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Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Effective Communication in Marriage

Good day beautiful people, I hope, pray and believe that you are having a very blessed day. In today’s post we will consider the issue of communication in marriage. Communication has been said to be very important in marriage, but this issue needs great wisdom in application. From what I have learned in marriage, there is a time to speak and there is a time to be quiet.

Amos 3:3(NKJV)
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

Ecclesiastes 3:7
A time to tear and a time to sew; A time to keep silence and a time to speak.

Proverbs 17:28
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

This past weekend I was with a friend who confided in me that her marriage was shaking and one of the major issues was lack of communication. Her husband never tells her his plans and she almost does not know her husband’s next move. She is like an outcast in her own marriage and it was eating her up. I so very much agree that communication is very important in any relationship and a lot of problems in marriage will be averted with proper communication. The Bible says how can two walk together unless they are agreed; and if we agree that two are better than one and unity in marriage is a foundation of a successful marriage which ultimately leads to a successful personal life then we must also understand that there is no unity without a healthy communication.

If there is love in a marriage then expressing yourself to your spouse will not be a problem. But what you express and how you express it can either destroy the love of a marriage, or encourage and facilitate love and togetherness in a marriage.

Two factors are important for a healthy communication in any marriage and they are: What you communicate and how you communicate it. If you want to say something to your spouse and you know within you that what you are about to say is capable of hurting him/her, then it’s better to pray about it and keep silent. If the Lord has laid it upon your heart to speak to your spouse about an issue, you can be sure He would have prepared the heart of the recipient to receive the message to be conveyed.

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

In as much as I do not encourage you to encourage sin in your spouse, I will say that what you say to each other in marriage and how you say it is very important to the success of that marriage. Words alone have the capacity to heal or kill. A lot of people dying of emotional torment in their marriages are not necessarily because of physical assault, but because of the words of mouth that has succeeded in causing great emotional wreckage in the life of the spouse.

I was having a deep discussion with my husband a few weeks ago and he opened up to me that some things I said to him in my anger still eat deep within him and they still hurt. And even though we are best of friends now, when he remembers them, they affect him badly. He has said worse things to me that I have chosen not just to forgive but also forget, but I can’t fault his feelings. If I didn’t say hurtful things to him in anger, there will be nothing for him to reminisce on and there will be no wrong words for the devil to keep reminding him off. Because I have chosen to forget what he said to me does not automatically translate to the fact that he has also forgotten what I said to him. So now I have to pour in more sweet words into his life constantly to erode and erase the negative words that rings in his head. These are key factors of communication in marriage.

For the case of my friend who knows almost nothing about the man she has been married to for about 13years; the secret is that communication is a two way thing, and a man will communicate with a woman he loves. For as many as might be having a similar issue as this one, I will encourage you by saying that you should do all that you can to earn the love and trust of your husband. He definitely has love rooted deep inside of him and that love was put there by God for you; it belongs to you to enjoy. Dig out this love with prayers to God and submission to your husband. Be a wife of noble character and you will earn his respect too, then in love he will open up his heart to you like a river of flowing water.

Communication is also action sensitive; they say that action speaks louder than words. It is not just what you say that is important but also how you say it. When you take the time to fill yourself with positive values, then positive words will come out of you in a positive way. Let you right actions carry the weight of your right words to your spouse. Your spouse is just as affected by what you say as much as how you say it.

Also consider the mood in the air before you communicate. The mood your spouse is in will also determine how receptible he/she will be to what you are communicating to him/her or what you are saying to him/her. You will agree that sometimes your words might be right and your presentation or approach also right, but because he/her is not in the ideal mood to receive what you are communicating, the communication is not effective. So sometimes it is just wise to hold your words for the right moment. So the right words spoken with the right attitude and at the right moment makes an effective and healthy communication in marriage.

Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinion,” a wise person knows that it’s not all about airing your views and saying it as you think it is, but that you show caution as you air that so-called view of yours so that it becomes sweet as a honey comb and not just words that will bring strife.
The purpose of communication in marriage is to foster unity and love in the home but this can only be achieved when you do it right. May the Lord bless our homes and marriages in Jesus name. 

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