Feeling Neglected?

Hello wonderful people of God. Yes it’s another beautiful day and another wonderful reason to be thankful to God. I took a brief overview of my life and I can’t just help but thank God for His mercies, grace and goodness. By His grace and mercy alone we’re closing in on the last six weeks of the year and it’s another great and glorious year coming to an end by the goodness and grace of God alone. And it’s another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of God’s words for growth, peace, joy and love to be experienced and enjoyed in our marriages.

Quite a handful of wives either complain of been neglected by their husbands or that they feel neglected by their husbands. One hidden truth that we should realize and understand well is that in order to get the attention you require from your spouse, you need to earn it. You need to work hard to earn your husband’s attention. And that is the simple truth. So in the next couple of post that I will be sharing, we will be looking at the various things we can do to earn the attention of our spouses; and I mean earning this attention in a positive manner that is wrapped up in tender love.

In truth its not only the wives that feel neglected in a marriage, the husbands feel so too. But we will take the matter one at a time starting with the various ways in which a wife can earn and keep her husband’s attention and love. So we will start with the wife’s appearance. How she takes care of her appearance.

In my last post I shared a story of a wife whose husband’s complaint was that her dressing was not impressive and she does not socialize and that he attributed to her addiction to the Bible. In truth, this man is not alone in his views, quite a number of wives have driven their husbands into the waiting arms of strange women owing to their skewed believe that as a Christian moderation in dressing has been termed as never looking good at all. As a matter of fact some women are of the opinion that making effort to beautify yourself is a sin. Some churches have absolutely kicked against the use of jewelry for women of God and facial makeup for women is a taboo.

In as much as I don’t have anything against these doctrines as long as it’s a doctrine held by both the husband and the wife, but how do you explain a wife who has totally downplayed the need to make herself look good for the pleasure of her husband in the name of holiness. If you are married to a man who wants you to dress well and look good, then why deprive him and make your marriage an unnecessary misery? Did God not say that you should submit to your husband as unto the Lord? Where is submission in disobedience? Or is God an author of confusion? You cannot earn the love and attention of your husband when you disobey him or do not submit to his authority. No matter how mean or harsh a husband is, he will soften up and become ever so loving when you treat him to a continuous does of submission and prayers.

Esther 2:12

Before a girl’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six months with perfumes and cosmetics.

Genesis 12:11-14

As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.

When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that she was a very beautiful woman.

Genesis 24:53

Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Timothy 2:18

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

I have taken time to dig through the Bible in search of what the word of God says concerning the appearance of a woman who profess to worship God as I strongly believe that God is not an author of confusion, all that we need is spiritual revelation of the truth of His word.

In all that I have read and I understand of the word of God; as a child of God, nothing prohibits a woman from wearing gold jewelry, or braiding her hair and making good effort in looking good. What I understand from the word of God is that this should not supersede the inner beauty of a woman of God which consists of good deeds and a gentle and quiet spirit. One does not negate the other, but that there should be an appropriate balance between the two with more effort on the inner beauty far above the effort made on the outer beauty. Of what use is a beautiful woman with an ugly character?

God does not expect a woman to have her hair unkempt in an effort to be holy and also the abstinence of the use of gold and silver jewelry and the wearing of fine cloths does not translate to holiness. So if your husband enjoys seeing you look good and well decently dressed wearing fine decent clothing and gold jewelry and you disobey him or deny him that good pleasure, does that then translate to the fact that you are holy? Between disobeying your husband or to wear good and decent cloths with gold jewelry in obedience and submission to your husband, which one of the two scenarios pleases the Lord?

There are many occasions in which we suffer in ignorance. We erode the peace and joy of our marriage just because we pursue outward holiness at detriment of our obedience to the word of God that instructs the wife to submit to her husband in all things (Ephesians 5:22-24). Do you want to earn the love and attention of your husband? Then do that which pleases him. If your husband loves to see you beautifully dressed, then oblige him that pleasure. God will not send you to hell is doing this. And if your husband forbids that you wear gold jewelry, please run away from them. Disobedience to your husband is disobedience to the word of God. Your dressing and appearance should tally with what pleases your husband.

But please note that this does not translate you to committing obvious sins and wearing indecent clothing in public places and exposing parts of your body. DRESS BEAUTIFULLY, BUT YET DECENTLY.

Looking beautiful is in line with God’s will for us. Sarai was so beautiful that the King of Egypt took her to be his wife; and not just the king of Egypt (Genesis 12:10-20), even the King of Gerar took her as his wife too (Genesis 20). She was beautiful enough that her husband looked at her in the eyes and said to her you “I know what a beautiful woman you are?” Won’t you like it if your husband looks into your eyes and say to you, “you are a beautiful woman, " or would you rather he says that to someone else.

Your husband won’t tell you that if you neglect yourself in the bid to pursue outward holiness. If you don’t want your husband to neglect you, please don’t neglect yourself. But in doing this please balance your effort at beauty. Your inner beauty is of more importance than your outward beauty. May the Lord help us walk in His will and way at all times.  

In my next post we will look at another important way by which we are sure to attract our husbands' attention in a positive way. Please look forward to it.