarrel breaks out in a marriage? Is it the husband or the wife? Please just stay with me on this blog and God bless you.