Thursday 17 November 2016

Feeling Neglected? 3

It’s a bright new day and a great opportunity to do something for God; so if you are yet to be a blessing today, then make sure that before the day runs out, you do something that will count for God’s Kingdom in the life of someone.

I was hoping that we will be moving on to check out the men aspect of our discussion; how a husband can earn the attention and love of his wife, but I think it’s better I share some of the responses I got from the last post and try to answer some of the questions asked. So below are some of the questions raised and the answers to these questions will follow.

Question
@ Mrs. Derin Obasa, “when you combine your outward beauty with the inner beauty of submission to your husband which shows forth through the purity and reverence of your life and you garnish it with prayers to God, you will not just earn your husband’s love and attention, you will be the queen of his life.”
This quotation is from today’s word. Hmmmmmm, I know of a wife who has done both beauty and service to her husband for almost 5 decades, I have never seen such loyalty, patience and submission and perseverance in my entire life, and her reward is nothing but being taken for granted, neglect, and treated shabbily. Now the lady is soooo bitter that all her years of labor to this man was all in vain. And she can hardly free herself, forgive and live happy for the rest of her life. What is your take on this ma.

Response 
I am so very sorry that this can be happening to a dedicated wife in our own perspective. The word of God does not lie and God would not give an instruction for us to follow and then not give the benefits accrued to those who have followed through with His word diligently. You will note that I mentioned in my last post that a woman can slave for her husband and yet be neglected, this is because God didn’t asked us to slave for our husbands, He said we should submit to the authority of our husbands.

A woman can respect her husband, protect his interest with her blood and yet will be neglected and this is because there is a difference between respect and submission. In fact there are so many prayerful Christian wives in that category of which I was one of them. From the very first day that I got married, I worshiped the ground my husband stepped on. You would hardly find me talking back at my husband and I would do everything to avoid an argument with him but that didn’t make him love me or treat me with the dignity of a wife. In fact I saw myself as a glorified housemaid to him and this went on until I began to grow hatred for him.

When I noticed that I was beginning to hate my husband, I began to pray and ask God to help me. The Lord saw the sincerity of my heart and spoke to my heart that I needed to submit to my husband. Sincerely I was almost angry with God, and I thought what more submission was there to give, as far as I was concerned I had given it all. But I went back to God and prayed that if there is still any submission to give, then He should help me out and give it through me.

It was not until then that I realized that I only respected and honored by husband, but I really didn’t submit to him or obey his instructions. Because I felt more righteous than my husband, I didn’t think it right to follow his instructions because I didn’t just want any man to lead me away from God. But the Lord being faithful helped me to submit to my husband. Anytime my husband gave me an instruction and I was going to do anything to the contrary, that small voice will always put me in check and gradually I started submitting. Overtime I began to see the changes in my husband’s attitude towards me and today, after almost 13 years of marriage, I feel like a new bride again. For over 5 years now my marriage has been a paradise for me. Though we are not rich but we have what money cannot buy in the love, joy and peace we share in our home.

One truth we need to understand is that nothing we do or do not do can change our husbands, only God can. Now if we want God to intervene in our situation and change it positively then we first need to follow God’s instruction. If God says submit to your husband, don’t submit to your husband because you expect any returns from him, but because you expect a reward from God. Your husband didn’t instruct that you submit to him, God did. And so the reward is not earned first from your husband, but from God which is then made manifest through your husband.

You and I might look at this woman who has been loyal, submissive, endured much, is patient and shows forth perseverance in her marriage and give her the credit, but what is God’s assessment of her? Has she convinced God enough with her submission to her husband for Him to do in her marriage what her self-effort cannot do and make her husband love her? Or are there hidden secrets that are known only to God and not you and I?

God not a partial God, for every instruction He gives, there is a blessing attracted to those who obey. If we truly are in submission to our husbands as unto the Lord, then we can be sure that the Lord will come into that marriage and perfect all that concerns it.


Question
Derin, please can you tell us the difference between respect and submission for clarity sake.

Response
The dictionary defines respect as “to hold in esteem or honor; to show regard or consideration for. Another definition says esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of a person.” So I would say that to respect someone is to hold the person in high esteem or honor or to have high regard for the person. But on the other hand, to submit is to yield oneself to the authority of another; so to say that you are placing yourself under the authority of another person. The synonym word for submission is obedience. So when you submit to someone, you obey the person’s instructions and commands.

Now from these two definitions we can obviously see that we can actually respect our husbands, hold them in high esteem, regard and honor them and still not submit to their authority by obeying their instructions. But when we submit to our husbands, we respect them in doing so. Now if we find it hard to obey our husband's instructions who we can see, how can we then prove to God that we are capable of obeying Him who we cannot see?

What a lot of women have for their husbands is respect which they conveniently translate to mean submission. But respect will not earn you your husband’s love and attention, obedience will. Submission is what God instructs us to give and not just respect. And when you have to submit to your husband please do so prayerfully as one obeying God’s command not expecting a reward from your husband, but from God.


Question 
Derin but there are people who don’t do both (respect or submit to their husbands) and their marriage still works out.

Response
Well one truth is that many people speak down on their spouses in the open but in the privacy of their homes, the reverse is the case. Don’t just believe the gist of a wife who talks down on her husband behind him, when they are both seated and she has the courage to disdain him in public then you can believe her claims.

But one truth is that no man will endure a marriage where his wife has no form of respect for him at all; men are more logical in the actions they take than doing things out of emotions. No man will tie himself to the wimp of any woman if there is nothing he is gaining from her. So my sister, if this wife truly does not respect or submit to her husband and her marriage still works, then she is satisfying him in other ways untold, unless such a man has a similar calling to that of Prophet Hosea in the Bible. If she is not making good her sex activities, then she is his ATM machine. With all due respect to all men, this is just being real.


If we want God’s intervention in our marital situation, then we must follow God’s rules and instructions in our marital lives. As God’s children we operate only by God’s rules. 



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